Until now.
We took Lily out for cupcakes after the pageant, and then he came home with us. Once Lily went to bed that evening, we spent the night together. It was the happiest evening I could remember—the kind I didn’t think I’d be able to have again after Nick died.
And the best thing was I could foresee so many more happy days and nights in the future.
***
On Christmas morning, I woke up with that heavy feeling of joy and anticipation in my gut.
It felt kind of like when I was a kid, when the day was filled with excitements and pleasures untold.
The first thing I saw was Declan, one arm flung up above his head and the covers pushed down to his chest.
I smiled at the sight.
I was still smiling when he mumbled something and blinked a few times, turning his head toward me. “You woke me up,” he said.
“I didn’t say a thing.”
“Your staring woke me up.”
“Well, I can’t do anything about that. You’re just so adorable when you’re sleeping that I couldn’t help myself.”
This comment was rewarded with him rolling on top of me. I giggled and kissed him back. “Merry Christmas,” I murmured against his lips.
“Merry Christmas to you too. I can’t remember the last time I was so excited about Christmas. I can’t wait for you and Lily to open your presents.”
I could tell he meant it. Even having just awakened, his eyes were full of affection and good spirits. It filled me with a kind of awed happiness that a man like Declan was so invested in Lily and me.
“You can give me my present now if you want a head start,” I told him brightly.
He chuckled. “Nice try.”
“You could just tell me what it is, and then I’d still act surprised.”
“Not a chance.”
“You’re kind of mean.”
“And you’re kind of pushy.”
“I guess we deserve each other then.”
“I don’t know if I deserve you,” he said, his expression shifting slightly, “but I’m sure as hell glad that I have you.”
We kissed again—soft and leisurely—until we heard the sound of feet running in the hallway. Declan groaned and rolled off me as Lily called out at the top of her lungs, “I’m awake! I’m awake! It’s Christmas!”
“We’ll be out in a minute,” I called back.
I giggled at Declan’s face. “One of the joys of having a kid.”
His face softened into a smile. “I wouldn’t miss it for the world.”
I was filled with so much feeling and affection that I couldn’t possibly contain it.
“What?” he asked, sitting up and giving me a curious look.
I shook my head.
“What?” he demanded again.
“Nothing. Just that I love you.”
I really couldn’t believe I’d actually said it out loud. Surely it was too soon. I didn’t want to spook him or make him feel trapped.
His expression as he processed the words looked anything but trapped. His face broke into joy. “Good. Because I sure as hell love you too. And it’s going to be for forever.”
“Hurry up!” Lily yelled from outside the door. “It’s time for presents!”
We were both laughing as we got up and put on some more clothes. Then we went out to find Lily and make coffee and waffles before we opened Christmas presents.
As she was looking at the Christmas tree with her mouth full of food, Lily burst out, “Merry Christmas to us!”
Declan and I couldn’t help but agree.
Epilogue
Declan
“Here’s to the new year,” I said as I held up my beer. Levi, Sebastian, and Cole did the same, and we all saluted.
Actually, the New Year had started a little over a week ago, but this was the first time the four of us were together—and alone. New Year’s Eve had been great. Levi and Harper were there. I still couldn’t believe they were having a baby. Even looking at Levi now, the sappy grin hadn’t left his face.
Seb and Ali were there—decked out like they were going to the Academy Awards or something. Sebastian’s family had made them put in an appearance at the annual Maxwell New Year’s Ball. I was thankful that the rest of us hadn’t gotten sucked into that one.
Looking over at Cole, I frowned. He was a damn mystery. Oh, he had been at the New Year’s party— Hell, he’d even brought a date. But he wasn’t happy. He wasn’t relaxed. After all this time he still wasn’t comfortable in his own skin, and it was starting to worry me.
“As much as I loved seeing everyone and celebrating last week,” Levi said, “this is still better.” He motioned to the four of us just sitting around a table in our favorite pub.
“Here, here,” Seb said and took a pull of his drink.
“Yeah, yeah, yeah… great to be here. What’s next on the schedule?” Cole asked, seemingly agitated.
Levi sent him a pointed glare before clearing his throat. “Our schedule is relatively clear for the month of January. I did that intentionally so that we can train the two new guys. I want them to spend a week with each of us. I think we all bring something unique to the table, and I want them to feel comfortable when we put them on their first cases come February.”
“I’m not holding anyone’s fucking hand,” Cole snapped.
A loud collective sigh came from around the table. “No one said hand holdings,” Levi said. “I just want those guys to know what they’re doing and to understand the kind of work that we do.”
“Whatever.”
“So what does that mean for the rest of us come February?” I asked.
“We’re going to start looking at computer security and doing consultations for the private sector. I think it’s the best of both worlds. We still get to do what we love, without putting ourselves in the line of fire. And I know I can’t speak for all of us, but I’m looking forward to spending time closer to home.” And there was that sappy grin again.
“How’s Harper feeling?” Seb asked.
“She’s good. A little morning sickness, but other than that, she’s feeling really good. Her parents are over the moon about the baby.”
“Have you started planning anything yet?” I asked. “Names? Nursery?” As soon as the words were out of my mouth, I wanted to groan. A couple of months ago, I couldn’t have cared less about kids, families, nursery’s… but now? I thought about Lily’s room and how Kristin had painted the mural on the wall and how they spent time every night before bed, reading stories. A smile crossed my face. The thought of experiencing that someday with a child of my own wasn’t nearly as unappealing or scary as it once was.
“Wipe that fucking grin off your face,” Cole growled. “I expected that with Levi and even Seb, but you? You were supposed to be on my side and leave all that marriage and baby crap to them.”
I shrugged and took a drink. “Believe me, I’m just as shocked as you are. It completely snuck up on me, but I don’t regret it for a minute.”
Cole snorted with disgust.
“The only thing we’ve decided is that if it’s a boy, we’re going to name him Gavin.”
We all fell silent.
It doesn’t seem to matter how much time passes, just the mention of Gavin’s name and I felt like I’d been kicked in the gut. My heart was racing, and I could feel myself beginning to sweat. Everything about that day, that hour, that minute comes rushing back to me. Why was it that I was here and he was not?
Survivor’s guilt. Yeah, I got it. Everyone kept telling me that it was normal, but would they still be saying that if they knew that it was my fault—that it was my distraction—that cost my friend his life?
I hated it. Hated this. The fact that the four of us were sitting here and talking calmly about our futures and how we were hiring other guys to take on the more dangerous cases so that we could all sit back and be safe. Gavin didn’t have that option.
“My in-laws were a little shocked
that we wanted to do it,” Levi said, interrupting my thoughts, “but we told them that it was the best way to honor Gavin.”
“I think that’s awesome,” Sebastian said. “Gavin would’ve liked that.”
And the thing was, he would have, I thought. Gavin loved his sister so damn much and was so proud of everything that she did, and there wasn’t a doubt in my mind that if he had lived and was here now, he would be doting on her and making sure Levi was taking care of her.
Which he was.
I sat back and listened to him talk a little more about how he felt about becoming a father, and it had me thinking about Lily. And Kristin.
There was no way that I could ever replace Nick. Not for either of them. But it was an intimidating position to be in. I want to be Kristin’s husband. I want to be Lily’s father. But Nick was always going to be there. And I knew that it wasn’t fair to him. I knew that I was going to love and take care of them both, but—especially in Lily’s case—I had to be careful to not overstep and make her feel like I’m trying to replace her father.
If she wanted to call me Declan for the rest of my life, I’d be fine with it. But if she ever wants to call me dad… well… just the thought of it was like someone squeezing my heart.
So there we sat. Levi was just starting his family. I’d stepped into a ready-made one. Sebastian and Ali would be getting married soon, and I knew that they’ll be in the same position before too long.
And then there was Cole.
He was clearly distracted as Levi talked, and I couldn’t blame him. Before Kristin and Lily, I probably would have been scanning the room, looking for something else to do while Levi talked about the joys of pregnancy and decorating nurseries.
But it was something more.
He was angry about the turn of events within our company. He’d been vocal since day one about our taking on less dangerous cases. It was like he had a death wish. Hell, I think we all did when we first came home. We didn’t feel worthy of being alive, being able to walk around each day and be around our friends and families. We each did things that we didn’t want to do because we didn’t think we deserved to be happy.
Levi went to work with his father—which he swore he’d never do.
Sebastian went to work with his father—which he despised.
And me? Hell, I just wandered around and refused to settle anywhere because it’s harder to hit a moving target. I was happy moving from place to place and keeping everything superficial because I didn’t want to make connections. Didn’t want to care about anyone.
Because it hurt too much when you lost them.
And then I met Kristin.
She made me want to stay in one place. Made me want to stay grounded and put down roots. And it felt really good to actually feel alive again.
Cole needed that. He needs to find that place—where he was comfortable with himself, comfortable in his skin and where he could live in the present and look forward to the future rather than staying in the past.
I know he had a lot of baggage—shitty upbringing, abusive parents, time in a gang—he’d been there, done that, and yet he didn’t see how far he’d come. In his own mind, he was still that punk.
He’d keep taking the shitty cases that no one wants because they’re too dangerous. Hell, he’d probably even search them out himself. Eventually the guys and I would have to do something drastic to make him stop running. That was what Levi and Seb did for me. They saw something in me that told them I needed to stop running.
Who knew it would take a classroom full of six-year-olds to make that happen?
And you know what? I don’t regret it for a minute. I know I was a prick in the beginning and I went into the case kicking and screaming and bitching. Hell, what did I know? Turned out that my friends really did look out for me and maybe, just maybe, knew what was best for me.
I looked over at Cole again. Levi was done talking babies, so Cole was back in the conversation. We’d let him be for now. I had to make a mental note to talk to Levi and Seb about cases that I thought would benefit Cole. When the time was right. Right now? We all had enough on our plates. There were new guys to train and lives to settle into.
And for the first time in a long time, I was actually looking forward to the future.
Excerpt from Protecting the Movie Star
I was finishing my coffee in the dressing room a few minutes later when my phone chirped.
Cali usually took possession of my phone while I was working, but I grabbed it before she could snatch it away.
Sebastian’s name popped up with a text that said simply, “He’s on his way.”
Irrationally, I felt a little better.
I’d grown up with Sebastian. Our families had been friends, and we’d gone to the same exclusive schools since kindergarten although he was two years older than me. We’d even dated some as teenagers, when I was back home in DC between filming seasons.
Nothing had ever been serious between us, but he felt like family, and I was glad I’d made the decision to contact him about my problem. When he’d gotten out of the Marines, he’d started up a security firm with some of his buddies, and I couldn’t help but envy the way he’d broken away from the pressure of his family and made his own way in the world.
That was what I wanted too—to not give in to the demands of everyone around me, who wanted me to be a perky princess who made everyone a lot of money. I wanted to really be me. Just me. If Sebastian could do his own thing, maybe I could too.
It was just taking me longer.
“Sebastian’s guy is on his way,” I told Cali, who was waiting expectantly for me to report. “Maybe you can go catch him when he arrives and bring him back here.”
“Sure. Malcolm doesn’t like him.”
“Well, Malcolm isn’t going to like him no matter what since he thinks he’s treading on his territory. I can explain that I just want someone else to help with the stalker situation, but Malcolm is still going to think I don’t trust him.”
“Do you trust him?”
I shrugged. “I think so. He’s always done a fine job. I just don’t know why they can’t get control of this guy. Another person on the job can only help, so Malcolm is just going to have to suck up his hurt feelings.”
“Should I tell him that?” There was almost a smile on Cali’s face.
“Please don’t. Just go wait for this guy, will you?”
Cali nodded and left the room, and I went to stretch out on the small couch against the wall. The day hadn’t even started, and I was already exhausted. I wondered if anyone would notice if I just collapsed on the couch and took a nap.
My head felt a little better when I closed my eyes.
A few minutes later, there was a tap on the door, and I opened my eyes slowly, not wanting to jar the headache back.
Cali opened the door—she was used to not always waiting for a response—so I hadn’t even turned my head when there were two people standing in the dressing room.
Cali was one.
And the guy was another.
When Sebastian said he had a buddy who was better at security than anyone he’d ever known, I’d expected the man to be kind of like Sebastian. Clean-cut. Articulate. Maybe even handsome.
This guy wasn’t any of those things.
He was strong, with impressive shoulders and suppressed power in his stance. But he looked rough, unshaven, with a square jaw and steel-gray eyes that were strangely challenging.
He didn’t look anything like Sebastian. He didn’t look anything like the guys I was used to seeing.
He looked like he belonged in this dark, gritty, crime drama I was acting in now. He could have been the lead.
All this flashed through my head in the few seconds I blinked at him until I realized I was supine on the little couch in my leggings and tunic-style top, which was presently riding up too high.
Pulling myself together, I sat up and smiled at him—my normal, friendly smile with which I always gre
eted new people. “Hi. I’m Evangeline. Thanks for coming out.”
The guy gave a grunt that might have been a word—but not an identifiable one.
Feeling annoyed that he couldn’t even stretch himself enough to smile, I stood up, wincing slightly when my headache came back with full force. I reached a hand out to him, a gesture he was forced to return in order to shake my hand.
His grip was strong, warm—almost uncomfortably firm. It felt just as challenging as his gaze did.
“So Sebastian gave you the background and everything?” I asked, deciding that getting down to business made the most sense since this guy clearly didn’t want to be friendly.
“Yes. I’ve done my homework.”
I waited to hear about what homework he’d done, but he didn’t offer any details. His eyes raked over me, leaving me feeling almost naked.
What was with this guy’s attitude anyway?
“Okay. Any thoughts then?”
“Not yet, but I just got here.” His eyes narrowed, and they shifted from me to the rest of the dressing room—which was small and simple with none of the luxury I was used to. His gaze rested on the large bouquet of roses and orchids, which Jimmy had ordered for me to brighten up the sparse room.
“Okay,” I said again, feeling half-awkward and half-annoyed. Now, I was the first to admit that my life had been privileged in a lot of ways, and people probably went out of their way to please me—just based on my fame and my money. But I couldn’t believe this guy’s rudeness would be acceptable, no matter who he was talking to. “Just so you know, my current security isn’t too happy about the fact that I brought you in.”
“I could tell. But you shouldn’t get in a fuss about that since your staff could be part of the problem.”
“What?” My response was torn between annoyance at his patronizing tone in saying I might “make a fuss” and concern about the idea that my staff was a problem. “What are you talking about?”
“There might be a reason why the threats keep getting through to you, even though you should have more than enough protection. You need to look at your staff.”
Protecting the Girl Next Door (The Protectors Book 3) Page 16