by Hazel Jacobs
But the more she thought about their interactions, the more something didn’t feel right. Maybe it was the way he’d seemed to be… almost going through the motions? Like the moment there was a chance for some real emotion between them, he’d pulled back and seemed to fall into a role. Tessa wonders if he’s like that with every girl. If that’s something that happens to rockstars when they’re having sex with so many different women, but not wanting to be in any kind of relationship with them.
She’d tortured herself by Googling him, looking at picture after picture of him leaving gigs and clubs with women on his arms. It seemed that Dash was kind of a hound when it came to groupies.
Which suits Tessa fine. She tells herself that over and over again until she’s almost sure she believes it. She’s happy to be friends with benefits because she thinks the benefits will be pretty damn good. Tessa isn’t foolish enough to think that he’ll turn his back on the rockstar lifestyle, and forget about all the different women he could be getting just so he could be with her exclusively.
Dash rolls onto his back and gives her a wink. There’s a slow bead of sweat falling down his forehead thanks to the exercise Harper has made him do. She remembers the way that he’d pressed it against hers when they were in his room.
“Hey, Tess, come help me up?”
“I’m working, Dash.”
He lets out a little “pfft” and pushes himself to his feet, ducking his head so that he can avoid eye contact with Harper. Tessa has learned that the boys tend to avoid eye contact with their personal trainer because all it takes is one look from her and they’ll do whatever she wants. It’s like a superpower of hers. Harper can make the men of Black Lilith drop into five reps of ten squats with just a flick of her hair.
“Tess,” Dash says, joining her on the couch with a soft sigh and leaning against her, crowding into her space. “Come play with me.”
Tessa swallows the dozens of dirty responses that cross her mind when he says that. “I’m working,” she repeats.
“You’ve been working… forever.”
“It’s been three minutes.”
Slate finishes his chicken as Harper comes over to sit in his lap, perching herself on his thigh. He drapes a hand over her hip. “Come on, Squirt, your girl’s busy giving me my fifteen minutes of fame.”
Dash rolls his eyes. “She’s not my girl, and you’ve been hogging her.”
Harper shares a look with Tess. She leans over, and Tess can smell coconut and chocolate in the other woman’s hair as she whispers, “Dash gets a bit needy before shows. It’s best to humor him.”
Tessa chews her tongue. “How did he even get by before?”
“Annoying the roadies, mostly.”
“You guys know I can hear you, right?” Dash questions.
Tessa is saved from answering when Mikayla stands up, and Logan calls the other men over for a pre-show huddle. Slate gives Harper a kiss on the temple. Sersha and Tommy sneak a quick kiss before Tommy closes his notebook to join the others.
Dash waits until the other three are standing in a corner together before turning to Tessa and lowering his voice, “You’re gonna be here when I get back, right?”
“Wild horses, Dash. Wild horses.”
He grins at her, and she feels the heat rising in her cheeks because that grin is the one that always hits her hardest. It’s the grin like a dozen Christmases have all come at once. Like he’s been given the world’s most beautiful guitar. Like there’s a thousand and one Golden Retrievers in his room, and they’re all excited to play with him.
“Sweet,” he says. He glances down at her laptop and raises his eyebrows. “You really were typing that whole time?”
“Black Lilith didn’t hire me for my looks.”
“Good thing, too, or we’d go bankrupt paying your wages.”
“Dash!” Logan calls from the corner. “Get your ass over here.”
Dash squeezes Tessa’s knee and gives her one last wink before pushing himself out of the couch and heading over to join the huddle.
Next to Tessa, Harper leans over to take a bottle of water off of the table. She unscrews the lid and takes a long sip. Both she and Tessa let themselves stare at the band for a moment before Harper turns to Tessa and asks, “Having fun yet?”
“Definitely,” Tessa replies. She looks down at her notes and frowns, before turning her gaze toward Sersha, who’s still frowning at her notebook, and Mikayla who is swiping through her phone.
Tessa turns back to Harper. “Do you think I could join you for your next training session? And then interview you after?”
Harper raises her eyebrow. “You want to interview me? You know Slate was just trying to mess with you when he said that stuff, right?”
Tessa is starting to see the skeleton of the article in her head, and it’s making her excited. “Yeah, but I think he had a point. Why not interview the women of Black Lilith along with the men?”
Harper shrugs and bumps shoulders with Tessa, the way that Tessa would often do with one of her own little sisters. “Sure thing, gorgeous. If you think it will help.”
Tessa gazes at Black Lilith in their corner. Dash looks over his shoulder and smiles at the pair of women in the couch. Tessa leans over to rest her head on Harper’s shoulder and smiles back at him.
“Watch your head, Tessa.”
“Thanks, Jared.”
He helps her out of the car, and she smiles breezily in response to his nod. Black Lilith just finished their final set of the night, and the band is heading to the airport immediately afterward – they’ve got a plane to catch. New Orleans awaits.
If someone had told Tessa that she would be traveling to New Orleans with one of the biggest bands in the country right after finishing college, she would have asked what they were smoking.
When they get to the airport, it’s well past midnight and Tessa is exhausted. She looks to Mikayla for inspiration—Mikayla, who’s still looking perfect with her suit and iPad, tapping away while Logan rests his head on her shoulder and breathes in water vapor from a machine to save his voice. The rest of the band is sleeping in the limo, curled up around each other and snoring softly. Even Dash, who’d been full of energy when he jumped off the stage, is sleeping with his head on Tessa’s lap.
It’s a good thing that they took a nap in the limo because when they get to the airport, they’re immediately swarmed by fans and paparazzi.
“How are you liking things so far?” Jared asks, helping Tessa with her bag. Black Lilith immediately went to take selfies and sign autographs, leaving the entourage to get their stuff. Sersha and Harper walk through with their arms around Mikayla, guiding the other woman while she’s tapping at her phone. Sersha glances back to Tessa, who waves her on while Jared and the rest of Black Lilith’s bodyguards help with the luggage.
“Pretty well,” Tessa says. She tries to take her bag, but Jared just smiles and holds it just out of her reach. They walk together through the gap in people that airport security has made for them. “The band is full of characters.”
“You’re right there,” Jared says. “Never get bored with these guys. Did they tell you about the time that Dash nearly got stabbed by a fan?”
“No?” Tessa says, but it’s more of a question. Her eyes immediately find Dash, taking a selfie with a couple of girls a few feet away. He’s flanked by a couple of bodyguards. “When did that happen?”
Tessa and Jared get through the crowd pretty easily. No one pays any attention to them once they realize that the band is stopping for their fans, and there’s no reason to accost every member of the entourage for a chance to meet them. They make their way to the check in counter. She joins the queue behind Mikayla, Sersha, and Harper. Harper winks at Tessa when she looks behind.
“Before my time,” Jared says. He leans over to speak to Tessa, glancing at Mikayla like he’s worried that he might bother her while she’s concentrating. Tessa, who appreciates that kind of consideration, leans over to meet him in t
he middle. “Apparently, a woman brought a knife to one of their meet-and-greets. She went after Dash while he was doing autographs.”
“Did someone stop her?”
“Security got to her in time,” he says. “And Mikayla put herself between him and the knife. I think that’s one of the reasons the band insists on bodyguards for the women as well.”
Tessa looks quickly at Mikayla. She’s got her head bent over her screen, oblivious to everything that’s happening around her. Tessa wants to ask her what it felt like. What it meant to her to put herself in harm’s way like that. Her interviewer’s mind is already whirring. But mostly she just wants to hug her. Tessa has only known Dash for a little while, but now that she does, she can’t imagine a world without him. And she sure as hell, doesn’t want to.
“That’s why I’m here,” Jared says confidently, nodding to Tessa and pulling her out of her reverie. “There is bodyguards for the band, and bodyguards for the ladies.”
“Well, that’s good,” Tessa says. She realizes that her voice sounds a little breathless and she clears her throat. “I’m glad you’re here, then.”
They move slowly up the line for First Class check in. Sersha, Harper, and Mikayla are right in front, and while Mikayla seems to be engrossed in whatever is happening on her screen, Sersha and Harper appear to talking over her head.
“So am I,” Jared says, bumping Tessa’s elbow with his. When she looks up, he gives her a grin.
She knows that kind of grin. She’s seen it before—many times. The way his eyes make deliberate contact with hers. The way that he’s standing just a little bit in her space. The way that he’s shifting his body so he’s facing her, even though he’s technically there to guard all of the women and not just her.
Oh fuck…
He’s flirting.
Tessa wants to pull away immediately and tell him that she’s spoken for, but then she remembers that she’s not. Not technically. Dash might have offered her any number of filthy suggestions during their late-night texting sessions, but as far as either of them are concerned, they’re just friends. Maybe Tessa should address that. Maybe she should sit Dash down and have a conversation.
Jared’s not as good-looking as Dash, or as sexy. But he’s traditionally handsome, and he seems interested in Tessa. She should probably figure out what her status is with Dash so she can decide whether or not to pursue something with Jarad.
But that’s a thought for another time, because Black Lilith is making their way toward check in, and Tessa is being grabbed from behind by Dash and pulled into his chest. She feels his hard muscles beneath the soft layers, and she wants to melt.
“Hey!” he says, excited once again, as though his fans have given him energy. “New Orleans… have you ever been?”
“I’ve never even left Chicago.”
“You’ll love it. It’s great. Have you ever been, Jared?”
“No, sir.”
“Dude, quit calling me ‘sir’ that’s weird.”
Jared smiles and hoists Tessa’s bag up, carrying it to the check-in counter, when one of the flight attendants waves them through. The band is quickly given their boarding passes and ushered through security to the first class lounge, which is stunning in its unnecessary wealth and makes Tessa wonder if she should avoid touching anything.
She and Dash settle into one of the tables with charging stations. She pulls out her laptop and makes a few quick notes on her master document before looking up to see Dash watching her with a cheeky grin.
“I know that look,” she says. “If you tickle me, I’ll karate chop you.”
“How did you know?”
“I have two brothers and four sisters. I know when I’m about to be tickle attacked.”
He breathes out of his nose and lays his head on the table. “I’m bored.”
“Just give me a minute, and then you’ll have my undivided attention.”
Dash waits impatiently for three minutes before Tessa finally closes her laptop. Before she can speak, however, her phone rings in her pocket—her dad’s ringtone.
“Sorry…”
“No. It’s your dad, I get it.”
Her brain goes a bit fuzzy when she realizes that he recognizes her father’s ringtone. She glances at the screen and realizes that it’s a FaceTime call. Her thumb runs over the answer button, and her father’s face meets her.
“Hi, honey.”
“Hi, Dad! What are you doing up?”
“Just wanted to see you before you get on the plane. How’re things?”
Tessa shows her father the first class lounge, with all the trimmings. Dash waves when she points the camera in his direction and her father asks him if he’s had anything to eat tonight because that’s the kind of man he is. Dash assures him that he and the rest of the band will have a meal before they get on the flight.
“Jackie wants to send her thanks as well,” Dad says when Tessa has the camera pointed back at herself. “That fella in the band sent her a beautiful song. She’s been playing it non-stop.”
Tessa already knows about this. She’s got the text that Jackie sent her, which is full of heart emojis and incomprehensible keyboard smashing.
“I already told Tommy and Sersha, thanks,” Tessa says. “He just wants Jackie to film the routine when she’s done making it.”
Actually, Logan had floated the idea of putting the song out as a special track and having Jackie perform in the music video. Tommy had resisted the idea. He’d wanted to leave the song unreleased so it would just be Jackie’s and no one else’s. They’re still deciding what way to go there. Tessa thinks that Jackie might literally explode if she’s asked to perform in a Black Lilith music video.
“Oh, and I nearly forgot… Scott’s starting a new job on Friday.”
“What happened to the old one?”
“They cut back his hours.”
Tessa frowns. She glances up to make sure that none of the rest of the band is around because this isn’t the sort of conversation she’d like to have in front of them, but the only one within hearing distance is Dash. He’s watching her, and when he sees that she’s frowning, he frowns too, like an adorably confused puppy.
“Dad, I’m going to be bringing in money soon. Scott doesn’t need to kill himself during his last year of school.”
“Honey, you know Scotty doesn’t like to take money from us,” he says. He sounds sad. This is a conversation they’ve had several times. “I just really appreciate you helping out with Jackie’s lessons.”
“Of course,” Tessa says. She feels Dash’s hand reaching under the table between them to offer her knee a comforting squeeze. “But Scott can’t afford to mess up his final year.”
“I don’t think he plans to go to college, honey.”
“I know, I know, but—” Tessa stops herself because she’s about to say ‘he should have something to fall back on’ and immediately wants to kick herself. Isn’t that what her dad used to say when she’d insisted that she wanted to be an English major? “I just don’t want him to be working harder than he has to.”
Her dad gives her a sad smile. “Welcome to my life.”
Tessa blows her father a kiss through the screen, and he catches it, which makes her laugh.
“Anyway, I just thought I’d catch you up,” Dad says, yawning a little. “You stay happy, you hear me? Do good work.”
“I will, Dad. Love you.”
“Love you, too, honey. Goodnight.”
He hangs up, and Tessa leans back in her seat, letting out a long sigh.
“Everything all right?” Dash asks. He actually comes around the table to pull Tessa into the crook of his shoulder, enveloping her in one of his warm hugs.
“Yeah,” she says. “I just wish I could give my family everything they’ve ever wanted, you know?”
Dash hums and glances over at Logan, who’s currently curled around Mikayla. Mikayla has finally put her iPad away, and she’s sipping coffee and looking at Logan with the
kind of adoration that Tessa had thought only existed in Disney movies. Across the room, Sersha, Harper, Tommy, and Slate are playing a weird card game that Tessa thinks they might have invented themselves.
“I know,” Dash says. He pulls her just a little bit closer. “I know.”
Backstage at the New Orleans venue, Dash is starting to vibrate again. Tessa has only seen this a couple of times, but she thinks she’s starting to be able to predict when it’s going to happen. When Dash is nervous, or excited, or both, he begins to get antsy. It’s like he’s bubbling with energy, and he doesn’t know what to do with it. Not until he’s out under the spotlight with a guitar in his hands.
“Come on, Squirt, let’s do some reps,” Harper says, grabbing his arm and trying to pull him off of the couch.
Dash digs his heels in and presses the side of his body up against Tessa’s squeezing her side.
“No!” he whines. “Don’t make me, please… I’m too young. I like being squishy. Tessa, tell her I like being squishy.”
“I wouldn’t call you ‘squishy,’” Tessa replies evenly. She’s in full work mode, so there’s no lust in her gaze when she gives his chest and stomach a quick once-over. She even crosses her arms across her chest so that there’s no possible way this could be considered sexy. It’s just her pointing out the obvious. Bantering, like the rest of them do. “Maybe ‘padded’ or ‘cushioned’ or ‘cuddly.’”
“This is what we get for hiring an English major,” Tommy says from where he’s sitting at her feet.
Dash doesn’t seem too worried about the fact that she’s pulled out so many synonyms for his body. If anything, he just grins wider. “These are all excellent… uh, verbs?”
“Adjectives,” Tessa, Tommy and Sersha say at the same time.
“Excellent adjectives,” Dash says triumphantly. “I must maintain my cuddly physique. Release me, she-devil!”
Harper shakes her head at him. “And what are you gonna do with all that energy, hmmm?”
“I just need my guitar. Where’s my guitar?”