A REALISATION OF LOVE
In the office Shona busied herself with tidying Ingrid’s desk and tried to thrust Jack’s bitter words to the back of her mind. At least he could have allowed her to explain her actions and to tell him what she had discovered about Felix and Ingrid before condemning her.
She piled the loose papers on the desk into some sort of order so that anyone who took over from Ingrid would have a clear space to work on.
Expecting the drawers of the desk to be locked, she yanked so hard at the handle of the top one that she nearly fell backwards when it shot open.
Inside was the sort of paraphernalia she would expect: spare pens, envelopes, a box of staples and another of paper clips with some spilled out, a comb with a strand or two of Ingrid’s red hair. The middle drawer contained more of the same together with an empty lunch box and a Thermos flask.
Beneath some paper in the bottom drawer Shona found Toby. She snatched him up with a cry of surprise. He had a label tied round his neck. She read it with rising horror.
‘Look what I found, Felix,’ it said. ‘And you’ll never guess where. Unless you and she are up to something on the quiet? You’d better have a good explanation. But I trust you, more fool me. So now your collection is complete again. Your loving Ingrid.’
This was her Toby who had travelled with her from home whom she had grown to love and cherish. She turned him over and saw the slight nick at the bottom that was proof that he was hers.
‘Oh Toby, I’m so sorry!’ She clutched him to her in her relief that he was safe.
* * *
The door handle rattled and she pushed Toby beneath the papers on the desk to hide him from prying eyes.
Jack came in, changed now from his gardening clothes into his usual casual wear. She rose unsteadily to her feet.
‘You left here and went to Crag Cottage to go off with someone for the day? Is that correct?’ he said.
‘I had to. There was a crisis. Or so I thought.’
‘I see. And you went off knowing that Ingrid wasn’t here to cope in your absence?’
The expression on Jack’s face alarmed her. She cleared her throat. ‘There’s something I have to tell you,’ she said. ‘I think I know where Ingrid has gone . . . who with, I mean.’
‘You think you know?’ Jack’s voice was sharp.
She was almost afraid to continue. ‘I’m certain.’
He walked across to the window and stood with his shoulders hunched. She had the feeling that he was oblivious of the wind now lashing the sycamores and the hint of rain on the glass.
The loaded silence lingered until she could bear it no longer. ‘Felix and Ingrid have gone away together,’ she said. ‘They’re an item. She’s moving in with him and she’s not coming back.’
He spun round. ‘Ingrid and Felix Langholme? How do you know this?’
‘His daughter told me.’
His initial disbelief turned swiftly to incredulity. ‘That man and Ingrid?’
‘I . . . I’m afraid so.’
She felt his intent gaze and turned her head away so that she wouldn’t see his hurt. Ingrid had left him high and dry with no word of explanation. She hadn’t told her parents either.
‘I’m sorry,’ Jack said, his voice tight.
‘Ingrid won’t want Tamsin anywhere near her,’ she said after a short silence. ‘I promised I’d look out for her. I have to do that. I can’t let her down.’
She clenched her trembling hands. Concern for the abandoned girl was like a lingering pain. She minded so much it hurt. And in order to look after her she knew she would have to leave Ferniehope Castle. Somewhere. Somehow. Perhaps Jodie would let them doss down in the apartment for a while until Felix could be contacted and arrangements made.
She took in a quivering breath that turned to a sob.
Ashamed, she turned and ran, needing to be on her own to deal with the shock of knowing the truth at last. She cared far more for Tamsin’s welfare than she did for Felix.
* * *
Jack threw himself down on Ingrid’s chair and sat with his elbows on the desk and his head in his hands. He hadn’t expected this and neither had Shona from her obvious distress.
The man wasn’t worth it. No man who could cause Shona such anguish was worth it, but her loss was deep and he had to respect it. He didn’t doubt that her courage would get her through it in time, but he wished he had the wisdom to help her now.
He raised his head and moved his right arm so that the pile of paper on the desk was disturbed.
What was this? A toby jug hidden here? Shona’s missing toby jug! It seemed like it. He held it in his hand in wonder . . . a toby jug on Ingrid’s desk. In growing amazement he read the label, recognising Ingrid’s handwriting. Written proof of who had entered Shona’s apartment and stolen this from her bedside table. Did Shona know about this?
Jack stood up, ripping off the label and stuffing it in the pocket of his jeans. Shona would see it now and as quickly as he could get it to her. At least she would have something that might well provide a degree of comfort.
* * *
Shona pushed open the conservatory door and entered a world where light and peace surrounded her. The scent from Jack’s special orchid hung in the air and she sat down on the basket chair nearest to it and let the healing tears flow.
How she would continue to care for Tamsin she didn’t yet know but there must be a way. Felix, influenced by Ingrid, had made it plain who came first in his life in which there was little room for a wayward daughter. The school fees would probably be paid. But what of Tamsin’s wishes in the matter? Surely they must count for something when she had nothing else going for her in her life?
They would manage somehow, the two of them. They had to.
At last she wiped her eyes, knowing she couldn’t have the luxury of being on her own for long. From here she could detect sounds of the returning minibus. She was not about to leave Jack to cope today with everything even though her decision to leave had already been agonised over and finally made.
* * *
‘How long have we got before dinner?’ one of the returning clients called across to Shona as she returned to the hall intending to retrieve Toby and take him up to her apartment.
‘Mags will be serving it very soon,’ she said.
There were one or two more enquiries from the returning history group and she made sure they knew where the drying room was if they wished to leave their damp outer clothing there.
Before she could move towards the office she saw Jack. At the same moment the front door bell rang.
‘See who that is, will you, Shona?’ he said brusquely.
She did as he asked, throwing open the door wide and surprised to see on the doorstep one of the old gentlemen she had met on her first evening here. His white hair had drops of moisture on it and the shoulders of his camel-haired jacket looked damp.
‘Please come in,’ she said cordially. ‘Let me take your coat.’
‘Thank you, my dear. May I wish you good afternoon? But it’s evening now, isn’t it? Is that demanding employer of yours anywhere about?’
She smiled. ‘He’s just here, Mr Caruthers.’
Jack stepped forward. ‘My dear Alfred,’ he said warmly. ‘This is an unexpected pleasure.’
‘I was driving past and thought I’d drop in, see how you are getting on and if this young lady is doing her job well.’
‘Very well,’ said Jack smoothly. ‘Will you stay and have dinner with us?’
The old man smiled. ‘I’m so pleased you asked me. I accept with pleasure.’
‘You’re always welcome here, Alfred.’
‘And afterwards perhaps I may be permitted to talk to your guests. History is my subject as you know, dear boy. I’m always hoping to learn something new.’
‘I expect you’ll be able to put them in the picture about historical sites locally,’ said Jack. ‘They should consider themselves lucky.’
Alfred C
aruthers smiled at Shona. ‘I’m the lucky one.’
‘Inform Mags, will you?’ said Jack, turning to her. ‘And I think this is yours?’ he added, holding Toby out to her.
She took Toby from him in silence knowing he would have read the missing label and was aware of the implications. But now, with a personal dinner guest and the evening’s entertainment to oversee, she was safe for the moment from any more grilling from Jack.
She escaped gladly to her apartment to hide Toby away before changing into something more presentable than her jeans and T-shirt.
* * *
Next morning she slipped out of the castle early. The sky looked uniform grey but the rain and wind of yesterday afternoon had gone leaving the garden bathed in chilly freshness.
Her sleep last night had been surprisingly deep and dream-free. Now she felt alert and ready for anything. Or almost anything. Sobered suddenly by the thought of what lay ahead, she walked slowly across the grass.
The area at the side of the building where Jack had been working on the new rockery looked well-tended with the flowerbed near the wall freshly dug and raked and looking as if it had taken hours of hard work to achieve. In reality Jack could only have been out here a short while because he had been in Carlisle for the day. Why had he attacked it so ferociously?
She thought of the first time she had seen him with the rake on his shoulder, looking relaxed as he greeted her. The sunshine had lightened his fair hair to gold and the expression on his tanned face had been friendly and interested. He had joked with her about some of the courses on offer here at Ferniehope Castle. Gardening hadn’t been mentioned though. Perhaps he thought of it as a normal way of life and not unusual enough to attract the people he hoped would come.
Ferniehope Castle was a beautiful setting in which to take time away from your real life, learning new skills or enjoying your special interests in the company of like-minded people.
Her real life was working here where the satisfaction of looking after the comfort of the guests was enormous.
What else had Jack said was on offer . . . canoeing, origami, cordon bleu cookery?
The courses sounded glamorous and it was bad luck that they had got Rex and his rambling club to start off the season, but the wildlife and history people were brilliant. Others would come no doubt, wanting to learn about navigation in arctic waters or potholing for the dumbfounded. A joke, of course. Jack had grinned when he saw her surprise and she had smiled back at him to show she wasn’t fooled.
Jack didn’t joke now. She had hardly seen him smile these last few days.
She bent down and picked up a small clump of earth that yesterday’s raking had missed. It felt damp and sticky in her hand.
All at once she was shaken with compassion for him and his hopes and dreams. He was a good man, kind and caring. He deserved the success he worked so hard for. Why should the Felixes of this world charm their way effortlessly into everyone’s affections when men like Jack were worth so much more?
‘WHY DOES IT HAVE TO BE YOU?’
Shona’s responsibilities to the history group were over for the time being once the minibus drove away. She stood on the doorstep to wave them off and then went into the office.
The group had planned visits to more archaeological sites today and wouldn’t be back until late to make the most of a day that promised to be warm and drier than yesterday. Jack wasn’t on the premises either because she had overheard him telling Mags to expect him back in time for lunch. So she had a free hour or two now to do what had to be done.
But before she could sit down at the computer her mobile rang. Jodie!
Her cousin was full of news of Duncan and the computer work he was getting. ‘It’s snowballing, Shona,’ she said. ‘He’s even doing one-to-one tutorials now.’
‘I’m so pleased for him,’ said Shona. ‘You too, Jodie. He’ll be setting up his own business soon.’
‘He’s researching the help he can get and grants and all that.’
Although Shona was thrilled at the news she had immediate things to think about too. She had to write the best resignation letter she could manage, explaining her reason for leaving Ferniehope Castle. She wanted to make the importance to her of the promise she had made to Tamsin quite clear to Jack so that he wouldn’t think she had been unhappy here.
Of course she hadn’t known at the time that her offer to look out for Tamsin would come to this. But it made no difference. She would be there for the girl as she had said even though it meant leaving Jack’s employment where she had felt so much at home.
She leaned back in the chair and gazed at the yellow orchid on the high windowsill above the desk. The window faced north and that was ideal. She had learnt that much about orchids in her time here. It seemed happy enough there, its yellow flowers looked as if someone had formed them from wax. The dark green shiny leaves looked decidedly healthy.
She would take her morning coffee into the conservatory when she had written her letter and printed it out. There she could relax a little and feast her eyes on the array of exotic blooms. This might even be for the last time if Jack was successful in finding her successor swiftly.
A dull pain at the thought of this should be squashed at once. Opening a new file on the computer, Shona stared at the blank screen that would soon be filled with words she didn’t want to write.
She wondered what Tamsin was doing at the moment . . . hopefully making herself useful at Bessie’s Kitchen. With luck Liz would be prepared to keep her for a few days until Jack could sort something out about a replacement and she could leave Ferniehope Castle with a clear conscience.
With a heavy heart Shona raised her hands above the keyboard and began to type.
Engrossed, she wasn’t aware of Jack’s return until she heard the front door slam. Startled she stayed quite still and waited to see what he would do.
She heard footsteps in the hall, his voice calling for Mags and the kitchen door closing. A few minutes only and then he was opening the office door.
She felt his presence like a blast of cold air.
‘Shona?’
He towered over her as he read the words on screen. ‘What’s the meaning of this?’ he asked.
She couldn’t say anything for the lump in her throat. But she didn’t have to because the words were there in front of him, clear in black on white.
The silence was like thunder as she waited for his reaction. ‘So . . . what do you intend to do?’
‘I’ll think of something.’ She wrenched a tissue from the box on the desk and scrubbed at her face. ‘I had to decide quickly, Jack. Tamsin needs someone to look out for her. She’ll never be happy with Ingrid who hates her. I can’t bear the thought of her not being wanted, feeling pushed out.’
‘But surely her father . . . ’
‘I don’t know about Felix any more. I think he’ll listen to Ingrid.’
‘But why does it have to be you?’
‘I promised. She trusts me. She’s so lonely and unhappy.’
Again the long silence broken this time by the ringing of the telephone. With an exclamation of annoyance Jack picked up the receiver, perching on the corner of the desk to answer the call, ‘Ferniehope Castle. Jack Cullen.’
His nearness was disturbing and Shona moved a little to be as far away from him as she could.
Suddenly he straightened and got to his feet, listening intently. ‘Which ward? Cree? Thank you for telling us so promptly. We’ll notify the family of course. No problem there, Mark.’
Shona felt cold. Liz . . . Tamsin?
Jack was listening again and then he spoke. ‘Yes, we’ll get something organised about getting them up here. And the rest of you will carry on as long as you feel able. We can lay on lunch here if that would help. It wouldn’t? Afternoon tea then if you’re back by then. Your decision.’
Shona let out the breath she was holding. Someone from the history group, obviously, perhaps badly injured. She looked up at Jack in concern.
For a moment after he put the phone down he stood with his hand on the receiver, deep in thought.
‘Can I do anything to help?’ she said at last.
With a start he seemed to remember she was there, still seated at the desk. ‘There’s been an accident,’ he said.
‘An accident . . .where? Who is it?’
One of the group collapsed apparently, went down like a ninepin. The girl, Deirdre. Not unconscious for long, luckily.’
‘Where were they?’
‘They’d stopped at a viewpoint and were getting out of the minibus to look at the view. The paramedics were quickly on the scene and now she’s in the local hospital. A couple of her friends are with her.’
Seconds later Shona had the file for the history group up on screen. ‘You’ll need her details,’ she said.
‘The phone number,’ Jack said. ‘Good girl.’
She scribbled it down on the handy pad and tore off the sheet to give to him.
‘You’ll need that,’ he said. ‘There’s something I’ve got to do.’
‘You want me to contact them?’
‘There’s not much to say at the moment. Give them the hospital number. They may want to come up.’
She noted down the ward name and the name of the girl’s parents who lived in Leeds. Then she found the number of the hospital so they could phone them for reassurance.
By the time she had done that Jack had gone. She felt a moment’s dismay. But there was much to do and no time to wonder more than briefly why he had left her to cope with the arrangements on her own.
* * *
The history group returned in the middle of the afternoon by which time the injured girl’s parents were on their way to Ferniehope and due to arrive in about an hour. Mags had organised a room to be put at their disposal.
‘It’s on the ground floor, one we keep for our own guests,’ she said.
‘Sounds perfect,’ said Shona rather distractedly. ‘Is Jack home yet?’
‘Not a sign of him,’ said Mags disapprovingly.
‘I’ll phone the hospital now. They might be able to tell me if that’s where he is.’
Where the Heart Belongs Page 11