“Are you having fun?” Acacia smiled shyly up at me.
“Yeah. I feel like this is the sort of scene where we should all be smoking cigars or something,” I joked. “And maybe I should be wearing one of those velvet smoking jackets.”
Acacia grinned. “Well, I can’t help you out with the jacket, but if you’d like a cigar, I’m sure Dad has a stash around here somewhere.”
I laughed and shook my head. “No, I was just kidding.”
“Good!” Acacia laughed. “I wouldn’t want you to taste like smoke when I kiss you.”
This was one of those moments that should’ve felt like scoring a touchdown or making the clutch basket in a game. A beautiful girl not only giving you the green light to pass go, but actually initiating the move. That ought to have felt amazing. But it felt like…nothing.
My eyes automatically zeroed in on Sandy, who was sitting across the room, next to Avery. She was nowhere near as cuddled up to him as Acacia was to me, and I took a small amount of satisfaction from that. It wasn’t total satisfaction, though, because I still would’ve rather had her with me than over there with Avery.
But if I’d had to see her draped all over him, I don’t know how I would’ve handled that. It would’ve sucked. Big time.
A group of five or six kids, the only ones who were still at the house, walked into the study. One of them, I thought his name was Jimmy, said, “Hey, A-Squared. We’re headed over to Todd’s. They just had that movie theater built into the basement. We’re gonna watch some horror movies to give the girls an excuse to grab all over us. Y’all in?”
Acacia, Avery, Sandy, and I all exchanged glances. The thought running through my head was: if we went with them, the girl who would be grabbing all over me was not the one whose hands I wanted on my body. And the girl I would rather have touching me would be grabbing another guy.
Hell no. I didn’t want any part of it.
But, of course, I couldn’t say any of that, so I tried to bide my time and see what everybody else said. Besides, Sandy and I were guests in this house. We couldn’t very well pipe up and say that we’d rather stay there when it wasn’t our place to invite ourselves.
Avery, smoothly slipping his arm around Sandy’s shoulder, said, “No, I think we’re good here. You guys go on ahead.”
The group of buzzed and happy kids left, laughing and jostling each other on the way out. That left only the four of us in Acacia and Avery’s cavernous house, and the silence was absolutely deafening after the group had shut the front door behind them.
“Hey, I have an idea,” Acacia said. “Let’s hit up the kitchen and raid the fridge. I could use a little midnight snack.”
Whether it was because we were all eager for something—anything—to break the undercurrent of nervous tension running between us, or just genuinely starving, we quickly agreed. We ran into the kitchen and started chowing down like we’d been smoking weed all night instead of drinking beer.
“Holy mother. Is it me or is this, like, the absolute best freaking food you’ve ever tasted in your entire life?” Sandy asked me disbelievingly.
“It’s not just you. It’s unbelievable. I mean, seriously delicious.”
We spread the contents of the fridge out in containers all over the counter. There were soups, salads, and leftover entrées that consisted of beef, chicken, and fish in the most ridiculously good sauces I’d ever tasted.
“Your mom can really cook,” I said heartily.
I was confused when Acacia and Avery both started laughing their heads off.
“Oh my God,” Acacia choked out through the laughter. “I don’t know if Mother’s ever even set foot in a kitchen. If a robber held a gun to her head and said that the only way to save her ever-lovin’ life was to lead him into the kitchen, I think she’d die right there on the spot. I don’t think she’d be able to do it.”
“Acacia might be exaggerating a little…but not by much,” Avery confirmed. “Our mother didn’t cook any of this. We have a private chef who sees to all our meals, and he’s amazing. We’ll definitely pass along your compliments.”
“Please do,” Sandy said sincerely. “It really is so, so good.”
Acacia’s eyes lit up, and her face took on a sly expression. I was still getting to know her, but already, I recognized that this was the look that came over her face when she had an idea she thought was absolutely brilliant and she was about to try to sell everyone else on it.
“Hey, if you want to eat some really delicious food, I know just the thing. Avery and I have been roped into representing our family at this stuffy, old black-tie affair at the country club tomorrow night. It’s gonna be boring as all get out. I won’t even try to lie to you. But the one thing is the food will be really good. Plus, if we’re all there together, it will be significantly less boring than it would be if I was stuck there with only my brother. No offense, bro.”
“None taken,” Avery said good-naturedly. “I feel exactly the same way about you, sis. You may be entertaining, but I’ve seen the show a thousand times. It would be a lot more fun if the four of us went. Are you guys game?”
Sandy looked uncomfortable. When she spoke, it was hesitantly. “I don’t know. We’re on vacation… We didn’t really bring any clothes that would be appropriate for something like that…”
Acacia’s face lit up. “Honey, if that’s the only issue, then it’s no problem. Avery definitely has something Hunter can wear, and you and I can have a girls’ day tomorrow. We can go shopping and do lunch, and it’ll be a ton of fun.”
Sandy turned to Avery, her face still unsure. “Are you sure it’s okay?”
Avery laughed. “It is. But it wouldn’t matter even if it wasn’t. What Acacia wants, Acacia tends to get.”
Acacia laughed triumphantly. “That’s right. Come on. Do it! Please? Avery and I have these gold cards that barely ever get a workout. Let me have some fun, won’t you?”
Sandy glanced at me. I could see, even through her hesitation, the idea of getting dressed up and going somewhere fancy really appealed to her. I shrugged and nodded. Hell, if she wanted to spend our vacation at a fancy society dinner that was way out of our league, I wasn’t going to be the one to stand in her way.
Sandy grinned and said, “Well, I guess that’s that. We’re really going to a black-tie affair tomorrow. At a country club. My very first one!”
The fact that she was so damned positive that this was going to be just the first of many black-tie affairs that would pepper her fabulous social life in the future, was just one of the things I found so completely and utterly wonderful about her.
Chapter 17
Sandy
I lay in bed that night, my body humming with nervous energy. Crickets were chirping outside the hotel window. I did my best to pretend they were the reason I was still wide awake an hour after having laid down, but I knew deep down that was bullshit. No, the reason my body was still buzzing with electric tension was the energy that was flowing between Hunter and me.
Part of it might’ve been just in my head, the feeling of trying to process the shocking information I’d learned at the bonfire. This was the first real quiet time I’d had to think about that. Every minute up until now, I’d been in a conversation with someone. Now, it was just me, the crickets, and time to think.
But I also felt like a good part of the psychological high I was riding was due to a very real energy exchange that was going on between Hunter’s side of the bed and mine, right then and right there.
I decided to test my theory.
“Hunter,” I whispered. “Are you awake?”
Immediately, his whisper came back in response. “Yeah. What do you need?”
I was right.
Usually, I would’ve led up to saying something so major. I would’ve buffered it with small talk first. Maybe it was because it was the end of a long day and my filter was completely worn down. Or maybe it was the dark that gave me courage, making me feel anonymous even though I
was right next to the person who knew me better than anyone else in the world.
Either way, I whispered, “I had no idea I was your first.”
When he replied, there was amusement in his whisper. “Good. I certainly wouldn’t have wanted that to be your first thought.”
Silence hung between us for a moment, and I wondered if he was going to follow up. I was about to continue when the raspy sound of his voice washed over me in the dark.
“I had no idea that I was your first, either. I thought you and Carter—”
“No!” I interrupted. “He was too…It just wasn’t…” He wasn’t you, that annoying inner voice, that I was beginning not to like very much, chimed in. Not wanting my zero filter to rear its ugly head, I figured the safest thing to do was to shift this convo away from me. “What about you? I thought for sure you and Molly had…”
“No.” Hunter’s voice sounded serious, and very adult. “It almost happened a few times but I couldn’t…it just wasn’t right.”
“Yeah.” I whispered my agreement. I knew exactly what he meant.
He let out an audible breath and I felt the bed move as he raised his hands to his face and scrubbed them over it. “I still can’t believe that was your first time.”
He didn’t sound happy about it. He sounded pained. Even knowing I may not like the answer I heard myself asking, “If you did, would you have done anything differently?”
“Would you have wanted me to?” The rasp in his deep voice sent a shiver from my head to my toe.
I didn’t have to think about my response. Not even for a split second. “No. Nothing.”
His fingertips brushed against mine in the dark. I gasped without thinking about it or being in control of it. It’d been completely unconscious, a reflexive response to the smallest touch from Hunter.
The smart thing to do would’ve been to draw my hand away, despite the way I was feeling. If I wanted to maintain that magical but ever-elusive even keel I kept telling myself was the goal with my feelings towards Hunter, touching was absolutely not smart!
But I was so tired of fighting. God, was I tired of fighting! And not just about Hunter. I was tired of fighting with Brandy. I was tired of fighting with my mother, and I had been since I was too young to remember. I was tired of fighting with myself. I was just tired. I decided that, just this once, it would be harmless to give in and enjoy it. After all, I was never going to let myself be with Hunter. There were too many logical arguments against it. I was nothing if not a pragmatic girl at heart. I had to be.
I’d always depended on Brandy to take care of me, but now, her absence was a glaring example of the harsh reality that she wouldn’t always be there. I’d also always depended on Hunter to take care of me, but the past ten months had been a glaring example of the cold truth that he wouldn’t always be there.
I was coming to terms with the fact that, if I was going to depend on anyone, ultimately, it could only be myself. That was a tough lesson to learn, but I was learning it. Big time.
So, I justified to myself, if that’s the case, and I know it, what’s the harm in relaxing and enjoying the feeling of Hunter’s fingers brushing mine in the dark? No harm, right? Completely harmless.
Having accepted that internal logic, I surrendered myself to it. I took a deep breath, leaned my head back on the pillow, and let myself enjoy the safety and security that enveloped me. I fell asleep almost immediately, feeling happier and more content than I could ever remember in my life.
Chapter 18
Sandy
Shopping with Acacia was the kind of retail experience I’d certainly never had in Arcata. That was for sure. She shopped in the kind of stores they didn’t even have where I lived, and if they had, I never would have been able to afford even a scarf or a pair of earrings from them, let alone a fancy ball gown.
The places she was taking me to were the types of boutiques where ladies waited on you hand and foot, and not just to help you try the clothes on. Since we’d been in the store we were in currently, we’d been offered coffee, tea, and water. Acacia even turned to me at one point and said, “Are you hungry? Do you want a snack? We probably won’t go to lunch for a couple of hours. If you want a granola bar or something, someone can run out and get it for you.”
Literally. Shit.
That’s the kind of circle Acacia and Avery ran in, the kind of world they lived in every single day. They were the kind of people who shopped in places where it was assumed that, if you wanted a granola bar out of the blue, one of the clerks would happily run down to the corner store and buy it for you.
Again: Holy. Shit.
It didn’t feel completely new and foreign to me, but not because I’d ever experienced anything remotely like it before. No. When it came to reality, this was a totally new ballgame. The thing that tethered in even the most peripheral way to my comfort zone was that I had been imagining this sort of thing as the kind of life I was meant to live since I had been tiny.
I had always known that I was a “princess.” When people called me that from time to time, I could tell by the derogatory tone in their voices that it wasn’t a compliment. But I’d never understood what was so bad about it. I had always known that I loved the finer things in life, even before I had ever experienced them. I just knew it deep down. And, no matter how many times life—and people—told me that I didn’t deserve those kinds of things, I had within me an unshakable belief that, yes, dammit, I certainly did!
So if that made me a “princess,” what the hell was so wrong with that?
I was brought back to reality by Acacia’s voice as she spoke to the clerk.
“No, this isn’t the one. I’m not sure, but it’s just not exactly right. Take this one back and bring out the blue, I think. We need to focus on the bust line. She’s got great tatas. We need to show those babies off.” She looked over at me, flashing a mischievous grin. “No need to go overboard with the plunging neckline, but by the same token, why hide your light under a bushel. Am I right?”
I nodded, smiling. I wasn’t quite sure of her still. She seemed nice enough. And though she was most likely only getting close to me as a way of getting close to Hunter, I didn’t mind that. If I had been in her position, I probably would’ve done the same thing.
The thing I was trying to work out was if she would ultimately stab me in the back or not. I felt ridiculous for even considering that she might not. After all, by and large, girls are pretty damn catty. They’ll throw anybody under the bus to get what they want ninety-nine percent of the time.
But, even knowing what I did about female human nature, I couldn’t shake the feeling that Acacia wasn’t like that. For whatever reason, deep down, I felt like—even though she was after the guy I was also fighting having feelings for—she was a really good person who would never intentionally hurt anyone else just to get what she wanted.
Acacia dropped onto the cushioned bench against the wall of the dressing room while we waited for the clerk to come back with the blue dress. She looked up at me and said in a clear-eyed and direct way, “So, let’s talk turkey.”
My eyebrows knitted together in a puzzled expression. I didn’t know what she meant.
“Hunter!” she elaborated, her grin spreading. “Now that you’ve given me your blessing to go after the boy, I’m gonna ask you to do me one better. I need a favor.”
“Oh. Okay. What?”
“Well, obviously, honey, I need you to dish. You know him a damn sight better than I do. I’ve got a limited amount of time here, and I need a shortcut. Fill me in on all the juicy details. Don’t hold back. Gossip away.”
I was flustered, I admit, but I thought it would be a good idea to do my best to help her out. There were a couple of reasons for that. First of all, she seemed like a nice girl, and I’d given her my blessing. Second, I figured that, if Hunter was in a relationship with another girl, especially with one as nice-seeming as Acacia, I would feel a lot less temptation to give in to my unwise desire to
jump his bones.
“Okay…” I searched my memory banks for juicy tidbits. “Well…let’s see. His favorite color is purple. He’s a big fan of anime—”
She laughed. “Oh, Lord, you are just the cutest thing ever. No, darlin’, I didn’t mean the lowdown on his preferences from head to toe and Alpha and Omega. Let’s just stick to his preferences of the female variety. What kind of girl does he like?”
Oh. Yeah. That made more sense.
“Oh, okay,” I said. “Well, that’s easy. He likes a girl with a great sense of humor.”
“Okay, check. Got that.”
“He likes girls who are smart.”
“Check! I’m at the top of my class. I got that covered.”
“He likes girls who know themselves and aren’t afraid to say exactly what they want.”
She barked out a laugh. “Well, I think we can both agree I’ve got that in spades. Check. Next?”
“Well…I mean, of course, he likes girls that are pretty. I think that’s true of most guys.”
“Well, not to toot my own horn or anything, but I think I do okay in the looks department.”
“Oh, yeah. You’re hella pretty. You’ve got nothing to worry about.”
“Thanks, darlin’. Coming from a true beauty like yourself, that means a lot. Well, I think this gives me enough to work with for now. I don’t want to force you to keep going until I hear something I wish I hadn’t.”
I smiled, but inside, I felt a little melancholy. The truth was that I could’ve kept going for hours and she never would’ve heard something she hadn’t wanted to. She was exactly Hunter’s type. The part that got to me was, as I heard myself listing the litany of things Hunter liked in a girl, I realized even more fully that, so was I—and I wasn’t free to act on that knowledge. Though the logic of my arguments against a Sandy-Hunter pairing was sound, I still couldn’t get past the emotional part of it, and that was that I felt…sad.
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