“I can read your mind,” she said. “It’s filled with quips about the moon and stars.”
“I plead guilty.”
Keeping her voice light, she warned, “Make fun if you will, but you’ll sing a different tune when you taste the food.”
“Okay, I trust you. No jokes, at least not yet.”
“They have great dinner fare, too,” she said, picking up the menu, “but when I come here for lunch I usually get a salad or a burger. And today, I can’t wait to bite into a juicy burger. I’m really hungry.”
“I’ll have the same thing,” he said. “I suppose you’re in a hurry, anyway.”
Puzzled, she said, “Uh, no, not particularly. Are you?”
“No, no. If I’m home to fix dinner for Carrie, I’ll have kept my promise. But I’ve noticed how busy you are, how you seem to make the rounds on days you’re not working from your office.”
“It’s that obvious?”
“Pretty much.”
“Well, not today. I don’t have anything else scheduled.” She cocked her head, feeling happier than she had in days. Maybe it was her resolve to work on her own life, find some balance. Although Jerrod had made himself off-limits, he’d been part of her drive to break out of the rut she’d created for herself.
“This was a big day for me, actually. It was sort of like finding my way to do my civic duty—for lack of a better term.”
“It fits,” he said thoughtfully, as if he’d tried out the idea in his head. “Until I was in the meeting I thought of it more as a chamber promo plan for the town. But it’s much bigger than that. I’m glad you were there,” he added, “so I don’t have to explain what went on.”
When the waiter came to the table, they each ordered a burger and he quickly returned with a pitcher of raspberry iced tea and two glasses and hurried off. Dawn didn’t know quite how to phrase what she wanted to say next. It could sound personal, but she meant it to be business related. She pulled together her thoughts while Jerrod filled their glasses.
“Since we have this unplanned chance to talk,” she said, “I’m wondering how the summer is shaking out. Really.” She paused. “Since I’m not good at beating around the bush, I’ll just ask if you believe this move was worth it. Would you go through all this trouble again?” Confident her reputation wasn’t affected one way or another, she didn’t lose anything by asking. Her curiosity was more personal than professional.
Avoiding her gaze, Jerrod used up more than a few seconds opening a packet of sugar.
Oops, she might not want to hear the answer. “I didn’t realize that might be a difficult question.”
“I didn’t say it was,” he said. “It’s just that it isn’t so clear-cut. When Nelson said that the immediate area could use a tour boat, I listened. But I sure didn’t think that part of the business would take off as fast as it has. I thought we’d have way more interest in diving. But that hasn’t materialized.” Frowning, he absently stirred sugar into the iced tea. “I expected the diving to be our major focus. I planned around that.”
“But you have full tours. I’ve seen that for myself from the large numbers of people gathered on the dock.” She would have thought the day tours would have been considered easy income.
“For so long I’ve had the notion that everybody who tried diving would be like me—and Gordon, for that matter. Wyatt and Rob also love being underwater.” He leaned against the back of the booth. “When I dive, nothing else matters other than the demands of that world.”
His hands were in motion as he spoke about breathing, moving through the water, staying alert. “It’s as if I’ve adjusted to the surroundings so well, they become my home for those minutes every bit as much as having my feet on dry land.”
Dawn believed him, but in the abstract way she might believe there’s a thrill in walking a tightrope. Still, she had no idea how to explain why she couldn’t see herself ever feeling that way. She was spared from any kind of response when the waiter brought their burgers.
The burger sat untouched on Jerrod’s plate, but Dawn was too hungry to wait. She was chewing the first bite when Jerrod began finishing his thought.
“That was a roundabout way to answer your question, or to maybe avoid answering it,” he said. “Given how I feel about diving, it’s a little disappointing that we don’t have more people in the certification groups. Or have more qualified people going out to the wrecks. But then there’s another side to being here.”
“What do you mean?”
“It’s complicated because it has very little to do with the business.”
That aroused her curiosity. “Tell me more.”
“I like being part of a community, a neighborhood,” he explained as his expression brightened. “Earlier at the chamber meeting I felt at home, even though I’ve been here for such a short time.”
“Two Moon Bay is like that. You’ve met a lot of people. Folks at your library talks, for instance, and the next thing you know, you’re running into them at the Bean Grinder or the ice cream shop,” Dawn said. “I see you as pretty well connected.”
“That’s because of you.”
“And you. But thank you.” Ignoring her lunch, she rested her chin in her palm and threw out another thought. “You haven’t answered the question, not exactly. Are you really saying it’s a mixed bag? That you’re happy with your decision, but because of the diving numbers, you’re not?”
He shook his head. “No. I’m happy with my decision. I like the quality of life here. I haven’t been in a traffic jam yet. No horn blasting, no rude people, either.”
“Hey, that’s good to hear,” Dawn said.
“With the tours carrying us, the business is in fine shape. The Key West office is doing okay even in the off-season.” A faint smile appeared on his face. “That’s why I agreed to stay and why I said I’d be back.”
“Gordon will be thrilled with that news.”
For the next few minutes they both finished their food while they rehashed the issues raised at the task force meeting. When she glanced up and scanned the restaurant, it was mostly empty and the staff was setting up for dinner. “We had a long lunch. It was nice, though, and as your consultant, I needed to find out how you felt about the season so far—your first season.”
Dawn insisted on paying the bill, calling it a client lunch, and then they walked to the sidewalk through the drizzle that had begun while they were inside. They hurried back to the lot where they left their cars.
“Will you follow me to the office?” Jerrod asked. “There’s something there I want to show you.”
Since he sounded almost somber, she put thoughts of laundry and cleaning aside and agreed. The rain picked up along the way and the two ran from his parking lot into the office. It was as if the rain had settled over all of Northeast Wisconsin and was planning to stay.
She laughed at the spectacle of trying to stay dry with her raincoat over her head. He was laughing, too.
“Have a seat,” he said. “I won’t keep you long.”
She fluffed up her hair and ran her hands up and down her arms. “So, what is it?”
Jerrod took a key out of the top drawer of his desk and opened the bottom drawer. He pulled out a pile of yellow legal pads and put them down on the desk with a thud. “I’ve been working on a project. It’s something I’ve wanted to do for a long time.”
She pointed to the pile. “Looks like you’ve been writing.”
“You’re the first person I’m confiding in about this. No one else, not even Wyatt or Rob, knows what I’ve been up to.”
“It’s a book, isn’t it?” She splayed her fingers across her chest. “I’m honored.” Touched was more like it. Her heart beat faster. She sensed how important this book was to him. “When did you find time to start working on it?”
“Some nights I walk down here after Carr
ie’s asleep, but mostly, I’m letting Wyatt and Rob run a few of the tours, and sometimes even the dives. That frees up time.”
“Your reward for having such a great crew, huh?” She laughed. “I don’t know exactly what the book is about—it doesn’t matter. I’m still excited.”
“It’s my take on Great Lakes shipping. Shipwrecks tell tales and most people will never see these relics firsthand, but I’m trying to tell the stories of an era. I want to bring the past alive through the wrecks. But I also want to talk about the value of the Great Lakes today.”
“And the threats to them, I suppose,” Dawn added.
“That, too. That’s why I hope the book will speak to young people. Gordon understands the fragility of the Lakes more than I did at his age.”
“I hope you’ll let me help promote it when the time comes,” Dawn said, her business wheels already turning.
“Let you? I’m counting on it. This is the first of three books I have in mind.”
“Do you write everything in longhand?” she asked. “Talk about old school.”
He nodded. “I’m getting ready to put it all on the computer, though. This is only my first try.”
“I’m happy you confided in me,” she said, getting to her feet. She reached out to pat the stack of legal pads. “Your secret is safe with me.”
Jerrod stood, but didn’t come out from behind the desk. “Speaking of secrets, will you tell me yours?”
That was a shock. “What? What secret?”
“It’s obvious you don’t want to dive with us. I’ve invited you more than once and you always change the subject or run off.”
Her stomach dropped with a thud. This was the big question? Did her face show her disappointment? She was annoyed enough to put it all on the line. “I’m not sure why you’re asking now, but if you want an answer, here it is.”
He pulled his head back, a look of surprise crossing his face. “Whoa. I wasn’t attacking you. I’m curious what’s holding you back. If it’s lack of interest, you can just say so. No pressure.”
“I already told you how terrible it was for me,” she said, still standing on the opposite side of the desk. “Panic. Terror. Awful nightmares.” She told him everything, all the details that she’d shared with Lark.
“I’m so sorry you had that experience, Dawn.” His expression matched the sadness in his voice.
For a few seconds they stood quietly. She heard only the rain hitting the window, but it was curiously comforting.
Feeling antsy and uncomfortable, Dawn went to the window and crossed her arms over her chest as if protecting herself. The rain had stopped at last and the sun was breaking through the light cloud cover. She felt exposed now. And in a bad way. In her head she understood how ridiculous that was, but her emotions hadn’t caught up.
“I wish you’d trusted me enough to talk this through.”
Not able to suppress a mocking laugh, she lowered her voice and said, “Well, I did have a sprained wrist.”
“But the truth is out now.”
She lowered her head, her face heating up. Like the truth had come out about what was between the two of them. “I better be on my way. You have fun with Carrie.”
“You’re welcome to join us. She likes you so much.” Then he hedged, “Well, it’s true she might be even happier if Gordon was joining us.”
“Thanks, no. I’ve got plans for this evening.” A lie. She grabbed her rain jacket and stuck it over her head. Then, as if remembering her manners, she said, “Maybe another time. See you next week.”
He stood, but stayed behind the desk as she left.
On the drive home she thought about her lie. Plans? She didn’t have anything scheduled for this Saturday night. What? Maybe slice some fruit and have it with cheese and crackers for dinner. Then she could visit her favorite online movie site to find something entertaining to watch. How about a romantic comedy? Ha! She’d live on the edge, maybe even consume a big bowl of ice cream and a couple of cookies. So exciting.
So, why hadn’t she accepted the invitation? She could have gone, had some fun.
What a joke.
She didn’t trust herself to sit at the kitchen table and watch Carrie color a picture or tell stories about her stuffed bear. She couldn’t afford to indulge in the pleasure of helping Jerrod fix the meal, offer to make the salad or heat the rolls. She liked that kind of cozy cooking too much. A long time ago, she and Bill had liked chopping and shredding and mixing side by side. They’d entertained their little boy with hip bumps and teasing.
Dawn closed her eyes and saw herself offering to read Carrie her bedtime story. Little pieces of the life she wanted would only leave her disconnected, hurt, because they weren’t part of a whole life. With Jerrod. She seemed powerless to keep herself from falling more deeply in love with him.
* * *
HOURS LATER, WHEN it was dark and the movie was over, she poured herself a glass of chardonnay and went out to the deck off the kitchen, where she could see the moon rising. She couldn’t view the lake from her house, but she knew what it looked like hanging out over the water, even on a cloudy night.
When her phone on the kitchen counter signaled an incoming text, she went back inside to see who it was from. Hmm... Jerrod. Forgot to talk about the plan for end of season dinner at the yacht club.
As if on autopilot, she began to compose an answer, an acknowledgment that he’d brought up this idea a while back. But she stopped herself in time. Supposedly, she had plans. She was busy. If she texted back, she’d expose her fib. She’d never played these kinds of games before, and she wouldn’t do it again. It was long past time to actually have plans. For herself. If she wanted more children in her life, she could make that happen. Jerrod or no Jerrod.
Groaning, she turned off her phone. Tomorrow morning was soon enough to answer a message that wasn’t the least bit urgent.
Chapter Thirteen
JERROD WAS SICK of feeling confused. Not only did he often confuse himself, he unfairly confused Dawn, as well. After a pleasant day, despite the rain, he invited her to dinner. It seemed like the most natural thing in the world. In his blindness, he was stunned when she’d said no. That’s how messed up he was. He spent so much time denying his feelings he forgot how to deal with the real ones.
And sending that text? How self-indulgent could he get?
If he was the kind of man he wanted to be, he’d hope that Dawn had wonderful plans with someone, a man who was good enough for her and wanted the same things she wanted. He’d root for Dawn as a caring friend. Instead, he stared at his phone, willing her return message to pop up on the screen. He held his head in his hands, embarrassed by trying such high school tricks.
Carrie was sound asleep. Melody was out at the Silver Moon Winery with Wyatt and Rob. And he couldn’t stop himself from checking his phone one more time before he went to bed.
An hour later, after hearing Melody come in, Jerrod pulled on jeans and a clean T-shirt and went into the kitchen. He scribbled a note to Melody and left it on the counter. He’d let her know he’d gone down to the boat for a while. He didn’t say why. He didn’t know. But sleep wasn’t coming easily, and he doubted it would.
He left the house and walked the couple of blocks to the waterfront. A smattering of people still sat at tables in the park. Citron candles burned and the scent of charcoal from earlier cookouts lingered in the air. He got to Wind Spray and stared out at the water.
Why am I here? Trouble sleeping. Something that didn’t happen often since his days were more satisfying now and he was more content than he’d been in a long time. In a town that felt more like home every day. He glanced at the marina building with its unpretentious square addition, his office. More than that, the new Wisconsin headquarters of a business he’d spent most of his adult life building. He chatted with Nelson almost every day. Art and Zeke w
ere as friendly with Wyatt and Rob as they were to him. He and Carrie made their rounds through town, going from home to the Bean Grinder or to the market or library. Carrie knew her way around the waterfront like she’d lived in Two Moon Bay all her life.
Jerrod pulled a bottle of water out of the refrigerator and walked to the bow. The half moon was bright white, leaving its reflection on the lake. It would travel its path across the sky and the lake would be dark again in a few hours. From the first day he’d driven into town, Jerrod had a plan to leave, spoken or unspoken. With the logical deadline coming closer, he’d found a way to avoid a decision. Now he’d committed to a time frame that allowed him to serve on a community task force, something he’d never done in Key West.
It was all well and good to give himself a rundown of reasons he wanted to stay, but of course, it was really all about Dawn. When he told her only a few weeks ago that he had nothing to give, that was only partially true.
He took out his phone, and even knowing it was futile, he checked his messages. No emails, no texts. She had plans. He laughed to himself. A couple of hours earlier he’d lectured himself about wishing Dawn well, as if he could send her off into the arms of another man. Not so fast. She belonged in his arms.
As unbelievable as that would have seemed even months ago, he’d fallen in love with her.
And he had to tell her. He only hoped it wasn’t already too late.
* * *
STILL IN HER NIGHTGOWN, Dawn took her coffee out back to the screened-in porch. It had taken her a while to fall asleep, but she was feeling good now. A free day stretched out in front of her. Gordon wouldn’t be back until much later, and she intended to walk downtown when the bookstore opened and browse until she found a novel with sun and sand and blue water on the cover.
No work for her. Not that day. She rested her bare feet on the porch railing, resolved to put self-examination on hold. But it was so hard to shut off her busy mind always mulling over this or that client and project. Thoughts of Jerrod were never far away, and she’d answer his text after breakfast. No need to rush.
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