"Is something wrong?" I ask as I pull on my jacket.
She scowls darkly. It's a look I haven't seen in months, but it sends chills through me. "Just my ridiculous excuse of a boss," she snaps. "That's all."
"Something's wrong at work?" I feel uneasy as I reach for my bag.
She stands then, rolling her eyes dramatically. "Nothing I can't manage, Adele. Don't bother yourself to worry about me or my problems. You just run along with your little friends. Have fun!" The mocking tone of her voice is laced with anger now. And although I know that whatever's going on isn't really my fault, I feel guilty. My mom will find a way to blame me for this. She always does.
I just kind of nod then, mumbling something that I hope sounds sympathetic as I rush out the door. But that tone in her voice ... that look in her eyes ... it's all too familiar. And it is not a good sign. My mom's world is starting to unravel again. Already-it's falling apart!
But as I hurry down the stairs, I do not want to think about that. I do not want my mom's problems to ruin what's going on in my world. I am simply imagining things. And sure, maybe something is wrong, but like my mom said, she will manage it. She will put it back together. After all, that's what parents are supposed to do. And it's about time my mom accepted this and got on with it.
I hear a honk from the other side of the parking lot and hurry over to where Ethan's car is parked near the street. Isabella said to look for a small silver car. I'm not sure what the make is, but I can see it's fairly new and I suspect it's one of the new hybrid designs.
"Cool car," I tell Ethan as I slide into the backseat where Jayden is already seated.
"Thanks." Ethan turns and grins. "Gets almost forty miles per gallon on the highway."
"Sweet."
"So, how long have you lived in Westwood Heights?" Jayden asks me as Ethan pulls out into the street.
"Just since summer. The condo kind of came with my mom's job. But we'll probably move into something a little nicer in a while." Okay, even as those words spew from my mouth, it's like I have no idea where they originated. Who do I think I'll impress with that stupid lie? And why? Anyway, it's too late.
"'here's a house for sale next door to us," Isabella says. "You should tell your mom to come by and check it out. If she bought it, we'd be neighbors."
"That'd be cool." I grimace inwardly.
Jayden gives me a slightly questioning look, as if he knows more about my situation than I thought. But he doesn't say anything. And again I must be imagining things. Really, there's no way Jayden or anyone else at my school could possibly know anything besides what I've let out-and that hasn't been much. And it will be even less from now on. For sure, there will be no more spinning little "white" lies either. I know from years of watching my mom's mistakes what kind of trouble deceitfulness brings. Not that I want to think about any of that tonight.
After Ethan parks near the football stadium, he and Isabella walk together (actually holding hands, which makes me think their relationship is moving right along). Jayden probably feels like he should follow suit, so we walk side by side too - although no hand holding is involved. And even though I know we aren't really on a date, I pretend we are. Once we're inside the stadium, I allow the charade to continue by sitting next to him. Not that he seems to mind-if anything, it feels expected. Or else I'm just feeling hopeful.
But during the first half, I can't help but notice Bristol. She and Lily are sitting on the bleacher in front of us, and every once in a while, Bristol glances back with an expression that feels kind of like jealousy. Unless I'm imagining it. And that's possible since Bristol was crushing on Jayden last year. Anyway, that's what I try to convince myself-that Bristol's jealousy is just my imagination. Or maybe she's just curious.
I must admit it feels intriguing to be the girl of interest. To be in an "enviable" position. I mean, it's so unlike my previous life. Just the same, it's unsettling. I'm fully aware that I'm still the new girl here, and I can't afford to make any enemies at SHS. So at halftime I make some lame excuse to Jayden, saying I want to talk to Lily, who's sitting next to Bristol. I sit by Lily and make small talk with them about the game, acting totally nonchalant, like I have no idea Bristol may have been shooting dagger looks in my direction.
"Are you sitting with us for the rest of the game?" Bristol asks me in a slightly irritated tone, like maybe this spot on the bleacher is reserved for someone more important than me.
"Is that okay?" I watch her closely as a somewhat catty smile appears.
"Absolutely. In fact, I'll go grab your seat before anyone else gets it." And just like that, she's sitting next to Jayden. Since he doesn't glance back at me or act the least bit concerned, I figure it's probably for the best. I mean, Jayden's a cool guy, and if I were a different person (someone more secure and not freaking out over every little thing), it might be fun to have someone like Jayden interested in me. In other words ... in my dreams!
As I sit there in the cool autumn night air, pretending to be focused on the game that our team appears to be winning, I am totally distracted. Despite my resolve to block it out, I can't stop thinking about my mom's gloomy mood tonight. How long will it be until this lovely little life I've barely started to build begins to crumble and fall apart? And if this whole thing is going to disintegrate anyway, why should I even go to the trouble to create it in the first place? Seriously, I could do without this stress.
With only a couple minutes left in the game, I realize our team is down by six points, and I am still obsessing over my mom. Worst-case scenario, my mom will lose her job, collect some unemployment, and I'll have to find some part-time work to help ends meet. Naturally, it will be the end of my short-lived social life. We'll have to move to some cheap housing and, consequently, I'll need to disappear from this crowd. But hopefully I'll get to finish high school ... and get a scholarship ... and go away to college next fall. Really, I wouldn't be that much worse off from my previous school. And someday this will all be over and I will be on my own. Because I've seen enough to know that until I'm on my own, I will always be pulled under ... whenever my mom gets pulled under. That's just the way it works with us.
Suddenly the game is over and our team made a comeback, winning by one point! Everyone is cheering and jumping and hugging. And to my surprise, Jayden grabs me and hugs me tightly-and I hug him back.
"Did I do something to offend you?" he asks me while we're still embracing.
"No, of course not," I say as he releases me from his arms.
"But you switched seats."
My cheeks flush as a thrill rushes through me. "I didn't think you'd even notice."
He frowns. "I noticed."
"I'm sorry." Just then I glance over to see Bristol nearby. She's pretending not to be watching us as she chats with Isabella, but I can tell what she's really focused on.
"I just didn't want to rock anyone's boat," I explain to Jayden. "You know what I mean?"
His frown fades. "Yeah, I think I do know. So, are you still coming with us for pizza?"
"If you want me-"
"Don't be ridiculous." He links his arm in mine and leads me down the bleacher steps. "I'm starving, people," he calls out over his shoulder. "Let's get this show on the road."
And just like that, the rest of our group follows. As we trek through the parking lot, I try not to think about Bristol, but I can hear her and Lily talking behind us. Then Lily yells over to another friend, a guy I barely know named Caleb, offering him a ride and asking him if he wants to go have pizza too. So that means Bristol will be there as well. Not that there's much I can do about it one way or the other.
Once we're back in Ethan's car, Jayden looks curiously at me. "Is something bugging you?"
I shrug. "Not really ..."
"Hey, don't let Bristol get to you," Isabella says from the front seat.
"What ... uh ... do you mean?"
Isabella throws back her head and laughs. "Right, Adele. Don't tell me you don't know what's goin
g on with Bristol. I know you're not stupid."
I let out a loud sigh. "Okay, Lily told me that Bristol was kind of into Jayden last year. But I guess I thought it was over with."
"That shows how well you know Bristol." Ethan starts his car.
"Anyway, I get the feeling she's not too happy with me right now," I admit.
"Not too happy?" Isabella chuckles. "That's putting it mildly."
"Great." I groan. "Are you guys trying to tell me that just two weeks into the school year, I've made a serious enemy?"
"Be flattered." Isabella turns to peer at me. "Bristol wouldn't waste her jealousy on you if she didn't think you were worth it."
Now Jayden laughs. "Don't worry, Adele. Bristol is mostly harmless."
"Mostly harmless?" I eye him in the dimly lit backseat.
"Just a little backstabbing here ... a drop of poison there ... a bit of Facebook scamming," Ethan says dramatically. "It wasn't too bad, was it, Isabella?"
She lets out a hoot of laughter. "Not if you're tough."
I lean back in the seat and actually giggle. The mere fact that we're even having this conversation has left me a bit lightheaded. Does this mean that Jayden is seriously interested in me? And if he is, how do I feel? Besides elated, that is?
"Actually, I am pretty tough." No way will I ever admit to what's toughened me up over the years, but it's the truth -I am tough. At least I thought I was ...
Jayden slaps my knee and nods. "Good for you, Adele Porter. Because I could use a tough woman by my side."
Okay, I have to laugh at that. Whether it's my frazzled nerves, the anticipation of romance, or just plain humor, I let myself go and laugh hard. We all do. And it feels incredibly good to just cut loose and be silly like this. I'm sure I needed it.
But then I think seriously about my situation. Why should I let some spoiled brat like Bristol get the best of me? Good grief, I have much bigger worries to freak over. In fact, my larger problems (aka my mom's problems) could soon put an end to my social life anyway. And if it's not going to last long, why not enjoy it while I have the chance? So in that moment I decide that Bristol or no Bristol, I am going to have as much fun as I possibly can before the roof caves in on me.
Because it will cave in ... eventually. It always does.
o my surprise and relief, week three of my "new life" is going exceptionally well. At least on the surface. And that's all I'm focusing on these days. The surface. Does that make me shallow? Maybe, but maybe I don't care.
The good news is that my mom seems to be going to work every day. I mean, she gets up and gets dressed, and she might be running late or coming home early, but at least she's still getting up and going. That in itself has been part of the battle in her previous jobs. So it still looks fairly good-on the surface. Beneath that ... well, it's anyone's guess.
But I'm not guessing. I just keep saying positive things to her, telling her that she's so smart and talented and how she's probably really great at work, flattering her about how fantastic she looks, asking if she's lost weight-whatever it takes to keep her going. I need her to keep going. And basically I will say anything I can think of to keep encouraging her. Because I'm still hoping that this time will be different for us. And if I don't think too hard, I can almost make myself believe it.
On the school front, I am fairly certain Jayden really likes me. But we're still at the flirting stage, which is actually kind of fun. And it's especially nice for me since this whole dating thing is pretty new. I'm not in any hurry. Although Isabella keeps assuming Jayden and I are a real couple, I keep telling her it's too soon to say. Fortunately, she's so into Ethan that there doesn't seem to be any jealousy factor with her. Apparently her interest in Jayden ended last summer. I wish I could say the same about Bristol. Because that girl is making my life miserable. I try very hard not to show it, and I seriously do not want her to hate me. I don't think I can afford it. But today in art, it takes every ounce of my self-control not to smack her.
"Your mouth looks nothing like that." She stands over my shoulder looking at what is supposed to be a self-portrait.
I just shrug and focus on the lower lip I'm sketching. And okay, I may have made the mouth a little too big, but I've always been told I have "full lips."
"Mr. Klein told us to exaggerate our facial features," Lindsey, the girl who shares a table with Bristol and me, quietly says. "See how I made my hair a lot fuller than it really is?"
I compare her straight shoulder-length black hair to the drawing and think it looks almost identical. Although the eyes in the drawing are much more dramatic and exotic than her serious gray eyes. Maybe that's wishful drawing on her part.
"Was anyone talking to you?" Bristol glares at Lindsey.
I give Lindsey a wimpy smile and wish I had the nerve to say something more. She seems like a nice girl, but for some reason Bristol seems to hate her almost as much as she hates me. Although, for the most part, Lindsey just ignores her.
"And your nose is all wrong too." Bristol continues her critique of my artwork.
"Thanks." I pick up the hand mirror we've been sharing to frown at my reflection now. "I broke it in grade school."
"I mean the nose in your drawing, stupid." She laughs. "Now that you mention it, your real nose could probably use some work too."
I study my nose, which is actually one of my better features. Although it has a little bump in the middle of it, a reminder of the time I fell off the monkey bars. But most of the time I don't even notice it. I check out my lips, too. I suppose I did make them too big in my drawing, but they are naturally full. I look up at where Bristol is still hovering over me and notice that her lips are rather thin in comparison. Not that I plan on mentioning this.
It's ironic because of my new friends-not that I count Bristol as a friend exactly, but out of the girls in our little group-Bristol and I probably look the most alike. We're about the same height, around five foot sevenish, we both have long brown hair, and we're about the same build - averageish. Although Bristol's figure is much better than mine-better than most girls, which she's happy to point out whenever she gets the chance. Another difference is Bristol's eyes are dark brown, whereas mine are a grayish blue.
Still, I wonder if she's extra aggravated over our similarities because of Jayden. I suspect she can't understand why he prefers me to her. From her perspective, she is so much hotter. And for all I know, she might be smarter. She keeps bragging that she has a perfect grade point average. And, of course, she's richer. Not that anyone besides me is aware of my situation. But I think Bristol's dad owns most of Stanfield. So really, in her opinion, she is quite the catch. And if Bristol were just a bit nicer and not so pushy and opinionated, maybe Jayden would like her better. In that case, I'm glad Bristol is just the way she is. Except I wish she'd quit looking over my shoulder while I'm working on this ridiculous self-portrait.
"Why aren't you working on your own drawing?" I ask her.
"Because I finished it." She nods to the front of the room. "I already turned it in."
"And you didn't even show it to me." I make a disappointed face, like I want to see it, but mostly I want to get rid of her.
"Oh?" She seems surprised that I'm interested. "Okay .. . I'll go get it."
As soon as Bristol's out of earshot, Lindsey turns to me. "Why do you put up with her like that?"
"Huh?"
"She's being so mean to you. And you just take it. How do you do that?"
I shrug. "Oh, well. Bristol seems to have it out for me."
"Because you're going with Jayden Hammaker."
I try not to look surprised but glance to the front of the room where Bristol is talking, or maybe it's flirting, with Mr. Klein. She's mentioned several times that she thinks he's hot. "Jayden and I are mostly just friends," I say quietly.
"I've seen you with him. It looks like more than just friends to me. And I'm sure Bristol doesn't like it."
I shrug again and return to my drawing.
&
nbsp; "I used to be friends with Bristol and Isabella and the others," Lindsey says.
"Used to be?"
"I got tired of it." Lindsey lets out a little sigh. "Being perfect ... well, it can be exhausting."
I can't help but smile.
"Here it is." Bristol flits back with her drawing, putting it down right on top of mine.
"Wow, that's really good," I admit. "And it actually looks like you too."
"Well, it's supposed to look like me." She smiles smugly. "But thanks."
"You're a good artist," I tell her, feeling Lindsey's gaze on me.
"Maybe ... but it's nothing I take too seriously." She looks over at Lindsey now. "Not like some people anyway. It's totally unrealistic to think you can make a career as an artist."
Lindsey just focuses back on her own self-portrait. Like everything she does, it's extremely good. She's the most talented artist in this class, probably in the whole school. And I know Bristol's jab was for Lindsey's sake because Lindsey does take her art very seriously. I even heard her talking to Mr. Klein a couple days ago, and she plans to major in art in college. But I don't see why Bristol should pick on her for that. Except that just seems to be who Bristol is-it's like her biggest talent is finding fault with everyone.
"I'm sure a lot of artists would disagree with you," I say to Bristol.
"You mean starving artists?" She snickers. "Well, that might be okay for some people, but I happen to enjoy the finer things in life. I suppose my standards are a lot higher than most."
Lindsey looks up from her work, leveling her gaze at Bristol. "Are you talking about your standards, Bristol, or your parents'?"
Bristol's dark eyes flash. "Like you'd even know." Then she picks up her self-portrait and saunters back up to the front of the class to chat with Mr. Klein again.
I stare at Lindsey, trying to figure out this puzzling girl. What on earth made her speak out like that to someone like Bristol? Talk about asking for it!
"Yeah, yeah . . ." Lindsey shakes her head like she's disappointed. "I promised myself I wouldn't fight with Bristol this year. Just three weeks in and I blew it."
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