by D. B. James
Talk about depressing.
Words from Dr. Beesley come flying into my head.
“It’s not sad. It’s called life, Tenley. And it’s tragically beautiful. You’re talking to someone who was married out of high school and divorced in an instant. Believe me, I know all about living as a fuck-up or a has-been. What I’m saying is, I’ve been there, too. Bad things happen. Good things happen. But the stuff in between? It’s what makes it beautiful. We all have sad times; it’s finding the happiness again that makes us whole. You’re getting there and trust me when I say, watching you find it is magnificent. You don’t see it but trust me it is. When I glance over at you while you’re opening up, seeing you smile at a memory, is delightful. So, no, Tenley, it’s not sad. Not at all.”
While I’m digesting her answer again, my phone rings. The screen flashes the name Case across it. Before I overthink it, I answer.
“Hey, Tenley. I’ve missed you these last few days. Did I, uh, do something wrong?” he inquires.
Leave it to him to go straight for the jugular.
“No, not really. It was more of my overactive brain causing me to be a jealous twit than anything you did,” I admit.
“There was no need to be jealous. She was my business partner’s wife. I was merely doing him a favor while catching up with an old friend at the same time.”
Huh. The way he’s spinning it makes me think I misheard him the other night when he specifically used the word, “date”. Maybe it’s better for our “friendship” if I drop the subject and move forward.
“Get this, I just stopped in a town for some dinner. After I was done and getting ready to leave, I had a cop scare the shit of me by knocking on my window. Only to scare me more when he told me why he was doing so. There’s a town wide curfew, and I was warned off picking up hitchhikers or strange people. I think I broke some speed laws driving as fast as I did to get out of there,” I tell him.
“Holy shit. Sounds scary to me, too. I’m glad you’re okay. Where are you headed?” he asks.
Should I tell him?
“Maybe it’s a surprise and I shouldn’t say,” I tease.
“Tenley, babe, are you coming to visit me?”
Shit, a direct question. Choosing to let his “babe” comment slide, I decide to answer him truthfully.
“Hm…depends. Do you live in Austin? My car is currently on a route there,” I tease.
“I hope you didn’t book a hotel, I have plenty of space. When will you be here?” he asks, the excitement in his voice evident.
“About three hours, give or take a few minutes. I did book a hotel, but I could go there for tonight, cancel the hotel for the remainder of the stay, and stay with you starting tomorrow,” I offer.
He doesn’t answer for a few seconds, I glance down to make sure my phone is still connected for fear of him hanging up.
“Sounds perfect. Text me the info or call me with it. I’ll be by to pick you up in the morning, sweetness.”
After a mumbled goodbye on my end, we disconnect.
Perfect. Staying with Case. Yeah, because it’s exactly what I need.
Why did I think this trip was a great idea again?
It’s slightly before midnight when I roll into Austin.
After the mini freak-out—thanks to the police officer—in the Whataburger parking lot, I didn’t stop for the rest of the way. Not even for gas. My needle is this close to empty, but hey I’m safe. Instead of calling Van again, I sang along loudly and off key until I pulled up to the hotel valet parking.
I’m beyond exhausted and thankful I’ve opted to stay here tonight instead of dealing with Case.
After a quick check-in, I decide to take a relaxing bubble bath before slipping into bed. Walking into the bathroom, I start filling the tub. Before I forget, I walk back into the room to the main door, open it and place the do-not-disturb sign outside, click the deadbolt, and proceed over to the bed where I tossed my bag. A nice hot bubble bath sounds absolutely divine. I’m praying it’ll help me sleep. Grabbing my bag, I head back into the bathroom to enjoy a nice long soak.
Maybe I can sleep without taking a pill tonight. Highly unlikely, but perhaps I could take half a dose. If it doesn’t work, I can always take the other half.
Seeing an iPod dock on the counter near the sink, I connect my phone, making sure the volume is down low as to not disturb neighboring guests and press play. Quickly undressing, I’m in the deliciously warm water within seconds. This is exactly what I needed. The moment of bliss doesn’t last long. My phone starts pinging with incoming texts, interrupting the music. Normally I’d let it go and check them later, but it’s more than one message, it’s several. Ugh, it seems like my soothing bath is over before it’s truly begun.
It takes two seconds for me to regret not ignoring the messages.
One glance at the screen is all it takes.
It’s not five but eight messages from Case.
Eight.
Scratch that, make it nine, another comes in while I’m unlocking my phone.
Guess there’s no time like the present to tell him I’m finally in Austin. I was waiting until the morning to let him know.
Case: Are you here yet?
Case: What hotel?
Case: Need some company?
Case: Are you still upset about my use of the word date the other night?
Case: Why am I explaining myself to you again? We’re ONLY friends. But it wasn’t a date.
Case: Us being only friends is a hoke.
Case: joke*
Case: I’m hungry, if you’re in Austin, tell me. I’ll order a pizza and bring it up to your hotel room.
Case: …I miss you.
Before I have a chance to respond, a tenth message comes in. Has he been drinking?
Case: May I call you? I’d like to hear your voice again.
Me: I miss you, too. Please don’t call, I’m sort of in the bathtub.
Hitting send, making sure he doesn’t call, I begin to type out my explanation. It takes me a few minutes.
Me: I’m in my hotel room, I’ve been here—and by here, I mean, Austin—maybe twenty minutes. I’m beyond exhausted and would be horrible company tonight. Besides I’m sort of here on a dare. My friend Van claimed I owed this trip to her after I overstepped by answering a text from her husband last week. Boy, did I certainly stick my head into her personal business. Consequently, this week she’s doing something similar to me. She forced me to go on a road trip. Claims I owed it to her. Which, I guess in essence, I did. She was supposed to come with me, but I changed the plans and came solo. She was correct about one thing, I did need this road trip.
I’m scared to tell him what hotel I’m staying at for the night. Lately I find I’m scared of basically everything. Especially when it comes to Case. My list of fears should all start with him.
Case: If you won’t tell me where you are tonight, text it to me later. We’ll meet up for breakfast and grab your suitcase, drop everything off at my place, and I’ll show you Austin.
Me: It’s about to get weird, right? You know, since Austin’s logo is “Stay Weird” and all. Will you take me to the Bat Bridge where all the bats fly through? Because as terrifying as it sounds, it also sounds awesome.
Case: Yes, babe, they offer a Segway tour of Bat Bridge. We’ll go for sure. But the bats only fly through near dusk. We’ll have to add more to the list.
Me: Oh, shit. I’m scared. lol
Case: Bat Bridge by Segway it is. What else?
Taking a few moments to gather my thoughts and calm myself down, I glance up at myself in the mirror and see I’m still naked. And full of soap suds. I need to rinse off before I start to itch from all the bubbles drying on my skin. Or rewarm the water and climb back in, the relaxing soak still sounds divine.
Me: Give me a moment to answer. I have to rinse off.
Setting my phone aside, I jump back into the bathtub and pull the plug, sighing as the bubbles go down the drain. My relaxa
tion going with them. Pulling the shower curtain, I turn it on and quickly rinse off. This night is not going how I planned. Barely twenty minutes ago, I was dreaming about taking half a sleeping pill after a relaxing bubble bath. All of it was before all of his texts came through. Adding to my confusing thoughts. Case has consumed my brain again.
Grabbing a towel, I hear my phone ping again. Ignoring it for a moment isn’t going to make a difference, I need to be clothed to finish this conversation. May as well take my sleeping pill and finish this while I’m in bed. It’s nearly 1 a.m. after all.
Pulling the covers down, I crawl into bed and bring my phone back to life. Five missed messages. He truly must be drinking tonight. It’s the only explanation for his continuous messaging. Normally when we’re talking, we exchange maybe ten messages a day. Never this many in a single conversation. Then again, our messages do get wordy.
Case: Rinse off?
Case: Are you naked?
Case: Don’t answer me, I don’t need to know. I want to know, but I don’t need to know.
Case: Tenley?
Case: Fuck, you are naked. And by “rinse off” you meant you were answering me naked and (LIGHTBULB moment here, I just realized you said I interrupted a bath.) *bites fist* I’m turned on merely thinking about it. Maybe it’s better if you don’t answer me. Now, I need a drink. And I’m babbling in a text message. But, lady, if you knew what you do to me. Scratch that. Because “friends” don’t think about each other in a sexy way. That’s a lie. Because I do, Tenley. I think about you in a sexy way.
Be brave, tell him how you feel. See where it leads you. Follow your heart. Answer him truthfully because if you don’t now, there could be a blind date waiting to take him out tomorrow.
Me: I like you.
Me: As more than a friend. Honestly, it scares the fuck out of me.
Me: Let me answer all of your questions from a few minutes ago.
Case: Okay. I’ll be patient. You have no idea how bad I want to reply to the you liking me comment. No idea.
Me: You can reply; I may not answer it.
Case: Ah…I like you, too. It should be obvious.
Me: I was mad at you, but not really. It was more of me being mad at myself for my reaction of being upset by you being out on a date. I didn’t tell you any of it. Or my plans to come to Austin because I wanted to surprise you. And I don’t know for how long. A couple of days, maybe. As you know, I drove in today and have barely been in town an hour. I had plans to fall asleep shortly after I walked through the door. But, the relaxing bubble bath sounded like a better idea.
Case: Okay, I accept your answer. Back to the you liking me comment. Why does it scare you so much? I mean, I get why it scares you initially. But I don’t completely get the reasoning.
Me: Truthfully, I don’t feel like I deserve happiness.
Case: Why would you think such a stupid thing?
Me: First, it’s not stupid. It’s a rational thought. My warped mind thinks it is at least. Second, I already had happiness once in my life and it was ripped away. Why should I be lucky enough to find it twice? Trust me, I know my reasoning is strange.
Case: Why don’t we have this conversation in person?
Me: Okay. Tomorrow while you’re playing tour guide?
Case: Deal. You’re extremely lucky because I happened to have cleared my schedule for the next three days. The Fourth of July is sort of my thing.
Me: When I agreed to this road trip, Van may have jumped up and down with glee with excitement about seeing the fireworks. I love her. She keeps me young. It’s too bad I kicked her off this road trip, huh? Lol. Anyway…Goodnight, Case, I’ll see you sometime tomorrow.
Case: Goodnight, mo ghaol, sweet dreams (of me).
What the heck is mo ghaol? When did we get to the nickname level of our so-called relationship? Because let’s face it, we’re more than friends. It’s not as if I don’t like the ‘mo ghaol’ title, but it seems to have come out of left field. Shrugging it off, I place my phone on the nightstand and switch off the bedside light. Yawning as I pull the covers up around my shoulders and turn over onto my side.
I’m asleep within seconds.
CASE
She’s not ready to know the meaning of mo ghaol. Hell, I hardly know if I’m ready to be calling her it, but here I am doing it. My grandmother said when I found the one, I’d know. She also told me I wouldn’t struggle to call her mo ghaol, and I haven’t, it slips off my tongue as easily as speaking her name. Or in this case, my fingers.
What does it mean?
My love.
Hey, like I said, when you know, you know. Plain and simple. She’s who I’ve wished for. I know she is. No sooner did I write my wish in the sand, and she appeared to me again. She was an utter and complete mess. Who wouldn’t have been? But she was the most beautiful mess I’d ever seen. I vowed to be her friend from then on. Up until now, I have been.
I’m changing course tomorrow.
I meant it when I called her mo ghaol. Now, I only have to show her how much I truly mean it.
Of course, my dreams ended up being filled with Case. He was the last thing on my mind as I drifted off to sleep and the first thing on my mind as I awoke this morning.
Am I being unfaithful in a way toward Michael? As strange as it sounds, is it wrong for me to be thinking about another man? Because, dammit, I do think about Case. All the time. Admitting it to myself is frickin’ hard. But it’s the cold hard truth. It’s about time I start facing it, no more hiding in the corner. I should be embracing this new feeling instead of pushing it away.
Turning over, I see the sun shining its brilliant light through the blinds. I must’ve slept later than I thought or it could be earlier than I think it is. Grabbing my phone, I see the latter is correct. It’s barely after 8 a.m. Knowing myself, I won’t get any more sleep. I get out of bed and decide to take the bubble bath I never truly found the time to take last night.
My phone rings on the bedside stand where I left it, causing me to nearly jump out of my skin. Grabbing it, I swipe to answer before seeing who’s calling, I regret it instantly.
“Morning, sunshine,” chirps Savannah from the opposite end.
Holding a hand to my heart, trying to calm it, I take a moment to answer her.
“It’s shortly after 8, I didn’t mean to wake you,” she says before I can reply.
“Oh, you didn’t wake me. I’m sorry, but I did just wake up a few minutes ago. Actually, I was collecting myself before answering you. The ringing of the phone scared the shit out of me,” I confess.
“Well, good, you deserve it. You scared me because I didn’t hear from you after you ate dinner last evening. Heck, I wasn’t sure you made it to Austin. Consider my calling you and scaring you payback for doing the same to me. Karma and shit.”
“I’m sorry. When I stopped for dinner, I had an, um…scare. A police officer approached me and warned me of a citywide curfew. He may have told me to avoid hitchhikers in the area. Naturally, I freaked and didn’t stop the rest of the way here,” I confess.
She’s laughing now. It is sort of funny though in hindsight I’m sure if the roles were reversed and I were in her shoes, I’d be laughing. I lie down on the bed with the phone on speaker and join her in laughter. It’s a solid five minutes before either of us says another word.
“How’d you sleep?” she questions.
“Like the dead.” Cripes, horrible description. “I did dream of Case though. Mainly because the idiot told me to in a text before I fell asleep. It was literally his last words to me. Of course, I’d dream about him. Ugh, it’s frustrating. He’s occupying way too much of my time already. But I did admit to myself last night it’s time to move forward. See where this thing with him goes,” I state.
“You did!” she exclaims. “Did you tell him? Tell me everything, I must know,” she begs.
Sighing, I resign to telling her. Admitting it to myself—and Case—was much easier. I wonder why?
“It’s something I’ve been thinking about for a while now actually. The rest of the drive here after dinner gave me a ton of time for thinking. And Dr. Beesley’s words didn’t hurt either. She’s encouraged me to pursue more with Case. If not with him, then with someone else. She’s convinced me it’s what Michael would want. Add in his last letter and I finally believe it’s what he’d want for me.”
“Sounds like what we’ve all been thinking but have been too scared to say. Dr. Beesley knows her shit,” Van says.
“Mm hm,” I hum back.
“Okay, I’ve taken up enough of your time. Fill me in on the rest of the details later. Go get ready for the day and spend it all with Case. I’m proud of you, Lee.”
“Okay, sounds great. Thank you, Van.”
Hanging up, I place the phone back on the bedside table and proceed into the bathroom. Turning on the water, the tub begins to fill while I take care of other personal issues. After my teeth are fully clean and the bath is near bursting, I slide into the steamy water.