Hildir fidgeted and raised his paw as he sat at the edge of the well, looking like something straight out of a fairy tale.
“The one with the keys to the locks cannot be caged, but please think this over. This is a mutually beneficial arrangement. I shall return here tomorrow evening for your answer.”
He then quickly leaped away and scurried off, vanishing in the cracks in the buildings. Lawrence instinctively wanted to give chase, but Holo stopped him. He quickly noticed it was because there was a red glow approaching them from the other end of the alley.
“Oh? Were you two just having a bit of fun?”
It was three men, armed with spears, possibly town guards.
“Jeez. If some drunks followed you, we’d have even more work on our hands. Go home please.”
The man who spoke shooed them away with a wave of his hand. Lawrence had no desire to argue, so he pushed Holo’s shoulder and led her away. The guards watched their backs for a while, but soon left. It was soon so dark without the men’s torches that Lawrence couldn’t even see Holo. He intentionally slowed down, but she did something unexpected: she gripped his hand tightly.
“I do not think he is lying.”
He didn’t have to guess that she was talking about the banned book.
“He was painfully clear about where we stand.”
There were many looking to start a war that would profit them. They were even attempting to legitimize their actions by claiming their mines were nearly exhausted. With the banned book, that claim would be null and void; the mines would continue to be productive, and their theory made impractical. At least, that was Hildir’s hope.
“What are your thoughts?”
“I-”
Lawrence stopped, unable to continue until he had sorted out just what his thoughts were.
“If this was purely for my own benefit, I would accept Hildir’s suggestion. I share Diva’s dream, and if a war breaks out I will end up earning nothing. The moment I reached my hand into that fire for the treasures within, I would become nothing but cinders.”
Myuri had also claimed he wouldn’t attack Lesco. If that was the case, what would an attacker like him do when he himself was under attack in this wall-less town? Would people like him truly stay and fight, or would they flee?
“If we give him the book, we might avert that danger.”
“Then just do so, if those are your thoughts.”
She replied softly, leaving Lawrence even more shocked.
“Wait.. this should be your decision. I mean, it has to do with your homeland, and I don’t gather you actually agree with Hildir, do you?”
She didn’t reply at once, so it was obvious how conflicted she was.
“..after all, someone like you can still make a difference. Hildir has his agenda, but it’s not entirely against our own. Better if closed mines are reopened then new lands being destroyed.. that’s true, isn’t it?”
Lawrence was trying to justify giving away the banned book. The situation seemed hopeless whether they did so or not. Things would likely end up the same way, one way or the other, so they had to make the most reasonable choice for everyone’s hopes to be met. Holo had to have a reason for just passing the problem off to him like that.
“Is there a reason you’re so against making the choice?”
She trembled when she heard his challenge. She’d never let him decide anything important on his own before, so he had to wonder if she was just giving up, or trying to avoid something unpleasant. Which was it?
“You don’t trust him, do you? Is it that in your mind he’s just an incapable bunny, since he took such a roundabout route to get to us? No, he has to be capable if he’s the financial officer of a company like Diva.. so I can’t imagine that being it..”
Lawrence didn’t feel that Hildir was lying. It wasn’t the time to consider whether he could actually convince his peers to stop the war, but that was a future problem.
“Maybe you just don’t want to place your trust in Diva? I can sort of see that, since they’re complete strangers, and they’re spreading so many rumours..”
He was trying to dig for the answer, and it worried him that he had to do so. Holo simply remained silent. She held his wrist, but her lips were sealed. He suppressed his urge to sigh and wondered what else it could be. Why was she staying silent? Just as he was getting nervous that he’d run out of possibilities, he found one more.
“Or is it because you’re worried they’ll hurt Cole?”
They did hand back his bag, which showed signs that Cole had been put through some sort of violence. But then, Hildir had specifically said he didn’t intend to harm Cole. Holo had to believe him, otherwise she would have certainly sunk her fangs into him. But she had resisted, which implied her trust. He wouldn’t hurt Cole, even if they didn’t hand over the book. That meant he had a code, and wouldn’t kill innocent people.
“What have I missed?”
He’d finally arrived at the inevitable conclusion that Holo would benefit from Hildir’s suggestion. Lawrence had to assume so. It was also a great opportunity for him, since he would gain standing in the town. His benefits extended beyond just getting a nice shop at a cheap price. And on top of that, he wouldn’t end up like Eve if he opened a shop with Holo.
And yet, he couldn’t help but gaze at Holo like she was a child calmly asking for money. She wasn’t a child, of course, and would speak whenever she felt it necessary for situations to end up favorably. In fact, she had opened her mouth several times, but only ended up breathing through it. Finally, she squeezed out some words.
“If we hand over the book, the land will suffer more in the future.”
Lawrence’s eyes opened wide. He never suspected she was thinking in such basic terms.
“Yes, that’s certainly a possibility. But, if old mines can be made productive again, they will have no reason to build new ones. It would simply be pointless, since it is more cost-effective for them to reopen the old ones than dig up a new mountain. Plus, Hildir said it best: most problems can be solved with money. We have seen that on our trip over and over. In fact, there are merchants who invest in research to put old mines to use.”
Lawrence had finished his thought, but Holo remained silent.
“I must therefore conclude that we should first remove their motivation for occupying the north. I do want to support the dream of the merchants in this town, even if I understand why you’re concerned. After all, with a book of special techniques like that, Diva might get greedy and try to open more mines. But-“
He stopped, now realizing that he was trying to convince Holo in order to rationalize having paid a deposit. He really was getting swept away by the fervor of Diva company’s dream.
If merchants ruled the world, they wouldn’t do so in ignorance, and stupid actions like war would become less common. Towns would be managed so trade would increase, because their motivated self-interest extended to the people in the town. It wasn’t just about fame and greed, and violent or opulent merchants tended not to make it very far in the business world.
On top of that, merchants weren’t prone to put on airs of wealth, like nobles did. They worked hard to earn their riches and left the acting to the nobles. Who was more fit to rule the world? That went without saying. Every place Lawrence had visited that thrived on trade was a lively and successful one. Hence his desire to support Diva.
If they handed the book to Hildir, it might lead to them opening more mines. But fearing that outcome was pointless, since it was bound to happen anyway.. why cut the tree of hope down before it had a chance to grow? Lawrence found himself wishing he could articulate his thoughts to Holo.
“I just don’t know why you’re saying this. You said you don’t care what Diva is doing.. that’s why you supported my choice to buy the shop, wasn’t it?”
Holo stopped moving altogether.
“Then if we don’t give them the book-”
“No.”
She finall
y spoke.
“No, that is not true.”
She was gripping his wrist very tightly and repeating “no” over and over. He was completely lost, wondering why she was acting like a child. Maybe she really was a child.. after repeating “no” for a while, she began crying. Her tears rained like a lost child’s as her shoulders trembled.
“What’s the matter? It might be a special book, but it’s hardly a book of magic spells. It may have them develop mines, but it’s not like it’ll give them the power to just open mines everywhere right away.”
“And in the longer term..?”
She looked up at Lawrence with eyes like those of a merchant being attacked by wolves in the dark.
“..well, this should stop them for a couple decades, at least. But it’s not like we can do anything to stop them in the longer term.”
Holo slowly took a deep breath, like she was getting ready to roar, or struggling to cope with hearing something so horrible - or maybe both. Her tears continued to spill as her mind calmed down.
“I.. could..”
“..huh?”
Her tears were making him emotional as well. He knew what she meant: she had other options, but couldn’t use them. Their destiny was to be unable to change anything.
“I could stop them.. I will live long enough.. but you will not be by my side. Do you think I can just stay with you as they destroy the forests, because I made the choice to let them? Do you think I can just let them flatten the mountains? I hate it! So very much! And you will be gone so soon.. and I will have to live on with my decision.. are you asking me to do that? You think I want to? You..”
She was pounding on his chest, and he received every blow until there was no strength behind them anymore. He could have avoided them, but if this way let her pass some of the pain on to him, he wanted to let her do so. She was staring at him so helplessly as she cried, finally realizing just how weak she was compared to the ravages of time. It almost looked like she was knocking on his chest to revive him, worried he would never wake up again.
“Without you here.. to help me.. tolerate it.. I.. I..”
She was struggling to see him past her tears and talk to him between her sobs.
“I am not strong enough..”
She finally grabbed his sleeve with her last ounce of strength, practically begging him to not leave her alone. He remembered the first time she had cried about being left alone, the first time he had drawn his dream shop during their travels. He knew this wasn’t an act. She wanted a place she could call home, because having a home made it easier to tolerate hardships.
If she was the one to decide, then she would feel that all of the subsequent centuries of mining were her responsibility. Whether it made sense or not, that was how she felt about it. Lawrence couldn’t be there with her for more than another fifty years, if he was lucky. A sudden illness might take him from her in less than a week.
Humans beings were like bubbles; if one was too afraid to pop them, they should hope they never fall in love. That was what poets wrote, and what Holo feared. She had lived through so many experiences, and still couldn’t bear falling in love. It was certainly a point of pride for Lawrence, as a man.
He stared at his hand for a moment, then back at her. She had just thrown away her pride as a Wisewolf, and was simply staring back at him. When he took her hand, she burst into tears once more, clearly knowing what he was going to say.
“Then don’t make the decision.”
He held her in his arms and whispered in her ear.
“You knew from the start that we had to give him the book, didn’t you?”
She did know what he was going to say. It was the clearest moment they had ever shared. The only thing Lawrence had that she didn’t was the spirit of a merchant - the spirit to never give up. She had been hoping for him to say this all along, and at least some of her tears were ones of shame for looking forward to it. It was for that reason that Lawrence, finally having something he could do for the one he loved the most, spoke with pride.
“I’m setting my foot down and giving the book to Hildir, for my own benefit. It’s my choice, and you can’t stop me. If there’s a problem, I’ll live with it. No regrets.”
She looked up once more, with “I’m sorry” written plainly in her eyes.
“So, that’s that. We’re handing the book over to him. Hey, don’t look away.”
He grabbed her shoulders so she would look him in the eyes again. She was still in tears, and had never looked so unlike a Wisewolf. Perhaps there was really no such thing as a Wisewolf, and it was just some silly title made up by the people living around Yoitsu.
“We will continue on like we always have. Now, and in the future.”
If she needed him to say this to get over her loneliness, then he would say it.
“So.. please stop crying already.”
He wiped her tears, but fresh ones kept replacing them. He repeated himself.
“If you keep crying, I’ll start having strange thoughts.”
He gently smacked his hand on her cheek as she smiled, then laughed and coughed at his intentional joke. She cried on for a while, but he’d done all he had to do. She soon rubbed her face and dried it with her sleeve, and his job was done. He held his hand out to her.
“Let’s head back.”
She nodded hard as she took his hand.
* * *
Lawrence woke up first the next morning. Holo seemed to be utterly exhausted from crying. Her breathing almost seemed pained. She normally slept like a wolf, but today her head wasn’t even under her blanket. It was strange to see, but Lawrence understood that it was because she was with him. Her fear was that at any moment, he might no longer be with her. It was either that, or she was being honest about not wanting to make a decision.
But Lawrence was here for her now. He had been resolved ever since they parted ways with Cole. The look on her face as she watched Cole leave couldn’t be covered up, no matter how hard she smiled. She was tired of seeing people leave her behind. It would be great if they met again one day, of course, but she was beyond even considering such things. Hers was a profound exhaustion.
No matter how many people came and went, no one could turn back time. She had been watching people leave her whole life, and would continue to do so. With these thoughts, he caressed her face and finally got out of bed. He swung open the shutters and greeted the friendly sun’s warmth. The liveliness outside seemed wholly oblivious to the turmoil of the Diva company and the coming war.
Sadness could strike at any time and ruin everything, and all Lawrence could do was move on and weather such storms. He had to, if he wanted to be with Holo. The legends of those who were defeated were all miserable tales, and at this point Holo’s story had been one of those. And so, Lawrence made himself presentable, but left his jacket on the pillow beside Holo. It was cold, but he wanted her to know he would be back soon.
“How can I help you?”
Lawrence had gone to the third floor in order to find Moid, but it seemed like he’d just been entertaining his master a few moments ago. He greeted Lawrence with tired eyes, stinking of liquor.
“Hello, I was hoping we could talk.”
“Oh, but Myuri’s not here now.. uh, sorry, come in..”
He opened the door and let Lawrence in, then lifted a jug of water up and poured it over his head before shaking his head like a dog.
“Ugh.. damn.. can’t believe I’m drunk. Guess I’m getting old.”
“You guys sure do drink.”
“Heh, well, yeah.. it’s a bit embarrassing to admit it, but it’s a habit when you don’t know if you’re gonna live or die. At least, that’s our excuse.”
They were people who treated every drink as though it was their last. It wasn’t necessarily an excuse either, so they drank like they’d never heard the word “sober.”
“You were looking for the captain, yes?”
He ran his hand through the needle-like spikes of
his hair, still able to give off a strong impression at his age. He must have been quite dashing in his youth.
“Yeah.. he had to take off?”
“He’s probably gone to see Reginald.. ah, I mean the Hugo Mercenaries. He’s known them for a long time, so I wouldn’t be surprised if he’s drinking more over there.”
It comforted Lawrence to hear that a mercenary like him was just like most other people, wanting to have friends and drinking buddies.
“If it’s important I could have someone go find him.”
Lawrence hesitated, and Moid picked up on it. He put on the mannerisms of a determined warrior.
“Unless you think I could help you instead?”
He was the eldest member of their team, and normally Lawrence would have to talk to him instead of the captain.
“Of course, of course.. but I’m worried that if I talk to you first, Mr. Ruward might blame himself for being out drinking at such a crucial time.”
Lawrence was a bit worried that Moid would be too drunk to realize what he meant, but that proved untrue.
“I’ll have someone find him immediately. A moment, please.”
He passed Lawrence and walked out into the corridor, then bellowed so loudly the foundations of the inn shook.
“We have orders!!!”
* * *
It was the Almighty who granted barons the authority to rule the land, and so knights swore their loyalty to them. They were normally the representatives of God who decided whether a quiet forest or field would be burned until nothing but tears remained. And yet, it was Diva company running this town, a godless organization of factions. If they deposed their leader, the mercenaries who pledged their allegiance could only benefit.
“Well well.”
Myuri had waltzed back with two youths in tow, looking very much like their older sibling. He wiped his face with a warm towel and continued.
“What’s all this about?”
Like the gears of a great watermill, Myuri’s men gathered intelligence that they hoped was accurate. Otherwise, the wheel that drove their organization would grind to a halt. It meant life or death to them, and their life was Lawrence’s loss.
Spice & Wolf XVI (DWT) Page 2