Slipping the photos in my work diary, I dropped it along with her jumper into my rucksack, hesitating near the stack of DVDs piled next to the TV. What could I take for her to watch? I wanted to impress her at least a little. I decided on Raise the Red Lantern, for its stunning beauty and storyline, and The House of Flying Daggers for a bit of visual martial arts madness. Picking up Murphy’s lead, we set out to Jamie’s house via the beach.
***
There were no signs of life as I neared Jamie’s house, although this time I spotted that a new mini, which I assumed was her car, was parked in the small driveway. I decided to walk around to the front door. Slipping Murphy on her lead, we headed for the glass porch encasing the large wooden front door. Opening the outer door, I knocked lightly at first then more firmly as my confidence grew a little, mainly at the thought that she wouldn’t answer. After a few beats, I heard no movement. Although I was disappointed, I was a little relieved that we wouldn’t have to discuss our last meeting. Taking off my rucksack, I pushed the hood of the jumper through the letterbox before closing the external door behind me. Hearing a loud click, I turned to see Jamie still in her pyjamas, a broad smile on her face. She looked fresh-faced and stunning, a look I was quickly getting used to.
“Hi. I was just returning your hoodie,” I said, pointing to the jumper still hanging out of the letterbox.
“Thanks. Would you like to come in?” Her tone was friendly.
“Were you in bed?” I asked, suppressing a slight grin.
“No. I was in the kitchen.” Her words had a slight edge to them as she scolded me.
I smiled as she looked down at her attire.
“It is the weekend you know.”
“Of course. What was I thinking?” I replied with a laugh as I walked towards her. I looked down to see Murphy’s excited wiggle as she eyed Jamie. She was also soaking from her recent dip in the sea. I stopped in my tracks. “Maybe we should use the tradesman’s entrance.”
Jamie’s eyebrows flicked up at my remark. “It’s fine. I don’t have any carpets to mess up.” Her eyes travelled down to an excited Murphy. Her smile seemed to increase as they settled on the soggy dog next to me. It’s true what they say; a cute puppy is a great wingman.
“I’ll just get a towel to dry her off,” Jamie said as she left the door ajar, disappearing into the darkness.
We both sniffed at the amazing cooking aroma that flowed through the gap. Apparently, as I recalled Jamie’s statement the other day, owners and their dogs really do develop the same traits. I smiled as I looked down at Murphy’s twitching nose.
Jamie returned with the same towel I’d used the other day when we visited. She stayed leaning against the door as I gave an excited Murphy a vigorous rub down. We both laughed as she rushed off to investigate the house. Her eyes met mine as I handed back the towel.
“Thanks. You know that top is yours actually. You bought it in one of those surf shops in Whitby.”
“I did?” I asked, surprised. I hadn’t actively shopped for new clothes in a long time. There were some benefits to a loss of memory. I felt a little thwarted; my excuse for visiting was becoming a little transparent.
“I know it’s shocking for you, but I don’t think it’s the result of a shopping expedition, more a targeted attack due to the lack of laundry services at the hotel you were staying in. You wore it when I came to stay with you for the weekend. You left it at my place in York. I couldn’t bring myself to give it back to James.”
“Oh. Well, keep it then,” I said with a smile, immediately aware of how lopsided this relationship was once more. “So what have you been up to today?” I said, changing the subject as we walked into the kitchen.
“Well, I had a bit of a lie-in, did a few hours’ work, had a long soak in the bath, fancied some lasagne when I got out so … I was just putting it in the oven when you knocked.”
“Wow! You cook, too,” I said, half joking.
“You learn pretty quickly when you’re looking after someone.” Her words were tinged with sadness.
“I’m sorry,” I replied with a solemn face. “It must have been very difficult for you to cope with it all on your own.”
She looked at me as if a little unsure of what to say next. I figured she wasn’t sure of what I actually remembered. “She liked you.”
“She did?” I asked, trying not to sound too surprised.
“She thought you were charming and funny.”
“Well, what can I say? She was obviously a good judge of character,” I said with a smile.
“Ummm!” Her eyes squinted like a sleepy cat as she looked back at me, again unsure of my intentions. “Would you like to stay for supper?”
“I’d love to … Thanks.” I wasn’t about to walk away from that aroma. Murphy would never have forgiven me.
“I was just going to have some wine. Would you like some?”
“Please,” I replied, although I hadn’t been much of a drinker lately.
“Will Murphy eat lasagne?” Jamie asked as she selected a bottle of wine from a small rack on the work surface.
“Is there any onion in it?” I asked, recalling the information I had read about poisonous foods for dogs.
“Uh, no. I didn’t have any. It’s just mince, peppers, pasta and sauce with cheese on top.”
“Sounds perfect. I’m sure the furry piglet would love some,” I said, looking across at Murphy crashed out on the rug near the patio doors. The sun had created a warm patch and she was taking full advantage of it.
“Here.” She handed me the wine and bottle opener while she selected two glasses from a wall cupboard.
Winding in the corkscrew, I reacquainted myself with the fantastic space Jamie had created. “This place is really great, Jamie.”
“Thanks, but Aunt Lou did all the hard work.”
I cringed at her words. I couldn’t even pay her a compliment without fucking it up. I quickly changed the subject. “Thanks for sending the photos. I brought the diary I was telling you about. Could you help me put them in chronological order and fill in a few blanks?”
“Absolutely. We’ve got some time before dinner’s ready.”
Happy that I’d smoothed things over, I pulled the diary from my bag, opening it to the printed photos I’d slotted in earlier. I was faced with images of the past that I barely recollected, if at all. Yet Jamie’s striking blue eyes still seemed to capture my heart whenever I saw them. Separating the photographs, I spread them out over the surface of the breakfast bar, unsure of the sequential order. I looked up to see Jamie’s eyes fixed on me and my actions.
“I wasn’t sure what order they should go in.”
“I think I can help you with that,” Jamie said, making her way around the breakfast bar, taking the seat next to mine.
Remembering the DVDs, I pulled them from my bag. “I bought a couple of DVDs for you to watch,” I said, handing them over to her.
“Ooh, thanks,” Jamie replied as she read the info on the cases.
“They’re both really visual. I thought you might like them.”
“I will. I haven’t seen many Chinese films.” She put them to one side as she focussed her attention on the photographs in front of us.
I pulled at the bookmark ribbon in the diary, taking me straight to January. I wasn’t sure exactly what day we had first met; I only knew it was through work. I figured it must have been in the first few months of the year if we were together for the seven months before I had my accident in November.
“So,” I said, browsing the notes James had already written on the jobs we were working on at the time.
I felt Jamie’s breath on my arm as she scanned the information on the pages in front of me.
“Okay, you can flip to Wednesday the twenty-sixth of February.”
I tossed the ribbon over the top of the diary and flipped to February 26th.
“That’s the first day we met?” I asked.
“Yes. At your offices in Manchester. I
came down with two other colleagues for a meeting on the project for Bonnington Hall in York.”
I scanned the notes James had written for that day: Meeting with York Council, Heritage. In brackets, Presentation on the layout of the project, stages of work and visit to Goldings work site.
There was no mention of Jamie, no names at all in fact. I figured James was following Jamie’s lead to keep her out of everything. Goldings I did remember: a corporate carbon-neutral project we’d worked on on the outskirts of Manchester. One of the few jobs where I actually got to sleep in my own bed at night.
“There’s no names,” I said.
“Let me get a pen,” Jamie said enthusiastically.
I watched her drift across to the coffee table near Murphy, unclipping a pen from some paperwork. She returned with a warm smile on her face as she hopped back on the stool next to me.
“Okay, let’s see. Meeting with York Heritage Council, with …” She made a dash next to the entry and began writing names of people I didn’t recognise next to it. She continued to talk as she wrote. “Peter Richards, John Price and Jamie Buxton. Did a PowerPoint presentation on the project as James was ill, put on a buffet lunch, Peter and John went back to Manchester for a meeting, took Jamie out for a site visit to Goldings, had to lend her boots as she wasn’t prepared for visit, teased James and stuffed his own socks down his shirt.”
“Wow, you have a pretty good memory,” I said as she fiddled with the pen in her hands. I felt bad at the mention of James, I missed the closeness and camaraderie of our relationship.
“Oh, and Jamie yawned a lot as she was tired from her student neighbours keeping her up half the night partying.”
“I see.” I let out a small chuckle at her words.
“Something which you later mentioned and I had to explain. We didn’t meet again until May when you started surveying, but we did speak on the phone and email in between.”
I wanted to ask what she thought of me when we first met, but I didn’t feel like I had enough footing to ask. I flipped through the pages till I reached May.
“When did we start?”
“Second week I think,” Jamie said as she turned the page. “Here,” she said, pointing to the Monday.
I read the notes James had already provided, confirming Jamie’s statement.
“I came out to visit you on site on the Monday,” Jamie continued. “My boss insisted I bring Pete with me. He was an ecologist we’d just employed and he wanted Pete to be involved in the project, so I introduced him and understandably you were pissed off that I – we – were dumping him on you when you had your own team. We had a bit of a barney and I stomped off.”
“Okay, stormy start, then?” I said, wrapped up in the conversation.
“Kind of. Well, I came back later that day, hoping to pull the chestnuts from the fire so to speak.” Jamie looked down at her pen as if considering her next words again. “I liked you and we had to work together, so I apologised and asked you out for a drink that evening.”
“Oooh.” I plucked the pen from Jamie’s fingers and began writing the events of the day as Jamie had explained them. “So, you liked me,” I said, grinning as I wrote. I felt a playful nudge on my shoulder.
“We had a great evening out, lots of laughs. You told me you were a gold-star lesbian.”
“I did?” I asked, trying to contain my laughter. It did sound like me I had to admit.
“You questioned me about my yawning at our first meeting. I told you about my neighbours keeping me awake. You said you were thinking about doing a night walk and I asked if I could come with you.”
“And?” I asked as I continued to write notes.
“What I didn’t realise at the time was that it would be at four o’clock in the morning!”
I laughed again. “I see. Well, you have to get up early to see the good stuff.”
“It was worth every minute of it.”
Jamie’s voice was soft as she spoke. I looked up, meeting her eyes. They had turned glassy. I reached out, taking her hand in mine.
“Good. I’m glad I wasn’t off my game.” I rubbed her knuckles as she continued.
“Not at all. You were entertaining and charismatic. We had some strange conversations about celebrities dying in threes.”
I remembered something of that conversation from the other day; now I could at least place it in some kind of timeframe.
“We saw some deer that night,” Jamie continued as she pointed to the Wednesday. “And I rescued your welly you’d lost in the bog earlier that week.”
“Wow! It was pretty eventful then.” I could recall endless night walks that had been far less fruitful. “Wait, I lost my welly?” I said as I wrote more notes.
“Yep, you had to walk back to the basecamp with just one boot.”
“Oh my God!” I watched her hand fly up to cover her mouth, before it dropped revealing a toothy grin. “Mike, he was in his camper van when we arrived and we could hear some grunting, then I saw Pete’s car and we put two and two together. We couldn’t face either of them for a while.”
I felt my eyebrows fight to stay on my forehead. “Are you serious? Mike and another guy?” Holy shit! That’s the kind of stuff I really needed to remember.
Jamie jumped up, still laughing as she checked on the lasagne in the oven while I continued to finish my notes on the night walk.
“Robin … what are you looking to get from all this?”
I looked up, meeting her eyes, unsure of how to start. I hadn’t given it a great deal of thought. I was so anxious to find out how I had spent the nine months I had lost. A combination of flashbacks and dreams had made me even more desperate to understand a certain blonde; it was like slowly unfolding a massive sheet of paper, trying to make sense of the picture it contained. The relief I had felt at not only finding out she was real but physically finding her was palpable. I was so eager to discover all the details I hadn’t thought of the consequences or after effects of knowing them.
“I … I guess I want some form of closure maybe … to feel in control again, to not feel like my pockets have been picked every day.”
Jamie looked away, unable to keep eye contact. “I’m sorry we weren’t honest with you before.”
I felt terrible for what I had said; I just blurted out my words without even thinking how bad she would feel. “I’m sorry. That came out badly.” My voice softened as I struggled to focus on her stunning blue eyes. “You know, it probably wouldn’t have helped to start with,” I said in an attempt to rescue the situation. “I’d like to find out more about us,” I said, with a little more thought. It was still a bit of a mystery to me how I had managed to hold on to someone like Jamie for so long. I hoped I hadn’t fucked it up already.
“I hope I’ve helped with that a little.” Her tone was withdrawn as she focused her attention on the large clock on the wall.
“You have. Thank you … I really appreciate your help.”
“Have you spoke to James lately?” Jamie asked, still looking at the clock.
I was surprised by her question. “No. I’ve been avoiding him this week,” I said, remembering his calls I’d declined and emails I hadn’t even opened. He’d been like a brother to me for half my life and I didn’t know what to say to him, not about this. I struggled to accept what he had kept from me. Jamie had put him in a tough position.
She returned her gaze to me. “I don’t want this to come between you two. I made the decision. Please don’t blame him for it.”
“What has he said to you?” I asked, trying to block out images of the pair of them conspiring in whispered conversations.
“Not much, but I know he’s worried you won’t talk to him.”
I relented at her words. “I’ll speak to him tomorrow. I just needed a little time.”
“Thank you,” Jamie said with a weak smile.
Chapter 10
I remained on the high stool at the breakfast bar, watching in silence as Jamie deposited our
plates in the sink before she sidled up next to me, refilling my wine glass. I’d barely touched a drop of alcohol since the accident; it was generating a need, a lust to create new memories, intimate memories, with Jamie. I mentally reprimanded myself to get to know Jamie better before acting on my baser instincts and took another drink from my glass to distract me from the closeness of her next to me. I felt a hand at the nape of my neck as it played with my hair. I closed my eyes for a second, enjoying her touch. Her soft voice broke the spell.
“I really like your hair like this. Not that I didn’t before, but I think it really suits you like this.”
I wallowed under her continued ministrations. “It’s certainly a lot quicker to wash and dry, although I do actually need to do stuff to it now. Before it was either up or down, because it was relatively straight I didn’t have to do much, but now I have to mess with it every day. I fell asleep with wet hair the other day and it was like something had been nesting in it when I woke up.”
Jamie sniggered a little at my story, although she seemed a little distracted.
“Can I see them?” Jamie asked, maintaining her low tone.
I looked up, meeting her eyes, confused for a second before seeing her eyes dart towards the side of my head, to my scars.
“Sure.” I tilted my head sideways for her to get a better look. I felt her warm lips on the side of my head as she placed long, lingering kisses along the scarred surface.
“God, I’ve missed you.”
Her warm breath and whispered words filled my head. I had the stamina of a soggy Kit-Kat under her touch. Instinctively I reached out, pulling her towards me. I had no other answer to give. It’s hard to miss someone you don’t fully remember, but I knew we had been close; I felt it whenever we were together. The silence was deafening as her forehead rested against mine. I closed my eyes, remembering various images of us together. Her forehead brushed across my skin as her body settled between my thighs. My hands slowly roamed over her waist and lower back, and nuzzled into the other side of my face. I hadn’t noticed my breathing increase along with hers. Our bodies rose and fell in unison. Warm lips danced along my jawline towards mine. My body began to betray me, craving her touch as she gently pressed her lips to the corner of my mouth. A hand made its way to the side of my neck, tilting my head up to meet her lips, and another hand continued to swirl in my hair as I parted my lips to meet hers. She tasted warm and fruity as our tongues mingled. I knew if I didn’t stop soon there would be no going back. Slipping a hand under her vest, I realised there was no bra to hinder my progress. Bringing a hand between us, I cupped her right breast, smoothing the nipple with my thumb until it firmed under my touch. I heard myself groan into her mouth as her body responded. My other hand crept under the waistband of her pyjamas, again no underwear as I held a firm cheek, pressing her tighter to me. Her silky skin felt incredible; it had been so long since I had felt another woman’s softness.
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