After practicing, Alexander parked his bike in his garage and drove his car over to Apocalyptica to meet Damon. Over the past two weeks, they had spent quite a bit of time approaching women. At first, Damon had started the conversations, but over the last week, Alexander had taken the lead. Sparking conversations about everything from male-female relations to the latest Hollywood gossip, he now found it much easier to put Damon’s lessons into practice.
Now, they stood at the bar, checking out the crowd, drinking bottled beer.
Damon kept his gaze locked on the crowd. “See anyone interesting?”
“No.”
“Then you’re not looking.” He motioned to an attractive redhead with glasses that made her look like she spent her workdays at a computer. She wore a light blue dress shirt and black slacks. “Go say hi.”
Alexander didn’t budge.
“What’s wrong?”
“It doesn’t feel right. I have no interest in hooking up with someone. I told you, I’m in love with her.”
“Marisa is spending her nights with Brad. So I’ll say it again: if you want her to find you attractive, you have to practice building attraction. You have to make her want you. And you aren’t going to make it happen by doing it half-assed. It’s just like riding. If you go up to Marisa right now, you’ll feel uncomfortable, which will make her feel uncomfortable. Women hate that. They hate it, Alex. If you’re smooth, they’ll relax. They’ll feel safe. They’ll feel comfortable. And you aren’t going to make that happen by practicing without intent. You have to go all in or go home.”
“But—”
Irritated, Damon put a hand through his hair. “Remember Steve Carell’s son in Crazy, Stupid, Love? He was in love with his babysitter. Remember how he kept saying, ‘Please…please love me’? How did the girl respond?”
“It pushed her away.”
“Exactly. He looked like a wimp, pleading with a girl to love him. It’s sad. And, outside of the age difference, that’s why she was disinterested. The more he pushed, the more she pulled away. Because you can’t convince someone to find you attractive. It either happens or it doesn’t.
“Julianne Moore wasn’t attracted to Steve Carell in that movie, but because she knows he loves her, she has a difficult time looking at him. She pities him. But he wants her back; he’ll do anything to get her back. And that’s what makes Steve Carell sleep with so many women in that movie. He does it so he’ll be confident enough to win back his wife from Kevin Bacon’s character. And he does. But he couldn’t have done it without getting it on with those women.
“So, I’m not saying you have to sleep with a bunch of chicks, but if you want the confidence you need, especially after not having sex in two years, you need to feel comfortable. And you won’t get it by pretending. Bottom line: you’re Steve Carell, Marisa is Julianne Moore, and Brad is Kevin Bacon. Now you know that Marisa wants to find you attractive. But only you can make that happen. You have to know 100 percent, without a doubt, that you will get her.”
Alexander nodded, focused, determined.
“Moving on: we’ve talked around this next topic a bit, so tell me: what do women want?”
He didn’t even need time to think it over. “Safety, security, excitement, fun, a sense of humor, intelligence—”
“I didn’t expect a list. But okay, all of that is true. But just as importantly, they want to feel. Women are emotional creatures. A lot of the time, they make decisions based on how they feel. We make decisions based on reasoning and logic. That’s why men and women have such a difficult time trying to understand each other. Knowing that women act and react based on feelings, what does that tell you?”
“I have no idea.”
“When a gorgeous woman sees a guy come up to her and compliment her, she feels bored. And of course, she wants the opposite of that. She wants to feel.”
“Feel what?”
“Preferably excitement or happiness. But who doesn’t? What matters is that when they’re with a man, women want to feel something – even confused or pissed off isn’t entirely bad every once in a while – just not bored. So you have to generate that feeling while being mysterious. It drives them crazy, in a good way, when women have no idea what a man will say or do.”
“Unpredictable,” Alexander said.
“Exactly. It triggers both their thoughts and feelings. Do that—then leave them.”
“You’re kidding?”
“No. Take off. Leave them.”
Alexander stood there, shaking his head, waiting for more wisdom—that actually made sense, this time. But that didn’t happen.
“What’s the problem?”
“Of course!” Alexander said, smacking his forehead with a little more force than he’d planned, but he was too riled up to feel any pain. “What normal guy doesn’t treat women like that? Do you hear the crap coming out of your mouth?”
Damon released a deep breath and held out his hands before his friend to convince him to continue listening before rushing to conclusions.
“What? What now? I take her to a theater, and in the middle of the play, I get up and say, ‘Hey, babe, I’ve got more important places to be. But if you want a quick lay—well, you know where to find me?’”
Damon put his hands on his hips, stewing with bottled anger. “Are you done?”
“No! I’m not done. Is that how you treat women?” he asked, pointing at his friend. “Like shit? Well, you might be an asshole, but I’m not!”
“Oh, so now, I’m an asshole, huh?”
“Yeah! When it comes to women, you’re damn right, you are!”
“So now, you’re the one instructing me about how to relate to women?” Damon smirked, shaking his head. “And how’s that worked out for you?”
That question sapped all of Alexander’s anger. Until now, he had no idea that he’d been breathing heavy.
“I didn’t mean to say that,” Damon said, settling himself down. “Look, I’m not trying to break you down. I’m just trying to help.” He turned aside as though what he planned to say next shouldn’t be overheard by others. “You’ve been there for me, all right? I just want to do the same for you.” He let that sink in for a long moment and then met Alexander’s gaze again. “But I’m not going to force you to do something you don’t want to do.”
Alexander, touched by seeing such emotion in his friend’s eyes, decided to give Damon the benefit of the doubt. “Okay. But I’m not going against what I believe in.”
“Hey, I wouldn’t ask you to.”
He let out a heavy sigh, determined to trust Damon’s advice. “All right, so…I’m supposed to leave a woman. When does this happen? After I first meet her or after a few dates?”
“Both. If you’re on the phone and you’re having a great time, tell her you enjoyed talking to her, but that you have to go. Then say goodbye and hang up.”
“But if I’m having a great time—”
“You hang up because you’ve created those feelings inside her, and when you take those feelings away, they’re left wanting…more. It builds anticipation in the best way. You’ve heard ‘distance makes the heart grow fonder’? There you go. Same thing if you’re on a date, and it’s going great, wrap things up. It’ll build the excitement between you. Always leave them wanting more.”
“Okay.”
“Don’t treat a beautiful woman any differently just because she’s gorgeous. By not complimenting her, or putting her on a pedestal before you know anything about her, you’re sub-consciously making her earn your approval. You’re not saying it, but she’s feeling that way because you’re not trying to impress her. So if she’s interested in you, she may try to get your attention and earn your approval just because she’s not used to being put in that position. She’s used to having guys fall over to get her attention.”
Alexander nodded.
“Are you ready for the final lesson?”
“Sure.”
“Do you know why Marisa never found you
attractive? And I’m not talking about physical appearance. I’m talking about you as a person.”
“No.” Alexander said. Of course, Marisa never explained the reason why, leaving him confused and unsure how to reverse the direction of her feelings.
“Women test men. They have an inner contempt for men who are weak and do whatever they say and go along with whatever they want. You’ve worked with women for the past thirteen years. You’ve listened to them complain about men, and you’ve taken mental notes to not fall in those traps. All good things.
“But as I said, if you’ve been reporting to women for so long, you’re used to getting direction from them. That means you’ve been in a place where you never had a chance to take the lead and take charge – with the exception of smaller details that you delegate to your own staff. But the bigger decisions have been made by the women in your life. It’s the reason you’re attracted to powerful women. It’s because that’s all you’ve known since you grew up. And even if you don’t know it, it’s one of the reasons why you’re in love with Marisa.”
“So what do I do?”
“As I said, women test men. You see it every day and in every way. Watch sitcoms. Women are constantly complaining about something and they get their husbands or boyfriends to reluctantly agree to do whatever they ask. The women come off looking like ballbusters. Some chicks get off on this. But most women resent their husbands and boyfriends because they all allow themselves to be commanded around like little children. They don’t want to. I’m going to repeat that: women don’t want to treat men this way. But men let them get away with it. And as long as they’re in a relationship, women will always test the men in her lives.”
Alexander said, “An old friend who was married for years told me it’s just easier to agree with women. There’s less drama. So that’s why I’ve always kind of, you know, let Marisa have her way.”
“Did you even hear what you just said? You said, ‘an old friend who was married.’ You’re taking relationship advice from a guy whose marriage failed?”
He hadn’t thought of it that way. How had he let himself accidentally sabotage his relationship with Marisa based on faulty advice? He felt like a moron.
“Have you ever seen a totally hot chick in a relationship with an ugly guy?”
“Yeah. That never made any sense to me.”
“And how many good-looking men do you see with an unattractive woman?”
After giving it some thought, he said, “Never.”
“Exactly. We’re more shallow. We’re drawn to appearance. Women find it important too, but personality and humor are sometimes just as important. Those attributes make them feel. And even when an ugly dude doesn’t take a woman’s shit, it stirs her emotions.”
“So why do they keep testing?”
Damon turned to Alexander. “It’s the most important lesson I could teach you. But it won’t have the same impact if I tell you. So you have to figure that out on your own. And you will. Once you put that together with everything we’ve discussed and you act on those principles, I look forward to seeing the man you become. Because when that happens, Marisa will fall in love with you.” He directed his beer bottle toward the redhead. “Now get out there and make it happen.”
Urged on by everything Damon had said, Alexander walked up to the good-looking redhead, waiting for her to return his stare. When their eyes met, he was tempted to look away by habit. (He never maintained eye contact with Marisa because she’d realize that he had more in mind than simply being her friend.) This time, however, he locked on the woman without looking elsewhere, until stepping up to her table.
Only now did he realize that a dark-haired beauty sat beside her. The collar of her pink dress shirt peaked through a tight purple sweater that emphasized her breasts. Although momentarily stunned, Alexander didn’t let that emotion touch his facial features. They love playing games.
Alexander re-directed his gaze to the dark-haired woman then gestured to Damon at the bar. “You know, my buddy told me that he could guess your name by a simple palm reading.”
“Really?”
Damon, watching them with a wicked grin, raised an eyebrow at the dark-haired woman, challenging her to whatever claim Alexander just made.
She turned to her red-headed friend. “This I’ve got to see. Back in a bit.” She grabbed her purse from around the back of the chair, got to her feet, and headed toward Damon.
“Is that true?” the redhead asked Alexander. “Can he really do that?” In her early twenties with freckles sprinkled across her nose, she put a hand through her thin bobbed hair.
“No, but something told me that I’d like to get to know you, so—”
“You decided to lie.” She narrowed her eyes. “Do you do that often? Lie to get what you want?”
Taken aback, but unwilling to let her detect his momentary discomfort, he noticed that she was playing along. “Only when it works to my advantage…like if I get pulled over.”
“Oh, so that happens often, huh? You run into trouble with the law a lot?”
“It’s just racial profiling. Now, they’re no longer going after African-Americans and Hispanics; they’re coming after us white folks to even things up, you know, for statistics. You mean you haven’t been pulled over lately?”
“No.”
“Perhaps you’re not attractive enough.” Those words came out of Alexander’s mouth before he even knew he’d uttered them. His stomach clenched. He’d been enjoying himself, and since the conversation felt so effortless, he’d decided to trust whatever words crossed his lips. As her mouth dropped open in shock, rather than acknowledge his crude comment, Alexander did the opposite by holding eye contact and looking nothing but completely assured, allowing a corner of his mouth to lift upwards in the makings of a smile.
And then she broke into a grin. “I can’t believe you just said that. It was so unbelievably…rude.” Then she chuckled with great humor. “My name’s Cassandra. And you are?”
“Alex.” He just looked at her, startled that she hadn’t thrown her drink in his face and left him there, dripping wet.
She held his gaze. “So what do you do, Alex?”
“I’m in between jobs right now.”
Cassandra couldn’t hide a flicker of disappointment. “It’s a difficult economy.”
He waved off the suggestion. “Today was my last day. I got a promotion, so I start my new job on Monday.”
“Oh,” she said, her tone perking up. “But you didn’t tell me what you do.”
“I’ll give you three guesses. If you’re wrong, you need to tell me what you do.”
She straightened up in her chair, eager to begin. “You don’t work with your hands.”
“Wrong. I work on the computer much of the day.”
“I meant, like a mechanic or a carpenter. So that’s not the same thing.”
“So you’re saying I use my feet on the keyboard? Which automatically makes me think that’s habitual for you. You must be very flexible. I’m guessing you’re—”
“Hey, it’s my turn. So you work on the computer. That would make you a writer. No, a professor. No wait: an architect. That’s it, an architect.”
“I said three choices,” Alex said with a hint of a smile. “You’ve already named five. You lose. You owe me an occupational title.”
A wide smile lit her expression. “Now, I know what you are. A librarian. She nodded with pride. “Occupational title? Who talks that way, unless they’ve used the Occupational Outlook Handbook? Ha! A librarian.” She leaned forward, holding his gaze with a tempting smile. “That’s kinda hot.” She licked her lips. “So, Mr. Librarian with a new promotion, what job did you—”
Alex shook his head. “Not so fast. Someone who knows about the Occupational Outlook Handbook has either worked in a library or has recommended that resource…like a guidance counselor.”
“One for one. Impressive. I work at Bedford Falls High School helping kids looking to get admi
tted to college all the way down to students with various…issues.”
“Juvenile delinquents? What do you do when they’re bad? Get out the paddle?” He couldn’t believe the words that tumbled out of his mouth.
“Corporal punishment? My, oh, my, Mr. Librarian. You’re either demented…or quite naughty.”
He didn’t know how to respond to that. It was a test to see how he’d respond, to see if she could get under his skin and fluster him. Leave them wanting more. “Well, I have to get going.”
“I guess it’s kind of late for a librarian,” she said with an edge, making it apparent that she didn’t want their conversation to end so soon. “Have to go home and read a book before bedtime.”
“No, I’m just going to play some darts.”
“Did you want to do it here or…”
Make her earn your approval. “Thanks for the offer but you’re not my type.” Just saying those words made him want to cringe.
“Yeah, right. I’m wearing glasses. That’s kind of librarian-like. Do I need blue hair?”
Alex couldn’t believe the way she responded to him. Damon was a genius! “Listen to you: ‘working with my hands;’ calling me ‘naughty;’ saying we should ‘do it here.’ You’re pretty forward, aren’t you? Maybe you take the ‘guidance’ in ‘guidance counselor’ too literally.” Be willing to walk away.
He got up and backed away from the table, noting a look of momentary anxiety cross her face. Take the lead. He held out a hand. “Let’s go. And bring your paddle. I’m going to beat you pretty bad.”
An hour later, Cassandra opened the door to her apartment, flicked on the light in the hall, and said, “Can I get you a drink?”
Unpredictable. Alex booted the door closed behind him. Just as she turned to head into the kitchen, he grasped her wrist and pulled her toward him.
She fell into his arms. And waited. Her lips parted, breath coming quick. A lock of hair rested against her eyelashes.
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