by Amy Braun
I tilted my face up to him, reaching to put my lips to his. Sawyer froze for a second, then suddenly took a step back. I caught myself before I could trip and straightened my back, immensely confused. Sawyer ran a hand through his thick brown hair uncomfortably. It was a long time before he sighed.
“Claire, listen,” he began. I already knew I would hate this. “Don’t think I don’t care about you. You saved me and Nash and Gemma. You rebuilt my ship. That’s not something I’ll forget.” He turned his head and looked at me sadly. “But anything other than that–”
“Means nothing.”
He flinched at the bluntness of my words. I think I would have reacted the same way, if I didn’t already feel like something was ripping my chest in half. I shouldn’t have cared. I knew what Sawyer was and how difficult he tended to be. I probably wasn’t the first girl to throw myself at him after The Storm. I was a fool to think otherwise.
There was a flicker of sadness in Sawyer’s eyes before they hardened.
“I wasn’t thinking. I never would have touched you if I had.”
I closed my eyes and sighed, wishing it would take the pain away. I tried to tell myself I wasn’t surprised, that this shouldn’t hurt, but each breath seemed heavier than the last.
I stifled a laugh, pushing away the tears that threatened to build. “Well, don’t worry. I won’t make the same mistake again. Nothing like being told you’re repulsive to keep you away.”
“That’s not–”
“The engine will turn on when you run the ignition at the helm. You can run a test now if you want, but I’ve wired it to work exactly the same as the previous engine. I’m pretty sure I haven’t screwed that up for you. Though we can’t start it yet, so what do I know?”
I turned to leave the Dauntless, stopping when I felt Sawyer’s arm clasp my elbow. I whirled around, trying to pull free, but he wouldn’t let me go. He wasn’t hurting me, but I knew all too well what his hands were capable of.
“I’m trying to protect you, Claire.”
“From what? You took care of Garnet, and the Hellions will always be a problem. What else can you possibly protect me from?”
Sawyer hesitated, but the intensity never left his eyes as he said, “Me.”
Frustration mixed with bewilderment coursed through my head. I should have known things would end badly the moment he came up here. Sawyer was dangerous, but I told myself over and over again that he would never hurt me. I still wasn’t sure if I was lying to myself, but I had to believe it.
He dropped my elbow and held my gaze with heated eyes. “You think Gemma and Nash are the only people I’ve had on my crew? They’re just the ones who lived. They managed to survive being around me.”
I didn’t have the motivation to keep arguing with him. Sawyer had been through things I couldn’t even imagine, living above ground while I was tucked underneath it in the colony. If he had been trying to rebuild a crew for the Dauntless Wanderer, he would have had to travel all over the remains of Westraven looking for marauders. His losses and betrayals would have been substantial.
But I still thought it was a poor excuse for using me the way he had. I seemed to be a tool for everyone’s fate but my own.
I stepped back from Sawyer, not wanting to slip into another trap. He seemed to know exactly how to get under my skin. I couldn’t let him grow there. I turned and walked for the open side of the Dauntless. Sawyer didn’t stop me when I gripped the rope netting. I looked over my shoulder one last time.
“We’ve all lost someone, Sawyer. But if you let those ghosts haunt you, you’ll never find your own peace.”
I didn’t stay long enough to see whatever expression he took then. If it was anger again, or something more mournful. I told myself I didn’t care. That I had bigger problems than going back and forth with a man who wanted to use me. I told myself the hurt would stop when I concentrated on something else.
I climbed down the netting, unsure if I eased his pain or made it worse.
Chapter 11
When the Dauntless Wanderer roared to life, I wasn’t surprised. Sawyer had been aching to see his ship functioning. It was probably the first time in ten years that its engines hummed, the exhaust ports at the back rumbled, that the lights flickered on with a warm, vigorous glow. Nash and Gemma whooped and cheered even as the hangar filled with smoke and vibrated the walls. The main door was thrown open so the smoke could filter out and I worried that Hellions or other survivors from the surface might hear the commotion, but the marauders didn’t seem to care.
I couldn’t see Sawyer on the helm, but Nash and Gemma remained on the ground, their occasional coughs doing nothing to hinder their excited laughs. He caught her as she jumped in the air, wrapping his big arms around her much smaller waist and holding her as she kissed him enthusiastically. I shook my head and smiled, feeling a little sad that I would never feel their kind of love.
While the marauders reveled in the rebirth of the Dauntless, I was packing the messenger bag, which Gemma officially deemed as mine now, and my utility belt with everything I’d need for the journey to the Behemoth. I checked to make sure I had my basic tools, stopping when I pulled out the Volt. The slim disc sat in my pocket like a bad omen. I slid my hands over its surface, telling myself I was looking for any signs of damage, and not worrying about what would happen if I used the Volt and it worked like I planned. Or if I used it, and it failed. I didn’t have a backup plan, and no time to construct one.
The idea was to release the charge when we were on the Behemoth, but what if there were humans inside? What kind of state would they be in? I knew I wouldn’t be able to live with myself if I saved them and not Abby, but if there were others, how was I supposed to get them out? The Dauntless was running, but it wasn’t ready to fly yet. The gash in the side still needed to be repaired, and even if I had time to cover it, the Hellions would see us coming in the barque and shoot us down before we got a hundred feet of them. And that was the best outcome.
No sooner had I placed my messenger bag over my shoulder, I heard the marauders laughing and walking in my direction. I glanced at them, seeing that the hurt hadn’t really left Sawyer’s eyes. Whatever was going on between us would be on hold for a long time. I was tired of caring about it.
“You look like you’re ready to go,” Sawyer said.
I watched him hesitantly. Was he going to back out of the deal? He said he kept his promises, but what were promises to a pirate? After our various fights, his unpredictable temper and my confusion at its triggers, his reluctance to bring up his past and my insistence to know it, I couldn’t imagine he would want to guarantee anything to me, least of all saving a sister he’d never met. I was also fairly certain he would change his mind about the engineering position on his ship, since he was so afraid of losing people he cared about.
Maybe he offered it to me in the first place because I hadn’t mattered to him. I wasn’t sure what– if anything– had changed recently, and wasn’t going to waste time trying to find out.
“I am,” I confirmed.
“The Dauntless looks great,” Gemma exclaimed with a bright smile. “I mean, aside from the gaping hole in her starboard side.”
“We can fix that later,” Sawyer said, slowly looking at me. “Right now we need to get Claire’s sister back.”
Even though he promised me, I still found myself a little shocked at Sawyer’s words. He really did seem intent to see the deal through.
“But I do have one condition.”
Way to jump to conclusions, Claire. “Name it.”
Sawyer took a single step toward me. All the softness and honesty I saw in his eyes mere hours ago was gone, traded in for a deeper, darker force to be reckoned with.
“I want you to use that,” he nodded to the Volt in my hand, “to kill all the Hellions on the Behemoth and to bring that damned ship to the ground.”
I shook my head. How could I ever think he would let his animosity for the Hellions give way to reas
on? “It will cause interference, but it’s not a bomb–”
“Then make it one.”
“I’ll make the Dauntless a war machine after–”
“I’m not that patient,” he protested. He took a step closer to me. “We’re all tired of running from them, and if we’re going to be up there, we might as well take as many of the bastards with us as we can. We may not have another shot. Don’t tell me you haven’t thought of it.”
“I have, but–”
“If anyone can make it work, it’s you, Firecracker.”
I frowned at the nickname again, but didn’t care to remind him of my dislike of it. “Fine. But I’m coming with you.”
Sawyer’s smug expression faded. “Are you sure you still want to do that? It will be dangerous up there.”
I gave him a pointed look. “More so than down here? And do you happen to know what my sister looks like? Or how the Volt operates? You know you don’t. That was part of our deal, Sawyer. Just accept it.”
He frowned, concern tightening his face. I watched his expression, reading it carefully. He looked worried. For me.
Realizing that made my heart squeeze, but it wouldn’t change my mind. I’d been away from my sister for too long. I needed to see her with my own eyes to know that she was real. I would gladly put my safety on the line for that chance.
“All right. You get your bomb set up, and we’ll get the skiff ready.”
I narrowed my eyes at the Hellion raider we took from the Junkyard sitting uselessly in the middle of the hangar.
“We’re going to use that skiff?” I asked, wanting to confirm Sawyer’s intentions.
“Might as well,” Sawyer replied, looking at his friends.
Nash shrugged and said, “No point in having it if we’re not going to use it.”
I supposed he had a point, but I couldn’t say I was fond of it. I turned and walked to a wide crate near the left wall and tossed my messenger bag onto the table next to it and opened the lid. The marauders collected most of the materials inside, but I added some of my own over the last few days. It had belonged to me ever since. It had everything an engineer could ever dream of– wires, cogs, bolts, screws, circuit boards, glass tubes, screwdrivers, drills, pliers, cutters, chemical cleaners and oils. Garnet had me create minor bombs and grenades in the past when he believed someone was threatening his territory. One of my bombs nearly killed the marauders barely a day ago.
I scrounged around for some metal scraps and began to consider the Volt’s interior wiring. It would be too risky and potentially take too long to make a chemical compound that would mix with the electrical charge of my creation. I didn’t want to go through all this work and electrocute myself because the Volt decided to be finicky.
But if I could make some kind of remote trigger, I could use the Volt as it was, turning it to its maximum power setting and having the entire ship short circuit. If we could lock the helm, the ship would crash before the Hellions could figure out what was wrong. Assuming they weren’t all immediately fried by the massive electrical current that would be flowing through a gigantic metal conductor.
As I formed the concept for the remote detonator, reluctantly drawing inspiration from the dial Garnet used on me, I heard the marauders forming a plan of attack behind me.
“There should be some of those mini magnetic explosives from a couple years ago in one of those crates,” Sawyer said. “This would be a good time to use them.”
“We’re really taking down the Behemoth now?” questioned Nash. “I’ll follow you anywhere, Sawyer, but I’m not going to get myself blown up for you.”
“What happened to absolute loyalty?” Sawyer teased, the smirk obvious in his voice.
“Can’t do that when I’m in a million pieces, can I?” There was a smile in Nash’s voice, too.
“Not to mention I’ll kick you off the ship and into the clouds if he gets hurt because of you,” Gemma added. She sounded entirely serious.
“Lucky for both of you that won’t happen. Those explosives have pre-set timers, remember? All you have to do is set them up on the walls. I’m sure we can find a spot to meet up after that.”
“Assuming we aren’t spotted and ripped to shreds?” Nash added unhelpfully. “There’s a reason no one’s ever tried to attack the Hellions on their own ship. Not since The Storm.”
“We got those Hellion jumpsuits from Everett when we got the explosives, remember? They’ll fit us all and the masks will conceal us.”
“What if the Hellions don’t wear masks in the Behemoth?” Gemma pointed out. “Like Nash was saying, they’re not expecting anyone to attack them on their home turf.”
Sawyer was silent for a moment. I forced myself to concentrate on my work instead of looking over my shoulder to see what was on his face.
“Look, I’m not trying to suggest it isn’t a risk,” admitted Sawyer. “But it’s been too long since they suffered. I’m taking a shot at them. You willing to do the same?”
This time I couldn’t help but look over my shoulder. Promises were just words. Now that we were preparing to face the Hellions, his trusted crewmates could have changed their minds. Marauders tended to look out for themselves and no one else. Not that I would blame them for wanting to stay away from the monsters that destroyed everything they’d ever cared for.
Nash sighed. “I can’t believe you’re actually asking.”
Sawyer smirked and clapped Nash on the shoulder. They turned and walked across the room to another set of crates. The camaraderie between them was subtle, but it was deep. I envied Sawyer and Nash a little. I couldn’t remember having a close friend like that. I had Abby, but… I wanted more.
Obviously I had been spending too much time around these three troublemakers.
I turned back to my makeshift workstation and completed the remote dial. I hardly even remembered working on it. The base was set and the insides were properly organized, though I rechecked my wiring to be sure it would respond to the Volt. It was completed, but an important piece was missing.
“Claire?” called Gemma. “Your little trinket ready?”
I threw her an impatient glare over my shoulder, but Gemma didn’t even blink. Sighing to myself, I picked up the small metal device and showed it to her. “It’s ready.”
Gemma took a few steps closer, looking at the creation in my hands. She frowned. “Doesn’t look very menacing.”
“It’s not,” I admitted. “It will connect to the Volt and help set a timer for it to explode.” I hesitated, hoping Gemma wouldn’t notice. So of course she did.
“But?”
I sighed again. “But both devices need to be connected to a power source. I doubt that I can find another electron-cell at the substation, and I can’t risk using the one I just gave you.”
Gemma looked at me carefully. “Will the Behemoth have one?”
“Not exactly like Garnet’s, but something similar. It’s too big of a machine not to have electrical components powering a major part of it.”
“That ship is huge, Claire. Do you really think you’ll have time to find it?”
“I’ll have to make time,” I grumbled, tucking the remote and the Volt into my front right pocket.
“Seems like a hell of a gamble. The Hellions could have entirely different technology than us. And they obviously have a thing for firepower. They might not have anything electric on their ship at all.”
I thought about the smoke chugging out from the stern of the Behemoth, smothering the clouds and filling the sky with a deathly haze. I thought about the gears on the side of the ship, the way the large ones rotated like a circular saw and moved faster as a bolt of electricity spiraled around them.