On the ride home, Courtney was silent until Ruby said, “He loves you, Mom.”
“Now, honey, stop that. There’s a lot you don’t know.”
“So tell me.”
“I will. Just not tonight.”
Chapter Five
Courtney thought she’d see Edward Saturday before the reunion, and maybe they’d talk or spend some time together, but that didn’t happen. She didn’t hear from him. He needed space. She had to give it to him even though it was the hardest thing she’d ever done. What was wrong with her?
She lay in a hammock in her mother’s back yard reading a book of poetry and let it fall on the grass when she read the final line, “I have wasted my life.” Had she wasted her life? The one she should have lived with Edward? Had he realized it already, and they could never get it back?
A woman can never say, when she has a child, that’s ever a wrong turn or a waste. Children are gifts. Life’s most precious.
Still, if she stayed, he’d have to pay attention to her.
The mystery was why she’d waited so long. Just stubborn maybe, waiting for him to come to her. And he never did. So they were both stubborn. Or just living their lives. Their other, parallel lives. It seemed incredible to her now that there was ever a time when she forgot about him, expected to live out her entire life never seeing him again, never touching him again. But now, she’d been given this opportunity, and maybe it was the time to put things right. She felt it. Even though everything was all wrong and the timing could not be worse, she believed in Edward. In the two of them.
So where was he? The fact that he obviously adored Ruby should show him he could love the baby too. She knew she expected a lot from people. From Edward. From Xander. She expected Xander to walk away from a life he’d carefully planned. She expected Edward to step right in. Edward. He was all she thought about. What was he doing right now? Busy at his bar, maybe. But not one little text? He might be enjoying tormenting her.
He might be playing her, paying her back, then when she said yes, when she told Xander all was over, when she announced to her family she and Edward were still married and were giving it another shot, only then he’d say, “Kidding, bitch.”
He had a right. Well, maybe not a right as a decent human being, but she wouldn’t blame him for wanting revenge. Hardly anybody was a decent human being all the time. She wasn’t. Look at her now, ready to leave Xander, leaving him, taking their baby. She had thought about telling him she’d miscarried. This early in the pregnancy, it happened all the time. But he’d demand tests. Could she abort? She didn’t think so.
She was so confused. She should go over to the house and pitch in on the cleaning, although her folks were so elated she was moving back to Blue Lake they’d hired a team of professionals to clean and handle minor repairs on her new home and probably she’d just be in the way.
Her phone rang and her heart popped. Edward?
“Is this Doctor Fass?”
“Yes,” she answered automatically.
“Hi, I ah, I hear you have a new practice here in Lakeland County, and I wondered if I could make an appointment.”
“I am setting up shop in Blue Lake, but things aren’t quite ready. Maybe call back in a few weeks?”
“But, but…” The woman began to cry. “Can we just talk? I went to school with you. Sharon Patterson.”
“Oh, Sharon, hi.” She didn’t think Sharon had been at the bar last night. But maybe. Early. Yes. And then she’d left in tears. Without her husband, who seemed totally unconcerned.
“Can we meet for coffee or something? Off the record? And then maybe I’ll need you. I think I do. It’s hard right now. Please say yes. I’m desperate.”
Courtney invited her over. Just old friends (they never really were) having coffee and talking. Mom made coffee and set out a plate of cookies. She offered the back porch. Courtney thought about high school and last night and her social anxiety. People thought she was stuck up, thought herself too good for the town, but that wasn’t it. She was just better one on one or in a creative collaboration. Those were the areas where she shined. So this would be fine.
Sharon was a mess when she came screeching around the corner in her sports car.
Her mascara was running down her cheeks, and her eyes were bloodshot. She looked like she hadn’t slept in a week.
After they both sat, Courtney in a chair facing Sharon on the sofa, Courtney said, “You didn’t stay long at Eddie’s last night. Did something happen?”
“No. Yes.” Sharon cried quietly into a tissue. “I couldn’t face people. I feel like such an ass. Like everyone knows but me.”
Courtney’s mom had supplied a box of tissue which Courtney nudged in Sharon’s direction. The one she held to her face was in tatters.
Sharon grabbed a fresh tissue and blew her nose with alacrity. Like she’d decided something. Still, she didn’t talk. Courtney tried again. “This is just between us, as friends. I’m not saying anything to anyone. Tell me in as few words as you can if the whole story is too difficult.”
“He, my husband, I saw him put his hands on another man’s ass last night. I wasn’t drinking. I didn’t imagine it. He was loaded, so I was driving. Plus we have three kids. I needed to be sober to deal with the babysitter and my littlest is just two.” Now that she’d started, the story poured out. “We’ve been married ten years. We have a great sex life. He’s a little crabby sometimes, and he does lots of stuff with his buddies, but…” More sobs.
“Okay. That is a tough one. Did you talk to him about it?”
“No! I couldn’t believe what I was seeing. I’m thinking I might be nuts. It can’t be real. There has to be an explanation.”
“You should ask him for one.”
“I’m afraid.”
Courtney didn’t ask what Sharon was afraid of. She knew. Sharon was afraid it was true. Sharon was afraid her love was a lie. Sharon was afraid her life had been wasted. Sharon saw change everywhere and no way out, and she was scared. Courtney knew this because she felt the same way. Some therapist.
****
Courtney sat on the vanity chair applying mascara. Her third coat. She thought about Sharon and wished her well, but she saw the future one of two ways. Sharon accepted her husband as he was, or she got out and started over. Ruby came in, distracting her in a good way. She went straight to the closet they were sharing, opened it, and stared.
Courtney took a final look, decided she had not overdone it, and turned off her makeup light. She was here, she was staying, she was fighting for Edward. There was still the little problem of telling Xander, but she’d do that, too. Concerned, understanding Xander. He’d given her her second career. He knew she was afraid to drive in the rain. Just another quirky phobia that had popped up during the college years. But Xander counseled her and even prescribed her medication. He ignored her bad habits, like martinis and that lethal third glass of wine—well, at least she wasn’t doing that anymore. Thank you, baby. She absently patted her tummy.
It had been a long time since she’d lived with Edward. She’d been fearless then. He wouldn’t know this new, anxious Courtney. Would he be able to handle her? And what about him? What if he had stuff she couldn’t deal with? The other women? Would they be appearing regularly, trying to win him back? Why wouldn’t they? She was.
She looked into the full-length mirror at her face, full of artifice. Shrugged. So she was painted. It gave her confidence. Everyone else would be prettied up tonight, too. She put on a paisley mini dress and zipped a boot as Ruby chose an outfit and laid it out on her twin bed.
“What are you doing tonight, honey?”
“Moooo-oom. I tried to tell you. I got that job.”
This was the first Courtney had heard of a job.
Ruby gave an exaggerated sigh. “There’s this job. I saw it at the grocery story in town on a board. I’m going to be the videographer’s assistant.”
“At the reunion?”
“Duh.”
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Courtney ignored the remark. Fourteen was the year of snark. Ruby had been around video shoots her entire life until they’d moved on. She’d never shown the slightest interest in the business. She played guitar. She wrote bad poetry and translated it to the same three chords on her guitar into song lyrics. Courtney knew that in her mind, this made Ruby feel closer to Edward and was a defense against Xander, who Ruby saw as an interloper. Which, technically, he was. God, how had Courtney never seen that before? Had there ever been a day when she’d said, “Move in”? Had there ever been a night when she’d said, “Stay”? She didn’t think so.
“What time does this gig end?” Courtney had planned to leave early. Another night of socializing on such a big scale just might drive her crazy.
“Don’t worry. Lily said she’d drive me home. You can leave early like you always do.” Ruby knew all about Courtney’s aversion to large groups of people. She’d even seen a panic attack or two, which is how Xander convinced Courtney to try Xanax. At least she could drive in the rain with a tiny dose of the pill should there be an emergency.
Courtney would not be leaving Ruby out alone. It was time to face her social fears and get over them already. Look at it like a job. She’d never had anxiety meeting rock stars and dealing with their entourages. Why should this be any different? Well, then the focus was on the rock stars, not her. And she’d been in creative collaboration mode. She did not need pills to conquer her fears. She just needed to accept that she was human and flawed like everyone else.
Ruby had a bit of an obsession with Edward, but that was his problem now. If it became something neurotic, Courtney would deal with it. But Edward seemed to like Ruby just fine. Of course, he didn’t know about the turkey baster. How Ruby had been convinced that Courtney had captured Edward’s sperm, frozen it, kept it frozen for years, and then inseminated herself with Ruby, Edward’s child. It was a silly little girl’s dream, and it broke Courtney’s heart. Ruby had finally let that go once Courtney broke down and showed her the paperwork from the sperm bank.
Ruby threw on a pair of jeans that looked exactly like the ones she discarded in a heap on the floor. She pulled an orange T-shirt over her straight dark hair. Edward’s hair. She laced up sturdy work boots, as if a simple reunion video shoot (did they still call them video shoots or was it now a digital recording?) required set-level care.
Ruby had recently just started wearing a little bit of makeup and when Courtney thought of her own smudged mascara and kohl at that age, her red lips and bleached blonde hair with two inches of dark roots, she thanked stars for her sensible Ruby.
They were silent during the rest of their prep. Courtney’s hair took full concentration. Ruby’s glossy long and thick strands needed one hundred brush strokes. Slow, methodical. Courtney’s hair was dark blonde these days, chin length, with no roots. They both sprayed clouds of hair product, then perfume, then chose earrings, hoops for Ruby and pearl studs for Courtney.
“Have fun, dears,” her mom said as they came down the stairs. Dad grunted his approval.
They arrived at Blue Heaven just as the sun set into the water. The gazebo was strung with lights, their school colors, blue and green.
And Ruby spied a young girl, Lily, the one Courtney had talked to about rape and murder, connection not made until now, but of course it would be this troubled girl Ruby would seek out. Courtney gave herself an internal shake. Ruby would be fine.
****
Lily leaned against the Jeepster with her favorite camera casually wrapped around her neck, waiting for Ruby to leave her mom. She’d taken a few candids before darkness started creeping in, external shots, a few short video bursts she could splice into the movie. Every couple got their moment of arrival, but no fancy fake background. They could stand in front of the gazebo if they demanded atmosphere. Most of them just smiled, giddy, back in time. Lily could not imagine ever being that old. She felt ancient at twenty-five. To be forty? She didn’t know if she’d make it.
She unconsciously rubbed her special gun pocket. Happiness is a warm gun, she thought, touching the cloth that covered it. She never cared that it stuck out a little bit. People assumed it was a camera lens.
Every minute or two she took a still. But when Ruby finally detached from Courtney, she immediately began instructing Ruby in setup as they went inside. There were tripods and straps and boxes in the front office that needed taking upstairs to the party room. And she still had to take photos of the new arrivals. Ruby quickly and efficiently took all the larger equipment up the stairs, making several trips.
Lily was waiting for Eddie. She wanted to ask him about her idea, or at least tell him the story, up to and including Bob’s theory of what could have happened to her mother. She wouldn’t ask him to help her get a taped confession, but she’d say she wanted to do it, and get his reaction. Once Bob had let slip that Eddie’s best friend was the police chief, that clinched it. She had to speak to him. Tonight. She wasn’t sure if her plan broke any laws, although Dean had said, “Several,” when she’d told him. Then he’d said, “Don’t.” Man of few words, Dean. Eddie was like that, too.
All this whirled through her brain while she snapped stills people would put in frames and hang over their mantels. That was her bread and butter. The movie, well, she’d see how many people were willing to pay fifty bucks for a long night of nothing but depressingly old people. Well, and Eddie and Courtney, the stars. She could make it a story about them with the other couples getting their face time. Where was he?
The reunion committee came out to greet Courtney as if they had not seen each other last night, so Lily filmed that. Ruby was old news, at least. People said hi to her, but the renewed buzz about her being Edward’s child, even after their song at the bar, was not being talked about, at least that Lily could hear and capture on tape. This was all really good practice for her actual Big Event. Capturing vocals on tape was trickier than you’d think.
Courtney said hi to the women, looking around as the committee moved en masse to greet others. She waved Lily off, so Lily stopped taping her and panned to a beer tent set up next to the gazebo. Eddie wasn’t working it. A server offered red or white wine on a silver tray and Courtney briefly walked into her shot, choosing water. Interesting. Lily panned to Courtney’s flat tummy, then zoomed back to her face. She looked at least ten years younger than most of the frizzled, frazzled, dumpy women who made up the majority of the class of ’92.
“Looking for Eddie?” Lily heard someone ask Courtney. She moved in. The speaker on this camera was very good, but only if you were close enough.
Courtney didn’t respond to the classmate. Instead she walked inside Blue Heaven, the resort where the party was being held and coincidentally, the place where Lily was staying while in town. She’d had plenty of time to film the interior shots so took a moment to go over the guest list with Ruby.
“See, these check marks are for the people who have had their pictures taken. We need to find these folks, snap a pic, then check them off the list. Preferably before they are shit-faced.” Some people were still arriving. Eddie had not gotten here yet, so Lily wasn’t worried about missing any taping of the big meeting between the old sweethearts. She wondered if she should talk to Eddie before or after the party. After. Or she’d play it by ear. See how things unspooled.
Finally Eddie arrived and made a big deal of Ruby. Lily wasn’t sure if she should film it, but as Ruby was part of the Eddie and Courtney story, she ended up doing a quick sequence until Eddie nodded at her and walked inside. Lily followed. Ruby tagged along.
Lily let Eddie get halfway up the stairs to the party room before she followed. “I’m going to be taping your mom and Eddie a lot. They’re the big news of this reunion.”
“I know.”
“So, people will want to buy the video if they know they might see some kind of scoop.” Then Lily rushed up the staircase to catch the big meet between old lovers. “Is it true they were married?” She whispered this to Lily,
flipping on the sound to the video camera so it would get her voice. Ruby shrugged. Lily sighed. Just like last night, the speakers in the room played songs from 1992.
“This is their song,” Ruby said.
Lily turned on the camera, listening. “Not your traditional love ballad,” she said to Ruby.
“He wrote and recorded it for her.” Ruby said it clearly enough that Lily knew she’d caught the words. Gold. Then she got the image. Eddie leaning into Courtney, whispering something into her ear, as the song he wrote for her played in the background.
Lily kept her camera trained on the couple. Nobody noticed because their eyes were on Eddie and Courtney, too.
Courtney gave her head a little shake but turned it into a hair toss. It was almost a foregone conclusion. They were together again. Eddie had come around to face her and they embraced and kissed like old friends might.
Lily told Ruby to hold the backlight higher. “Line it up with my camera angle.”
Courtney said something, then smiled at Eddie. The room was abuzz. Lily wasn’t going to get any dialogue this way. She edged closer to the couple in time to hear Eddie say “Yeah, we could cause a real ruckus if you want.”
People around them began to dance, trying to get in the frame. Lily was used to that. It was fine. Eddie and Courtney had realized they were standing in the middle of the dance floor. They moved. So did Lily and Ruby. Lily tracked as the couple of the hour headed to a wall with a pair of long sofas against it.
Lily stayed at a discreet distance while Courtney sank into the sofa, Edward plopping down next to her. A crowd gathered around them, which made edging in a little easier for Lily. People grabbed foot stools, floor, the other seats on the sofas. Eddie inched closer to Courtney so someone else could sit down. He put his hand on her knee. Her naked knee. Lily caught it on film. Everyone gawked, but Courtney just let out a laugh and let his hand stay where it was, the only uncovered part of her body. He took her hand in his and would not let go. He tugged lightly, and they rose together.
Love and Death in Blue Lake Page 7