“Nice truck,” I say when I climb in after Steele tosses my suitcase in the back and shuts my door for me. The radio is blasting out an old classic rock song that I recognize by The Cars.
“Thanks,” he mutters softly. His mood is changing. I frown, wondering what on earth could’ve happened between walking down the sidewalk and here. Whatever it is, he’s not going to climb back into his dark shell. I’m not having it.
“You listen to the good stuff, too. Ivy is into country, and I can’t stand it. My dad was a diehard for this kind of music. I could name off more rock songs than anything.” I grab my seat belt and adjust my seat before I place my hands on my lap. When I realize I’m doing this out of habit, I quickly turn to face him. I don’t want to lose all the things I’m accustomed to. However, I am in a truck with a man who I want to get to know. Therefore, I twist my body to face him, only to find he’s smirking at me.
“Really? What song is this?” he challenges.
“Oh, Trevor,” I say condescendingly. “Are you disputing my talents? Because if you are, you're going to lose. It’s by The Cars, written in 1978, and it’s called “Just What I Needed.” Would you like me to sing for you, too?” I'm a smart aleck as I tease him. I think he’ll consider me challenging like this, and it’ll give us something to do on the road to keep the conversation light and the music flowing. I think this trip may not only bring us the chance to get to know one another, but it’s also going to come with sudden mood swings from him if the past few minutes are any indication.
“I’m impressed.” He focuses his eyes on the road, and I settle in for silence. The vibes of his discomfort radiating off him are stronger than the sun.
This is another thing that has changed about me in the past two weeks. I’ve learned to be able to read people like a book around here. I’ve also started speaking my mind more than I’ve done before. Not that I needed much help in that department. I’ve always been one to say what’s on my mind, but always doing it in a polite manner.
There are some very rude people here. So rude that I’ve had to voice my opinion in a negative fashion to get my point across. Not that I'm rude right now; never again with this man will I take what he says and misread it into my own thoughts. I will speak my mind, though, and hope he gives me the same courtesy by not allowing his feelings to be bottled up inside.
Some of the people around here have taught me a quick and valuable lesson. Most of them take everything they have and twist it to their advantage. They don’t realize how good they have it. How there is a whole other world out there that they know nothing about.
The first time Ivy and I went out to dinner, I about jumped out of my chair when I saw the food wasted on people’s plates. That very same night, we witnessed an argument that escalated to a young man getting beaten up by three other men outside of the mall after we went shopping. Then came the butt-kissing people at college when I told them who I was and the mere mention of my last name had them trying to kiss my behind. Especially when they found out I was paying cash for my education. I swear I saw dollar signs glow in the lady’s eyes behind her desk. Greed and self-preservation seem to be everywhere. I’m still the same soul who left here years ago. I guess my parents sheltered me and my time in Iraq taught me to appreciate things here that most people take for granted.
Not only did my parents set up a trust fund for my schooling, but they also left me with more money than I will be able to spend in my life. I’ve left most of it in the investments they were in.
“We have a long drive, plenty of time for you to sing to me. What I want to know is, did you decide what field of medicine you are going in?” he answers my silly question from minutes ago as he changes the subject to one that now has me smiling. He remembered.
“Yes. Actually, Ivy’s little boy made up my mind for me. He’s adorable. I knew the minute I held him what I wanted to do. I’m going into pediatrics. Not only do kids need all the love in the world from their parents, they need to feel safe and taken care of by a doctor who cares. It might sound crazy.” I pause to catch my breath before I continue while my eyes remain on him.
I still can’t believe he drove all the way here just to clear things up with me. He’s holding something back, and now that we’re confined in his truck, I’m bound and determined to get him to open up to me. I have a week to break through this tough exterior.
I’m excited to travel with this mysterious man. His dark hair and square jaw only pull my eyes toward him even when I try to look away. If I keep staring at him too long, I may never stop. I force myself to study the road before I carry on.
“There are so many kids in not only the United States but all over the world who don’t receive the proper love and attention from their parents, let alone the medical treatment they may need. So, there you have it. Now it’s your turn. Tell me why you chose to go into the Marines?” I switch back to looking at him, and I watch his jaw tick and his hands grip the wheel excessively tight. It’s then I realize I’ve once again stuck my foot in my mouth when it comes to him. I remember all too well him telling me about his upbringing.
I’m about ready to apologize when he blurts out his quick response and begins to shut down on me. “My brother.” I recognize right away this is his reason for wanting this short escape. He’s struggling. His reason behind everything dark and depressing when we were stranded.
I can pretend he wanted to see me. Maybe he’s confused and wanted to know where I stood. The way he kissed me then pulled back so quickly proves that. Do I say something, or don’t I? Do I tell him how I feel, or do we continue to pretend?
“You're scared,” I say affirmatively.
“Scared? Oh, sweet, innocent Grace, there isn’t a damn thing I’m scared of.” He’s lying. I can hear how frightened he is from the tone of his voice.
“You’re lying, too.” He cranes his neck my way, eyebrows shooting up toward his hairline. I’m not done. Not by a long shot.
“Someone has gained a hell of a lot of confidence in the past two weeks.” I scoff. He has no idea.
“Listen. I can’t fathom what you went through when you lost your brother or how it came about. One thing I can comprehend is that you’re scared to let someone in. Take me, for example. You’re scared of me, of the feelings that are stirring inside of you for me. You’re holding back for reasons that aren’t true. You don’t think you're good enough for me, so you keep throwing up how innocent I am. How you think you will destroy me. That’s fear, Trevor, no matter how much you try to deny it.” He remains silent while my chest clutches in agony for him. He has so much to give, yet he’s too blind to see it.
“Jesus. That’s quite an assessment, don’t you think?” I pull in a deep breath. I’m not allowing him to coward out on me.
“It’s the truth. You know it. I’m not here to evaluate you or even to fix you. I’m here because I want to get to know you. I believe you came for me to clear the air between us, but that’s not the only reason why, is it?” I want to say so much to him. I’m pushing. Possibly far enough that he could turn back around and take me home. I don’t want him to. If he does, though, at least he’ll be going with my honest feelings weighing on his mind.
“You want the truth. Is that why there’s this sudden change in the sweet, innocent woman I met a few weeks ago?”
I interrupt him before he has a chance to go on. “I’m not innocent. Innocent is a young child. A child who’s learning right from wrong. I may have my virtue intact, but that doesn’t mean I’m naïve or that I’m going to sit here and not be honest when I say that there was and still is an undeniable chemistry between the two of us.” His eyes go wide at my confession, while I feel my face pale. I just admitted that I’m a virgin. He knew this already; I know he did.
“You’ve got my head spinning, woman. I needed a break from life, and here you have me even more confused.”
“That’s bullshit,” I tell him.
He glances my way, a smile tugging at the corner o
f his lips.
“Damn. She swears now, too.”
“Not really. I can, though, if you’ll stop using my innocence as an excuse to open up to me. Why can’t you be as honest with me as I am with you?”
He sighs and rakes a hand through his hair. I wait again, hoping one of the four walls he has surrounding him will come crumbling down.
He goes completely silent. Silent for so long that I have no idea how much time passes by before he startles me from where I’m now gazing out the window, watching the scenery pass me by in a haze.
“You don’t scare me, Grace. In fact, you intrigue me. You fascinate me, and I’m so drawn to you I don’t know what to make of it, but I have demons. Those demons keep me up at night. They give me nightmares and have stolen my life, because they consume me no matter how hard I fight them; they win every single night. Is that the kind of man you want to get to know?”
“We all have demons. Some are just louder than others.” I’m not going to ask him what they are. He’ll tell me about them when he’s ready.
CHAPTER TWELVE
STEELE
She’s blasted in here with all kinds of confidence I found sexy until she started to open me up as if she was dissecting my brain, locking down my thoughts and screwing with my head even more. Little does she know, I’m in no mood to be under a microscope. “Can we just enjoy the road? Maybe have some laughs for a few days and not talk about the deep shit?” I try to get her to give me a little break from the seriousness for a little while. Honestly, I knew I’d be in deep thought on this trip; I just figured it would be going a little differently than having her drill me, regardless of the fact she seems to have opened my eyes to the possibility of me and her happening.
It was obvious the minute I drove up that she was relieved to see me. That just told me that any disagreement we had was in the past and she missed me in the same way I missed her. We buried it, and now she’s digging up an area I’m not comfortable talking about.
“I never said I didn’t deserve someone like you. I said you deserved better than what I can give you.”
“Same thing if you ask me.” Actually, it’s not. But I don’t argue with her. I’m not capable of being there for her like she deserves. My job won’t allow it, and my mind sure as fuck won’t.
“Not to mention, we just met each other. What makes you think you know what you want?” I try to throw it back at her. She’s just come out spending years in the damn desert; I can imagine any man would intrigue her at this point.
“What makes anyone know what they want? Everything happens for a reason. I’m saying we have a chemistry that we may as well stop hiding from. That we both want the same thing. You came to me, Trevor. That right there screams how much you’re drawn to me. If you weren’t, you would have never shown up at my house today, and you know it.” Oh, I have a connection with her, alright. My mind has dreamt about doing dirty things to this woman. My hand has been all over my dick, wishing her dainty fist was stroking me hard, her mouth sucking me off, and my come shooting straight down her throat. Something tells me that’s not the connection she’s referring to. I hear her loud and clear on that one as well. I want to get to know her, to see where this goes. I’m too much of a coward to fucking admit it.
“I have no idea what I want, Grace. I’ll be honest, though; I feel something. I just have no idea what that something is.” I feel as if I’m walking into a damn war zone without having a clue about my foreign surroundings. That’s how I feel when I’m with Grace. It’s foreign. All new. And it scares the fuck out of me.
“That’s amazingly romantic. Tell me, are you a virgin, too? With that kind of response, I can only imagine how desolate your sex life is.” I look at her in disbelief before I bust out laughing.
“Me. A virgin. That’s fucking hysterical.” Thank god she didn’t say that shit in front of the guys. They’d have had a fucking field day with that crap. I won’t get into the details of just how wrong she is about that. I’d put her into shock if she had any idea some of the things I’d love to do to her.
“I’m glad you find it funny.” She sinks into her seat some, and I feel like a bastard immediately.
“Look, don’t get sensitive on me now. I’m not a virgin. In fact, there’s nothing innocent about me at all. I think it’s great that you are.”
“It’s not that I’m innocent. I just haven’t found a man worthy of giving myself to in the past. As a matter of fact, you were my first kiss.” Are those men crazy over there? Christ, they must be blind. I can hardly believe my ears when she says it as if she’s happy about it. I didn’t notice her being inexperienced when we kissed. Hell, I was so wrapped up in the heaviness between us that I thought it was amazing.
“I had no idea.”
“Good. I was afraid I did a terrible job.” She has no clue what her kiss did to me. I wanted more. And if I hadn’t been so sure that she was a virgin, I would have taken more from her. I would have taken it all.
“Actually, quite the opposite.” She smiles at my critique of her kissing abilities.
“Well, I’m sure I’ll get better in time.”
“You don’t need to get better for me.” Jesus. Fuck. What the hell am I saying? She gasps? Turns her head in the opposite direction. I’m going to have to learn how to be a fucking saint on this trip. I need my head examined for even asking her to come. Now I’m not only trying to figure out my life and how to cope with the monsters stirring inside me, but I’m going to have a constant hard-on for Grace and will forever have to fight off the temptations I’ll have around her. I’ll be jacking off like a damn champ before this trip is over. It doesn’t get much more innocent than me being her first damn kiss. Although every part me is glad that I was.
Quit fucking fighting it, you idiot.
“Are you scared of my virginity, or horrified?” she interrupts my thoughts with her tough question. She sure has gained one heck of an unrestrained backbone.
I work to shake off the stunned emotions, so I can respond to her without hurting her feelings. This is a sensitive matter, and I don’t ever want to belittle someone for saving themselves for a person worthy of giving themselves to. This just solidifies what I’ve said from the beginning. She deserves better than what I can give her.
“Neither. I’m just trying to comprehend how someone like you can be so intrigued by a man like me.”
“I’m going to tell you this in the same way I told you to quit talking about me being innocent.” Her voice gets louder with each word. “Why wouldn’t I be interested in a man like you? From what I can tell, you’re a selfless, loyal man who would give his own life to protect those he loves. You’re definitely a man of his word; you proved that with your determination to bring me home yourself. I don’t want to hear how you're not worthy anymore. Because you are, Trevor. Those are the most attractive features in a man as far as I’m concerned.” She allows her eyes to trace my face, causing her own to blush when I catch her.
She turns to watch out the window again as I burn up some miles in my head as well as on the road. I had every intention of stopping somewhere tonight. Not sure where, as I only knew I wanted to make it as far as we could, so we can have a full day tomorrow at the ranch.
I glance over after about an hour of silence to see her leaning against the window with her eyes closed. She’s sleeping so peacefully that I push getting gas as long as I can before I have to stop. It’s getting dark now, but normally, I’d be able to go a few more hours. I think the fact that I haven’t slept well in weeks is getting to me today. I can barely keep my eyes open.
She opens her eyes as I pull to a stop in front of a set of gas pumps. “I’m going to pull over for the night. We need gas, and I need to get some sleep.” She nods as she pulls herself from her slumber. This back-and-forth bullshit between us has got to stop. We need to level the ground here. Move on and enjoy ourselves.
“Sorry I dozed off on you. I haven’t really slept since I’ve been back.” That make
s two of us. I don’t divulge that to her, but she can probably guess. It’s obvious that I’m on a road trip to clear my head and deal with a few things. Sleep deprivation is one of them. I just need to focus on the cause of it to get anywhere.
Filling up the tanks in the truck wakes me up some. I almost consider going further down the road before we stop for the night, but when I look at a map and see it’s almost two hours before we get to another decent-sized town, I decide to find a hotel here instead.
I’m in the middle of booking it online when she opens the truck door and leans her head out to talk to me. “Do you want me to get us a room?”
“I got it. Thanks.” I reserve two rooms at a hotel nearby and finish pumping the fuel. She’s watching me as I slide behind the steering wheel. “The motel is a few miles away. I thought we could grab something to eat before checking in. Are you hungry?”
“I could eat,” she responds and stretches her arms over her head. It’s been a long day on the road, and I’m sure we could both use dinner and an early night to bed.
“How does a burger sound?” We pass a small diner with a picture of a big cheeseburger on the front. It appears to be the only thing around the hotel.
“Amazing.”
We sit in the diner and tell stories of our childhood while we wait for our food to arrive. The big, fat elephant in the room is sitting there smiling at me, knowing that Grace and I haven’t resolved our issues. I flip the bitch off in my head and pay attention to Grace telling me more about her friend Ivy.
She yawns after she finishes all the food on her plate. “Seems like you’re as tired as I am. It’ll do us good to attempt to get some extra sleep tonight.” Her smile hits me just as I take another bite. She’s been quiet, but it seems like she’s enjoying herself. I guess she got what she needed to say off her chest for the time being. Maybe by the time she brings them back up, I’ll be more prepared to answer her.
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