“Calling in favors from the Almighty, are you?”
“I’m serious.” But once again, she couldn’t hide a little grin.
Marisa had dated plenty of bad boys: rock musicians, professional athletes, and actors. But she also held out hope for a high percentage of successful lawyers, stockbrokers, doctors, and bankers. In the time they’ve known each other, she hadn’t dated any of them for more than three months.
Although she never explained why things didn’t work out with any of those men, Alexander figured she was looking for a bad boy who was loyal, trustworthy, intimate, and affectionate. She didn’t seem to realize that if she found a bad boy with those characteristics, he probably wouldn’t be…a bad boy.
“Why can’t I just find a nice guy?”
“Have you tried eBay?”
“A nice guy with a sense of humor. A gentleman who knows how to treat a lady. That’s not asking too much, is it?”
He rolled his eyes. “Yeah, because there aren’t any of those around.”
Her failure to acknowledge that he possessed those same qualities felt like she’d just kicked him in the gut. And yet, he didn’t blame her for overlooking his better attributes; he blamed himself. She’d placed him in the friend zone for a reason. He just didn’t know why. What had he said? What had he done? Where had he gone wrong?
Marisa looked down at her blouse, an exotic experiment of purple swirls, navy blue dots, and gray splotches that would have made Jackson Pollock jealous. “Is there something wrong with me?”
Alexander just stared at her.
“Why do I always attract jerks?”
“Four times.”
She shook her head, puzzled.
“That’s how many times I’ve gotten rid of guys who wouldn’t take no for an answer. They all have something in common: you. I’m not getting rid of another guy for you. And if you want to stop attracting jerks, stop being attracted to them.”
She titled her head to the side, deep in thought before looking into his eyes with new insight.
Alexander always found these temporary “lost moments” both intriguing and maddening. He desperately wanted to find out what she thought about: was she considering him in a new light? If so, what was she thinking about, exactly? But all told, he hated it when she analyzed her thoughts because she never explained what distracted her.
“I don’t even know why I even care,” she said. “Love is just a fantasy created to profit from naive fools...like me.” Seeing Alexander about to object, she said, “Valentine’s Day: you have Hallmark cards, which require paper, envelopes, stores to sell them and post offices to deliver these cards. Plus the chocolates, flowers, candy…all just another excuse for businesses to sell their stuff. And don’t get me started on Sweetest Day.”
“Right, we should have Saddest Day. Women of all ages could sit in a big circle and go around the room, bashing men for not being nice, good-looking, and having a sense of humor or a well-paying job. Oh, wait. That was in a movie: Jerry Maguire.”
“See? You buy into it. It’s just a fairy tale.”
Many women loved the part at the end of that movie where Tom Cruise admits his love for Renee Zellweger, but Alexander always enjoyed the part in the middle of the film when their characters meet for their first date. From opposite ends of the street, they simply smiled at each other. That single moment, when both characters tossed aside their cynicism and opened their hearts to the possibility of what the future may hold, was in his opinion the most romantic scene in the movie. More than anything, Alexander wanted to experience that feeling. And he held out hope that one day he’d live out his own version of that special moment.
“Of course it’s true,” he said. “Romance like that happens every day. We just don’t see it. Where do you think those stories come from?”
“Some guy who never got the girl, that’s who. He uses a story to get the girl because he couldn’t get her in real life.”
“Only he did. Cameron Crowe, that movie’s writer and director, is married to Nancy Wilson from the rock group Heart. And she’s better looking than him, so…”
“Of course you’d think that. You’re a guy. No guy will ever admit that another guy is hot.”
“George Clooney. Brad Pitt. Matt Damon.”
“The cast of Ocean’s Eleven? Really? Soon you’ll be talking Elliott Gould and Carl Reiner…although Andy Garcia: yummy.”
Her remark made him envision Marisa wearing one of those outfits erotic hotel maids wore (in the movies) while clutching a black wiry duster. Alexander found himself getting stiff. The response startled him: most often, when he caught sight of her, he wanted to feel her in his arms and plunge his face into her lily-scented hair.
“Let’s take weddings,” she said. “Total racket. Flowers costing hundreds of dollars? Thousands for a wedding dress you only wear once? Seventy-five dollars a plate for chicken, potatoes, and broccoli? Don’t get me started.”
“You’re right. Romance is for idiots. When I take out a woman, I meet her at a restaurant, shovel some grub down her throat, and say, ‘so how many dates before you put out?’”
She chuckled. “What woman wouldn’t find that romantic?”
“Maybe that’s too forward. It could explain why they don’t return my calls after a first date.” Over the years, so many women had ignored his calls that Alexander had never actually experienced a long-term relationship, unless you considered one month a long time.
Even then, that woman had blown him off for another guy. A couple weeks later, after the guy dumped her, she tried warming up to Alexander again.
But by rejecting him, she’d shown him her true character, and he had no interest in committing to someone who couldn’t commit to him. Besides, if she preferred someone who didn’t respect her after sleeping with her, then what did that say about her? And if Alexander took her back, what would that say about him?
Marisa reached across the table and rested her palms over his left hand again. “One day, a good woman will come to her senses and take your call.”
He looked away from her fond expression. It drudged up too much pain. Too much sorrow. He withdrew his hand from hers, disinterested in another friendly gesture. It meant a lot that Marisa wanted to comfort him by reaching out. And it provided evidence that, deep down, she didn’t really believe her own comments about romance.
“We should get back to work,” he said. “Lunch break is almost over.”
“What’s wrong?” she asked, sitting back against the booth cushions with a playful smile. “Not prepared for the big interview?”
Marisa referred to the Assistant Director position that their Library Director, Lance Albrecht, had already spent several weeks trying to fill. He planned to interview both Alexander and Marisa this afternoon.
It would probably shock Marisa to learn that Alexander didn’t have much interest in the position. While the promotion would increase his salary by over $15,000 per year and give him a more substantial reputation among his peers, the job wouldn’t allow him much of an opportunity to learn from their director, who didn’t share the more challenging administrative tasks and didn’t mentor the person who worked most closely with him. For these reasons, after a few weeks of deep contemplation, Alexander had interviewed last week for the Library Director position at the Vista Heights Public Library.
Since the Vista Heights community consisted of homeowners in the lower economic sphere and the position came with a salary that would equal that of the Assistant Director slot at the Bedford Falls Public Library, their Board of Trustees had thus far failed to hire a candidate for the job.
Many candidates who might otherwise jump at the chance to take the director spot at Vista Heights had instead interviewed for the Assistant Director position at Bedford Falls because, over the last ten years, numerous library journals had consistently recognized their library as one of the best in the country.
Nonetheless, during his interview last week at the Vista Heights Pub
lic Library, Alexander was intrigued that the Board of Trustees sought to become one of the elite libraries in the state. Alexander wondered what it would be like to take the reins of a larger library without all the media-grabbing attention of Bedford Falls.
His interest intensified last night when the Board President offered him the position. Alexander asked for a couple days to contemplate the opportunity, but the job didn’t hold his interest right now.
Marisa did. She always did. No matter the time, place, or day, his thoughts always returned to her. And the future that never seemed destined for them.
A supportive expression appeared on Marisa’s face. “You could do so much. You just have to believe you can. Once you feel it, you could get whatever you put your mind to.”
He looked up and met eyes that believed wholeheartedly in him. That empathetic look tore him up inside. He wanted to once more feel her hands clutching his own, hoping that her assurance could infiltrate his skin and surge through his veins until it struck his heart, giving him the bravery to do the simplest thing: ask her out.
It only took a few words, so why couldn’t he drudge up the courage to do it?
Because she would reject him. He had no illusions about that. He had nothing to gain and everything to lose. So why risk it?
“You could turn the world upside-down.” She unleashed a vibrant grin.
She had intended to increase his confidence, but her remarks had the opposite effect. Not because he didn’t trust her. She wanted him to be happy. He knew that. But she presumed that he suffered from a lack of confidence. Irritated, he grimaced as he got to his feet.
“What’s wrong?”
The question only increased his frustration. Unresponsive, he headed for the exit.
“Where are you going?”
Alexander pushed through the door and stepped into the mid-September sunshine. He sucked in a breath of crisp air, hoping it would detox the anger stirring in his chest.
Since he met Marisa two years ago, upon accepting the position he currently held, she’d assumed that he suffered from poor self-esteem due to his lack of success with women.
“Don’t leave me,” she said.
Alexander stopped and chuckled humorlessly, fury charging through his system as he looked skyward. He would never leave her. That was the problem. Not if she got cancer and had to go through a hundred rounds of chemotherapy. Nothing would ever make him leave her side – if he ever had her.
He spun around, looking at the only person he had ever imagined marrying, the only person he’d imagined building a family with, the only person he’d imagined spending his later years with while spoiling their grandchildren. Some would consider this foolish – pinning all of his hopes on one woman, a person who had no interest in him. But he had to follow his instincts. And his heart.
“What did I say?” she asked, breathless as she ran up to him.
He saw the worry lines around her eyes. “You think I need a stroke of confidence to make it through the day. Well, I don’t need an ego boost. And I don’t need your pity.”
“I don’t pity you. What’s wrong?”
“You’re blind. Or maybe just ignoring what’s right in front of you. Talking about a nice guy with a sense of humor. A gentleman. I’m those things. And you say you can’t find someone like that? I’m right here, Marisa. Right here! So where the hell are you if you can’t see that?”
She opened her mouth to speak as tears immediately entered her eyes.
Sensing that he’d finally gotten through to her, Alexander didn’t want to lose her attention now that he had it. “For two years, I’ve listened. I’ve tried to be supportive. But I can’t do it anymore. Every single day in every single way, I’ve shown you how much I care and how much I love you.”
Marisa just stared at him, shocked.
Alexander wanted to say more. He expected to say more, but when that final statement had escaped his mouth, he discovered that nothing could follow it.
Having mentally prepared how he’d finally admit his feelings thousands of times, he never imagined that he’d shout his affection at her, rather than disclosing his deepest secret over a bottle of wine while Sade played in the background.
“But we can’t.” Her eyes, which were always controlled enough to never divulge her innermost feelings, released confusion. “We’re best friends. I don’t want things to change.”
“Who said change would ruin things? We’d just be taking our relationship to another level. A better level.”
“But we’re co-workers. I’ve mixed both things before, and they blew up in my face.” She shivered. “It wasn’t pretty.”
“But I’m not one of those other guys.”
“I don’t want to risk it. I don’t want to lose you.”
“But you never had me.” Hearing the double entendre repeat in his mind, Alexander wished he’d never uttered those words.
“You’re my best friend. Losing you would just…crush me.” Deep sympathy lined her face. “God, it hurts to see all that pain in your eyes.”
All of this from someone who spent countless hours laughing with him in the break room. Someone who treated him to a Bulls game each year as a birthday present. Someone who stayed up with him late in the night while watching action movies and playing board games.
“You want a perfect example?” she asked, her voice quivering. “My parents. And look how that turned out.” She shook her head, probably reliving the off-balanced give-and-take nature of her parent’s relationship. “You’re the most important person in my life, but I can’t love you that way.”
Knowing that her mother had warped Marisa’s kindness into a mass of contempt saddened him. Marisa never disclosed much about her mother: only made glib comments before switching the subject.
“Alexander, please.” Tears spilled from her eyes. “You’re already changing things.” A mountain of self-condemnation dragged her shoulders downward as she shuffled away.
While his legs felt as flexible as a rubber, his mind was clear for the first time since they met. He’d finally revealed his feelings.
But his heart was as desolate as a ghost town with a lone wrapper floating through the streets, making no sound as it skipped across the dust. The sensation made it difficult for him to breathe.
Nothing had ever hurt so badly: not touching the scorching hot exhaust pipe of his father’s Harley as a five-year-old, resulting in melting two of his left fingerprints off; not flying over the handlebars of his Huffy bike and skidding across the cement face first at the age of seven; and not even breaking a finger while playing football in middle school, only to have two ignorant ER doctors inject a ridiculously long needle into his finger for no apparent reason. Those physical injuries paled in comparison to the emotional turmoil that now inundated him.
And judging by Marisa’s tears and her pain-stricken expression, the same agony tore her heart to shreds. Not because she was angry with him, but because rejecting him had caused her such anguish.
He should have expected such selflessness. Alexander knew without a doubt that if he needed a new kidney, she wouldn’t hesitate to donate one of her own. That same day. She’d rush them to the hospital so the surgeon could operate as soon as possible.
Marisa now reacted out of shock and confusion. Alexander therefore decided to view the situation from a different perspective: she had given many men a chance to love her, but none of them ever measured up to the type of man she hoped to marry.
He knew that he could not only meet those high standards, but he could also exceed them – if she only gave him the opportunity.
It became an intriguing challenge. And no matter what he had to do, and no matter how long it took, he wouldn’t stop trying until she gave him that chance.
CHAPTER TWO
Marisa extended her lunch break by visiting the Bedford Falls town square. Half a century ago, the founding residents named (and modeled) their town on the fictional setting of the classic film, It’s a Wonder
ful Life.
And those individuals had spent an endless amount of time, energy, and financial resources to make sure that their version of Bedford Falls maintained the same quaint character of a small town – that would not grow beyond 8,000 residents – while ensuring they kept pace with modern society. The town featured an enormous outdoor Commons that had courted all of the best upscale department stores, restaurants, and entertainment franchises, a state-of-the-art Cineplex modeled after the enormously elegant theaters of the 1920s, and an immaculate beach on the Vista Heights Valley River.
Still, the spacious, well-manicured Bedford Falls Park served as the focal point of the community: a spot where families congregated each season to take part in friendly, old-fashioned contests that allowed them to retain close ties with their neighbors; where residents engaged in various sporting activities throughout the year; where joggers circled a couple dozen small specialty shops before heading into one of four different hiking trails; and where parents chatted while their children played at an extravagant recreation area near the giant gazebo at the center of the park.
Marisa now sat down on a cold, iron bench, watching four and five-year-olds play on the swings, zip around a slide, and dangle from the jungle-gym while their mothers stood at the edge of the sandbox, talking.
At that young age, Marisa had taken great care of Strawberry Shortcake and her friends, an assortment of Cabbage Patch Kids, and a collection of Barbie dolls until her mother, Jaclyn, scolded her for wasting time and energy on “useless objects” when she should have been perfecting those caretaking skills on her own appearance. Only now did Marisa realize that, in taking such meticulous care of her dolls, she’d been treating them in the way she’d hoped that her strict, negligent mother would treat her.
Even at that early age, Marisa prayed that she would eventually find the right man, so she could start a family and give her children enough love to make up for her own mother’s deficient parenting skills. Upon turning thirteen, she assumed that doubling her age would give her enough time to find her soul mate and begin a new life.
One Step Away (A Bedford Falls Novel Book 1) Page 2