For a while now, he'd been forgetting the most basic facet of his nature, but tonight both Kate and Alex had reminded him. He was unlovable. Missing something elemental.
There was no other explanation for the reaction each of his closest relatives had given him. After he'd rushed to the hospital at her call for help, his mother had lit into him. He knew exactly what she'd been about to say. You're as bad as your father. That theme was behind their entire relationship. And Alex—well, it wasn't as though Alex had ever been a big fan, but Chess had hoped that over the past few weeks they'd started to find some common ground.
Obviously not.
"I never had dinner," Cookie complained, arching her neck to give him access, however, as he nuzzled her there.
"It's almost two o'clock in the morning." Chess brushed his lips against her collarbone. He wanted her every bit as much as he had earlier tonight.
And he wanted proof she still wanted him, at least physically.
"Can you smell the base note?" Cookie asked in a low voice.
Chess's lips curved. "I am most definitely smelling your perfume." He drew his head back to look down at her. "Say, you haven't suffered any side effects from it, have you?"
"Nope."
Chess's eyelids lowered. He had to have her. Now. Or almost now. He'd come down off the edge of his desire enough to wonder about something obvious. Why had Cookie only had two sexual experiences in her life? There had to be a reason, and he doubted it was a happy one. The question put a cold worry in his chest right next to his desperate need.
"I'm not kidding, Chess," Cookie said, interrupting his thoughts. "I'm so hungry my stomach is growling. And I've had a suspicion for a while now—" She stopped to tilt her head coyly. "That you're a gourmet cook."
"Is that what you've suspected?"
"I don't want anything too fancy," Cookie claimed. "Maybe an omelet. With interesting-smelling herbs."
Sighing, he straightened. "You're serious."
"I'm hungry."
Chess met her eyes. Maybe she was right to delay running straight to bed. It probably wouldn't hurt to work off some of the edge from the hospital. And figure out how he could ask Cookie about her sexual past.
"You've discovered the secret, then," he stated morosely.
Cookie's eyes widened. "What secret?"
Chess leaned closer to whisper. "Give a man what he wants in bed and he'll grant your most frivolous whim." He leaned back and smiled. "Witness, one herb omelet coming up."
"Ooh, I like that secret," Cookie chirped, following him as he led the way into the kitchen.
She'd definitely done the right thing to distract him, Chess thought, opening the refrigerator and forcing himself to consider the various aromas he could produce rather than whatever flaws made him unpalatable. The former was much easier to handle than the latter.
"You're like a dancer," Cookie observed, leaning against an empty spot at the counter to watch.
"Mm." He could feel his face warm as he drizzled the green onions he'd speed-chopped into the egg mixture. At least she seemed to admire him.
"Can I ask you something?" She reached for a bunch of bananas sitting in a wire basket and tore one off.
"Don't ruin your appetite."
"I'm way too hungry for that to happen. But my question. It's about Bernard Korman."
"Korman." Chess raised an eyebrow. This was from left field.
"Is he a 'nose?'" Cookie asked.
Chess paused before slicing a tomato and looked at her.
Cookie lifted a shoulder and peeled down one side of her banana. "You've had this rivalry for years. I'm wondering how personal it goes."
Chess's lips curved as he turned back to his tomato. "Yes, he's a nose. A very good one." And Cookie was a master at distraction. Bernard Korman was an indisputably safe topic for the evening.
"Better than you?"
Chess's smile grew. "Is this a contest?"
She peeled another section of the banana. "Maybe I want to ascertain whether or not I'm sleeping with the best nose west of the Rockies."
Chess couldn't help laughing out loud, something he'd never dreamed he'd do tonight. "Sorry. Korman's better."
"Really?" Cookie sounded far more fascinated than such a fact warranted.
"Not only that, but he's got years of business experience on me. And he's smart." Chess shook his head. "Don't imagine I take him lightly as a threat."
"Indeed you wouldn't." Cookie simply looked at her peeled banana. "And yet...even with how dangerous he is, you and Scents Allure are still around."
"Barely. But if the sales of Love take off like Ruth predicts, we'll end up stronger than before."
"Stronger than before," Cookie repeated musingly and frowned. Slowly, she asked, "What do you think of him? As a person, I mean, not a business rival."
Chess shrugged as he poured his egg mixture into a heated pan. "In his case, there's no difference."
"He acted pleasant to you at the dinner tonight."
Chess edged the bubbling omelet. "That's his style. Pleasant and a little amused. As if he knows something I don't. The next trick he's going to play on me, I suppose."
"See, that's the thing. Before you showed up tonight, he was telling me some pretty incredible things. And I was wondering how much to believe."
"What things?" As he folded the omelet, Chess felt mildly curious. Had Korman thought he could fool the Fluffball? If so, he was bound for disappointment.
"He said he hadn't knowingly ripped off our ad campaign when he approved the advertising for his Temptress perfume."
Chess snorted.
"Why would he bother lying about it?"
"Who knows, except that somehow it's part of his bigger plan."
"To do what?"
"Probably to cop the formula for Love." Chess slid the omelet onto a plate.
Instead moving to get her requested meal, Cookie frowned at Chess. "That's another puzzling thing Korman said. He claimed he didn't steal the classic formulas. They simply 'came into his possession.'"
"Right. They walked out of their locked vault and hitched a ride across town to meet him. Come on. Do you want to eat this or not?"
"I want." Cookie set down the banana of which she hadn't taken a bite. "God, that smells good."
Chess smiled. "That's the second-best thing you could say to me."
"Oh?" Her gaze went from the omelet to his face.
Chess almost dropped the plate. It was immediately apparent that Cookie had no intention of eating the omelet he'd just made.
She touched her tongue to the center of her upper lip. "Do you think that would taste just as good later, warmed up in the microwave?"
Chess put the plate on the counter next to her. "Absolutely," he lied. Then he swept her up and into his arms.
"I'm sorry." Cookie kicked off one shoe. "I had no idea I was such a capricious female."
"I'm not complaining." Growling, Chess pressed his nose against her neck. Yep, there was the base note, all right. The scent he'd made for her, combined now with her own unique aroma, went through him like a tank.
God, how he wanted her. He wanted everything. More than he could possibly get. The sensation of danger swarmed around him like bees. If he didn't watch out, they were going to sting. Hard.
Slowly, Chess lifted his head. Still holding her, he looked down.
Cookie looked up and met his eyes. Fear sliced through her at his expression. He looked just the way he had an hour ago. Deliberately cold, definitively distant. She hadn't managed to soothe him at all.
"We want each other. There's no doubt about that." His tone was blank, bare of the playfulness he'd exhibited just a moment earlier. "But it's time we got a few things straight."
Cookie simply looked up at him, wide-eyed.
He shifted his gaze and started to walk with her toward the kitchen door.
Cookie didn't say a word as he pushed, back first, through the swing door.
"Sex is just sex." H
e came to a stop in the foyer. "It's important not to confuse it with anything else."
Carefully, Cookie swallowed. "Do you mean love?"
She could feel the slight jolt that went through him when she was bold enough to use the word. Then, deliberately, he set her back on her feet. Just as deliberately, he let go of her and took a step back.
More than a little symbolic.
"It's common, for women especially, to confuse sex and love."
Cookie sucked in her lips. "You think that's what I might do?"
His face remained expressionless. "Before we go any further, I want an understanding between us. I don't do love. Never have. Don't expect it of me."
Cookie looked into his eyes. Vigilantly shielded, they revealed nothing. Or rather, they revealed how terrified he must be that she might guess how vulnerable he actually felt. Her chest felt tight.
"Okay," she said. As if he would accept any other answer right now.
His brows contracted. "I mean it, Cookie. I don't even want a discussion of love between us. Ever."
Did he think this would protect him? That if he didn't talk about it, it would go away? Or maybe that he simply wouldn't have to admit to her what he considered to be a weakness.
All of this fear must have been lurking under the surface the whole time, Cookie realized. Kate's unconsidered outburst at the hospital was all it had taken to let the dark phantom out of the basement.
His fear of loving and not being loved in return was behind all the years of Chess prowling the periphery of the family. It's what had made her once believe him cold and unfeeling.
All those years...what an idiot she'd been.
"Is this to be a condition?" she asked.
"Excuse me?"
"A condition for us going to bed again."
His brows drew down even more. "I think it should be, yes."
Despite her concern over the situation, Cookie almost laughed. As if he'd restrain himself from having sex with her if she said no.
For a moment, she considered the idea. Set her foot down now and let him know how she felt. But the way Chess was talking, he'd simply brush off any declaration of love from her as this 'confusion' he'd described.
Telling him would never work. She'd have to show him he was loved. It would take time, obviously. He had thirty-eight years of evidence informing him otherwise. But it could be done. Deep down, he wanted to believe he was loved. Didn't everybody?
But right now he had to imagine he'd won. So she heaved a deep sigh. "Okay, Chess. We don't have to talk about love."
She was pretty sure he caught her qualification. They didn't have to, but they could. However, it seemed to be enough for him. With a curt nod, he swept her back into his arms.
"One more thing," he said.
Cookie raised her eyebrows. How much did he think he could demand?
He started up the stairs. "About these two sexual episodes in your past."
She tilted her head. "You mean what we did earlier tonight?"
"No, I mean the two from before."
Oh, dear. She'd hoped they could slide past that business. But—maybe this was a place to start. If she trusted him, he might start trusting her. "What about them?" she asked carefully. Though she wanted to trust him, the topic did make her heart speed up.
His arms stiffened around her. "I need more information."
Cookie forced herself to stay calm. "Such as?"
"Whatever happened, it was enough to turn you off of sex completely. I need to know...what these men did." He looked down at her. "Whatever it was, I don't want to do it."
Relaxing, Cookie smiled. "Too late." She chuckled. "You already have."
His eyes widened.
"I guess there's something to be said for—" actually caring about the person you're in bed with. Cookie coughed. "—Technique."
Chess released a disgusted breath. "Better to leave it unsaid about mine. I took you for the first time against the front door!"
"I loved it."
His gaze flashed down at her.
"'It,'" Cookie repeated. "It was marvelous."
Shaking his head, Chess nudged open his bedroom door. Still holding Cookie, he walked over to the mussed bed and sat down, taking her into his lap. He simply looked at her, clearly displeased.
Cookie touched his jaw. "Now, what?"
Chess narrowed his eyes. "I need to know."
Cookie's fingers trembled on the rough surface of his skin. How—how— could he not realize what a loving person he was? How caring? How could he not believe someone might feel the same way about him? "It's...not easy to talk about. But I'll try."
He put a hand over the one she had at his jaw. His gaze softened considerably. "Take your time."
Oh, she just wanted to hold him, to hold him until he could be healed himself. Instead, she was going to have to show him he could do as much for her.
"It's not really the two sexual episodes that were the problem," she admitted in a small voice. "More like the symptom."
He simply looked at her, quietly listening, as she told the rest of the story, briefly but completely.
By the end, she felt hot and stifled.
In a deadly tone, Chess said, "Those boys kidnapped you."
"They were children. They had no idea—"
"Someone should have locked them up."
"It wouldn't have changed anything."
Chess went still. He was obviously thinking through the pieces. "That first night in Hawaii. I got on top, held you down. That's why you—"
"Panicked." Cookie had to look away. "I'm sorry. I should have explained."
"But I acted like a jerk who didn't care."
Cookie glanced back in time to see him grimace.
"Same with the night here at the house after Kate came to dinner," he went on with a swallow. "I called you a bad wife because you wouldn't sleep with me. You tried to explain, but I—I accused you of singling me out from your horde of lovers for notable rejection."
This conversation was quickly devolving into an excuse for Chess to feel bad about himself. Exactly what Cookie did not want. "Now, that was my fault," she was quick to interject. "I'm not a bad actress, you know, and I've been perfecting the role of a, uh, free-and-easy woman for a long time."
Appearing more unhappy than ever, Chess simply looked at her.
"Hey." Cookie nudged him. "I thought you brought me up here for some nookie."
Chess grunted.
"Instead, you're the one now who's shy." She heaved a deep sigh and lifted her shoulders. "Oh, well. Guess it's my turn to, uh, relax you."
He went very still.
Cookie smiled, realizing this task could be fun. "Can I do that to you—what you did for me earlier?"
Fortunately, he appeared to understand this oblique reference to the amazing orgasm he'd given her. On his granite face, a tiny smile tugged at his mouth. "Not exactly."
"Oh." This was disappointing. "There isn't a way I can give you pleasure?"
The tug of a smile grew a millimeter. "Of course you can. But it won't last as long."
"Why not?"
"Eh... Men are built different. We can't sustain that level of excitement without...losing control."
"Losing control." She brightened. "I like when you do that." She raised her hands to Chess's shoulders. Touching his strength there made her feel like a child with a new toy. "Let me try."
His eyelids lowered partway as she pushed his dress shirt off his shoulders. But he didn't protest when she then pulled it from the waistband of his trousers and drew it off completely.
Cookie put her hands on his shoulders again and pushed. "Lie back."
For a second, she thought he was going to resist, but a considering expression came into his eyes and he lowered to his back on the bed.
"Now." Cookie got off his lap to kneel by his side on the bed. "Tell me what you like."
His eyes were gleaming slits. "You figure it out."
"Oh." Her gaze swept
his powerful torso. He'd just given her not merely one toy, but the whole store. "Oh, my."
"But do something," he muttered.
Cookie chuckled. Then she took his hands, those powerful hands she'd earlier watch chop onions with samurai precision. She lifted them over his head and pressed them into the bed above him. "Amazing," she whispered, trailing her fingers down the sculpted muscles of his arms. Then she palmed the large spheres of his shoulders. "Beautiful."
A short laugh escaped him. "Beautiful?"
Her eyes went to his. "You're gorgeous."
She saw that stop him. His mocking smile froze on his face.
"Absolutely gorgeous," Cookie repeated. Her fingers went to his still face next, tracing every strong line: the cheekbones and crescent around his mouth.
His eyes closed.
It had never occurred to Cookie that she could be the one in control during a sexual encounter. She felt a heady sense of power, particularly as she was certain this was far more than a sexual encounter. She was already starting, she thought with satisfaction. She was showing him he was loved.
Softly, she kissed his lips. Then she brushed her mouth across his collarbone and down the valley between the muscles of his pecs. She felt his abdominal muscles tense. Pleased, she smiled.
"I'm going to need help here," she admitted when she reached the waistband of his pants.
"See how far you can get," he answered hoarsely.
"Okay." God, this was fun, even though it was a new exercise, to undo someone else's clothes. Cookie took care in unfastening the top button of his waistband, not wanting to hurt him and the erection she brushed with her forearm. Fortunately, he had a zipper instead of more buttons, but she was very careful there, too, rolling the tab over the ridge of his manhood.
He wore silk boxers, nothing to bar Cookie from access through the generously open flap.
It was probably a good thing she hadn't earlier seen how very big he was. Fascinated, she closed her fingers around his tight, veined flesh.
He hissed in a breath.
Cookie froze and her gaze flashed to his face. "Is that good or bad?"
"Good," he breathed.
Remembering what he'd done to her, Cookie rubbed her fingers up and down his surprisingly smooth, dry erection.
Call it Love Page 27