“You know the story I told you about Jenni?”
Tyler nodded, a sick feeling suddenly flooding his body. Even before she continued on, things began to fall into place like the pieces of a puzzle.
“That’s my story too. I was one of the twelve.” She swallowed hard and lifted a hand to touch her hair. “I color my hair and wear colored contacts so I’m no longer what they are looking for. It was just one of the ways I protect myself.”
“Along with the weapons and the self-defense training,” Tyler added.
“Yes.” She sank back into the chair, her hands in her lap.
“Why didn’t you ever tell me?”
“My thought at the time was that I didn’t want my past impacting what I might have with you. You know the details of what happened to Jenni. That’s what happened to me too. I just didn’t want to…taint things with you.” She gave a small shrug. “Of course, I was totally ignoring the fact that my past was already impacting every aspect of my life.”
“You have to know that what happened to you wouldn’t change how I thought of you. Of us.” Tyler leaned forward, resting his elbows on the table. “When you were so upset that night at the hospital…can you explain that to me? Was it because Justin got hurt?”
Melanie tilted her head. “Do you think I have feelings for Justin?”
Though he hadn’t wanted to, Tyler hesitated.
“I don’t. Well, not in the same way I have feelings for you. Justin is a good friend, but that’s all he is. Yes, I was upset about him being hurt and Alana being abducted. I was also extremely tired that night. I’d taken two sleeping pills to help me sleep, so my ability to cope was at an all-time low.” She paused, her gaze dropping for a moment before meeting his again. “What really hit me hard was the realization that all the measures I’d put into place to protect myself were useless. If someone like Justin couldn’t manage to protect himself let alone Alana, what hope did I have? Everything I’d built my life on was gone. I was scared.”
As Tyler took in her words, understanding came too. The obsession he’d noticed and commented on to Ryan had been about this. About keeping her body in such good shape so she could protect herself. It was an obsession like he’d suspected, but he’d been way off base on the reason for it.
“I’m sorry,” Tyler said, knowing the words weren’t sufficient to express the remorse he felt for not having stepped up during the past four days.
Melanie’s brows drew together. “For what? None of what happened to me was your fault.”
Tyler stared at her, feeling his failure deep in his heart. “I should have been there for you. I should have stayed in contact to make sure you were okay.” He took a deep breath. The effort he’d made for her today suddenly seemed like nothing. When he should have stepped up, he’d stepped back. He hoped with all his heart that this wasn’t too little, too late. “I’m so sorry.”
“It’s been a rough couple of days. Being there for Justin has helped me to focus on something besides my own issues, but that can’t go on forever.” Melanie looked down at her hands and let out a sigh. “I’m going to need help. In the past, I went for counseling, but in the back of my mind was always the thought that no one but me knew that the only way to live my life was to learn how to keep myself safe.”
Tyler could see the confusion on her face as he searched for the right words to say. “How are you feeling right now?”
“A little lost.” She crossed her arms, hugging herself. “I’m trying to trust God. To believe in His will, but it’s hard. I don’t want to believe that what happened was His will for me. That makes it really hard for me to trust Him. I don’t know what to do.”
“It is hard to trust God’s will when bad things happen. I struggled with that too.” Tyler ran a hand through his hair, praying for the right words. “At first, it was a little easier to accept given that I could have ended up even more seriously injured or dead in the accident, but then when Kelly left me, that made me question everything again.”
“How did you work it out?”
“Every day I wake up realizing that all of that has brought me to this point in my life and made me who I am today.” Tyler paused. “And more recently I’ve come to realize that if even just one of those things hadn’t happened, I would never have ended up here. With you. Hoping you’ll give me a second chance. I would go through it all over again just to know that it would bring you into my life. Into my heart.”
Melanie’s lips parted as her beautiful blue eyes sparkled with moisture. She lifted a hand and pressed her fingertips to her lips. “Do you really mean that?”
Tyler got to his feet and came around to Melanie’s chair. He held out his hand and waited for her to take it. When she did, he drew her to her feet then led the way from the table to a small sitting area tucked in amongst the greenery and not far from the waterfall.
Once they were seated, Tyler took both her hands in his and looked into her eyes. “Yes, I really mean it. Will you give me another chance? I know I don’t deserve it, but I want the chance to show you that I’ll be beside you through whatever is to come. Good or bad.”
Melanie stared at him, her gaze serious. It wasn’t quite the reaction he’d been hoping for. A sick feeling slowly seeped into Tyler’s gut. She wasn’t going to give him that chance, and he had no one but himself to blame.
Her brows drew together. “I think maybe I need a little time.”
Tyler straightened but kept her hands in his. She hadn’t pulled away. She hadn’t outright said no. Yet.
“If you need time, I’m willing to wait.” The words just about choked Tyler, but he knew they were what she needed to hear.
“I’m sorry, Tyler.” Her gaze dropped as her grip tightened on his hands. “You went to all this trouble…”
“Don’t apologize. You have nothing to be sorry for.” Tyler paused and waited until she lifted her gaze to his again. “You do what you need to. Just know that I’m there for you.”
She nodded, and Tyler saw her eyes flood with moisture. “I’m sorry.”
Pulling her hands from his, Melanie got up and walked away from him, taking his heart with her.
~*~*~
Melanie willed herself to keep all emotion from her face as she made her way back to her office. Voices were clamoring in her head to be heard but right then, all she wanted was to hide away.
She walked into her office and, without looking at Heather, said, “I’m not to be disturbed.”
With shaking hands, she closed the door and locked it before going to her chair and sinking down into it. She bent her head, gripping handfuls of her hair. What had she been thinking? Tyler had apologized and asked for a second chance. Why hadn’t her response been yes? Why was she sitting here alone in her office feeling like her chest was held in an ever-tightening grip?
Her heart was aching with what she’d just done. Had this been her last chance at love? Tyler had said he’d wait, but would he? Would he really wait for an emotionally screwed up, scared-of-the-world woman?
He will wait. The soft, calm voice broke through the emotional clamor in her head. He said he’d wait. Trust him.
So now she was supposed to trust Tyler and God? It felt like too much. After years of relying on herself, the idea of trusting others with her emotions—her life—was overwhelming. But she’d told Tyler she was going to get help, so she would.
Though they had good counselors at the Center, Melanie knew she needed someone not as involved in her life to help her. Taking a deep breath, she turned to her computer and typed a name into her search bar.
The next morning, Melanie turned off her alarm and pushed to a sitting position. Today was going to be different. Justin had gone home the previous afternoon so she wasn’t going to the hospital like she had been other mornings. Instead, she had an appointment at nine o’clock with a psychiatrist.
A tremor of unease tightened her gut, but she ignored it. If she wanted to live a full life, she needed to do this. If sh
e wanted to have a life with Tyler in it, she needed to do this. If she wanted to be free of the fear that had dictated so much of her life for the past fourteen years, she had to do this. She had to do this.
She swung her feet over the edge of the bed and picked up her phone. Out of habit, she checked the display and froze when she saw two text messages waiting for her.
“Be strong and of good courage, do not fear nor be afraid of them; for the Lord your God, He is the One who goes with you. He will not leave you nor forsake you.” Deut. 31:6
Praying for you.
Tyler. Warmth spread through her as she got to her feet. He said he’d be with her, and apparently this was his way of doing that since she’d shut down any other option.
She needed to respond, but she wasn’t sure what to say so finally settled on a simple Thank you.
He didn’t reply, but the next morning when she got up, two more texts waited for her.
“Have I not commanded you? Be strong and of good courage; do not be afraid, nor be dismayed, for the Lord your God is with you wherever you go.” Josh. 1:9
Praying for you.
After sending back another Thank you, Melanie made her way to the bathroom to prepare for her appointment with the psychiatrist. At least her nerves over the appointment weren’t like they’d been the first time.
Given the ongoing situation with Justin and Alana, in addition to her own emotional state, she’d agreed to meet each day with the psychiatrist for the first week. It had been a difficult initial session. All her defensive mechanisms had kept trying to kick into place, the ones she’d used the first time she’d gone through counseling. Thankfully, the psychiatrist was also a Christian so was open to her discussing her struggles with trusting God as well as everything else.
The hardest part of each day was turning out to be going to work. Heather had never brought up what had happened with Tyler, but her subdued demeanor was difficult to ignore. Melanie wondered if the woman thought she was being selfish or stupid or both. Maybe one day she’d talk to her more about what was going on, but first she had to figure it out for herself.
Day three brought more texts from Tyler.
“Whenever I am afraid, I will trust in You. In God I have put my trust; I will not fear. What can flesh do to me?” Psalm 56:3-4
Praying for you.
Though she knew Tyler had sent the verses to encourage her, they’d had the added effect of sending her to her Bible. She’d found herself looking up the verses he’d sent her and reading through the chapters they’d come from. Inasmuch as those verses were no doubt meant to connect her to God, they were her lifeline to Tyler as well.
“Yea, though I walk through the valley of the shadow of death, I will fear no evil; For You are with me; Your rod and Your staff, they comfort me.” Psalm 23: 4
Praying for you.
“Peace I leave with you, My peace I give to you; not as the world gives do I give to you. Let not your heart be troubled, neither let it be afraid.”
Praying for you.
Melanie settled onto the cushions of her favorite spot and closed her eyes. The sounds of the nearby waterfall soothed her. It had been a long couple of weeks.
“Care to share your space?”
She cracked her eyes open enough to see her sister slump onto the seat opposite her. Adrianne sprawled back, her exhaustion evident in her long sigh.
“How’re the plans?”
Adrianne rubbed her face with her hands. “Plans for the banquet are fine. Trying to incorporate the crazy security Marcus wants is another thing altogether.”
No one blamed him, especially since the situation with Justin and Alana was still ongoing. No word from the kidnapper. No sighting of Alana or the man suspected of kidnapping her. Marcus was treating this as if it was tied to all the other attacks. But when push came to shove, it really didn’t matter what the connections might be when Alana was still missing.
If Justin had been a silent, imposing figure before falling in love, he was even more so now as he waited for news on Alana. Melanie tried to touch base with him each day, but it was hard to know what to say anymore. He was living his own personal hell all the while wondering what sort of situation Alana was in. Next to his concern for Alana was his concern for Caden. Than had been spending time with the two of them to help with communication since Justin’s sign language was still not fluent enough to help Caden through this difficult time.
“Are you going with Tyler?” Adrianne asked.
Melanie closed her eyes and curled onto her side. “No, but I guess I’ll be seeing him there.”
The verses had continued to show up each day, but aside from that, they’d had no communication. Countless times she’d questioned why she’d felt the need for space. She missed him. Not just their budding relationship, but their friendship. But there was no denying that being able to focus on the therapy without having to worry about recapping it to Tyler had been good. She’d tell him about it one day. Hopefully soon because she was ready to explore life with him.
One of the things she’d discovered through therapy was that in letting go of the tight focus on keeping herself primed for a fight she could fully enjoy more areas of her life. No longer did she exercise to make sure she could take on a bad guy. She did it because she enjoyed it. And if she didn’t feel like doing it one or two nights, she didn’t. In the past, skipping those parts of her routine would have had her panicking about losing her edge.
And food… She didn’t feel the absolute need to restrict herself from eating the foods which were a little less healthy anymore. There was no way she’d ever completely abandon the healthy eating habits she’d developed over the years, but there wouldn’t be the focus on it that there had once been. The next time she went with Tyler to a Timberwolves’ game she hoped to get him to take her to that restaurant where they’d gone with Ryan and Gabe. And she was going to order the chicken pot pie without a thought to how healthy or unhealthy it was. Then, at the game afterward, she’d share an order of nachos with him.
The thought of going out with Tyler like that made her smile. She hoped they’d get back to that point sooner rather than later. Maybe the night of the banquet would be a good place to start that journey back.
Melanie reached up to touch her hair, tugging a bit on the strand right by her ear. It had been just one more step in the long process to finding her way to the life she wanted. The life that wasn’t bound up by fear but was defined by love and trust. Oh, she still had a ways to go, but the hardest step—the first one—was now behind her.
Her gaze swept the large room from her vantage point on the second-floor balcony. They’d had to change venues in order to accommodate Marcus’s security measures and they’d been lucky to be able to get such a beautiful place at short notice. Small white lights were draped or hung from every available surface. The perimeter of the room was filled with large round tables that would soon hold the guests of the evening while they ate the delicious meal Adrianne had planned for them.
The Center of the room was slowly filling with people mingling, drinks in their hands. But the person she wanted to see above all others was still not there. Had he changed his mind about coming since they hadn’t been in contact?
“I will be so glad when this night is over.”
Melanie glanced over to see Adrianne join her at the railing. Her sister looked stunning in an emerald colored evening gown. The jeweled halter-style neckline left her shoulders bare. She’d chosen to wear her hair up which accented the long drop earrings she wore. But even the flawlessly applied makeup could do nothing to hide her exhaustion and the worry that each member of BlackThorpe carried around with them daily now.
“You’ve done a great job as usual,” Melanie assured her sister as she slipped an arm around her shoulders. “Even with everything Marcus threw at you, you made it work. Not sure anyone else could have done it like you did.”
Adrianne didn’t say anything, just kept flicking her gaze between th
e growing crowd below and the small tablet she held in her hand. Yeah, this banquet lacked the ease of ones in the past, but as long as it ended without anything going wrong, they’d all breathe a sigh of relief.
Spotting the arrival of their parents, Melanie decided she’d go down and keep them distracted until Tyler showed up.
“Melanie, darling,” her mother said with a smile as she drew her close for a kiss. “You look absolutely divine. I’m so happy to see you back with your original hair color. And your eyes. So beautiful.”
“Thanks, Mom.” Melanie turned and lifted a hand toward the room. “Isn’t it just gorgeous? Adrianne has outdone herself this year.”
“Yes. She’s done a wonderful job,” her father said, pride evident in his voice. “That’s our Adrianne.”
“It is very elegant and the lights are lovely,” her mother added. “It’s spectacular.”
Melanie sighed. Why her mother found it easier to dish out compliments when Adrianne wasn’t around made no sense to her. Before she could comment, her mother spotted friends of theirs, and the next thing Melanie knew, she was standing there watching her parents walk away.
Once again, she looked across the room, spotting the tall figures of Alex and Marcus as they stood together talking with a group of people. She wondered how Marcus tolerated events like this since he was never one to really socialize—even with people he knew. A smile curved her lips as she looked toward the entrance and recognized Hank and Shauna as they stepped into the room.
Even from this distance, Melanie could see the delight on Shauna’s face as she took in the décor of the ballroom. Unable to keep from smiling herself, Melanie took a couple of steps in their direction, but then jerked to a stop when Shauna turned to speak to the people behind them. The couple behind them.
Tyler stood there, a statuesque brunette at his side, her hand looped through his arm as they talked with Shauna and Hank. Melanie remained frozen in place, trying to get her brain to kick into gear. The noise in the room faded away under the sound of her blood pulsing through her head. Then confusion settled in.
A Matter of Trust: A Christian Romance (BlackThorpe Security Book 3) Page 26