by Izzy Cullen
“Yes, I do, so ask, or lecture. It has to be one of the two because I know that face.”
“Be careful,” he said.
“Well, I did plan on driving the speed limit and I’ll make sure to use my blinker,” I responded, knowing my driving wasn’t what was on his mind.
“You know what I mean. I saw the looks between you two all day yesterday, Abby. Christ, a blind person could have seen them. I just don’t want to see you hurt again. Remember, I was there the last time.”
“Well, Sam did look pretty smoking hot in her tight little outfit; it was hard to not look at her.”
“Seriously, stop deflecting. I saw you and Alex, the looks.” Now he was raising his eyebrows at me.
“Nothing was happening or will happen for that matter.” I paused and sucked in a breath. “Derek, I’m never going to see Alex again. He left this morning and he’ll get back into his rock star lifestyle and forget he ever met me. See, there’s nothing to worry about.”
“Well, that’s where you are wrong, Abbs. Once Abby Porter enters your life, there is no forgetting her, at least nobody with intelligence.” Derek reached over and grabbed my hand. “Hey, if it doesn’t work out, I’m pretty good at picking up the pieces.”
I could see the hurt in his eyes. “Derek,” I managed to get out, but I stopped before I said anything else.
“Abbs, you don’t have to say anything, we’re friends. Christ, best friends, and I would do anything for you and your girls. You need to live your life and be happy. I sat back too many years watching the life drain out of you and if I was a better friend, I would have said something sooner.” Derek squeezed my hand.
I let go of Derek’s hand to wipe the tears from my face. “It wouldn’t have mattered if you said anything or not. I was married and I was married for life. At the time, I thought I was happy. It wasn’t until recently that, I realized the only happy part about David and I was the girls.”
“Just remember, whatever happens I am always here.”
“I know that and I know I wouldn’t be here right now if it weren’t for you dragging me out of bed. My mother would have swooped in and the four of us would be locked up in my parent’s house.”
“Ugh, just the thought of that makes me realize you owe me lunch.” Then just like that, Derek was able to change the mood at lunch to something lighter.
The lunch flew by quickly. We talked about the girls and my plans for the summer. I started making plans for my weeklong trip back to Pittsburgh with the girls to visit David’s parents. Derek talked about his job and how much he hated it, but the money was so good in corporate law, he couldn’t even think about leaving that field. I laughed as he told me about his last few dates, and just like that, we were Derek and Abby again, two friends who has missed each other’s company. After we left the restaurant, we stopped at Astoria bakery to get the girls some cakes and cookies.
Walking back to the hotel, with my head on his shoulder, I wrapped my arm around Derek’s arm again. Being with Derek was so easy, comfortable and a place I always felt safe. If I had a brother, this was how I would wish our bond would be. Derek was someone in my life who would always remain a constant.
Getting back to the hotel, I gave the valet both of our claim tickets while Derek gathered our bags. Waiting for the cars, Derek returned and I put my hand in his. I always hate saying good-bye. I wished we lived in the same town so I could see more of him. When the cars pulled up, Derek faced me and grabbed my other hand. “So, when you come to Pittsburgh this summer, I have a surprise for you. I can’t wait, I’m so excited.”
“Ugh, why did you tell me? You know I hate surprises; this is going to bug me all summer long. This is one of the many reasons I hate you.” I shot him a pouty face.
“I know you love me, so stop fighting it. Plus, you know how that face turns me on,” winking at me. I immediately stopped pouting. Derek broke out into a laugh. “I’ll give you a hint. Bring your red marker, because we are going to be crossing something off that list of yours.” I gave him a questioning look as I am mentally did a run-down of the list in my head. “No, it’s not a one night stand; although I wouldn’t mind, but it wouldn’t be worth not seeing you again.” He leaned in and kissed me on the cheek. Releasing my hands, he pulled me into a tight hug. “I’ll call you when I get home and kiss my girls for me. I miss them like crazy.”
“I will and they miss you too. I’ll talk to you later.” I let go of the embrace and stepped back, turning for my car. “Hey, Derek, I’m glad you came. I didn’t realize how much I had missed you until I saw you yesterday.” With that, I placed my bag in the backseat and climbed into the driver’s side of my car. I watched as Derek climbed into his car and drove away. Tears immediately filled my eyes. Again, I realized how much I wished I had more than friend feelings for Derek. I knew he was the kind of guy who would never hurt my girls or me. In fact, he had always referred to Lily and the twins as his girls even when David was alive. The few times a year he spent with them, he showed more attention to them than David did throughout the year.
10.
Pulling into the driveway, I realized I was getting home later than I had planned. I walked into the house and set my bag down in the entryway. I immediately walked to the back deck and turned the grill on, and then headed straight for the kitchen. I dug through the fridge and found chicken breasts and asparagus. I had just started cleaning the chicken when I heard the girls run into the house. I could hear them yelling Mommy as soon as they opened the door. Stopping what I was doing, I met them half way to the kitchen. I scooped them all up into a big hug and started kissing their cheeks.
“Did you miss us?” Jasmine asked with a huge smile on her face.
“What do you think? Of course, I missed you,” I said smiling at her.
“If you missed us, then that means you bought us something,” Lily said.
“Well, it just so happens that Uncle Derek and I did buy you something, but it is a surprise for after dinner.” There was no doubt the girls were going to love the desserts Derek and I picked out.
“You saw Uncle Derek, not fair,” Lilly whined. I know how much she had missed him and talking through Face Time wasn’t the same as spending time with him.
“Well, well, well, if it isn’t Miss Box Seat and BFF to the band, Ms. Abby Porter.” I saw Lexi walking into the hallway, smiling at me.
After telling the girls to go change out of their wet swimsuits, I started walking towards the kitchen. I knew Lexi was planning to grill me and I wanted to avoid the questions as much as possible.
“Spill,” was all she said.
“Spill what? There is nothing to spill,” I said, grabbing the plate of chicken and heading to the back porch.
“Nice try. I already talked to Derek this morning. He made it sound like there was plenty to spill, but he didn’t go into details.” Leave it to Derek to out me, but he didn’t know everything, just the game and club, nothing about after the club.
“Well, I ran into Alex again and he invited Derek and me to the game yesterday. Derek accepted and we went.” Then I turned around to walk back into the house.
“Well, the story I heard involved, lunch, a game and some grinding on a dance floor.” I quickly turned around, looking Lexi in the eyes. “Plus, the way you look today, I would say that the rust was knocked off and I’m guessing more than once.”
“What, did Derek tell you that?”
“Please, he didn’t have to, looking at you, I can tell. So, was Mr. Heavy Rock God all that would be expected?”
“Lexi…” I had never been one to talk about my sex life, probably because David and I didn’t have much of one. He was too busy having one with every other woman in town.
“Seriously, spill,” she was looking at me with pleading eyes. She quickly sat down on a barstool. “Look, it will just be easier to tell me instead of me pestering you for days in and days out. You know you will eventually spill it anyway.” Oh, how I hated the fact she was right.<
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Just then, Lily yelling from the entryway interrupted us. “Mom, your phone is ringing.”
“Answer it. Uncle Derek is supposed to be calling.” Derek should have gotten home by now.
“Mom, it’s the man from the computer.” Lily was walking into the room looking at my phone.
“What,” I looked at Lily confused by what she was saying.
“Yeah, the man from the computer. The one we see when we do our dance parties.” Quickly, I grabbed the phone from her and saw Alex laughing on the screen. He called using Face Time. Shit! Lexi immediately left her stool to peek over my shoulder.
“So the man from the computer?” Alex managed to say through his laugh, while wearing that sexy smile of his.
How did I respond to that, and how would I get away from Lexi or explain everything to her when I was off the phone. Trying to find a place I could talk alone, I ducked into the bathroom and locked the door. “YouTube, we dance to videos on YouTube.” Ugh, I felt like a dork.
“Well, after seeing you dance last night, I’m jealous of the girls getting to dance with you all the time.”
“Why are you calling me?” Not realizing how harsh it sounded coming out of my mouth. “I mean, now, how can you call me now? Don’t you have a show?”
The harsh tone that appeared during my initial comment relaxed, once I continued to talk. “The show isn’t for two more hours and I couldn’t get you off my mind. I figured a phone call wasn’t good enough. I needed to see your face.” I wasn’t even sure how to respond to that comment. Talking would have been so much easier on my heart, but seeing his face was making me realize I missed him. “How was lunch with Derek?”
“Good, it was longer than expected and I just got home. Shit,” I said, just realizing I had food cooking on the grille.
“What?” Alex said with a puzzled look on his face.
“I have to go. I left the chicken on the grille and it’s probably burning right now.”
“Can I call you after the show?” I could see the pleading in his eyes.
“Yes, but if it’s late, I might be in bed. I’m tired because I wasn’t able to get enough sleep the last few nights.” I smiled at Alex, who flashed me a smile right back.
“From what I remember of both nights, it was well worth it.”
“Yes, very worth it. Good luck tonight. Go do your job, Rock Star.”
“I’m not a rock star and I’ll call you as soon as I get off stage. I won’t be able to sleep if I don’t hear your voice.” He winked at me, “Now hang up, because I’m not ending this call.”
I hit end and grabbed the bathroom door handle. Lexi was standing right outside the door.
“Are you freaking serious? Nights? As in more than one?” I let out a sigh, this was one conversation I didn’t want to have, but I knew there was no choice. I could already see what Lexi was picturing in her head.
“Follow me outside. Let’s see if we can save the chicken and I will explain everything or as much as I can until it’s time to eat.”
“Fine, but you will finish as soon as the girls are in bed. I have nowhere else to be tonight.”
“Then you better open a bottle of wine for yourself and grab me a diet, because I’m not drinking.”
While we waited for the chicken to finish cooking, I filled Lexi in on the concert, the bar after and the hotel room. I didn’t get any further than that, because dinner was done and we had to feed the girls. All conversation of the weekend ended when Derek called and talked to the girls.
“Uncle Derek, did you get us a surprise?” Josie asked Derek.
“I did. Ask your mommy when she’s going to give it to you.” He said that, knowing we were right in the middle of dinner and pulling it out now would keep them from finishing their meals. Derek could be such an ass at times.
“Nice try, Derek,” I yelled over their shoulders into the speakerphone. I could hear him laughing.
“Guess what, Uncle Derek?” I heard Lilly say.
“I don’t know, Lil, you better tell me.”
“I said guess, but I’ll tell you. The man from the computer called Mommy today; the man from the dance parties. I saw him on Mommy’s phone.” Lily sounded so excited sharing this piece of information, but I was cringing on the inside as I heard her tell him all about the call.
“Lil, hand your mommy the phone and tell her to take me off speaker.” Reluctantly, I took the phone from Lily making sure the speaker was off.
“You bellowed, my dear,” I said with a hint of bitterness, because I knew what was coming.
“Did he seriously call you?” There was something in Derek’s voice. It didn’t sound like jealousy, but more like concern.
“Yes, Alex called, but seriously, it’s nothing.”
“Does he know it’s nothing or are you trying to convince yourself it is nothing?” I could hear a hint of annoyance in his voice.
“Why does it matter? We said last night that we were going to be friends.”
“Friends?” Derek said with a giggle, “I hate to tell you this, but from what I saw this weekend, he doesn’t want to be your friend. Remember what I said, be careful.” I knew where Derek was coming from, but nothing could possibly happen. After all, Alex was on tour and I was in BFE Michigan. “It’s your life, Abbs, but keep the girls away from it. They don’t need to be exposed to this, especially if it’s something that is going to pass.”
I couldn’t believe he fucking said that to me. I walked out of the room and again into the bathroom. “Last time I checked, those girls are mine and I don’t need you telling me how to raise them. I’ve managed to keep them alive the last seven years.” With that, I pulled the phone from my ear, hearing Derek talk, but not making out anything that he was saying and not caring to listen. Yelling to the girls, I told them to say bye to Derek, because he needed to get off the phone and we needed to finish our dinner.
After dinner, I gave the girls the desserts that Derek and I picked out for them. Once the girls finished their desserts, I gave them a bath and put them to bed. I begrudgingly walked out to the back deck and sat with Lexi.
“So, you and Derek have a nice conversation?” I looked at her and gave her a pissed off look. I grabbed the bottle of wine and poured myself a drink, knowing my stomach would hate me because of all I had drunk the last few days. I needed the help to make it through the rest of the night with Lexi. “Abby, look, I know where Derek is coming from. He was the only one who could put you back together after David died. I couldn’t get you to listen to me, but whatever bond you two have is special. Whatever his reasoning is for warning you, I’m sure it’s not malicious. Derek loves you and those girls.”
“I know, but I don’t want to hear it.” I shook my head, knowing I didn’t want to hear the warnings, but needed too. “Whatever happened with Alex happened. I don’t regret it, but I know it isn’t going anywhere. He’s on tour for the next eight weeks and I’m sure he will forget he even met me once he meets some big boobed groupie.”
“Well, I can tell you what I see and I’m sure Derek sees the same,” Lexi sat up in her chair leaning her elbows on the table. “Abby, you aren’t the type of girl who just loves someone and leaves them like nothing happened. I mean, you’re playing it off as if it’s not a big deal, but I heard your voice while you were on the phone. You already have feelings and you’re trying to hide them from Alex, yourself, and us. I love you and so does Derek. We just don’t want to see you hurt again.”
“I know, I’ll call Derek tomorrow, I just need tonight to cool off. I know everything you are both saying comes from love.”
Lexi and I sat on the deck and I filled her in on yesterday’s lunch, the game, and the club. I implied about the hotel room after, but didn’t give any details, because some things are too private. I told her about Sam and Alex’s relationship, and about how much Sam would fit in with us. Lexi filled me in on what I missed with the girls and told me she had a date this week. We sat on the back porch for hours t
alking about everything and nothing. Looking at her, I realized how lucky and truly blessed I was to have her in my life, even with everything that had happened in the past eight months.
After I washed my face, I walked downstairs to throw my clothes from the weekend in the washer. Digging through my bag and dumping in my clothes, I came across Alex’s shirt. I instantly buried my face into the shirt, taking in his scent. I set the shirt down, pulling mine off and I replaced it with his. Finishing the laundry by throwing the clothes in the washer, I headed back upstairs for bed. I turned on my bedside lamp and pulled out my iPad to read Saving Grace. I had been neglecting it since I met Alex. While forgetting about my day and becoming caught up in the life of Shane and Grace, I received a Face Time invite from Alex. I hit accept, but wished he had called as he said he was going to.
“Why didn’t you call like you said?” I asked with a hint of annoyance, because I knew how awful I looked right now.
“I did, but you didn’t answer, so I thought I would take a chance and Face Time your iPad,” he said with a smile. Looking at him, I felt an ache for him.
“How did you get my e-mail address?”
“The same way I got your phone number. I might have even sent myself a few pictures of you from your phone, and you now like the Awakening page on Facebook too.”
As soon as those words were out of his mouth, I sat up in my bed and was more than pissed. “Are you fucking kidding me? You not only invaded my privacy by going into my phone and calling yourself to get my number, but you snooped through my phone and went into my pictures, then sent yourself some. Oh, then you logged into my Facebook account? You are seriously crazy.”
“Technically, I didn’t log into your Facebook, your app already has you logged in,” flashing me another killer smile. “By the way, my shirt looks good on you.”
Feeling my face go red and still being pissed, I ended Face Time. I didn’t know if I was more pissed about him invading my privacy, or embarrassed that he saw I put his shirt on to sleep in tonight. I picked up my phone and went to my messages. I found the text messages he sent himself from my phone and sure enough, there were four pictures. I clicked on the text to see what pictures he sent. The first one was of the girls and me from the winter, playing in the snow. The second was one that Lily took of me, a profile of my face looking at something. The third was a picture of Derek, Lexi and me, and the last was one of me sleeping on the couch in his hotel room. I quickly exited out of the messages and went into my photos. Sure as shit, the last picture on my phone was of me sleeping on the couch in his hotel room. Alex must have taken the picture after I fell asleep while he was invading my privacy.