Then the viewpoint drew back, showed the three from the side, and switched to Sonn's viewpoint, looking down at a sick and unkempt (but still very beautiful) girl who was gazing up at them, fear and shock turning to joy on her face.
"Filthy creature," commented the fake Ruuel.
My jaw dropped. I could imagine Par, Mori and Glade's reactions.
"What do we do with her?" asked the fake Sonn (their names, according to the Setari mission overlay, were Lastier and Chane). "We don't have the time to waste on a stray."
"Put her down by the lake for collection. She's not our problem."
He went up the stairs to the roof, leaving 'Chane' to herd a frightened kittenish girl downstairs, making a big point of avoiding any attempt by the 'filthy creature' to touch her. The show finished with a scene of the girl sitting abandoned on a rock by the shore, clutching school bag to chest and staring at the ship out on the lake.
After 'Lastier' made his nasty comment, Mori had said hastily in text: "Ruuel didn't say anything like that, Caszandra," and I'd replied: "I know – I read mission report." When the closing credits began to run, she and Glade exploded, outraged. Even Par said something half-audible about it being so wrong. All of Fourth are totally loyal to Ruuel, and they couldn't stand him being shown in a false light.
"Poor Sonn," I said, when they paused for breath. "Ruuel not likely even blink at this, but Sonn will be really hurt. If you talk to her, make sure she knows I didn't think they were being nasty to me: they just looked like they were busy and hadn't expected to find me." When I'd watched the mission report, I'd realised it was more they hadn't expected to find me alive, after tracking my movements to the tower.
"Fourth is an unusual squad to have cast in the role of villain," Henaz said, sounding like she was trying very hard not to laugh. "But this is the most obvious and deliberate reflection of a real squad I've ever seen."
"And portions of that were an exact copy of the scene recorded on the mission log," Ketzaren added. "Which is the issue at hand. You'll hear the results of the investigation presently. Be assured that there is no suggestion that Fourth Squad's conduct was anything but correct."
"And on that note, we're well into our sleep shift," Mara put in. "Good night to you all." She dropped out of the channel, and after adding "Thanks for letting me know," I followed suit.
"Funny how two extra words can change tone of entire scene," I said. "That's almost exactly how Fourth did deal with me, but by adding two words it made it so they were horrible instead of just really busy."
"You've recovered a little," Ketzaren said, smiling. "No longer so shaken up?"
I shrugged and ducked my head. "It was the surprise, seeing that without any warning. I was expecting the story to be all wrong and totally made up."
"Instead of including something frightening you'd only told Lohn and I?" Mara asked, voice tight. "I'm so angry about this I could scream. Maze has been looking for ways to increase your sense of security and privacy, not destroy it. We did log that conversation, Caszandra, and Maze attached it to an evaluation report, but even Lohn and I can't look at the report. Outside the higher hierarchy, only captains can look at evaluation information, and then only on their own squad members, which in your case means three captains. None of it should be forming the basis of public broadcasts. I really don't know what's going on, but both you and Fourth Squad have every reason to be furious."
"Too tired now to get angry," I said. "Sorry to have made fuss in middle of sleep cycle."
"You think it would be better to work yourself into a state alone?" Ketzaren asked. "Part of being in a squad is supporting each other."
"I'll be sitting with you for a few hours," Mara added. "No arguments. Besides, it means Ketz gets to be the one to wake Maze and tell him there's been a security breach. It'll be easier on all of us if someone's with you."
I didn't really have the energy to argue, to try to convince Mara that I was fine, that I was coping. I'm starting to have to admit, at least to myself, that because of Kalasa, or just everything which has happened since my last day of exams, I'm not nearly okay.
I'm so glad Mara stayed, because I had the most horrendous nightmares, and it seemed like I could escape from them because she would hold my hand when I started thrashing around. Some time toward the end, Zee replaced Mara, and I woke up from this really awful dream – of being in a Roman colosseum with thousands of people watching me being eaten by lions – to find Zee sitting on the edge of my bed, a steadying hand on my arm.
She watched me blink at her, then felt my forehead. "Medical for you today, I think," she said, "and don't pull that face. I don't know if it's the fever causing the nightmares, or the nightmares causing the fever, but your temperature's definitely elevated. Did you dream so violently on Earth?"
"No. I used to have bad dreams when I was young, but nothing like this. Not even on Muina, though I did have nightmares. Started on really bad dreams after turning off Pillar – kind of remembering what happened, the bits I couldn't remember when I was awake. It had gone away, though–" I paused, flushing.
"Though should I talk about it in case it ends up turned into entertainment?"
More that I'd started having very intense dreams about Ruuel, which had made up for the nightmares, but this wasn't something I was going to admit, security breach or not. I shrugged and said: "I think I generally dream more intensely now. Or remember them better when I wake up. Did investigation into program get anywhere?"
"I've heard rumours, but there's nothing official. Get dressed and we'll have breakfast."
We ate in Zee's quarters. Maze came and joined us to talk over the program and how I felt about it. I said pretty bluntly that it made me want to not tell anyone anything, but that I knew that was an overreaction. I totally refused to talk to a psychologist though. I have nightmares because scary monsters were chasing me. If I have to talk about that, I'd far rather talk to Zee or Mara, not some random stranger.
Maze told me I shouldn't watch The Hidden War any more but I said there was no way I was going to miss Fourth Squad playing villains, and couldn't wait for the episode where the Nuran shows up and tries to save me. He knew I was teasing him, but I think I will watch it anyway, just not with other people watching with me. I get the feeling Maze has a good idea of how the people who make the program got the information, but he's not going to tell me anything until it's official. I hope he's right about nothing more leaking out.
Right now I'm stuck on a sense-bed in medical, while they run more scans on me. They want me to go to sleep later so they can scan me while I'm having a dream, but I'm seriously not keen on that because what if I dream about Ruuel?
I hope I was right about him not caring about the show. He'll probably be annoyed because it will upset his squad, but would surely shrug off anything else. I'm so glad I'd watched the mission log, and knew immediately that he hadn't said that. I find it difficult to imagine him actually saying something gratuitous and insulting, whether he thought it or not.
I was really grubby, after all. Just thinking about it makes me want a hot bath and lots of scented soap.
Monday, May 19
Careful what you say
Nothing useful from all the scanning and testing. My temperature went down, and though I was tired I found it hard to fall asleep. They eventually gave me a mild sedative and I'm not sure I dreamed at all. They had me come back today as well and this time I could fall asleep naturally. My sleep schedule is completely messed up. I dreamed about being lost in a shopping mall, I think – it was a bit of a jumble. They've cleared me to go back to what I was doing, anyway, and my scheduled testing with the remaining squads is on again (though Thirteenth has been pushed to the end instead of the beginning).
I think the sleep tests were skewed for failure. First because I didn't want to have any intense dreams and was consciously or subconsciously trying not to. And second, I wasn't really upset any more, and I mostly have the worst nightmares when I'm ups
et or stressed out. That's the reason people usually have bad nightmares, anyway.
Mori came and visited me this afternoon – Fourth Squad is back on duty tomorrow. She's still really pissed off, and was worked up about an interview with the actor who is playing fake Ruuel. In the interview he talked about the incredible schedule they'd been keeping to produce the show so quickly, and how much he enjoyed the role, and that one of the reasons The Hidden War was so powerful was because it refused to show the Setari as bland, one-sided heroes without any faults. That even out-and-out villains can risk their lives protecting others.
I thought this terribly funny, but tried not to show it too much because Mori was genuinely upset on Ruuel's behalf. I'm willing to bet Ruuel's the least upset in Fourth right now. The main reason the squad's so worked up is that it's so similar to what happened, and certainly within KOTIS everyone knows it was Fourth Squad who found me. Plus, the kittenish actress is playing 'Caszandra Devlin'. In the interview with her she said that the producers had decided it would be foolish to rename such a major historical figure. And The Hidden War has portrayed the people who found me as being severe pricks. I can only hope that they're just playing up 'villain aspects' for drama, and will tone it down later. After all, Ruuel did save my life when I wandered off into the spaces.
After Mori left, Maze and Zee dropped in to tell me the results of the investigation. Apparently one of KOTIS' publicity officers, a woman named Intena Jun, decided to use me to build her career. Part of her duties was the release of information about the Setari and lately about me and the developments on Muina. That includes giving technical advice to shows like The Hidden War when they ask for it. And it seems she fancies herself a bit of a scriptwriter, and just happened to have resigned the day before the episode featuring me was broadcast – and then bobs up in a press release as a former KOTIS member joining the scriptwriting team.
That was a far from ideal situation, but still shouldn't have meant that my conversation with Lohn and Mara ended up forming the basis of anything: you can't join KOTIS without signing an inch-thick nondisclosure agreement, and publicity officers certainly don't have access to anyone's evaluation file, or even the mission reports. But it turns out that Jun is using the completely transparent excuse that it's all fiction based around the publicly-released information about me, and that her family in the past has been known to produce minor Sight Sight talents, and she was simply intuiting very well. Of course, since the press release there's been tons of rumours about just how much of the script is fiction, which is exactly what the producers wanted. The episode was a wild success, and the discussion groups are filled with anticipation of a season they hope will reveal details of real Setari.
The episode was a critical success, too, with lots of admiration for the actress (a newcomer named Se-Ahn Surat, who did after all carry a kasse-long program as the nearly sole character, practically never speaking). Almost all the reviews rave about the night scene, the way something as simple as an animal breathing brought home the peril and horror 'this valiant child suffered through'.
It took KOTIS an extra day to figure out how Jun had accessed the files. Maze stayed vague about the details, but it boiled down to some very senior and high-up bluesuit who did have access to just about everything, also having 'an inappropriate relationship' with Jun. So lots of nasty consequences for him for the breach of security, and less clear-cut consequences for Jun. Although the legal system here isn't as insane as Earth's, KOTIS is merely a body of government, not all-powerful. They can, and probably will, prosecute and try and get Jun punished (fines, loss of all but the most basic interface function, or possibly confinement). Tare doesn't have capital punishment, but in extreme circumstances they can do particularly awful things to you using the interface. Stealing my file isn't nearly extreme enough a circumstance.
It sounds like Jun is ambitious enough to consider a few years of freedom or privileges or even citizenship a price worth paying for highly lucrative employment.
"Our ability to control media access to KOTIS and the Setari is waning," Maze said, rubbing his eyes. He's looking tired again. "Previously, we succeeded in retaining our anonymity because to a degree outside KOTIS we were all the same. A uniform and a talent set: there was no need to release anything about our personal lives. Which means programs such as this one would be freely provided with details of how we balance squad make up, the limitations of talent sets, and information about the rotations and the Ionoth, but names and our lives off-duty and the minutiae of actual missions: we simply allowed nothing at all out, so into these situations they would place invented characters. Even the squads in these fictions are named for colours, so that a character in Green Squad cannot be taken as a member of Fourth, or Eighth or Tenth. Occasionally someone's family would grant interviews, and most of our names are in public domain, but they cannot match the names to squads, faces or events. Only in death are we known." He glanced at me, nothing on his face showing whether he was thinking about his wife.
"But now, because of the opening of Muina, the ground is shifting," Zee added. "Our efforts in the Ena lessened deaths on Tare, but we had made no substantial progress toward a solution. There were no critical events to attach to us as individuals. Until Fourth Squad found you. Something so significant that this show's producers chose to upset the established rules, obtain actual information about the squad, and introduce characters based on Fourth. Worse, a distortion of Fourth. Even if they used already-established characters, those characters would become associated with the squads who have worked with you."
"If they follow my story very close, that means Zan would be next." I didn't like that idea at all.
"The classification of information about Muina is also being called into question," Maze said. "The discovery of Arenrhon, your time in Kalasa – all of this is known to hundreds, thousands. Details are starting to leak, many are asking what right KOTIS, the government, what right anyone has to classify matters which are important to all descendants of Muina." He sighed and shrugged. "It's difficult to justify keeping secret the existence of Arenrhon purely because it might upset people. These things cannot be hidden forever."
"Which is a long-winded way of saying that KOTIS may not be able to quash these programs," Zee added. "At most delay them, but however the information was obtained, your personal journey can't be argued to be a military secret."
"And through me, parts of Setari become known too." I turned over the possibilities, and felt a little ill. "Is squads I don't want to work with in file?"
"Selkie kept that entirely out of the reports," Maze said. "It will go no further than himself, Ruuel and us. Fifth and Seventh are very effective squads who need to learn to control their egos. We won't achieve that by letting anyone know just why it is you will never again be assigned to them. If we handle them properly, they should come to understand and regret that of their own accord."
I relaxed, then sighed. "Can still be a mess, though, yes? Because they mix extra drama in with true, and Setari won't always know which has come from my file." I paused, eyes widening. "Is lab rat explanation in file?" I tugged at my shirt, one of the drawn-on ones. I make a point of wearing them to my test sessions in the medical section.
I saw from Maze's expression that it was, and couldn't help it, bursting out laughing. "Did you put in bit where Ruuel says calling myself experimental animal was right?" I asked, trying (maybe not very hard) to hold back my grin. "Set himself up for this. Oh, wish I dared tease him about it."
Maze and Zee told me that I should remember that Fourth Squad wouldn't find it nearly as funny, but I think they were mainly glad that I was able to laugh. Zee offered to sit with me tonight while I sleep, but I think I'm past the worst of it. I seem to have these bad dreams after a shock or surprise. Must figure out how to trigger the good dreams instead.
Given the chance, I would love to give that publicity woman a good slapping. Maybe I should tell Taarel that I think it would help me overcome my rel
uctance to hit people.
Tuesday, May 20
Ticking off the rest
I've been scheduled to test with Sixth, Tenth, Eleventh, Twelfth and Thirteenth Squads, and that will finish me for general squad testing until they form some new ones. Today was Twelfth Squad, which was nice. Lenton was carefully correct while a relaxed Zan chatted with me before starting the session log. Afterwards, we all went to lunch, and talked about Kalasa. Zan kept a watchful eye on me, ready to stop if I looked distressed, and when a couple of them moved on to The Hidden War, particularly how hilarious it was that Fourth Squad were evil, she quashed that conversation with a word.
I think active service has let Twelfth settle down and accept Zan more. I still have no idea why they were so hostile to her, but don't like to ask.
Fourth Squad's back on duty, and I spent all day being a little extra attentive in case I could catch a glimpse of Ruuel. And was so annoyed with myself for doing that. I had my usual post-testing session nap, and when I woke the sense of him not being there was so strong that I had to spend a lot of effort making myself not get upset. He's on a different shift to me now, so there's not a lot of chance I'll see him.
Time to have dinner with Lohn and Mara.
Wednesday, May 21
The Touchstone Trilogy Page 44