Flicker

  She took a deep breath, almost to the close. Alex tightened his grip reassuringly, but she barely felt it. “We went to trial. With so many conflicting rumors, both sides called a lot of character witnesses. I had to sit there and listen to my friends recount midnight conversations from sleepovers, prank calls, little crushes and flirtations I’d shared with them. They made it sound like I’d always been a complete slut.” She spat the word, but even her old fury was a distant thing. “I was relying on the gym teacher’s testimony, how he’d seen them holding me down and me fighting them and crying and begging and trying to scream. He saw the bruises, he saw what they did. But when the lawyers started asking him questions…” And finally, suddenly, it was too much. Elise had no more tears left, and so didn’t cry. She just stopped. All that was left was breathing in and breathing out and breathing in again. But she didn’t need to go on.

  “He lied,” Alex finished, his voice like ice. Elise nodded, exhausted, resting limply against his chest. “Oh, little girl,” he sighed, tightening his arms around her. “The things humans do to each other…”

  She couldn’t muster the energy to be anything more than mildly curious at what his phrasing implied. “So it’s really true, the vampire thing?” Her voice was hollow. At the moment, it didn’t seem nearly as important that he didn't identify himself as human. Still, a distant part of her knew that later, when she recovered herself, she would find the information absolutely vital. She had the vague sense that her opening up to him, telling him her secrets, made him far more willing to tell her things in return. She also got the feeling that his openness wouldn’t last long beyond this encounter, and so forced herself to inquire. Since she had begun to cry, Elise hadn’t looked at Alex. With her eyes still fixed at some random point on the far side of the room, she couldn’t see his expression. Still, she felt his body tense and relax as he slowly released a breath, bracing himself.

  “As I said, it’s true in a sense.” For a moment, he didn’t seem inclined to continue, and Elise realized that the information she was asking for was something he had kept bottled up for so long that her story could have happened moments ago by comparison. But he gathered himself, much as she had, and continued. “Not at all the way you mean―this image you have in your head is somewhat overly romantic. I’m not going to pretend that my species hasn’t formulated some of the rumors over the centuries, because the more we seem like the fantasies of lovesick housewives and pubescent girls, the less plausible our reality is. The less real we are, the less likely it is that humans will decide we’re a threat. So somewhat by our design, pop culture does present quite the distorted picture.” Elise liked the sound of his voice, the unfamiliar cadence it fell into, the odd accent that didn’t sound quite like any she’d ever heard. As he talked, she relaxed further, leaning into him, and began to feel the weight of more years than she could fully grasp settle over them.

  “Contrary to popular belief, for example, I can’t fly. I can’t turn into mist, or a bat, or a wolf. I don’t have fangs, I’m not bothered by running water or holy anything, sunlight obviously has no effect on me, and I’m quite fond of garlic. All that being said,” he paused, hesitating again as if making a decision. “I do, in a sense, feed on humans. And as long as I do so, I will not age.”

  Elise couldn’t help it―as immersed in his voice as she was, as relaxed and distant and wrung out as she felt, she still tensed in surprise. But Alex had been so calm during her revelations, and so she only stiffened for a moment before she let out a long breath and melded back against him. She got the impression, though he didn’t say anything, that he was grateful for her silent acceptance of his revelations.

  “I’m sure,” he went on. “That the things I’m telling you sound far-fetched, but I assure you, I can prove my claims.”

  He paused, and seemed to be waiting for her to say something. She shrugged gently. “I’m comfortable here. Proof later―keep talking.” She said contentedly, patting his hand where it rested on her arm.

  He chuckled dryly. “As my lady wishes.” Serious again, he continued. “I was born in the early tenth century―I’m not certain the precise year―in what is now Germany. We are born, not made, and my mother…” He stopped, his voice tightening. “I’m sorry, I’m botching this. I’m afraid it’s been quite a while since I told this story and I don't do it very often.”

  Elise cuddled into his chest, well aware that he was surprised at how comfortable she was with him now. “Start again, then. I have time.”

  “You have no idea,” she barely heard him murmur.

  “I beg your pardon?” She asked him politely, her eyebrows drawing together as she fought the urge to sit up and look at him.

  Alex drew in a deep breath. “I’ll get there in a moment; please trust me.” She nodded, snuggling against him again. “Let me begin with birth and diet. We are born the same way as humans―some, even from a human parent. We do not drink blood―physically, we have about the same nutritional needs as humans do. But our main sustenance comes in a decidedly non-physical fashion: we feed on energy.

  “Again, not in the human sense. Please don’t give yourself the impression that I plug myself into an outlet at mealtimes. I feed on―“

  Elise interrupted him. “Emotion.”

  “Very good, little girl.” Alex’s voice was light, but Elise caught the undertone of caution. She was startled, herself, that she had spoken at all: she hadn’t meant to. The end of his sentence had just come to her. She actually leaned away from him a little so that she could look up at him. He was gazing down at her, and as she met his eyes she had a moment of vertigo, almost as if she could see herself from his perspective.

  “How did I know that?” She asked quietly.

  “Because you are a vampire, too.”

  Elise blinked at his matter-of-fact statement. “Isn’t that something I would have noticed?” She inquired, distantly astonished at her own nonchalance.

  “Actually, remarkably enough, no. A surprising majority of our species go their entire, decidedly mortal lifespans without figuring it out.” She just looked at him, one eyebrow raised, inviting him to continue. “You are correct in your assessment that my sustenance comes from human emotion. Most of our species-- over half-- is the same way. We call ourselves carnivores―I suppose somewhere along the line, someone thought it was funny. The others, we call herbivores: they draw their energy from plants, the sun―just the movements of the planet itself.

  “The closest English term would probably be ‘psychic.’ We’re psychic vampires. We consume energy, which puts us in very close mental proximity with our food. It’s how I can read you so well.”

  She frowned, slightly taken aback. “Wait, I’m food? I thought you said I was one of you―us―whatever. And by the way, how is that possible? How can I be a vampire, regardless how odd, and not know it?”

  “Yes, you’re food. Don't alarm yourself; we all are-- don't ask, it's complicated, but we'll get there. But as to being one of us and not knowing, it’s actually incredibly common. We probably make up a good one-half of a percent of Earth’s population, but most don’t ever find out what they are. The term for the ones who don’t know is latent―they feed without ever realizing they’re doing so. People who crave the company of others like a drug, or who always feel the pull to be out in nature―they’re most likely latent vampires.”

  “And that’s what I am?” Elise asked, her curiosity piqued.

  “Indeed,” Alex responded with a small smile.

  Her voice small, she asked the next question weighing on her. “So you telling me… will that change anything?”

  “You mean, now that you’re aware of it, will you change?” Elise nodded hesitantly. “Not in the way you think. Feeding for us is like breathing: if you stop thinking about it, it’ll continue to happen automatically. Having the power to read people, to influence their thoughts and moods, to physically impact your surroundings, to stop yourself from aging… those are all skills that requi
re varying degrees of power and training. But simply staying alive, healthy, and fed―that’s something that, provided you aren’t blocked for some reason, your body will take care of on its own.”

  “Blocked?” Elise whispered.

  “Yes,” he said softly. Her eyes were fixed again on the far wall, but she didn’t resist when he gently took her chin in his hand and tilted her face up towards him. “Thank you, Elise, for telling me your story. It explains a great many things about you that had puzzled me exceedingly.”

  “Like what?” She asked.

  “Why you didn’t feel like any vampire I’ve ever encountered,” he responded, seeming a little lost in thought as he released her. “I’ve come to realize that you are something of a rare breed. You see, there is a very small portion of our species we call omnivores―those who can feed on both human and natural energy. You are only the fifth omnivore I’ve ever met, and I've been meeting our kind for a very long time. But it was difficult to tell, since you’ve closed off the portion of your spirit, for lack of a better term, that feeds from humans.”

  She frowned, but what he said had a ring of truth to it. “I used to love being around people,” she said slowly. “I needed it, really, all the time. The only time I was content to be by myself was when I went hiking in the woods.”

  “Until you were hurt,” Alex continued her thought softly. Elise nodded, suddenly feeling drained again.

  “Now people are… a chore,” she said dully, looking at the wall again.

  “Elise,” Alex breathed her name, and it would have been impossible for her to avoid his gaze even if she’d wanted to. “I can in no way understand what you’ve gone through. But I’d like to help you recover from it, as much as is possible. I want you to be able to move on, at least enough to feed from people again, because Elise,” he pinned her with his eyes, reinforcing the importance of his words. “In the most deeply spiritual sense, you are starving yourself.”

  She swallowed hard, her throat tightening at the raw emotion in his voice. She wanted to look away, to break the intimacy of his gaze, but somehow she couldn't make herself. “What else does it-- my being an... omnivore... explain?” She asked hesitantly. She hadn't meant to sound so breathy, but she was suddenly aware of just how close he was. She could see each dark lash brush his cheeks as he blinked. His fingers on her chin were firm but tender, his lips suddenly very close, and she only had to stretch up a little further to reach…

  Elise blinked, startled, when Alex pulled away from her. He was smiling his predator’s smirk again, his neck arched to put his lips out of reach. “It explains what drew me to you, little girl, and you to me. Even latents tend to be very popular with the people around them. It's one of our hunting techniques, if you want to call it that. We project appealing energy onto the people around us, the result being that they want to remain in our company. Unless we shield from each other, we tend to do it to other vampires, as well, and it can be very... potent."

  "What counts as appealing energy?" Elise smiled coyly.

  "General charm and charisma are a start. Some of us go the route of bubbly, happy, and fun. Others do elegant and mysterious. There's always sensuality or blatant sexuality, of course. It usually depends on the personality-" he broke off, watching as Elise went pale. "What's wrong?"

  Elise felt as if the ground was falling out from under her. "It was my fault," she whispered. "Everyone was right, and I just didn't want to see it. The attack, what happened-- it was because I-- I-- don't know, I projected sex into their minds. Whatever. It was all my fault."

  Alex grabbed her hard by the shoulders, spinning her fully around and forcing her to look at him. "No!" He exclaimed vehemently. “Do not allow yourself to think that way.” He stared fiercely into her eyes, emphasizing his statements by giving her a little shake. “You don't know that you did any such thing, for one. For another, frankly, it doesn't matter-- you're latent. Completely untrained. No matter how much natural power and talent you might have, all you can do is project a general aura. Yes, you might have encouraged humans around you to view you as sexy, but what they did with that is entirely up to them.” Elise didn't miss the sharp intensity in Alex's voice, but the glare she directed at him was scathingly disbelieving. He gave her another shake, gripping her shoulders tightly enough to bruise.

  “Girl, I can make you trip over yourself with lust for me using nothing more than willpower,” he snapped. “I did it less than a minute ago, and you had no idea that anything you were feeling didn't originate in your own mind. Your shield is very good for someone without training, but not nearly enough to keep me out if I actually try. That you've been able to break free of my influence at all is a mark of your natural power and force of mind.” He punctuated his statement by continuing to give her little shakes every few words, as if making sure her attention hadn't wandered-- a ridiculous worry to have, because she had never been so riveted on someone in her life. He spoke more gently as he continued, but with no less force. “But I've had nine hundred years of training and experience to hone that skill. You were fourteen and had no idea what you were doing. Not to diminish your considerable beauty and charm, but I doubt if you could have made one of those boys so much as sweat without a decided effort that would be more physical than mental.” Elise glared at him, but she was blushing as she took in his meaning.

  “I just...” She finally broke his gaze, more comfortable looking at the carpet as she tried to explain. “No one else let me off the hook for this-- not really. My parents, deep down, blame me for the fact that we had to move. They don't want to, but they do. None of my old friends ever tried to find me-- they're happier that I'm gone. If everyone else blames me, how can I not do the same? They can't all be wrong.”

  “They can be, Elise, and frankly, they are. You can stop blaming yourself because you're smarter than they are, and you know more. But more than that, you're an entirely different species than the majority of them. They aren't going to understand you.”

  She looked up at him hesitantly. “Am I a different species from my parents?”

  Alex relaxed just a bit at the change of subject, though Elise could still detect traces of simmering fury deep inside him. “No, you aren't. Vampirism is a genetic trait-- it requires at least one vampire parent to pass on. In your case, both of your parents are latent.” She cast him a quizzical glance, and he shrugged nonchalantly. “After I walked you home the first time, I hung around long enough to see them both. Again, little one, I've had a long time to master these sorts of things. I can tell our kind when I feel them.”

  Elise didn't completely break contact with him, but she eased a few inches away from him so she could study him properly. He seemed to understand that she needed a moment to process, and waited quietly. Her head was spinning. She had found out more than she had hoped to about him, never mind about herself, and telling her story... She still felt wrung out by the experience. But Alex had believed her, accepting everything she'd told him without question. His anger, unlike her father's, hadn't made her feel even more violated-- he listened to her. He wanted to help her heal, and she had the impression he would follow her lead on how that needed to happen. She felt like he was the first person who was truly on her side.

  And then he had opened up about himself, his world. He had answered all of her questions kindly, without mocking her or making her feel stupid. She wasn't naive enough to think that he didn't want anything from her in return for his kindness and openness, but she was beginning to believe that whatever he wanted wouldn't hurt her. She was stunned to find that her first instinct was to trust him, when she hadn't trusted anyone for so long. Gone were the days when his burning eyes and unbreakable grip had scared her-- now he truly made her feel safe.

  So, with these groundbreaking revelations and new-found sureties fresh in mind, she cast back to what they had been talking about before her most recent breakdown. Casting a sly glance up into his eyes, she smirked.

  “So, you can make me melt into a
little puddle of lust with your Jedi mind powers?” She teased.

  His face was somber as he replied, glad that she had internalized their weighty conversation and been willing to continue it, but understanding that her light, flirtatious question had serious undertones. “I could,” he replied seriously. “And I won't ask you to trust that I won't. But as you and I are of the same species, the problem for me is that my doing so would be a double-edged sword. As I open myself to influence you, I also open myself to anything you're projecting. Anything I make you feel, I also feel from you, which in turn is transferred back to you-- this feedback loop is something that makes gatherings of our kind very interesting. Casual lust becomes an orgy, an argument becomes a bloodbath-- it's why, with very few exceptions, we tend to stay away from each other. Every emotion is magnified, multiplied-- and there's not much we can do about it, really.

  “It happened earlier, too, when we were both so calm. I nudged you into relaxing just a bit-- no, don't look at me like that.” For Elise had cast a scathing glare at him, furious at the idea that he had manipulated her while she was so vulnerable. But he held up a hand to quiet her, and she decided that she ought to let him explain. “It's not something I can help-- our abilities are so closely tied into our emotions that if I had closed off my wish to calm you, I would have closed myself off from any ability to empathize. I got the impression you wouldn't appreciate a cold, unfeeling reception of your tale. But once you started to relax, you projected your own peace, and I was so open to you that I started to calm down, as well, which in turn calmed you more, which relaxed me-- you see where this is going. And the more we exchanged energy and emotion, the more closely we were tied, as we saw when you started finishing my sentences. And, if I'm not mistaken, you knew what I was feeling even when I didn't say anything.”