Shadows in the Silence

by Courtney Allison Moulton

  I looked around at the rolling, rocky landscape, desperate to know how I’d gotten here—and where here was exactly. The sky was dark and gray, the raging sea below even darker and mercilessly hurling itself against the cliff wall. The waves drowned out the cries of the gulls overhead.

  “Ellie?”

  His voice took hold of my heart and I whirled to meet him, to stare into his face. It had only been a few hours, but I felt like I’d forgotten how green his eyes were. He watched me with a perplexed look, as shocked to see me as I was about everything, but he looked healthy standing there in front of me.

  “What are you—?”

  I didn’t wait for Will to finish before I launched myself into his arms, holding him tightly. Something wasn’t right here, I knew that, but it didn’t matter. He was here and he was okay. “The last thing I remember is Cadan driving me home. I have no idea how I got here.”

  He pulled away only just. “Cadan? Why were you with him?”

  “He’s helping me to save you,” I said, twisting my fingers in his sweater. He was warm like always and I wanted to fold myself into him.

  Will blinked and looked even more baffled. “Save me? I’m just fine, Ellie.”

  “You look it right now,” I said, still piecing the puzzle together in my head. “But you’re sick. I must be dreaming. I must’ve fallen asleep or something.”

  “Do you think you’re dreaming?” he asked.

  I slipped out from his arms and studied the beautiful landscape. The cliffs and sea were familiar, but this particular location was unknown to me. I was certain I’d never been here before. “Where are we? This is Scotland, isn’t it?”

  He gazed at me fondly. “Yes, the Isle of Skye. This is where I grew up, in the house on the hill. Beyond it is a human village. My mother liked to keep a small distance from them.”

  Behind him was a small stone house, its chimney smoking gently. I’d never seen his childhood home. There was no way I could have imagined this scene so vividly. “This isn’t my dream,” I said, turning to Will. “It’s yours.”

  His expression was determined and perhaps a little sad as he accepted this and looked past me and out onto the sea. “I miss this place. It feels good to be back here.”

  “It’s amazingly beautiful,” I said, but my gaze was on him instead of the landscape. “Do you dream of it often?”

  He frowned some, his brow darkening his eyes. “Not often, but enough so that I’ll never forget this place. I dream of many things.”

  “Memories?”

  “Yes,” he replied. “Good memories, terrible memories, of things I long for, and of things I fear.” At last he looked at me, but his form seemed to mist over, to dematerialize and become solid again, all in an instant. “Beware the serpent,” he said in a hollow voice that didn’t seem his own. “He comes for you, as he did the giver of life. The venom of God will try to tempt you, Gabriel. You must be vigilant and strong against the incubus.”

  I caught my breath, staring back at him in surprise. “What?”

  Will’s form shattered once more before he returned to normal, almost like a glitch in a computer program. “I asked how you’re doing. Are you okay?”

  “I—I’m fine,” I stammered, struggling to gather my senses. “Hanging in there.”

  I wanted to ask him about what had just happened to him, what he’d said, but I reminded myself that this was a dream and if there was one thing I knew about dreams it was that they didn’t make a whole lot of sense. But as I contemplated the cryptic words coming from Will that couldn’t possibly belong to him, I began to realize that they made more sense than was first apparent. Was my subconscious taking over here, or was it something entirely else? The serpent, the venom of God…that was Sammael, he who tempted Eve, the giver of life, in the guise of a snake. Had the warning meant Sammael, the incubus, would tempt me? He’d have to just try and kill me, because no way would I touch him. But why would he try to tempt me? Just because he thought he could, or was there a purpose?

  Will touched my cheek, pushing my hair back behind my ear and studying the locks between his fingers as he sometimes did. The gesture was so familiar and comforting that I was able to shove away my stirring fears of Sammael. “Your hair…it’s like strands of dying embers that flicker with firelight. My fire goddess. I am cold to your heat.”

  I gave him a little smile. “You’re talking like a crazy Martian again.”

  He smiled back. “You make me crazy.”

  “Right back at you,” I said playfully and kissed his palm before drawing closer to him. I wrapped my arms around his back and he held me tight.

  “These are the dreams I wish I always had,” he whispered against my hair. “I don’t want any more of the other dreams where I lose you. They are nightmares and they are memories.”

  “Don’t think about them,” I said, and tightened my grip as if he’d float away. “Concentrate on right now, where I’m here and we’re both safe.”

  “I can’t help it.” His words were strangled by his shallow breaths. His body tensed against me and I felt his fear so vividly, I could taste it on my tongue like too-ripe citrus. “Your deaths haunt me. I see your face in my nightmares, your blood on the ground and the light dimming in your eyes. The flames flicker out and your embers die.”

  I drew away from him and stared into his face as my pulse picked up speed with my growing terror. “Will, don’t talk like that. We’re really not that emo—”

  “Every time you fall, I’d gladly take your place,” he said hoarsely. “I pray for my own body to lie there, and He never listens. I pray for you to get back up and you don’t. I close my eyes, but I hear nothing but my own prayers. He has forgotten me.” Will slipped completely out of my arms and moved past me.

  “It’s okay, I promise,” I said to his back. “Don’t blame yourself. It’s crippling you.”

  Black clouds rolled through the sky, devouring the afternoon light until the landscape was so dark, it seemed as if we were suddenly trapped within a pitch-dark room. I gasped as our forms disappeared into shadow, but as soon as the light went out, a dim glow like moonlight came from an unseen source. All I could see was him and me.

  “What’s going on?” I asked. “Are you doing this?”

  “I can’t stop the nightmares,” he replied absently. “All I can do is fight. It’s all I ever do, but I know nothing else.” His sword shimmered into being, the sudden silver brightness blinding me for a moment.

  Then he was swinging. The shapes of lupine reapers materialized in the darkness, black fur glistening in light that seemed to come from nowhere, and I drew my swords on instinct. Trees grew from the ground, sprouting leaves lightning fast. The reapers came from the trees like a plague of rats, snarling and snapping their jaws, and on the other side of Will, I saw me.

  In the midst of the swarm of reapers, I—or rather, Will’s mental projection of me—swung the unmistakable Khopesh swords swallowed in white angelfire. My dream self fought effortlessly, sword strokes fluid and well-placed. I’d never seen myself fight before. It was as if the phantom me knew her enemies’ next moves before they occurred, blades meeting flesh, ash and fire billowing toward the forest canopy as one by one the reapers met their deaths by her hand. The glimpses I caught of her face made my breath stop. She was every bit the avenging angel striking down her enemies, her face hardened with determination, and the shadows in her eyes made her seem older. Will matched her every move, but no matter how many enemies they cut down, there were just too many.

  She let out a smothered cry of pain and her blood painted the ground.

  “No!” Will roared and destroyed the reaper between them with a final swing of silver through flesh. He moved fast, taking hold of my dream self before her knees hit the grass. His sword was gone and she was in his arms, and then they took to the sky in retreat. The sensation of being shot from the ground like a rocket flattened my stomach and I almost lost my balance. Their forms blurred away and reappeared as
Will knelt and gently set my dream self on the grass in a quiet grove of trees. She groaned and clutched her chest. Blood steadily leaked from deep, jagged claw marks that ripped through her clothing and skin.

  Will frantically pushed her hair away from the wounds and tore off the sleeve from his shirt, revealing his tattooed right arm, and pressed the cloth to her chest. The fabric turned bright red instantly. He murmured fearful things under his breath and cupped her cheek.

  “I’m so sorry,” he whispered, and it was all that I could make out. “I’m so sorry.”

  She gargled something back, gruesomely choking on her own blood. I felt strangely detached from the moment, watching myself die in agony. I couldn’t move, couldn’t speak, as I watched the horror unfold before me. Her body became limp in Will’s arms, his anguish naked on his face, and her eyes lost their focus.

  Will bent over her, clutching her tightly to his chest, before he laid her back onto the grass. “I can never save you. You always die like this, in my arms, and I can’t bring you back.”

  I watched my dream self shudder into silence, the blood leaking from her like a river. “That’s not me,” I told him, finding my voice at last. “Well, it was me, but I’m right here. This is just a memory. A dream. This isn’t real.”

  “It’s always real.” His fingers brushed my dream self’s cheek as his jaw tightened and he closed his eyes. “It hurts so much. You’re dying, and I can feel it like acid through my veins, through my bones. You’re so sad and I know your sadness is for me, not for yourself. I feel everything that you feel.”

  “Then feel me,” I pleaded. I knelt beside him, trying to focus on him and not my dream self dying on the ground. I took his face in my hands and made him look at me. Forgotten, the body faded away. “Feel that I’m right here. My heart’s beating. I’m alive and I’m right next to you. I’m not hurt, can’t you see?”

  His lip trembled as his eyes roved over me. A tear slipped over his cheek and disappeared. “How? How are you there?”

  “You’re dreaming, Will,” I said, smoothing a hand over his hair, trying to stop my own tears from coming. “Believe me. This isn’t real, but I am. I’m right here.”

  “You’re okay?”

  His voice was so heartbroken that I was breathless for a few seconds. I nodded and drew in a quivering breath. “Yes,” I whispered. “I’m okay.” I took his hand and pressed it to my chest. “Feel my heartbeat? I’m okay, I promise.”

  He swallowed hard and his shoulders sagged with relief. He squeezed his eyes shut and buried his face into my shoulder, pulling me into him. “Ellie,” he sighed. “I miss you where I am. It’s dark here.”

  I hushed him, resting my cheek against his hair. “I’m with you. I’m right here.”

  The scene changed and we were on the cliffs of Scotland again, and the misty wind shoved against me, but I didn’t feel its chill. The crashing waves and crying gulls were in the distance and it was just him and me.

  He lifted his head, his green eyes bright and gazing up at me. He pulled me into his lap and my knees sank into the cool grass on either side of him. He cupped my face, brushing his cheek against my skin, moving against me, drawing my hair over my shoulders and pressing his lips to the locks as he inhaled. “Jasmine,” he whispered, and smiled wistfully.

  I nodded and a soft sob escaped me. I still wore the perfume I’d put on for prom. “Yes, Will.”

  “I miss you,” he said again.

  “I miss you, too.”

  “I keep looking for the light, but I can’t find it. Come back to me.”

  My fingers brushed his lips and I pressed my forehead to his. “I will, I promise.”

  He tilted his head back and his mouth opened against mine, his lips soft, and I melted into him. He held me as close as he physically could, his hands gentle but tight, as if he were afraid I were a tiny bird that might fly away if it escaped. An overwhelming rush of sadness and longing passed through me, because I knew this wasn’t real, that we weren’t really together. His torment broke my heart and I felt like I was falling through the sky, like the ground wasn’t really beneath me, like my body wasn’t really against his. None of this was real. None of it.

  It’s not real.

  No matter how hard I tried to believe the words circling in my mind, I could only focus on Will, who kissed me like he needed my lips to breathe, like we were sinking beneath the ocean beyond the cliffs and we’d drown if he pulled away. I could only think of how much time I’d wasted, all these centuries of denying how much I was in love with him, and now he was dying.

  Something tugged at my core, pulling my stomach out my back. I broke our kiss and stared into his face, confusion wrapping around me. My body jerked involuntarily and he tightened his grip on me.

  “Ellie?” he asked.

  “I don’t know what that is,” I confessed, holding on to him.

  “Please don’t leave me,” he begged. “Please stay here so I’m not alone.”

  A vice clamped down on my heart. “I can’t control this.”

  “Ellie—”

  Then something yanked me back at a lightning speed and Will’s form blurred to nothingness at the end of a dark tunnel as he cried out my name. The sensation of flying through the air came to a halt when I woke up in a soft bed. I thrashed in the sheets with a desperate gasp of fright and I sat bolt upright. My pulse hammered beneath my skin, which was damp with cold sweat. Once again, I had no idea where I was, but this place was real. I was truly awake this time.

  The room around me was dark and unfamiliar, and I pulled back the sheets to find myself still wearing my clothes from earlier. They were ripped and dirty from the fight at the nightclub. As I started to slide off the bed, a door on the far wall opened and Cadan appeared with a frightened look on his face.

  “Are you okay?” he asked. “What’s wrong?”

  “Where am I?” I demanded, ignoring his concern.

  “Relax. We’re back at my apartment. You fell asleep on the drive so I brought you here. I tried to wake you, but you wouldn’t respond. I figured you were exhausted so I let you sleep in my bed. Are you upset? I’m sorry if I—”

  I realized that tears soaked my cheeks and I wiped them away. “No, it’s okay. I had a bad dream, or something. I didn’t know where I was for a second. Just freaked me out a bit.”

  He sat down on the bed beside me and smoothed my hair back. “Do you always sleep like that?”

  “Like what?” I asked defensively. I touched the corner of my mouth to check for drool.

  He studied me curiously, his opal eyes bright in the dim light pouring in from the doorway. “You were practically out cold. I was pretty worried about you.”

  I shook my head. “Just a deep sleeper sometimes, I guess.” I wasn’t about to confess to him what had really happened. How I had been sucked into Will’s dream was a mystery, but part of me wanted to fall immediately back to sleep in case I could be with him again. I could still feel the ocean wind, his touch on my skin, my lips numb from his kisses. I closed my eyes at the memory and inhaled, but instead of Will’s scent, I caught Cadan’s.

  “You should go back to sleep,” Cadan offered. “Stay here a few more hours and we can figure out a plan once you’ve had some more rest.”

  “Sleep…here?” I asked, suddenly remembering I was in Cadan’s bed.

  “It’s okay,” he said. “I’ve got a couch.” He gave me a kind smile that made me feel a little reassured.

  “I don’t mean to take your bed.”

  “Sleep. Just come on out when you’re ready. The world won’t end if you sleep a bit more.”

  I wanted out of my dirty clothes, but I was too tired to think of an alternative. I crawled back into the bed and sank into the silk sheets. Cadan rose and walked toward the door. I rested my head against the pillow and watched him.

  He paused with one hand on the doorknob. “Sleep sweet,” he said softly and closed the bedroom door behind him.

  I could only muse o
ver the strange, almost archaic phrase for a few moments before I fell into a fitful sleep, one in which Will was noticeably absent.

  4

  WHEN I WOKE IN THE MORNING, I WAS FAR TOO aware of the blood on my skin and clothes from the night before. My hair was crusty and stuck together in clumps with the stuff, and there was even blood under my nails. I was so used to gore by now that instead of being as grossed out by it as I used to be, I just found it annoying. I felt sorry for sleeping in Cadan’s bed while covered in filth. The afternoon sun poured across the carpet and walls through the floor-to-ceiling windows. I bathed in the warmth for a few precious seconds before the task ahead of me tore into my thoughts.

  I left the bedroom and found my way to the living room, which was overlooked by the kitchen. Beyond the bar counter, I saw Will rummaging about several cabinets and my breath caught in my throat. I blinked, and then it wasn’t Will I saw; it was Cadan. I stood frozen, unable to approach him until my pulse settled. A memory hit me hard, the memory of waking up late after that stupid college party to find Will cooking breakfast. When I looked at Cadan, now that I knew that Will was his younger half brother, I could see how strongly he resembled Will. It was the curve of his lips, the straightness of his nose, the heavy line of lashes over his eyes. But they weren’t Will’s emerald-green eyes. The fire opals that made up Cadan’s irises flickered when he saw me, the prism flames spinning for a heartbeat.

  “I hope you slept well,” he said, and focused back on the food in front of him. “I can’t cook, so I had lunch delivered. You’ve got to be starving.”

  As a matter of fact, I was. But when I glanced at the blood caked under my fingernails, I couldn’t imagine eating before I showered. “That was generous of you,” I replied, “but I’ve got to clean up. I’m so gross right now. There’s still blood and…stuff…everywhere on me. Do you mind if I get a shower first?”