by Alana Siegel
“No, I don’t remember smelling anything, but I was worked up over the fight,” Max said, and he sounded frustrated.
“Who do you think it was? Do you think it has to do with Prometheus?” I asked, nervously. I braced myself for the chill that I knew would creep up my spine.
He shrugged his shoulders and said, “We’ll have to be careful.” I nodded my head and gathered my books for my next class. Max didn’t move.
“There’s something else, isn’t there?” I asked Max.
“You know me too well,” he said and smiled at me apprehensively. “Well, I’ve been thinking about Jaime’s theory that someone we are related to passed us their Gifted jewelry,” he said. I didn’t exactly believe in Jaime’s theory, but he looked so panic-stricken that I nodded in appeasement for him to go on.
“I have a pretty bad history of dirt bags in my family. I don’t want to be disappointed in what we find,” he said. His eyes reflected just how much this worried him.
I put my hand over his and said, “Max, you are a strong and compassionate person. Just because your sister turned out to be someone different than we thought…” he ripped his hand out from under mine. The worry turned to anger.
“I wasn't saying my sister was one of the low-lifes. She came from a background of neglect worse than I did. She’s just trying to survive, and maybe the best way for her to do that is to start over someplace else, away from all the toxicity we grew up with,” he whispered the words harshly.
“I’m sorry, Max. I just assumed that might be what’s worrying you,” I said, trying to salvage the warm conversation.
“My sister does worry me. Every day she fights through life because she can’t depend on any of the people who brought her into this world,” he emphasized each word through gritted teeth.
“How can you defend her? She pretended to be our friend, lied to our faces, and then tried to hand me over to a madman,” I said in a low voice, but my growing frustration was obvious.
“Yes, but she was deceived, too. She trusted Mrs. Wolf. She didn’t realize that Mrs. Wolf planned on turning her over to the Meta,” he said, and I skeptically widened my eyes to show his point wasn’t helping his argument.
When we figured out Ms. Magos was sharing Gifted information with Mrs. Wolf the school nurse, we weren’t sure which side Mrs. Wolf was on. She was aware that Ms. Magos was planning to turn us over to Prometheus, however, she took her time telling Mr. Dimon of the plans. It was so much extra time that we were almost in Prometheus’s clutches and his crew escaped arrest by the Meta.
There were many Gifted Program meetings spent discussing whether Ms. Magos had been deceived by Mrs. Wolf. Max believed Mrs. Wolf was a snitch who betrayed Ms. Magos’s trust. However, I believed Mrs. Wolf tried to save our lives by telling Mr. Dimon that we were in trouble. Needless to say, the group never agreed on who was in the wrong.
He pounded his fist on the table in frustration, and then leaned in to try another tactic to convince me. “What about the Ms. Magos you knew as a teacher? The witty woman who cared about her students. That’s the person she really is. I wish you would think of her like that,” he concluded.
I took in a deep breath and waited for the fire in his eyes to subside. Outbursts like this no longer surprised me. When he cared about a person, he cared for them passionately and unconditionally. It was a devotion I could understand, and a commonality that maintained our friendship.
“I don’t know how much truth there is to Jaime’s theory, but I do know that it doesn’t matter what happened in the past. It will only matter what you do now,” I said. When he gave me a crooked smile, I could tell that I had broken through the thick wall he put up.
* * * *
Chapter Nine: Breathless
I took a deep breath and spun the wheel on my locker’s door to the combination of numbers I knew by heart. It clicked into place upon recognition and popped open. In a deliberate and painstaking manner, I put away my science lab book and my Global Studies textbook, taking my time to ensure all items were in their place.
The excitement I felt for my afternoon with Justin was disappearing as I listened for his sneakers to approach. The anticipation was replaced with anxiety as the minutes passed. It was going to be the first time Justin and I spoke after last night’s dinner. I had so many questions. Did he like my parents? Was he comfortable displaying our connection in places other than the prop closet and my house? Was it finally time to announce our relationship?
After agreeing to dinner, I had hoped our public status would change, and by change our public status, I meant have one. I expected his smile in the hallway and a small nod between classes. I looked forward to the day when we no longer passed each other, like complete strangers, before rushing to first period. I longed to be able to hold him as close to me as I felt to him, even with a sea of people between us.
Nothing had changed though. A blank stare and a cold shoulder were the only things Justin gave me when other people were around. Still, I refused to give up hope. I would convince him that there was nothing to be afraid of, and last night proved it.
I checked my hair in the mirror that hung in my locker. When I ran out of things to do, I turned around and rested against the cold metal surface. The sound of shuffling shoes, rubber on linoleum, echoed as kids left school.
For fifteen daunting and drawn-out minutes I waited. After months of the same routine--class ends, meet at my locker, go to our spot--a sudden swell of concern washed over me. Something didn’t feel right. What if Justin didn’t show up?
I stood frozen in my spot, one leg propping me up against the locker. I stared at the light grey and brown dots that swirled into shapes on the old tiles. I bit my lower lip as I checked both ends of the hallway. Who was I kidding? It felt like being slapped in the face, and all hope rushed out of me as quickly as dropping from the highest peak on a roller coaster. He wasn’t coming.
Pushing off my locker, I now felt the urgent need to take action. Propelling toward the staircase, I ducked under the metal chain links and stumbled down the stairs into the darkness. I tripped over my feet in haste as I tried to maintain my balance. The shadows played tricks on my eyes, and every small movement made me jump. The need to keep moving forward in search of Justin and answers overpowered my fear of the darkness.
Using my hands to measure the distance down the hall, I finally found my way to the prop room door and stopped. My chest was heaving from more than just shortness of breath. A plethora of emotions ignited inside of me.
I opened the door half an inch and peeked inside. My stomach jumped into my throat when I saw Justin inside, pacing back and forth. I watched as he combed his fingers roughly through his hair and then shoved them back in his pockets. I heard him mumble something under his breath. His façade of nonchalance had crumbled around him. He was exposed and vulnerable.
All at once, he sensed my Gift and his body stiffened. I should have known better than to think my presence would go unnoticed. The door creaked when I pushed it open, sounding oddly like a sigh of defeat. I walked forward, approaching him cautiously until I stood directly in front of him.
Barely a foot of air separated us. It buzzed with our unconstrained Gifts. In the pale light trickling in from the high windows, he searched my eyes. I gazed back, worried about what was coming next.
When I opened my mouth to say something, he moved in quickly, grabbing my arms and pulling me closer to him. His lips devoured mine. My knees went weak. He wrapped one arm around my waist and lowered me to the couch. I could smell the roses now. I couldn’t help it. My Gift was naturally triggered anytime I was near Justin.
With his hands on both sides of me, he crawled his way towards me, never breaking eye contact. I heard my heart beating in my chest. When he leaned in, I found myself pulling him closer.
It was undeniable bliss. The exact kind of recklessness we had avoided each day as I returned his gaze in the hallways. It was this irresponsibility that I had always wa
nted to embrace, and the carelessness that I had wanted to share with him since high school began.
It ended too soon. He pulled away, and made it to his feet in under a second. I watched him turn from me as he tried to clear his head. What had gone wrong? I sat still, not wanting to upset him any further. I could hear him taking deep breaths through his nose and out his mouth as he tried to calm himself down. I remained still. Then he sniffed, one more time.
He spun to face me, anger and shock covering his face. The shift in expression threw me off guard. One minute he was kissing me and the next he detested me. Was it a mask? We were alone in our spot; he didn’t need to hide how much he cared for me.
Unless I had been wrong all this time, and these were his true feelings. Had I pushed him too far? Had I coerced him into kissing me with my Gift? He was usually so careful at hiding his emotions that his drawn-down eyebrows and obvious frown took me by surprise. I shook my head, denying the anger he insisted on portraying.
I scrambled to my feet to look at him closely, and I found a sadness in his lucid eyes that he was unable to hide. He painstakingly tried to smooth the features on his face in a futile effort. “We can’t see each other anymore,” he said.
“What do you mean?” I asked. I didn’t hide my feelings. I could already feel the tears begin to fill my eyes.
“This is over. I’m sorry, Olivia,” he whispered. I didn’t comprehend. I stared at him blankly, letting the salt water burn my eyes. He never looked away as if to convince me that although I was standing there bleeding from my soul, he was serious and unwavering.
I should have questioned him. Didn’t he see that he was the most important person in the world to me? There was no one other than him. There would be no one other than him.
I reached out to him, to show him there was a connection. He took a step back and slipped out of my reach. That one movement ripped my heart out of my chest.
It became clear. I realized what was wrong with my logic. All along my friends had tried to warn me. They pointed out the obvious, and over and over again I fought against it. I didn’t want to deny something I felt to be true.
But I had to. Justin was a loner. He didn’t want to share his private world with me. I looked into his eyes one more time. I still believed they reflected sadness; nonetheless, I could also tell he had made his decision. There was no way to fight it.
He watched the acceptance on my face, nodded once, and turned away. I stood there in a deafening silence that cut me to the core.
* * * *
Chapter Ten: Truth
I was alone. With that one sobering thought, the tears fell and soaked my cheeks. They blurred my vision and sent me into a daze. It was not a warm, fuzzy, blue haze, but one that was empty and still.
I lost all hope and control. The darkness of the room sucked me under, and its weight pushed me to my knees. I couldn't find the energy to fight it. I let the sadness drown me.
I kneeled motionlessly in that spot letting the tears soak my cheeks. I couldn’t move. I was an empty vessel. Justin had unapologetically stolen my heart.
“Ahhh!” I screamed out in shock. There was a stinging sensation across my chest. I reached up to cover the place above my missing heart where my skin felt raw, but my hand found my Gifted charm necklace instead. The metal was freezing cold. The shock of it was jarring like a bucket of ice water being poured over my head.
It was a reminder that I couldn’t disappear into the earth. I rubbed my nose and sniffled. It was a small movement, but an improvement from my coma-like state. I steadied myself and took a ragged breath in. Even with my body numb, I smelled something. I took another breath. The smell of apples was faint, but definitely there. Was someone Gifted down here with me? Fear fought for control of my emotions. It was a wakeup call. I needed to move forward.
I used the couch to pull myself upright. Digging my fingers into the worn fabric reminded me of the desperate, urgent kiss Justin and I shared earlier. I felt another tug at the hole in my chest, and realized that this time it wasn’t my Gifted necklace. Panic and sorrow raged inside of me. Somehow I maintained my balance. I needed to move faster. I needed to escape from the claws that threatened to hold me in this tarnished space. Or worse, I needed to run away from whoever was down there with me.
I scraped my way up the spiral stairs. I wanted to be alone in my misery. I wanted to be in a place that was comforting, where I could be numb and block everything out. I wanted to be home.
Tears streamed down my face, causing everything to look like a chaotic blur. I didn’t recognize any of the houses on the streets or faces in the cars. The trek through the neighborhood took longer than usual. I kept losing my concentration and ending up five blocks in the wrong direction. Fate was stacked against me.
When I finally made it home, I trudged through my front door and straight up the steps to my room. Dropping my bag, I collapsed in my bed, and the heaving sobs began. It was painful, and I shoved my face into my pillow and wrapped my arms around the soft cushion.
Another round of sobs trembled through my body. I curled into the fetal position, and covered my head with the pillow. Justin didn’t want to be with me. Agony roiled through my body. It was intolerable and unbearable.
There was a creak and the door opened. Mom sat down on the end of my bed. She didn’t ask me anything. She just stroked my hair, smoothing it behind my ears. The sensation was calming, and I tried to focus all of my attention on it.
We sat in silence until my sobbing stopped, and I lost all sense of time. It didn’t matter though. I had nothing to look forward to, nothing left to hope for. Then, the door opened once more, and Mom rose from the bed.
“She’s very upset, Helen,” Mom whispered, unable to hide the concern in her voice.
Helen approached my bed. “Liv, it’s time to get up and go to Jaime’s house,” she said, softly. She didn’t ask what happened or why I was upset. She knew that there was little else that would cause me so much pain. She understood that this was not the time to say, “I told you so,” or “I knew he would break your heart.”
She slowly pulled the pillow away from my face. My room was dark, but I didn’t open my eyes. I wasn’t ready to leave my bed.
“Come on, Liv. We are here for you. We can fix the pain,” she tried one more time.
I let her pull me into a sitting position. She wiped the tears still dripping from my cheeks, and then wrapped her arm around my waist. I was empty. I had no will to argue with her. She coerced my body to move.
Before I realized it, I was sitting in Jaime’s basement, settled into numbness. Jaime came over and put a cup of ice water in my hand. I could barely feel the condensation on the glass.
Max and Chelsea walked down the stairs. Once they spotted me, they quickly unlinked their hands. Helen or Jaime must have given them a heads up. I knew what they were trying to do. They thought seeing their happy relationship would upset me further. They didn't realize my depression wasn't going to be affected by them. I was despondent on my own accord.
At least they didn't ask questions. I was relieved that I didn’t have to explain my current state. They chose to ignore my sobs and vacant stares and continued with the meeting, perhaps hoping to snap me out of it.
“There are other Gifted in Pandora. We need to set up defenses,” Max announced. Max was on the far end of the L-shaped couch. They had shoved me in the crevice, propped between a few pillows, with Helen on one side and Chelsea on the other.
“I don’t feel like we are in any danger, and I don’t think getting defensive is a good idea. We don’t want to draw unnecessary attention,” Helen countered. Max shook his head.
“Helen, there was someone Gifted in the cafeteria this afternoon. Someone who prodded a fight between me and Cliff because they wanted me to use my Gift,” Max said, sounding exasperated.
“Whoever it was, I don’t think it was one of Prometheus’s crew. They wouldn’t go sneaking around. They like to make a grand entrance,” C
helsea reasoned.
“Trust me, if no one had stopped me, the fight with Cliff would have been grand,” Max continued.
Helen, Chelsea, and Max all started talking at once. The buzz of chatter helped me to detach myself from their plotting. The couch was soft and worn. It was a light brown, and I sank into the center and welcomed the comfort that surrounded me. I twisted Justin’s ring anxiously around my finger. The gemstone was a deep violet color. A plush rug was under my feet, and I rubbed my socks back and forth. It was a soothing sensation.
“I wanted to discuss my recent discovery,” Jaime said, asserting authority. “I think I know who passed their jewelry to me.” She was sitting on the far end of the couch on the opposite side from Max.
“Another one of your wild theories, Jaime? All of them have been a shot in the dark,” Max complained, reaching over to grab a nacho chip from the bowl Jaime’s mom had set out for us.
“I would like to hear her theory. They are all legit until proven wrong,” Helen said.
“And we haven't heard you come up with anything better,” Chelsea said, sending him a nasty look. Max only shrugged his shoulders. He was used to being overruled in these meetings, since he was the only guy.
Jaime sat a little straighter and said, “I contacted my great Aunt Evelyn who lives in Salt Lake City. She wants me to visit.” They all started talking at once again, and I lost track of the conversation.
“…should we all go?...”
“…stay away from Pandora until the other Gifted leave…”
“…is that a good idea considering Olivia’s current…”
I fell into a haze in my own mind. Everyone spoke around me, but I was dulled into a broken heart coma. I didn’t realize how much time had passed by until I was helped into the passenger seat of Max’s car. I barely noticed that we were alone until he pulled up in front of my house and parked his car.