by JA Huss
“It will end up being a lot worse, Lulu.”
“You don’t know that.”
“I feel it. Something’s inside me. I know it. Something left over from school. Or some poison that was on those barbs when Molly tried to take my head off. Or maybe it’s just a bad reaction from that jellyfish shit. The point is… I’m not normal. I’m some kind of fucking freak. And Lincoln’s different. He did that himself. He modified his body in the way he wanted. He planned it, Lulu. For many years. It was something he dreamed up. He’s got no problem with it because it was his idea to begin with. I didn’t plan any of this shit,” he says, nodding at his arms. “I didn’t want it. I didn’t choose it.”
“Well, you have it now,” I say in my lawyer voice. “So it doesn’t matter how it happened. We just have to deal with it. No matter what happens next, it’s got to be dealt with. And you’re lucky you have all these people around you who can help. Sheila will figure it out. And Lincoln will help.”
“Sheila doesn’t know what to do. I don’t think you understand. She has run every test she can think of and it always comes up the same way. Nothing’s wrong with me. But clearly, Lulu, clearly something is very much wrong with me.”
“Well.” I sigh. “What other things happen? Because yeah, this is weird, but it doesn’t seem to affect your daily life. You go to work, right? You seem to function just fine to me. So you have to cut the heat and light out of yourself at night. If that’s all it takes to keep it under control, I’m thinking we’re getting off easy.”
He starts rubbing the soap on my arms, but I gently take the soap from his hand and start washing him instead.
My new scratch, drawn around his heart, is just superficial. Most of the light that was leaking through is already fading. The ones on his shoulders are puncture marks that make red streams of light that shoot all the way up to the ceiling like lasers. The scratches down his arms, the ones I made when we came together, are flat planes of red.
“You’re kinda beautiful if you ask me. Like a work of art.”
I get a small smile out of him for that remark.
“I mean, if you have to do this every night, then we can make the most of it.”
He shoots me a full-on crooked grin. “How?”
“Well,” I say, taking the bar of soap to his chest for an excuse to rub him. God, he’s built like a superhero. “Your body is amazing. You can think of it like tattoos, you know? Make the marks the way you want them. Then you would be in control. And if they fade, they fade. If they stay, they stay. You’re beautiful now, Case Reider. And you’ll still be beautiful with the light scars. All we have to do is come up with a plan.”
“I don’t think it’s gonna be that easy,” he says.
“Me neither, if I’m being honest. That’s pretty much how everything in life works. You set out with a plan and shit happens. You deal—or don’t. And get through it, either way. And then one day you’re there and you think, if I had known then what I know now, I’d never have done this. Because nothing’s ever easy. Dreams, though. They get you through it. And a little part of me thinks that maybe I would do it. Even if I knew how hard it was gonna be. I’d still have the tenacity and resolve to take that first step.”
I finish talking—realizing I just spewed out a litany of life lessons—and feel a soft flush of embarrassment.
“What did you do?” Case asks, tracing a fingertip down my cheek. “That made you doubt yourself like that?”
I think it through, wondering if I’d like to tell him this very personal story. Then the light from the heart I scratched on his body flickers and disappears. And I decide I do. He showed me something very deep inside himself tonight and when he asked me about where I’ve been and what I’ve been doing since that night at the cathedral, I summed it up in four sentences.
So I take a deep breath and let the words out. “I always knew I wanted to be a lawyer. Like… in grade school I’d pretend to be a judge.” I smile, recalling the makeshift courtroom I had set up in my parents’ basement. “So when I got to undergrad and finished with honors, I felt like I was on my way.” I smile down at Case, who has placed both hands just above my hips. His thumbs rubbing out gentle caresses across my skin. “But it was so hard. I wasn’t very good at it.”
“Which part?” Case asks, eyes intent on mine.
“Everything. I realized I wasn’t that good at it, you know? I couldn’t learn the case law. And I had trouble making connections. Like coming up with precedents to help my case studies. And public speaking, Jesus Christ. I got so nervous. I’d break out in a sweat and my voice would crack when I talked. One time I puked in the bathroom before a presentation.”
“That’s not so unusual, Lulu.”
“No, I guess not. But I had it bad. And I dated this third-year when I was a first-year in law school. He was such an asshole. I don’t know why I stayed with him all year.”
“Did he—”
“No,” I say quickly, knowing what he’s gonna ask before the words come out. “He didn’t hit me or anything. But the things he said to me… they destroyed me that year, Case. He called me stupid and ugly. Told me I’d never make it as a lawyer and laughed at my dream of being a judge. I realized later, after he graduated and moved on to mentally abuse someone else, that I was clinically depressed. Law school was hard. I didn’t like it anymore. I hated the thought of becoming a lawyer. I…” My heart is beating so fast that I have to stop and breathe deeply for a few seconds.
Case rubs my shoulders, encouraging me to continue.
“I took some pills…”
“Lulu—”
“And drank some wine—”
“For fuck’s sake. Where were your parents?”
“Wolf Valley,” I say. “Five hundred miles away. And I had spent the whole year with third-year asshole, so I didn’t make new friends that first year. I had no one.”
He hugs me tightly to his chest.
“I wised up before I lost consciousness and called 911. They pumped my stomach and kept me on suicide watch for seventy-two hours. And then they had me talk to a therapist and sent me home. But I had to go to counseling that whole second year. I don’t even have words to describe how mad I was at myself. And disappointed.”
“What did your parents say?”
“I never told them.”
“Lulu.”
“I know. It’s not a good secret to keep. But I didn’t want them to know what a failure I was. And I did get better that second year. The theory behind the law started making sense to me again. And I enjoyed the ethics classes. My therapist told me to join a public speaking club. So I got over that too. And by third year, I felt back to normal. But I remember sitting in bed on graduation night. My parents had gone home that evening, so I was alone. Again. As usual. And I thought back to the beginning and how sad I was and how much I had cried and that awful breaking moment when I tried to kill myself. And I wondered… if I would’ve chosen this path if I had known what was coming.”
“And what did you decide?”
“I decided yes, I would’ve. But… I never believed it. Not for a second.”
“Well, I believe it,” he whispers softly in my ear. “If there’s good inside me, Lulu, it comes from you. Even though we’ve been apart for so long, you’re the angel on my shoulder who drowns out that bastard of a devil. The one who stops me from doing stupid things. The one who knows the difference between good and evil, and makes it her duty to stand up for people who don’t have a voice of their own. I believe in you.”
“And I believe in you too, Case.” I lift my head up off his shoulder and look him in the eyes. Hold his scratchy face in my hands. “I believe in you. And we will find the other side to this problem and be better than ever.”
We stand up after that and wash each other. I choose some pajamas from the pile of clothes Molly brought me yesterday and dress, while Case wraps a towel around his waist and goes wandering around the house for some more of Lincoln’s clothes.
He comes back shirtless wearing only some cut-off sweats, and sets a plate of sandwiches down on the coffee table in front of the couch.
We eat and talk some more. And a little later I fall asleep on top of his chest, feeling more secure than I have ever felt in my life when he wraps his arms around me and hugs me tight.
And even though I have always put that time he took me to the ball up there as the most perfect night of my life because it was a dream come true… I think I love this night a million times more.
Because it’s not a dream.
It’s real.
And it’s not perfect. We’ve got real problems to deal with in the coming days and weeks. Problems that we can’t possibly predict the answer to.
But I know—I feel it in my whole body—that we’ll come out the other side and be stronger because of it.
We’ll find better than ever… together.
CHAPTER THIRTY-FOUR - CASE
“Hello?” Lulu croaks into her phone. She sits up suddenly, pushing on my chest to get untangled from my possessive arms. “What? Shit, OK. Well, that’s good, right? Yeah… I’m… right. I’ll be in soon.”
She ends her call and looks at me, sleep still in her eyes. “Who was that?” I ask.
“My boss,” she says, shaking her head.
“Randy Shits?”
She giggles, but doesn’t correct me with his real name. “He wanted to know where the fuck I was and why I wasn’t at work today.” She stops talking to shake her head one more time, like she really needs to shed the sleep away. “The riots ended last night.”
“Really?”
“Yeah. And the power is back on. The cell phones aren’t working, obviously. But the landlines are. I guess I gotta go.”
I don’t want her to go. I’d like nothing more than to hide out here at Lincoln’s place and forget the real world—and all its very real problems—exist. Unfortunately… “I guess I should go to work too.” I sigh. “I’ll drive you down, OK?”
“Sure,” she says, leaning down to kiss me. “I wish I could stay here with you all day but…”
“No worries,” I say. “I can pick you up after work, if you want. We can go have dinner. You can stay at my house. Maybe never go home again.” I waggle my eyebrows at her.
She giggles and then forces herself to get up.
A knock at the door makes us both look. “Come in,” I say, stretching my arms behind my neck, allowing myself to enjoy this moment a little longer.
“Hey,” Thomas says. “Well, there’s been a bunch of updates since the two of you disappeared in here to…” He clears his throat. If Lincoln had come to deliver that message, he’d have coughed the word fuck at us. But this is Thomas we’re taking about. I’m one hundred percent certain he’s never coughed a word in his life and he skips over it now.
“We know,” I say, cutting him short. “Lulu’s boss just called and said the riots are over.”
“Yeah,” Thomas says, drawing out the word. But I can tell he wants to say more. Just not in front of Lulu.
“I’m gonna drive her down to Cathedral City and then go to work. You want to have lunch or something?”
“Yes,” Thomas says, in his clipped manner. “Early lunch. In fact, I’m taking the helicopter down to SkyEye so I’ll meet you at your office after I get that place sorted.”
“Got it,” I say. “Where’s Lincoln?”
“Took Molly to work a couple hours ago. He’s probably gonna pop by for early lunch too.”
Thomas backs out of the media room and closes the door behind him. “Early lunch,” Lulu says, snickering as she gets up and stretches her arms above her head. “Is that code for ‘we need a secret meeting to hash out all this shit that’s happening?’”
“Pretty much.” I laugh, forcing myself to sit up. I lean over, elbows on knees, and rub my hands up and down my face. “But we have time for a shower, right?” I look up at her, waggle my eyebrows again, and then throw in a wink just to make sure she’s picking up what I’m throwing down.
“Case,” Lulu says, walking over to a stack of clothes sitting on a chair. “If I get in the shower with you right now, I’ll never want to leave.”
“Dammit.” I watch her as she picks out a pair of jeans and a clean sweater. I’m half expecting her to go into the bathroom to change, but she doesn’t. She strips off her shirt right in front of me, wicked grin on her face, telling me she knows exactly how badly I want to jump her right now. And that she’s not saying no, she’s saying… later.
I can deal with later. “Let me go see if Linc has a fucking suit I can borrow. Be right back.” I grab her as I make my way towards the door and pull her in for a kiss, then reluctantly let go and make my way through the house and into the kitchen.
“Jesus,” Thomas says, pouring coffee as I enter. “We have real problems, man. Hurry up and get to town. I gotta head out right now and start putting out fires. You know, this whole cell tower thing is great for us and all. Like perfect conditions, right? But it’s also gonna make our plan highly suspicious in the eyes of… oh, pretty much everyone.” He’s already dressed, wearing his own suit.
“Yeah,” I say. But I keep walking. “We can deal with that when we have to. The thing that’s bothering me right now is the riots. Sheila,” I bark to the house. “Can you please find me something suitable to wear to work?”
Sheila pops into view, not too far from Thomas. “I have the helicopter ready. It’s in the hangar.” She turns to look at me. “Define suitable.”
“Work shit, you know? Surely Linc has something… professional?”
Thomas chuckles from behind his coffee mug, swallows, and then says, “Good luck with that. I’d offer you a ride to the city, but I’m in a hurry. You don’t mind taking a car, right?”
“Nah,” I say. “Go ahead.” I’m not ready to join the real world just yet and the thought of riding down to Cathedral City with Thomas, unable to have a conversation with Lulu except on a headset… Well, I can do without that.
Thomas walks off towards the secret panel in the great room and disappears down to the cave.
“Can you find me a suit before you take him?” I ask.
“Case,” Sheila says in her overly patient tone that she uses when people are asking for things she can’t deliver. “This is Lincoln. He’s got jeans, thermal shirts, and leather jackets. And a few tuxes. So, if you’d like to wear a tux—”
“Forget it,” I say, walking to the other end of the house where Linc and Molly’s bedroom is. “I’ll make do.”
Making do is exactly what she described. Jeans, thermal shirt, leather jacket. I even snag a pair of boots, because fuck it. If I’m gonna pretend to be Lincoln this morning, I might as well look the part.
I’ll have time to go home and change after I drop Lulu off at work anyway.
When I get back to the media room, Lulu is brushing her long, blonde hair with one hand and applying some lip gloss with the other. “I’m ready,” she says. “Randy has already called me again since you left, demanding to know why I’m not there yet. I had to tell him where I was so he knows it will be a good hour before I make it in. I hope you don’t mind?”
“Why would I mind?” I ask back, absently gathering up my phone and wallet and stuffing them into my pockets. I find the little bottle of pills Thomas threw at me last night and read the label. Xmotions. Clever. That sneaky motherfucker even has my name on it. With instructions. Take one pill a day, every day, for the rest of your life. Dumbass.
“What’s that?” Lulu asks.
“The pills? Just some shit Thomas takes to turn himself into an emotionless freak.” I smile at her, shove the bottle in my jacket pocket, and reach for her hand. “Ready? Got a coat?”
Lulu nods to the coat on the couch. I walk over, pick it up, and then hold it open so she can slip her arms inside.
“And don’t worry about Randy Shits,” I say, remembering her comment a few seconds ago. “I’m sure he’s gonna be busy as fuck this morning.
He shouldn’t have time to worry about you.”
I lead her to the garage, snagging the keys for one of Lincoln’s trucks as I pass the cabinet where he keeps them, and get in. I have to help Lulu up into the cab, it’s so damn big. “It’s the safest way to get down the mountain fast,” I say, explaining my choice of vehicle. “It snowed last night.”
“I trust you completely,” Lulu says, when I get in my side and start it up. “I can’t wait to hear what Randy thinks happened yesterday.”
“Yeah, that should be interesting,” I say, backing out of the garage and heading down the long driveway to the highway that will take us back into Cathedral City. “And if that fuck tries to blame Lincoln for this shit, I will be pissed. It definitely wasn’t Linc.”
“Yeah,” Lulu says. “I can’t see that either. It makes no sense. But Molly does call him Bike Boy?”
“What?” I say, squinting my eyes into the sun glaring off the pristine white snow.
Lulu sighs. “I’m probably not supposed to tell you this, but there was a message inside the code we found for that bank heist. And it said Bike Boy. And Randy told me they went into Molly’s personal stuff at work and she called Lincoln Bike Boy in some emails.”
“Hmmm. Yeah, I have heard that little nickname before. It’s got something to do with the day they reunited. But I don’t care what that code says. It wasn’t Lincoln.”
“And there was another reference, Case. To someone called the Red Robber. Do you know what that means?”
My stomach cramps in a way that reminds me so much of the inhibition sickness, I almost consider pulling the damn truck over. But then it subsides just as quick as it came.
What the fuck was that?
“Case?” Lulu asks. “You OK?”
“Yeah, sure. I just… kinda felt sick there for a second. Red Robber?” I ask, trying out the word myself, just to see if the sickness comes back.