Except, barring a few minor taunts and scuffles, he had pretty much avoided getting targeted.
“Wait…did this have something to do with you getting sent to the principal’s office?”
“Yeah. We got in a fight. It was actually pretty brutal. As brutal as two seven year olds can be, I guess. And it wasn’t the last one. We kept at each other like a couple of wild dogs for the rest of the year. He was determined to get you, and the more Ms. Bonner punished him, the more determined he got. But I managed to keep him away from you, and then the next year, he basically forgot. Then he moved away.”
Ed gaped at Sammy. He didn’t know what to say. It seemed a little too late to thank him. “Sammy…I had no idea.”
“It’s cool. I didn’t really know how to tell you. But after that, I just kept an eye out. Besides, you were always nice to me. When we had to work together in class. And in seventh grade, you helped me pass a math test.”
“And now you want to come to California with me to stop me from getting beat up by bullies?”
“And to help you in case this piece of shit car falls apart on the way.”
“I wish I had known. I wish…I didn’t even suspect. I just thought…I wish I had known. We could have actually been friends. Or something.”
“I think we’re friends now.”
“Well, yeah. But I meant…I could have at least shown more appreciation since you were apparently my guardian angel.”
“It wasn’t a bad job. Especially after we started high school and you didn’t really have a big target sign on your back anymore.”
Ed reacted without thought, reaching out to take Sammy’s shoulder. He squeezed it lightly, wishing that there could be more contact. Wishing there didn’t have to be such a distance between them. They had been closer than Ed had ever imagined, and yet, he knew he couldn’t do what he really wanted to do.
“Sammy…”
“I didn’t creep you out, did I?”
“No. I mean, that’s what everybody wants, right? Somebody who will always have their back.”
He wasn’t going to move his hand until Sammy made him, but his fingers were starting to tingle from the contact. Sammy’s shirt was still damp, but his skin was so warm through the material that it almost felt like he wasn’t wearing anything at all. Ed imagined himself leaning forward and inhaling, catching the scent of rain on his skin. His mouth watered to taste the clean, salty tang of his neck.
Lightning slashed across the sky, cutting it in two. Ed hadn’t realized how dark it was getting until the flash illuminated Sammy’s face, and he saw something in Sammy’s eyes that he hadn’t noticed before. The boom of thunder shook the car, and sent a new shiver down his spine. He hated thunder. He hated loud noises in general, but this was worse. Being stuck in the middle of the desert in what amounted to an oversized tin can during the worst rainstorm of his life made the thunder so much worse.
“You shouldn’t worry about the thunder. There’s not a safer place you can be in a lightning storm.”
“I know. I still wish I was in a house. Hell, I’d settle for some little hotel room at this point.”
“With a bed?”
Ed swallowed. “Well, most hotel rooms do have beds, right?”
“Something you can stretch out on and watch the rain roll down the window.”
“I suppose you could watch the rain here, too.”
“We could lay down in the back.”
“You could. I don’t think we’d both fit in the back seat.” Ed said it lightly, like it was too ridiculous to ever take seriously.
“No, I meant all the way in the back. We could probably fit back there.”
Ed finally released Sammy’s shoulder—it was ridiculous to keep such a tight hold on him—and looked over his shoulder. Sammy was right. They could fit back there. It wouldn’t exactly be comfortable because they were both a little too tall, but the back of the station wagon was empty. They could crawl back there and…
And what? Just lay there and pretend that they weren’t touching each other in a tiny, cramped space? Watch the water sluicing down the back window and silently follow the patterns? It seemed like a silly way to pass the time. Worse than that, it seemed like a maddening way to pass the time. There would be no avoiding or ignoring Sammy’s natural, musky scent. Or just how good his chest looked covered in a damp, thin T-shirt.
“Come on.”
Ed didn’t even have a chance to protest before Sammy was climbing over his seat like a monkey. He nearly kicked Ed in the head in his excitement.
“Are you really serious?”
“Yes. Do you have anything better to do? Besides, we could be stuck here for awhile. We might as well get comfortable.”
“I’m comfortable here.”
Ed glanced in his rearview mirror in time to see the tight curve of Sammy’s ass. It was so nice, it didn’t need the wet denim clinging to it, but that certainly helped.
“We might as well get more comfortable.”
Ed decided to stop arguing. Partially because he didn’t actually have another argument against moving. Partially because there was no point pretending that he didn’t want to. Especially since they were probably going to get cold as the storm raged on and the night approached. The fear of being trapped on the side of the road, in the rain, for an entire night momentarily overwhelmed the thrill of being so close to Sammy. If he had been fantasizing about being trapped with Sammy, he’d probably hit on something close to this scenario. But the fantasy and the reality were too far apart, and as he climbed over the back seat, he found himself wishing all the harder for a hotel room.
“There,” Sammy announced with satisfaction. “That’s better, right?”
Perhaps. For some definition of better. They were both on their sides, facing each other, their knees bent in order to accommodate the narrow space. Over Sammy’s shoulder, Ed saw another flash of lightning. From his new angle, he could see the true expanse of the dark, angry clouds stretching across Nevada. Maybe as far as California.
“This is so weird,” Ed murmured.
“Why?”
“Why? Because I never thought I’d have to drive clear across Utah to get in the backseat of a car with you.”
“You’ve thought about what it would take to get in the back of a car with me?” Sammy asked.
“I…that came out wrong.”
“Did it?”
“Yes.”
“What did you mean then?”
“Just that…I didn’t expect to be in the backseat of any car with you.”
“But you thought about it?”
Ed blinked. Sammy looked at him with an open face, his eyes without guile, his smile teasing the corners of his mouth. This was a setup. He knew it at that moment as well as he knew his own name. The car probably didn’t need a new alternator. They probably didn’t need to be sitting on the side of the road in the rising water. Sammy had taken advantage of Ed’s spontaneous invitation, and now he was completely orchestrating this entire, weird situation.
“Have you?” Ed challenged. “Look, I don’t know what’s going on here, but I’m not a queer or anything. So if you’re thinking something’s going to happen, just stop.”
He spoke without thought, but he couldn’t have anticipated Sammy’s reaction. His face collapsed, his bright eyes darkened, and he leaned back, putting several more inches between them.
“I was just trying to be nice.”
“No, you weren’t. You planned out this whole thing, didn’t you?”
“What are you talking about?”
“The car. I bet it’s not even really dead, is it? You probably loosened the battery cables or something so I’d think we’re really stuck here.”
“Why would I do that?”
“You’ve admitted it yourself. You’ve been obsessed with me for like your whole life.” Ed hated every word out of his own mouth, but they made him feel powerful. Instead of being knocked off center, he was the one who left Sammy
upset and disoriented. Instead of feeling like the world was out of his control, like he was nothing but a leaf drifting from unknown place to unknown place, he had somebody’s destiny in his hands. “Which is sick, by the way. You need to get over it.”
“Ed…don’t. This isn’t…don’t.”
“Tell me I’m wrong. Tell me you’re not some sort of pervert. Tell me you didn’t sabotage my car.”
“I didn’t sabotage your fucking car!” Sammy pushed Ed’s shoulder and scrambled to the tailgate, his long limbs slowing his progress. “Do you want me to prove it to you?”
“What are you going to do?”
Sammy pulled the latch free and kicked the tailgate open. Rain immediately swept into the car, like a wave crashing onto the beach. “I’m going to Wendover.”
“In this storm? You’ll catch your death. Or get fried.”
“I’ll risk it.” He slammed the tailgate shut before Ed could speak, leaving him alone with the booming thunder and the constant rhythm of the rain on the station wagon’s roof. It was pounding as hard as his heart.
Chapter 2
* * *
Sammy walked along the shoulder of the freeway blindly, his face burning, his head pounding, his hands curled into fists. His face was wet, and he tried to wipe the moisture for his eyes, but no matter how much he tried, it was a losing game. So he gave up. He couldn’t see more than a few feet in front of him, and as far as Sammy knew, there were only two people left in the world. Him and Ed. And now he didn’t even have Ed.
It was stupid. He had been stupid. But when Ed invited him to run away to California, Sammy had thought that meant Ed knew. Ed knew what Sammy wanted. What Sammy had always wanted for the two of them. More than that, he thought Ed must have wanted the same thing. Why else even ask him? They weren’t friends. Despite Sammy’s best efforts, they had never been friends. So what on Earth had been going through Ed’s brain when he asked Sammy if he wanted to go to California?
The cold rain ran down the back of his neck. His shirt clung to him, and his jeans were so tight, he could barely move. No matter what Ed thought, Sammy hadn’t done anything to sabotage his car. But he would sure as fuck do something to fix it. He didn’t care if took him all night to get all the way back to Wendover. He could find a garage there, send a tow truck out for Ed, and then find his own way back to Evanston.
Ed had flung his words like weapons, carefully choosing the sharpest edges, and aiming them at the most vulnerable places. Sammy had thought that Ed, of all people, would be different. Now, he didn’t know why he was so certain of that. Perhaps because Ed had always been an outsider himself. Maybe because he had sensed a kindred spirit in the other man—something he had sensed when they were both boys.
Ed had always seemed to embrace the element that made him an outsider. That thing that warped him just enough that he didn’t fit in any one place properly. Sammy had always felt that way on the inside. Even if on the outside he was perfectly normal. With a perfectly normal family, perfectly normal friends, perfectly normal interests and hobbies, and a perfectly normal life. But he never felt perfectly normal, and fuck Ed anyway for throwing everything back in his face.
“You hear me?” Sammy shouted with all his strength, but the words flew back in his face. “You hear me, you fucker? Fuck you, too!”
It didn’t make him feel better, but he shouted again and again. The rain ran into his mouth and he swallowed convulsively, easing the burn in his throat. What was he going to do when he made it back to Evanston? Maybe he would never make it back to Wyoming. Nothing stopped him from going on to California himself. Ed didn’t own the state. And nothing stopped him from continuing east. There was a whole fucking country out there. He could see some of it before Uncle Sam called him to ‘Nam. And if Ed got called up, too, then maybe their paths would cross at some point in the jungle, and they’d both talk about Evanston and pretend this whole, ridiculous day never happened.
The thought of meeting Ed in the jungle someday almost—almost—made him smile. Until he realized what he was doing. When or how his stupid crush on that boy started, Sammy didn’t know. It had just always been a part of him. He always thought he would outgrow it, somehow. Only, he never had. Even though Ed was clearly nothing special. Not anything worth walking in the freezing cold for, in the middle of a painted desert, dozens, if not hundreds, of miles from civilization.
Sammy wasn’t even entirely sure what he wanted from Ed. He had heard all the locker room talk about the girls who were easy, who’d put out on Saturday night, then turn around and be all fresh and virginal on Sunday morning. He had seen a few dirty magazines, and there were rumors of films that actually showed tits and ass, but Sammy didn’t put much stock in those rumors. And he had grown up on a farm. He’d been watching the animals fuck since he was old enough to walk. Sex really had no surprises for him.
Except that he didn’t want to have sex with any of the girls he knew in high school.
He wanted to have sex with Ed. When he got himself off, he thought about Ed working on the farm, without a shirt, his skin brown and glistening beneath the unforgiving sun. He thought about the way Ed smelled after a hard day’s work—the strong, musty scent of his skin, and dirt, and sweat. His hair damp, hanging over his brow. His full mouth parted so he could catch his breath, his dark lashes—almost as long as a girl’s—shielding his eyes. Ed had always kind of reminded Sam of a girl. His features had always been a little too thin, a little too fine for a boy’s. But at some point after their junior year, Ed had gone through a transformation. Now the details that had always been a little off seemed absolutely perfect. He could be an actor. Sammy didn’t have a hard time imagining him on a giant movie screen.
He didn’t have a hard time imagining Ed in any situation. Which was part of his problem.
“Fucking jerk. Fucking asshole. Who the fuck does he think he is?”
Sammy started to walk faster as he spoke, until he was moving at a brisk jog, his feet splashing through deepening puddles and sending tiny droplets of water flying every direction. Not that they made a big difference in the rain. Lightning danced around him, splitting the sky into ragged pieces, like a jigsaw puzzle barely held together. The air buzzed with electricity, making his arms and the back of his neck itch. Thunder boomed again and again, until all the sound rolled together and there wasn’t a moment of silence. Nothing was still. Sammy could barely hear himself, or the litany of curses falling from his mouth.
That was why he reacted on instinct when he felt a sudden hand on his right shoulder. He swung with his left fist, his knuckles connecting with the soft skin at the corner of Ed’s mouth.
“What the fuck was that for?” Blood was already rolling down Ed’s face, turning pink as it smeared with the rain.
“I’m sorry, I didn’t…”
The words were cut off by five hard knuckles slamming into his lips. The rich, bitter coppery taste coated his tongue, and he spat into the water at his feet. One hand curled into a tight fist, and he knew if he took his swing, he would lay Ed flat. Right there on the side of the road, with the lighting slashing the air around them. Ed might have seen that very thought on Sammy’s face, because he dropped back in a defensive position, arms raised in front of his face.
Sammy raised his fist again, but he didn’t strike. “What the fuck are you doing here?”
“I came to get you. You’re not going to make it to Wendover before dark. And it’s too dangerous out here.”
“I’m fine. Get back to your car.”
“Come on. You can dry off at the car.”
“Fuck you.”
Ed wiped his mouth, but there was still more pinkish liquid welling up over his lip. It stained the front of his shirt. “Look, I’m sorry, okay? Just come back to the car.”
“I told you I’d get the car fixed.”
“Then I’m coming with you.”
“Don’t be fucking stupid, Ed, okay? You’re going to get sick out here. You should stay wi
th your car.”
“You want me to get back to the car, then you’ve got to walk me back.”
Sammy spat on the ground, leaving a small crimson pool that quickly washed away. “Why are you so fucking stubborn?”
“I’m not the one who… Look, I’m sorry, all right? Shit.”
“Get back to your car, or I’ll knock you out and drag you back there.” Sammy didn’t know if he meant it or not. He never wanted to hurt Ed, but sometimes he couldn’t exactly think clearly around him.
“I’d like to see you try it.”
“Aren’t you bleeding enough?”
“You’re the one with the split lip.”
Sammy growled and took a swing. It was supposed to be a warning, but the pressure of flesh against his fists, the warmth of skin beneath the cold rain, pushed him too far. Heat flashed through his body, and he wanted more. He wanted his muscles to burn. He wanted to exhaust himself.
Ed hit the pavement, water sluicing over him. As soon as Sammy looked down, the urge to fight drained from him. Despite his recently acquired muscles, Ed still seemed smaller than him. Still seemed like somebody who needed his protection. The heat of the fight was overwhelmed, washed out, by cold terror.
“Ed? Jesus. I’m sorry. I am. I…are you okay?” He bent, leaning close to continue his apologies over the roar of the thunder. “Ed?”
Ed moved without warning, slamming his head into Sammy’s face. It wasn’t quite enough to draw blood, but the pain was immense. Sammy caught his breath, and each time he blinked, more pain roared through him. He stumbled backward, into the road, and Ed jumped to his feet like the previous blow had barely been a sting.
“You want to fight me?” Ed demanded.
“I want you to go back to your car!” The words were muddled by his swelling lips.
“I already told you I’m not going to go back by myself.” Ed put his hands up, bent his knees, and squared his shoulders. “If you want to fight about it, then let’s fight. I’ll drag you back to the car if I have to.”
A Busted Afternoon Page 2