Crave

  And he was the guy she’d stayed up all night with, talking and talking. It had been, despite the circumstances that brought it about, one of the best nights of her life. Who was she kidding? It was the best. She’d never felt so close to anyone, except her mom. Mom, who had been lying to her, who had helped find Gabriel and take him captive. The thought brought up a mix of raw emotions. She felt betrayed, and angry, and as if the world had gotten knocked out from under her feet.

  But still, this was the longest she’d ever gone without talking to her mother. Which was kind of pathetic, since it was only one day. She couldn’t get the sound of Mom’s sobs out of her mind.

  Shay shook it off and turned her attention back to Gabriel. She didn’t want to think about any of the other stuff right now. What she wanted to do was run her thumb over his lips. They were perfect. The top one perfectly molded. The bottom one just a little fuller than the top. She wanted to kiss that tattoo on his neck, a stylized phoenix that throbbed ever so slightly with his pulse.

  I need to get out of here, she decided. She couldn’t spend all day staring at him. Well, maybe she could, but she wasn’t going to. Shay hurried over to the door. She opened it only a tiny bit, making sure no sunlight touched Gabriel, then slipped outside, into the sunshine. How would it feel to never have that warmth and brightness again? She looked up at the friendly yellow ball for a few seconds. She couldn’t even imagine life without it.

  I can go now, she thought. Gabriel is alive; I’ve saved him. I don’t have to stay.

  The thought seemed to freeze her, pinning her there in the sunlight. Why not get into the car and drive off? Her mind offered arguments—Gabriel couldn’t even walk yet; maybe he wouldn’t be able to reach the bags of blood. If someone came into the room, Gabriel was too weak to fight. But they were only excuses, not really the truth.

  The truth was that Shay didn’t want to leave.

  I’m dying, she thought, knowing it was true even though she felt so strong. The strength wasn’t hers; it was just borrowed from Gabriel. It wouldn’t last. But while it did, she wanted to do something worthwhile. Living with Martin and Mom wouldn’t do. Going back to school wouldn’t do. None of that really mattered. But being near a vampire, one who’d given her strength, one who she felt drawn to … well, that mattered. It was an experience that even people who lived to be a hundred couldn’t possibly have.

  I told Gabriel I’d stay until he was strong, and I will, Shay told herself. I don’t have to think about leaving until then.

  She scanned the area around their just-off-the-interstate motel and spotted an IHOP. All she’d have to do was cut across a couple of parking lots to get it. On the way, she passed a Dollar Tree store and impulsively headed in. She wandered around, looking at the mishmash of merchandise. She picked up a basket and tossed in a couple of toothbrushes and some toothpaste, then a pack of High School Musical playing cards. It was easy to figure out why some things had ended up in the bargain store.

  It’s a little like the Island of Misfit Toys, she thought. There was one hospital stay when she’d watched Rudolph every day, multiple times a day, even though it was August. It had made her feel safe somehow, maybe because she knew going in that everything was going to turn out well for the reindeer and the toys and the elf who wanted to be a dentist. Or maybe because her mother had been there to hold her hand every time the abominable snowman attacked.

  Shay added a raggedy stuffed leopard to her basket. She didn’t need it. Obviously, she didn’t need it. But it was a dollar. And it needed a home. So did all the other sad toys in big bin at the end of the aisle, but she couldn’t rescue everybody.

  She picked up a few magazines and some candy that looked really unhealthy in a fun way—all Day-Glo colors. “Babysitting?” the cashier asked Shay as she checked out.

  “Yeah,” Shay answered. In a weird way it was the truth. She was babysitting a vampire who was hundreds of years older than she was. The thought made her smile, although it was nothing to smile about. Really, there was nothing at all to smile about. Jesus. Her mother and Martin—how could they have done this?

  She picked up her pace a little, anxiety giving her the jitters, as she left the store and continued toward the IHOP. Shay hadn’t wanted to worry Gabriel by mentioning that she’d called home before she went back to him. She didn’t want him thinking that Martin might still come after them. But he might. Mom and Martin would know by now that she wasn’t coming home. What would they do?

  There was a newspaper box outside the pancake place. Shay dug some change out of her jeans pocket and bought a copy of the local paper. She was only about two hours from home. If Martin and her mom had gone public, there’d be some kind of article. A terminally ill girl who went missing would be big news. And if the terminally ill girl had a well-known stepfather, that would make it even bigger.

  The hostess waved at her when she stepped inside. “Just one,” Shay said.

  “Follow me.” The hostess grabbed a menu and showed Shay to a booth. As she slid into her seat, Shay was hit by the realization that this was the first time she’d eaten in a restaurant by herself. Another first, thanks to Gabriel’s blood.

  “Your server will be right over,” the hostess told her. Shay nodded, thinking of the way Gabriel had just nicked open a vein for her. She’d needed blood, and there it was, with no hesitation from him.

  Feeding from him, taking the blood directly from his body into hers, had been almost overwhelmingly intimate. And the vision, at the farm with Sam and Ernst, it had felt sharper than the other ones. More … textured. The whole time she had experienced his fear and revulsion and anger, the taste of his blood, warm and salty-sweet, had been on her tongue.

  “Coffee?” Shay glanced up at her server. The guy’s attitude suggested he’d already asked her the question more than once.

  “Yes, please.” She grabbed the menu. “And chocolate chip pancakes.”

  “Whipped cream?” the guy asked.

  “Definitely.” Shay had never had coffee before or chocolate chips. Nothing with caffeine, just in case. But she was basically dead already, just living on vampire blood until she’d erased her debt to Gabriel. And if she was dead, nothing could kill her.

  So bring on the junk food, she thought. Gabriel’s blood can take it. She smiled. Her body felt like it was glowing from within. It had felt that way ever since she’d fed from him last night. It was even better than the strength she’d had at Kaz’s party and on the island.

  She flashed on Gabriel chained to the exam table, and her smile faded. That’s where he’d been while she was at Kaz’s party. And while she’d been running on the track. Swimming in the river. Guilt spurted through her. She’d rescued Gabriel as soon as she had discovered the truth. And he’d repaid her by taking her hostage for a while. So maybe they were even already.

  Two hours of sitting in a car against my will versus two weeks of being held captive and drained of blood, she thought. I’m not sure we’ll ever be even.

  Shay spread the newspaper out in front of her and began flipping through it, making sure to look at every article. By the time her food came, she’d made it all the way to the last page, and there had been nothing about her running away or being kidnapped, nothing about her at all.

  Good. But she needed more info. As soon as she paid the bill and walked back outside, she pulled out her cell to call Olivia. She should be able to catch her friend between first and second period.

  “I told your mom about Miami,” Olivia said, not bothering with a hello. “She bought it.” Why wouldn’t she—from you, devoted friend of her poor sick daughter? Shay thought. Olivia was like an angel to her mom. Someone who gave her daughter the gift of seminormalcy just by hanging out with her.

  “That’s great,” Shay exclaimed. “Thank you so much. Thank you, thank you.” Olivia liked gratitude. And Shay was sincerely grateful. She’d turned to Olivia at a time when Olivia had every reason to reject her, and Olivia had come through. “What did she
say?”

  “That she was buying a ticket on the next plane. She’s going to rent a car there and drive around Miami until she finds you,” Olivia answered.

  “And Martin?” Shay was a lot more worried about him. Her stepfather was used to getting his way. Anyone who had Martin’s money and fame usually did get their way.

  “He’s staying home, in case you come back or call,” Olivia said.

  “Good. Good. That’s good.” Thinking about Martin gave Shay the jitters. She could imagine how much he wanted Gabriel back. Gabriel’s blood was probably the best shot Martin would ever get at his historic medical breakthrough.

  Of course, he mostly wanted Gabriel back so he could keep Shay alive. Which meant he would be just as intent on finding her. He knew how easy it would be for her to die out here alone.

  “Your mom gave me a message for you, in case you’re interested,” Olivia told her.

  “Of course I’m interested.” Although maybe she shouldn’t be. How could her mother have kept such a huge secret from her? How could her mother have allowed Gabriel to suffer so much?

  “She said that everything she’s done your whole life is because she loves you,” Olivia said.

  Shay felt tears spring to her eyes. She could feel her mother’s pain as sharply as if it were her own. But she couldn’t worry about Mom right now. She had to protect Gabriel. She had to take care of him. In a way, she was responsible for what her mother and Martin had done to him.

  “My turn to ask questions now,” Olivia announced. “Are you okay? Don’t lie.”

  “I’m fine,” Shay answered.

  “Fine fine?” Olivia pressed. “You’re not feeling sick at all? Or weak? Or feverish?”

  “Really, Olivia, I’m fine. Good, even.” Thanks to Gabriel. He’d given her his blood so freely, even after what Martin and her mother had done to him.

  “Call me tomorrow,” Olivia said.

  “I will,” Shay promised, hanging up. She’d reached the motel room again, and she felt a flutter of butterflies in her stomach as she opened the door and went in.

  Gabriel lay sleeping. Shay sat back down to stare at him again.

  How could she not? He was such a mix of contradictions. He’d treated her so harshly, then so generously. Who was he really?

  CHAPTER

  ELEVEN

  “IS IT WEIRD TO DRINK IT COLD?” Shay asked, handing Gabriel a bag of blood. He was better tonight. He took the bag, tore it open, and took a long drink, all without her help.

  “Refreshing,” he said as Shay sat on the bed next to him. “I prefer it Frappuccino-style, but …” He shrugged, and Shay found herself fascinated by the way the motion made his back muscles rise and fall under his T-shirt.

  She looked away. Were vampires psychic? Hadn’t she read something like that once? If Gabriel could tell what she was thinking, it would be beyond humiliating.

  “I guess we could get a blender,” she babbled, trying to pull her thoughts away from Gabriel’s body. His really very nice body.

  Gabriel laughed. “I was kidding,” he told her.

  “So vampires have a sense of humor. Interesting,” Shay joked. “What about mind reading? Do they—you— Can you do that?”

  “Why?” Gabriel raised an eyebrow. “Have you been thinking things you don’t want me to know?”

  “Everybody thinks things they don’t want other people to know,” Shay said, warmth flooding her neck and face. Damn it. She was blushing. You didn’t have to be a mind reader to know what that meant.

  Gabriel turned away from her and took another long drink. He’ s definitely stronger, Shay thought as she watched him. He’ll be able to take care of himself soon, and I can go home.

  Home. God. She didn’t have a home anymore, not really. Yeah, Mom would be overjoyed to see her. Martin—well, who knew what Martin would feel? He obviously didn’t think there was anything wrong with imprisoning and torturing a living being in order to find the cure for Shay’s disease. He probably thought Shay’s horror was a big overreaction, and he definitely thought she was being stupid. He’d all but said that when he told her she’d die without the blood. In Martin’s world, the only sane thing to do would be to go home and start stealing Gabriel’s blood again.

  Shay sighed. She couldn’t go back to her old life with them, not now. Maybe she’d actually go through with the lie she’d asked Olivia to tell. Not take off for Miami, but go somewhere, as far as her gas tank would take her, and then live—live, live, live—until she couldn’t anymore.

  The thought made her feel better. She’d promised herself that she would embrace life, and she could still do that.

  Gabriel noticed the Dollar Tree bag on the floor by the bed. “You went out?” he asked, and there was an edge to his voice.

  “I made sure the sun wouldn’t hit you,” Shay told him. “But don’t worry, I won’t leave you until you’re strong enough to manage on your own. You seem like you’re feeling better. Are you?”

  Gabriel didn’t reply. Instead he picked up the bag. Shay playfully snatched it away. “Nuh-uh. No looking until you answer my question.”

  “Remind me.”

  “Can you read minds?” Shay asked.

  “No. Although, when I feed, I get a rush of emotions from the Giver. They aren’t connected to thoughts, just pure emotion,” Gabriel said.

  “Yes. I remember that from one of the visions. It was like being immersed in an ocean of feeling. And, by the way, I wouldn’t know what being in the ocean was like if not for you. I’ve never done that in my own body, but you went swimming in Greece, and I was there. Buoyed up by the salty water. Swimming on a path of light from the setting sun.”

  “So long ago,” Gabriel said. “I’ve swum in the ocean many times—many, many times—since then. But never with the colors of the sunset stretched out in front of me, dazzling me.” He frowned.

  “You miss it, don’t you? The sun?” Shay asked.

  “Not most of the time. There are compensations,” Gabriel replied, but he didn’t seem convinced. That streak of sadness she’d often felt in him seemed close to the surface right now.

  “Compensations like what? You can’t even read minds,” Shay teased him. “And don’t tell me that doglike nose of yours makes up for not seeing the sun.”

  “My nose isn’t cold and wet.” Gabriel touched it, as if to check.

  “Not that way. I mean your sense of smell. I saw on some Discovery channel show that dogs can smell a single drop of blood in five quarts of water. They have more scent receptors than humans,” Shay said.

  “You watch a lot of TV,” he commented.

  “I spend a lot of time in bed,” she said. Then she clapped her hand over her mouth. “Sleeping, I mean! ’Cause I’m sick. It’s a Sick Girl thing.”

  Gabriel turned away, trying to hide his smile, but she saw it anyway. She dropped her head into her hands, hiding her face and her blushing cheeks. “So you have a Super Nose, and you can see in the dark, and you can hear like crazy,” she said through her fingers. “I was in your cave once, and I actually heard the bats’ heartbeats.”

  “I guess,” Gabriel said with a shrug. “I can’t say it’s made that much of an impression on me.”

  “Everything makes an impression on you,” Shay insisted. “I know. I’ve been you.” But that vision in the caverns, it had been different. Gabriel had still been smelling, and hearing, and seeing everything. But it felt blocked somehow, she now realized. He was experiencing things, but he hadn’t really been letting them in. What happened? she wondered. Why aren’t you appreciating life as much as you used to?

  “Sam used to say I had a thirst for life,” Gabriel said. “Ironic, huh?”

  “Well, you do literally thirst for it.” Shay nodded toward the bag of blood in his hand. Gabriel looked at it, then lifted it to his lips and drained it.

  “It’s not mind reading, but I do have a link to the other members of my family. I know how each of them is feeling. I know if they’r
e in pain or need help. And I can sense where they are,” Gabriel said as he tossed the plastic bag. “That link is broken now. As soon as the hawthorn hit my system, it went away. I don’t know if that’s permanent or not. I’m assuming my family can’t feel me either, or they’d have come for me.”

  “I’m sorry,” Shay said. She didn’t know what else to say. Gabriel loved his family, she knew. And to be cut off from them, especially at a time when he’d been treated so badly, well, it had to be awful. He must feel unbearably lonely without that connection. “Do you—do you want to talk about it?”

  “No, I want that bag.” He reached over and easily plucked the Dollar Tree bag from her fingers. “I’ve earned my look.” Gabriel’s lips quirked into a smile as he pulled the stuffed leopard free. “I can’t read minds, as you know,” he told her. “So I’m going to need an explanation.”

  “I don’t have one. I just— Really, no explanation,” Shay said.

  “It simply appeared in the bag?”

  “It wanted to come with me. What could I say?” she asked, feeling a little silly, especially when Gabriel studied her face for a long moment. “What?” she finally asked.

  “Nothing.” Gabriel took out the toothbrushes and toothpaste.

  “I wasn’t sure. Do you even brush?” Shay asked.

  He laughed. “Yeah. Thanks.”

  He added the playing cards to the pile. “I thought we might want something to do,” Shay explained.

  Gabriel upended the bag, and a rainbow of candy fell out.

  “You’re planning to eat this?” Gabriel held up a plastic ring with a huge translucent blue gem made out of hard candy.

  Shay took the ring, unwrapped it, stuck it on her finger, and took a lick. “I’ve never been allowed to eat anything like this,” she admitted.

  “Why would you want to?” Gabriel looked faintly repulsed.

  “Because I’ve never been allowed. It’s a Sick Girl thing. Only healthy food. Bland, tasteless, healthy food.” Shay took another lick.

  “You keep saying that—it’s a Sick Girl thing. Is that really how you see yourself, as nothing but a sick girl?” Gabriel asked.