The words once again ripped through her, and she just looked at him in stunned silence, until a small noise from the bed distracted her. Turning away from him, she saw that Elisha was awake, and she walked over to her, thankful she had something to do to occupy her chaotic emotions. As she lifted the baby out of its basket, she saw Metellus turn and walk out of the cave.
“Metellus,” she called out in a calm voice so as not to disturb the baby, “What we shared went deeper than just lust. You just refuse to acknowledge it-”
“No!”
The single word froze Livia, and in an unconscious gesture she hugged the baby close to her chest. She watched in stunned fascination as he turned to face her once more. Anger, and frustration, seemed to radiate out of him in shimmering waves of heat, and instinctively she placed the baby back in her basket, thankful when she didn’t seem to object too much.
“I bedded you for one reason, and one reason only, Livia Drusus. Revenge.” Metellus bit out, when she had turned to face him once more.
Livia swallowed the lump of fear which suddenly formed in her throat, her heart thumping in wild abandon. “Revenge? But…but I don't understand. You-”
“I bedded you for revenge, Livia,” he repeated, his words harsh, unyielding, “Because of your father.”
“My father? But what has he got to do with all this? Us?” Livia lifted a shaking hand to her forehead, as a feeling of dread assailed her. His gaze was penetrating, the grey of his eyes so intense she wanted to look away, but she couldn’t.
He frowned, his face a tight mask of frustration before he snapped, “There is no ‘us’, Livia. The sooner you realise that the better. I took your body for revenge. Revenge against your father, your brother, and the Drusii name.”
His words were harsh, and they hurt like a physical pain – right to the heart. “But why?” She cried. “What reason do you have?”
He laughed without humour, as his eyes took a leisurely journey from the tips of her toes to the top of her head. “Reason? The reason is simple, Livia. Your father was instrumental in the downfall of my family. And because of that, you are the spoils.”
“Spoils!” The word was whispered in horror. “What do you mean ‘spoils’?”
“I hadn't taken you for a fool, Livia. I'm sure you can work it out. Your father ruined my family; and now I've ruined yours.”
“No! I won’t believe it,” she breathed. How could he be so cold, so harsh and calculating? She thought wildly.
“Believe it,” he bit out. “If it wasn’t for my uncle, my mother and I would have starved. Nero took everything. Everything we had, and all because of the lies spewed from your father’s mouth.”
Livia felt the colour drain out of her face, as the full impact of his words assaulted her bruised mind. “So what we shared last night meant nothing to you? It was all because of your desire for revenge that you-” Sudden hot anger surged through her, making her unable to finish what she wanted to say, and for several moments a thick silence hummed between them.
Livia was somewhat mollified, when she saw a band of colour darken Metellus's high cheekbones, before he answered in a flat voice, “Yes.”
“Is that all you have to say “yes”?”” she spluttered, her eyes flashing as she clenched her fists so hard, her nails dug into the palms of her hands. The pain was welcome, as it reminded her that this was real, and she wasn’t caught up in some dark nightmare.
But this time he didn't answer her, and in that instant Livia felt all of her dreams shatter like a rare glass vial. Dreams of a future she had somehow envisaged herself having with Metellus. Once again she was just a pawn in some sort of twisted game of revenge between two warring families. A family feud she knew nothing about – but what did that matter? She had been played for a fool. A total fool.
“Get out,” the words were hissed through a tear clogged throat, “Get out!”
She saw Metellus hesitate, indecision flashing across his face, before his whole body stiffened, and he turned once more, and without a backward glance stalked out.
At that moment Elisha started fretting, probably picking up on the stressful atmosphere in the cave, and bending down Livia lifted her out of the basket once again, rocking the baby back and forth to settle her. In a soothing whisper she crooned, “Shh, little one. He's gone. Gone for good. I’ve been such a fool.”
She couldn't stop the tears from falling, and she buried her face in Elisha’s blanket as all her dreams disappeared before her very eyes.
Well you made a right mess of that didn’t you? Metellus thought in disgust, as he strode out of the cave. Was she right? Did what he feel for her go deeper than lust and desire?
There was no escaping the fact he’d wanted her from the first moment he had seen her standing on the deck of the trireme. That knowledge brought him no comfort or joy. In fact it made him even more angry and frustrated.
He could offer her nothing. As a mere merchant, he had no social standing among the elite of Roman society. He was effectively an outcast, as was his mother, and they had been, ever since the Emperor Nero had executed his father all those years ago.
And all because of Livia's father. Senator Augustus Drusus. He had been the man responsible for his family’s downfall, and his father’s eventual death.
The so-called Pisonian Conspiracy had been the idea of Senator Gaius Calpurnius Piso to oust Nero and declare himself as Emperor. It had been an elaborate attempt, and co-conspirators had been other Senators, some of Nero’s own Praetorian Guards and ordinary merchants. But the conspiracy had been doomed to fail – mainly because there had been so many people involved. Punishment had been swift and just. Many of those found guilty had been told to commit suicide by their own hands. Others, like his father, had been executed.
Gossip had been rife in the upper echelons of Roman power. Gossip, Metellus later found out, having been spread by Livia’s father. A few whispers here and there, and even though there had been little evidence to prove his father was involved in the plot, it hadn’t stopped Nero from acting with swift justice. Practically overnight Metellus and his mother had become destitute, Nero seizing all his father’s assets and money.
Metellus’s mother – Antonia - had had to beg his father’s brother – Verenus – to help them. Thankfully for them he had, Verenus offering the widowed Antonia and his nephew a home on his farm outside Rome. His uncle was a decent man, and as Verenus had never married, and thus had no children, over the following years Metellus had proved himself very capable of running the farm, turning it from a livestock farm into a very productive vineyard. The wine it produced was for export, as it provided the greatest profit. And it had also been Metellus’s idea to import papyrus paper from Alexandria, the paper proving to be very lucrative, as the people of Rome coveted the paper in abundance.
Verenus had been content to allow Metellus free reign with the farm when he’d come of age, for in truth he spent very little any time there. Verenus was an architect by trade, a very successful one, who had, and still continued to have, the patronage of the current Emperor, as well as the previous one’s before him. Verenus had also been one of the principal architects working for Nero after the Great Fire of Rome, the result of which had made him one of the richest me in Rome.
And Metellus’s own hard work over the past five years had also paid off in dividends, as he had amassed a fortune, both for his uncle, and himself. Merchants could earn huge amounts of money, unlike Senators, who were banned from trading.
Even though he was rich beyond measure, he was still not in the same social league of the Drusii. They were the elite of Rome – the patricians. But money was the key to getting back everything he’d lost, everything he’d been denied. Money could buy power, and the social standing, just like his mother and father had once had.
And like a lion stalking its prey, he’d bided his time, waiting for the moment to strike, to move in for the kill. Livia’s revelation that her father was ill, as well as his own knowled
ge of Flavius’s debts at the gaming table, made him more determined than ever to take on the Drusii, and implement his long awaited plans for revenge.
And that revenge would be the total capitulation of everything, and anyone, associated with the Drusii. Even Livia…
So what if he desired her? Craved her body, and wanted her again and again. He wouldn’t allow his desire for her get in the way of all he’d planned. She had been the spoils. The spoils of war between him, and her family.
His mood darkened. That was the way of it. And nothing was going to change his mind about his chosen course. It was his destiny to succeed, to avenge his father’s death. To-
The ringing of a bell down in the leper colony jolted him out of his dark reverie, and he looked down the hillside towards the fort. His heart leapt in response at what he saw - a ship coming into view off the horizon.
The supply ship had arrived! His eyes closed tight in frustration. The gods must truly be laughing at him for his stupidity. If only he had managed to hold onto his lust, his desire for Livia for one more day, then things might not have got so complicated. But she’d invaded his dreams, his thoughts, his mind and there had been nothing he could have done to stop taking her.
“Shit,” he ground out through clenched teeth.
For several long minutes he stood there, cursing the fates. Then he opened his eyes, desperate to block Livia out of his jumbled thoughts, as he watched the large ship sail ever closer to the island. Right now he needed to have his wits about him, as he would need all his powers of persuasion to convince the captain to allow them to leave the island; that they were genuine ship wreck survivors and not lepers.
CHAPTER 11
Livia gazed out across the wide expanse of sea, the sunlight glinting off the rippling waves, almost hypnotic in its intensity. Taking deep calming breaths of fresh air, she looked skywards, watching a flock of seagulls float uncaring on the slight breeze.
Oh, how she envied their freedom, wishing with all her heart she could just open her arms and fly away and…escape. Escape from the invisible bonds which held her captive once more aboard this ship. A ship headed, not this time to Alexandria, but one headed back to Rome. Rome, where she knew her family – Flavius - would be waiting for her, disapproval evident in every line of his tall thin body…
Had it only been five days since they had left the leper island, and four since they had boarded the ship heading for Rome? Nine long, endless, days in which she had existed in some kind of stupor, unable to quite believe all that had happened.
Their journey from the leper colony had gone remarkably smoothly considering. They’d journeyed to Crete where it had been a simple matter of getting a ship to Rome from the busy port of Heraklion. Metellus had pleaded their case to the Governor, who it turned out, knew both Livia’s father and Metellus’s uncle. Within half a day they had been provided with clean clothes and a safe passage back to Rome. And, with evident relief on her part, there had been no awkward questions asked about the baby.
Thrusting a hand through the knotted curls of her hair, she grimaced as the wind whipped through the long tresses. She had been up on deck for far too long, and she needed to get back to her small cabin, where she had left Elisha sleeping.
She also needed to return below deck, to ensure she didn’t encounter Metellus. She had managed to avoid him the whole time she had been on board the ship. Or rather he was avoiding her! After all, the captain had initially given them a cabin to share, assuming, incorrectly they were married and the baby was theirs. But once Metellus has placed her, and Elisha’s possessions, in the cabin she hadn’t seen him since.
But what did it matter? She was well rid of him. A man eaten up by bitterness, such as he was, would never change. It was ingrained in him, so deeply rooted, that she would become the biggest fool in the Empire, if she thought he would change just for her!
She had tried to unravel exactly what had happened between them on the island. But she hadn’t succeeded. Metellus as a complex man, revealing layer after layer of contradictions. One minute he was rescuing her, tending to her every need, the next he was cursing her, and her family, to Hades. And then he complicated matters even further by kissing her, making love to her.
Her breath hitched, as she remembered all they had shared. She had given him everything. Laid her heart, her soul open to him. And all he had done was take, giving nothing of himself in return. He’d taken her virginity. Taken her reputation. Taken all of her dreams, and squashed them like an insect underfoot. He’d used her in an abominable way, making love to her just because she was the daughter of his sworn enemy.
But it had been wonderful. Everything she had dreamed of. And no matter how hard she had tried, she couldn’t banish him completely from her thoughts.
The way he’d kissed her, caressed her. The feel of his mouth and lips on her face, her neck, her breasts, teasing and tempting her to edge of madness.
Balling her fists in frustration, she refused to believe he had felt indifference to her, refused to believe their lovemaking had been nothing but a desire for revenge. She might have been innocent, but his body’s response to her, told her he had desired her, had wanted her to exclusion of everything, and everyone.
It was only in the cold light of day he had realised what had happened between them. And then he had lashed out, curing her, and her family, swearing revenge against her family name.
Shaking her head in resignation, she headed back to her cabin. She had spent too long up on the deck, and it was fast approaching the time when she would need to feed Elisha. But when she opened the cabin door, she froze. Metellus was standing there, his large frame taking up most of the space of her cramped sleeping quarters as he held Elisha in the crook of his arm…
He looked up, and Livia saw dark colour flood his face as if somehow, he had been caught red handed holding the baby.
“She was crying, fretting,” he said by way of explanation.
Livia felt a surge of guilt assail her at having left the baby for so long. But she had been desperate for some fresh air. “I wasn’t gone for that long,” she bristled, not wanting him to think that she hadn’t been looking after the baby properly.
She heard him sigh, before he said, “I know that, Livia. I’m not judging you. If anything, you have been a virtual recluse ever since we have set sail.” His lips twisted in wry humour, “If I didn’t know better I would think that you were avoiding me.”
Livia raised her eyebrows in disbelief. The retort she was about to snap out was interrupted by Elisha’s sharp wail. The baby was hungry and she needed to be fed. Not having much choice, Livia walked up to Metellus and lifted her arms, the gesture obvious, and Metellus handed the baby over.
Livia had to fight the urge to close her eyes when she came close to him. She could smell the masculine scent coming off the heat of his body, and she was once again transported back to the time they had made love in the cave.
Stepping back from him, she went and sat on the edge of her bed. Taking the goatskin from the basket by the bed she placed the teat in the baby’s mouth and fed her, managing to ignore Metellus the whole time.
But once Elisha had finished her feed, and Livia had placed her in her makeshift crib, a wooden box which had been provided by the captain, she faced Metellus once again. He was watching her, leaning against the wooden door of her cabin, his arms crossed over his chest. Meeting his enigmatic gaze she asked, “What do you want, Metellus?”
For a moment he didn't answer her, just stared down at her, the heat in his eyes causing her heart to thump in an erratic way, and her blood to pulse hot, and heavy through her body. She hadn't seen him in the four days since they had boarded this ship bound for Rome. He was right. She had been deliberately avoiding him, staying in her cabin with Elisha and asking for her meals to be served there, using the excuse of her needing to care for the baby as the reason for not joining the captain for the evening meal.
“What do you want, Metellus?” She repea
ted, when he hadn’t answered her earlier question, “I thought you’d said all you wanted to say to me on the island.”
“Are you pregnant?” Metellus asked, his voice flat, but his eyes piercing as they bored into hers.
“No!” Livia gasped, taken aback by his terse question, her self-control slipping, as embarrassment pulsed through her. She shot up from where she had been sitting, desperate to run out of the cabin, but frustrated from doing so because his large frame blocked her exit. Pride held her still and taking a deep breath she held onto her anger – just…
“How do you know? I took no precautions.”
His words were devoid of emotion, as if he were delivering a statement of fact. His face was unreadable, and somehow, his voice made her blood pulse faster throughout her body.
Once again Livia marvelled at the way he affected her. Her fingers, she noted, shook with emotion, and not wanting him to see how vulnerable she felt in his presence, she hid them in the folds of her stola. Affecting a nonchalance she was far from feeling, she met his hooded gaze head on. “Because I’m not, that’s why.”
“Have you had your monthly flow?”
Livia blushed to the roots of her hair. No man had ever asked her that before, and she was consumed by another bolt of red hot anger, mingled with equal measures of embarrassment. She turned away, refusing to meet his piercing gaze. After a long silence had fallen between them she answered his question. “Yes. I…I started the other day.”
“You are not lying to me are you, Livia?” His voice came from just behind her, and it had a husky deepness to it, stirring passions within her that had her thinking of the night they had shared outside the cave. She could feel his breath on the back of her neck, and an instant wave of longing coursed through her body.
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