by Emery, Lynn
“My lips are sealed,” Gran said.
“I doubt that,” Andrea quipped.
Gran raised one eyebrow at her. “No need to get smart, missy. You’ve made your point. You’re grown and it’s not my place to interfere.”
“Thank you.”
“Maybe I was wrong to get you two together in the first place.” The click of needles punctuated Gran’s statement.
“You were trying to help. Besides, nobody held a gun to my head and made me go out with him.” Andrea gazed off down the road in the direction Lee’s car had gone.
“You’d think I learned my lesson with Charlene. Sometimes I think most of what happened was my fault. Your mama does have good intentions at times.” Gran heaved a deep sigh.
“That’s ridiculous, Gran. Did you know she went to John Mandeville to get me this job?” Andrea made a hissing sound. “I should have figured that one out.” “She was trying to help,” Gran said.
“I was dumb enough to actually consider meeting with that creep.”
“Charlene wanted you back home. So did I.”
Andrea turned around. “You knew? But I thought you despised him.”
“What harm did it do? You were tired of Chicago and wanted to come home. He got you a good-paying job.” Gran rocked faster.
“John Mandeville has his finger in the pie. He’s got fat contracts with the state, including one with the clinic.” Andrea frowned as though the man stood in front of her.
“I don’t think Charlene knows any of that. How did you find out?” Gran asked.
Andrea started to answer, and then caught herself. She’d said too much already. “I was reviewing contracts and asked some questions. The point is he tried to use me.” “I don’t think that was the main reason he hired you, cher.” Gran shook her head slowly.
“I never thought of you as naive, Gran,” Andrea said. “How much money are we talking about?”
“Several thousand dollars at the clinic alone.” Andrea tilted her head to one side. “Why?”
“John Mandeville loves being rich like his daddy and granddaddy before him. Them folks chase a dollar like hunting dogs after a rabbit,” Gran said with an expression of disapproval.
“That’s what I’m talking about,” Andrea put in.
“John Mandeville is powerful. If push comes to shove, he doesn’t need you to help him. Besides, that little money is nothing to him. He’s worth millions.” Gran stared at Andrea.
“You’re trying to tell me he decided to get paternal after almost thirty years? Please!” Andrea waved a hand as though dismissing her point.
“I’m saying he didn’t have to listen to Charlene.”
“So why did he? Guilt? I find that hard to believe,” Andrea replied.
“Life is complicated and people are even more complicated, Andrea.”
“Oh, you don’t have to tell me.” Andrea thought of the men in her life. “I learned about that thirty years ago from Charlene.”
“Don’t be so hard on her.” Gran heaved a sigh. “Maybe if I hadn’t been so strict, Charlene wouldn’t have been so wild.”
“You were trying to help her. In fact, you might have been too easy on her, considering.”
“No, cher. I didn’t talk to Charlene, I ordered her around when I should have listened.”
“Even Charlene admits that she was a handful,” Andrea said with a half smile.
It seemed Gran did not hear or see Andrea. She wore a faraway expression. “She was willful, that’s true. But I could have been a little less willful myself. I pushed her to marry Louis, and look what happened. Lord, Lord,” she said softly.
Andrea turned around to stare at her. Something in her voice struck a strange chord. “You said that before. What did you mean?”
Gran blinked rapidly and avoided looking at her. “It’s best you talk to your mama about it.”
“We can’t,” Andrea said. “At least we’ve never been able to.”
“Then it’s time you did,” Gran said.
“You’ve always told me the truth. Now I’m asking you to tell me what you meant.” Andrea left the steps and sat in the chair next to Gran.
“Charlene should be the one to tell you.” Gran chewed her lower lip. It was obvious she felt tom.
“But she won’t. You know how I hate secrets.” Andrea gripped the smooth wood of the chair’s arm. “I feel like my entire life has been ruled by ugly secrets.”
“This doesn’t really involve you directly. There are things that go on in a marriage that don’t concern anybody, even the children.” Gran paused as though considering how or whether to continue.
“Daddy tried to make Charlene happy. I remember him doing all kinds of things to please her.” Andrea spoke quietly to coax her.
“That’s your childish memory, cher. Guess it looked that way to you.” Gran did not look at Andrea. She wore a slight smile. “You were so crazy about Louis.”
“He was gentle and loving.” Andrea gazed at Gran. “Every little girl’s dream daddy; and a devoted husband.”
“Mais yeah, on the surface he was that,” Gran mumbled.
“Everyone has a few faults.”
“Sometimes a man can love too hard. Matter of fact, I don’t know if you could call it love. Louis wanted to possess Charlene.” Gran shook her head again. “Charlene can’t be boxed in by anybody. I learned that when she was a baby.”
“I don’t see how loving someone with all your heart is a bad thing,” Andrea said.
“Loving someone is a joy. But Louis was … what’s the word?” Gran was silent for a few seconds. “Obsessed. He was obsessed with holding on to Charlene.” “That sounds harsh, Gran.” Andrea was stunned by the force of her words.
Gran stared at the ground. “I’m gonna confess something I never told anybody. I kinda thought it was possible Louis wasn’t really your daddy. But since him and Charlene had been together and she said so …”
“And you wanted them to get married because he was a good man.” Andrea finished for her.
“Like you said, he was so in love with Charlene. He’d do anything for her.” Gran closed her eyes. “It turned out to be the worst thing for both of them. Charlene couldn’t stand the way he clung to her. Louis got to drinking and using drugs.”
“What?” Andrea gasped. The world seemed to spin out of control. “That just can’t be. I would have known…” Her voice died away at the sorrowful expression Gran wore.
‘To you he was a sweet, lovable man. But he had another side.”
Andrea closed her eyes and tried to steady her breathing. “If this is what Charlene told
you—”
“No, cher. I’m telling you what I know for myself,” Gran cut her off in a gentle yet firm voice.
Both women sat still and did not speak or look at each other. The only sounds came from around them: the whirring of the ceiling fans and birds calling to each other. The occasional car rushed by on the road. Andrea neither heard nor saw any of it. She was too engrossed in trying to absorb Gran’s revelation. Gran spoke first.
“I’m sorry, cher. Your mama is gonna hit the roof when she finds out I told you.”
Andrea’s face ached from tension. She fought hard not to scream. “Was Daddy drunk the night he died in the car wreck?”
Gran did not answer right away. First she reached out and grasped one of Andrea’s hands. “He’d just left a bar. There was a lot of alcohol in his blood, along with cocaine.”
“So all these years I’ve only known half the truth,” Andrea whispered.
“Your precious memories were all you had left of him, cher. Your mama didn’t want you to lose those, too.” Gran squeezed her hand tighter. ‘Talk to her about it.”
Andrea looked at her sharply. “There’s more, isn’t there?”
“It’s been a long time since we faced the pain. Talk to her,” was her only reply.
Gran stood as though the effort was almost too much. Her steps seemed stiff as she walked
into the house. Andrea could have pressed her for more, but did not. She’d heard more than enough for now. Her view of the past had been turned upside down in seconds.
The afternoon slipped into evening without Andrea noticing. She rocked back and forth slowly. Soon the flash of headlights appeared as cars whizzed by on the road. Gran came out.
“Come on inside, baby. Let’s look at some television. You can spend the night here with me.” Gran put an arm around her shoulder.
Andrea lifted Gran’s hand and kissed it. “Thanks,
Gran. But I better go home. I don’t have anything to wear to work.”
“Stay home tomorrow. You deserve to rest.”
Andrea’s thoughts rushed back to the present and Lee. She didn’t have the luxury of withdrawing into a shell of self-pity. It wasn’t her style anyway.
“No. I’ll be fine, cher,” Andrea said. She wore a shaky smile as she looked up into Gran’s eyes. A tear slipped down her cheek.
Gran pulled her from the chair and into her arms. Andrea buried her face in the cotton fabric of Gran’s dress. Gran smelled of lemon and nutmeg. She hummed an old Creole song soothingly as Andrea cried.
Chapter 20
Lee kept his composure even when he saw Andrea at the clinic. It took every ounce of control not to rush to her side. She looked drained. Her smile was brittle as though it would shatter at the least pressure. Each time staff approached, she rubbed her forehead before answering their questions.
“You okay?” Katy gazed at her with a concerned frown. She placed the back of her hand on Andrea’s forehead. “You look weak to me. Something’s wrong.” Lee tensed when Denny stopped sorting forms to look around. ‘Too many long days. I’ve tried to tell her about that,” he put in quickly.
Andrea’s gaze darted to Lee, then away. She brushed Katy’s hand away. “I’m all right.”
“Boss, you got that stressed-to-the limit pallor,” Katy insisted. She took Andrea’s wrist and checked her pulse. “Cut that out,” Andrea said irritably. She shook free
of Katy’s grasp. “Anybody would think I’m at death’s door.”
“Yeah, and black folks don’t turn pale,” Denny joked. Still, he stared at Andrea with interest.
“Denny’s right. Too many late nights, babe,” Lee put in. He walked close to Andrea, wearing a sly grin.
Katy’s eyebrows shot up. “Re-ally?” she said. She and Denny exchanged glances.
Denny laughed. Amusement replaced the watchful look in his eyes. “Good move, man.” He winked at Lee.
“Can we talk in my office?” Andrea’s voice was taut. Her brown eyes were bright with fury as she looked at Lee.
“It’s kind of an open secret anyway, Andrea,” Katy said. “So don’t be too hard on him. Miss LouAnn’s niece’s daughter lives down the road from Miss Mavis and she saw y’all—”
“Right, right,” Andrea cut her off and looked at Lee. “My office.” She marched down the hall ahead of him.
“Duck and weave, bro,” Denny said to Lee, and laughed again. “Yell if you need to be rescued.”
“I can handle her.” Lee wore a cocky grin.
“Maybe, maybe not,” Katy tossed in.
Lee mused that Katy might well be right. He headed for Andrea’s office expecting an explosion. When he walked into the room, Andrea stood in the middle of the floor, shapely legs apart and arms crossed. Her red skirt fell just above the knee. Andrea was crisp and professional in a classic white linen shirt and navy blue blazer. But at that moment she wore the murderous expression of a warrior princess. She looked beautiful even if she did want to strangle him.
“Close the door,” she commanded. The door had barely clicked shut when she spoke again. “Just what the hell do you think you’re doing?”
Lee walked around her to stand at the window. He parted two slats in the blinds, and then faced her again. “Lower your voice, babe.”
“I’m not your babe,” she snarled. “And how dare you treat me like your hoochie in front of my staff!”
“I did not,” Lee said mildly.
“ ‘Too many late nights, babe.’ ” Andrea mimicked him by imitating his deep voice and performing a swaggering walk. “Why didn’t you just announce we had nonstop sex all weekend?”
Lee started to laugh, and then choked it off. “Ahem, I wish I could have.”
“I don’t think juvenile humor is called for, Mr. Matthews.” Andrea’s voice seemed to strain with the effort not to shout.
Lee struggled to get serious again. “You’re right. I apologize.”
Andrea lifted her head and stared at him. “For what? You’ve done so much lately. Seems to me you toss out apologies a little too quick and easy.”
“I’m sorry I had to lie to you. I’m sorry that Denny is in danger. And I’m sorry if I’ve done anything to hurt you. The last person I’d ever want to hurt is you, Andrea.”
At this distance the sweet smell of her was too faint to satisfy his need. He took a step toward her and she stepped back. A fist seemed to tighten around his heart in that instant.
“No, stay right there. Don’t try that oily charm on me this time.” Andrea voice shook and she looked uncertain.
“How long are you going to punish me? That’s what it is, you know. Being without you is pure hell,” he said. His throat felt raw with emotion.
Andrea hugged herself as though for protection. “This isn’t the time or place. We’ve got this investigation going and—”
“It’s simple. I love you. Can you love me?”
Lee balled his hands into fists. He’d asked the one question that had frightened him more than any gang. Poverty and the stigma of his birth had left a scar. Lee was not sure he could be loved, not if he let down his mask.
Andrea swayed and caught the edge of the desk for support. “Please, I can’t deal with it right now.” It was more a plea than a rejection.
Lee crossed to her instantly and took her in his arms. “Don’t let it get to you, baby. I’m here,” he murmured close to her ear.
Andrea pushed against his embrace, but her resistance lacked force. “Not now, Lee. We’ll talk about us, but not now.”
“We don’t have to talk about us. But don’t pretend you don’t want me to hold you. I sure as hell need to even if you don’t. Do you know what it takes for me to admit that?” he whispered.
“I think I do,” she whispered back, and rested her head on his shoulder.
“Then come back to me,” he said, his voice soft and urgent. “I need you more than I can say, Andrea.”
“I can’t think straight, not after everything that’s happened. My head is swimming. Sometimes it’s all I can do to keep from screaming.”
“You need me, too. Let me be there to hold you at the end of the day.” Lee held her tighter.
Andrea sighed shakily. “I just don’t know …” Her voice faded as she lifted her face to his, their lips almost touching.
Sounds of the busy clinic intruded suddenly. Thuds signaled doors opening and closing. Loud voices came from outside the office, and then receded. Disappointment washed over him when Andrea pulled away. She tugged her jacket and straightened the collar of her shirt. The fragile magic spell was broken.
“You shouldn’t have told our personal business,” she said crisply. “Even if it is unfinished business at this point.”
Lee accepted her need to regain composure. “I wanted to distract Denny.”
“And you used my personal life?” Andrea squinted at him.
‘Telling him about our affair seemed logical. He thinks I seduced you as part of our plan. That should keep him from being suspicious.”
She thought for a time, and then nodded once. “So you’ll tell him about the investigation soon?”
“Yes. I’m going to tell him you don’t know anything. I’ll say we didn’t know if you were in on it.” Lee gazed at her lovingly. “I want to make sure you’re safe just in case.”
Andrea looked at him with wide eyes. “J
ust in case what? Has something happened? I thought the sheriff would be close by when you … do whatever it is you plan to do.”
Lee smiled to reassure her. “We’ve prepared for all possible contingencies.”
“You sound like those FBI types at press conferences. They talk that way when it’s really bad.” Andrea stared at him with a troubled frown.
“I won’t lie to you, things could get tight. Especially after we talk to Denny.” He walked to the window and gazed down the street.
Lee recognized the young man in a T-shirt and low-slung blue jeans standing outside the clinic. He was one of Ty’Rance’s boys. Smoke from a cigarette curled around his head. The man walked down the block and went into a sandwich shop.
“Lord, I hope Denny doesn’t do anything crazy.” Andrea rubbed her eyes. “He’ll feel trapped and betrayed.” The nervous exhaustion in her tone yanked his attention back inside. Lee turned from the window. “You can’t do anything about Denny. The clinic is doing fine. Go home and get some rest, Andrea.”
“I have a meeting in Houma at two this afternoon.” She rolled her shoulders to ease the tension. “If we finish early maybe I’ll go home.”
Lee wanted to massage her tired muscles until she relaxed. He stared at the tips he’d kissed with raging passion and tenderness, both ways equally delicious. He wanted to taste them now so badly it hurt. His short time with Andrea had taught him just how lonely he’d been. Andrea had given him the one thing he’d never had, real love. There was no way he could he to himself. His life would never be complete without her. That realization kept him awake at night. Maybe he couldn’t make her happy. Maybe they were too different. The least he could do was protect her and the work she cherished.
“I’m going to work like hell to make sure this thing ends fast and peacefully,” he said softly. He turned and walked to the door.
“I know you will, Lee,” Andrea replied.
Lee glanced back at the way she said his name. She did not return his gaze. The spark of hope died quickly.
Andrea had already gone to her desk and started work on some task. He must have imagined the note of tenderness in her voice. Lee walked out and did not look back again. Denny met him halfway down the hall.