by E. L. Todd
“Why did you think he was married?” Stella asked.
“Why would a single person need that much space?” I countered. “That doesn’t make any sense to me.”
“Brutus…” Colton rubbed his jaw.
“So this guy is super rich?” Zach asked incredulously. “And you don’t want to see him again?”
“Girl, that’s the kind of man you chase after,” Stella said. “You could be Mrs. Bugatti.”
Colton pulled out his phone and started typing.
“I don’t want to be Mrs. Bugatti,” I countered. “His wealth doesn’t interest me. He’s a typical arrogant playboy who just wants pussy. Why would I want to get involved in that? Besides, I never gave him my contact info.”
“Did he say anything when you left?” Stella asked.
“No. I snuck out.” I finished everything until my plate was empty, with the exception of a few streaks of syrup.
“Girl, you’re crazy,” Stella said. “You should have stuck around and made that man fall madly in love with you.”
I’d loved two men in my life, and I could get neither one of them to fall in love with me. This guy wouldn’t be any different. “He’s not my type. He’s the kind of guy you have fun with, not the kind of guy you have anything serious with. And if he’s that rich, he’s probably the biggest jerk on the planet.”
“Was he a jerk to you?” Stella asked.
“No…but we didn’t do much talking.” He was the strong and silent type—just the way Finn used to be. That’s how I knew to steer clear of him. I could recognize a heartbreaker from a mile away now.
Colton held up his phone to me. “Is this him?”
I glanced at the screen and saw a handsome man stepping out of a large building in a designer suit. He had the same dark hair, same shadow across his jaw, and the same webbed veins on his hands. A different watch was on his wrist. “Yeah…it is.”
“Brutus Hemmingway?” Colton asked incredulously. “You slept with Brutus Hemmingway?”
“Is that name supposed to mean something to me?” I asked, still not caring if this guy was a billionaire.
“Holy shit,” Zach said. “He’s like one of the richest guys in the country. He opened up a shipping business like a decade ago. They get packages and deliveries done in a few hours. It’s crazy.”
Stella snatched the phone to look at the screen. “And damn…he’s fiiiiiiine.”
Zach glared at her.
“What?” Stella held up the phone to him. “I’m sorry, but this guy is gorgeous. Don’t act like he’s not.”
Zach finally gave a shrug.
Colton took the phone back. “This guy is worth like a hundred and fifty billion dollars.”
Millions, billions, what difference did it make? “Money is just money, Colton. It can’t buy you happiness.” I could have all that money this very moment and still be just as miserable.
“That’s not what I’m trying to say,” Colton said. “But you slept with a celebrity.”
I shrugged. “I guess that’s kind of cool.”
“Kind of?” Zach asked. “It’s badass. It’s crazy that you aren’t going to see him again, though.”
His money didn’t impress me. The only thing I was interested in was his rock-hard body and kissable lips. What I craved in a man was someone who was happy with nothing at all, who cared more about helping people than making money. I wanted a man who was selfless and made sacrifices. I wanted a man who didn’t need much in life. But that man was gone, on the other side of the world, fucking every beautiful woman he saw. He wasn’t thinking about me. So I shouldn’t think about him. “There are plenty of other fish in the sea.”
Once a week had passed, I forgot about Brutus altogether. He was just another notch on my bedpost, a former lover who wouldn’t live long in my memory. The weekend had arrived once more, and I would go out and hit the town as always.
I was working in the shop on Friday when Colton walked inside.
In a suit and tie, he was clearly taking a long lunch break from work. He reached the counter and rested his elbows on the surface, looking handsome with his new haircut. Even though he had different features from Finn, it was hard for me not to see the resemblance. “How’s it going?”
“It’s going. Pretty slow day.”
“A lingerie shop should never be slow.” He pulled out his phone and checked his messages. “You wanna get lunch? Mega Shake?”
I rubbed my stomach behind the counter. “Nothing heavy. I’ve been eating too much lately.”
“Too much? You’ve never been in better shape.”
“But when I work out with Stella in the morning, I feel my dinner bouncing around in my stomach. So nothing greasy or heavy.”
He stuck out his tongue in disappointment. “Lame.”
“What if we go to the deli?”
He shrugged. “I guess that’s okay.”
The bell over the door rang when a new customer walked inside.
“Just let me take care of this person, then we’ll go.” The person might not buy anything, but most of the time, women walked in here with a purpose. They didn’t browse then walk out empty-handed.
“I’ll take a seat.” Colton moved to the side and sat in the leather armchair, scrolling through his phone to check his newsfeed.
I lifted my gaze to meet my customer, but my eyes locked on a man I already knew. His appearance caught me by such surprise that I forgot to speak. My hands rested on the counter and stayed still, but I had the urge to flinch in fear.
Brutus approached me with perfectly straight shoulders, a strong back, and a slight smile on his lips. His green eyes were beautiful in such a handsome face. He wore dark jeans and a t-shirt again, a navy blue jacket on top. With his eyes set on me, he reached the counter then rested his arms on the surface, his fingers almost touching mine.
I kept up my confidence even though my tits were starting to sweat. Brutus and I ended our night the way most couples did, but I still felt like I’d done something wrong—when he looked at me like that.
Colton peeked over his phone when the silence stretched on, and his eyebrows jumped up his face when he spotted Brutus.
I pulled my eyes away from Colton and faced the man who hadn’t blinked once. “What are you interested in? Panties? Stockings? Bodysuits?” Being a sarcastic smartass was the right way to go.
“All of the above.”
Okay…maybe it wasn’t the right way to go.
“As long as you’re the one wearing them.” He occupied the space like he owned the store instead of me. His presence was like a heavy cloud, about to drop pounds of rain on my head.
I kept a straight face even though bumps danced over my arms. The sex we had was good, some of the best I’d ever had. He fucked me against the wall, doggy style on the couch, and then made me come over and over in his bed, missionary style. But he probably had incredible sex like that all the time—because he was the reason the sex was so good.
I glanced at Colton, who had his eyebrows raised all the way to his forehead.
I wished we were having this conversation in private, but Brutus obviously he didn’t care who eavesdropped. “How did you find me? Or is this just a coincidence?”
“Not a coincidence. I don’t usually shop for lingerie in the middle of the day on a Monday.”
“So Tuesdays, then?”
His eyes dropped in their intensity as a soft smile entered his lips. “Let’s have dinner tonight.” He spoke with such confidence, like he assumed there was no possibility I would say no.
Arrogant, just like I thought. “I can’t.” I was tempted to say yes, but I’d already been down this road before. Beautiful men didn’t settle down. Sometimes their hearts softened enough to let someone in—but only so far. This guy was no different. All I wanted in life was to be single forever, to have a few kids on my own when I had more financial stability. Men were useless to me—except for sex.
“Alright. Tomorrow, then.”
/> I didn’t do back-to-backs because I didn’t want any type of intimacy. I didn’t want to have deep conversations about our pasts. I didn’t want to talk about anything besides sex and booze. I didn’t want to open my heart to anyone ever again. I was done with that shit. “You’re a good-looking guy, but I’m just not interested.”
The room turned deadly quiet. Brutus stared at me with an expression identical to stone. Heartbeats passed, but he didn’t blink and stir. Like he couldn’t process the rejection that just came out of my mouth, he continued to stare at me.
Colton lowered his phone and stared at me like I was crazy. “Are you nuts?” he mouthed.
This guy clearly wasn’t used to hearing the word no from anyone. I held my ground as I continued to be his target, the focus of that steely gaze. “Not interested in what, exactly?” His clipped voice came out deep.
“Dating.”
“Alright. You want to fuck instead?”
That was the most attractive option of the two, but I wasn’t interested in that either. “I don’t sleep with the same guy twice. Nothing personal.”
Again, he stared at me like he couldn’t believe what I’d just said.
Colton looked like his head was about to explode.
Wordlessly, Brutus turned away and walked out of the store. He continued to hold himself straight, walking like a man who still had all the pride in the world after being rejected twice.
“What the hell is wrong with you?” Colton stood up when the door shut behind Brutus. “He’s fucking gorgeous, and you just turn him down?” He gripped his skull like he was going to have a meltdown. “One of the richest dudes in the world just hunted you down to ask you out, and you rejected him?”
“I already said I don’t care about his money.”
“What about that ass? And those arms? Seriously, what’s wrong with you?”
“I don’t want anything serious.”
“He just asked for a date—not a weekend getaway.”
“Whatever.” I came around the corner as I grabbed my purse. “I know guys like him. They’re confident and quiet. They want something just because they can’t have it. And once they have everything, they throw it away. Been there, done that.”
When Colton knew I was referring to Finn, he sighed under his breath. “I knew you weren’t over it…”
“How can I be over it, Colt? The guy asked me to marry him, but then something better came along. He preferred to live in a hut somewhere than be with me. I’m not in love with him, and I’ve moved on with my life. But…I’m just jaded by everything. I don’t want to be in a relationship ever again because they don’t work.”
“That’s not true—”
“The two men I fell in love with broke my heart.”
His eyes filled with guilt.
“I’m just tired of it. I don’t want to do it anymore.”
“It won’t always be like that. You’ll find the right guy—”
“He doesn’t exist, Colton. I just want to enjoy life, and maybe someday I’ll be making enough money to start my family.”
“On your own?” he asked incredulously.
“Why not? There are single parents everywhere.”
“I think you’re jumping the gun, Pepper. Brutus could be exactly what you’re looking for, but you aren’t giving him a chance.”
He definitely wasn’t what I was looking for. A man that rich and pretty would never commit to one woman. “I’m done talking about this. You want to get lunch or not?”
When Colton knew my mood should go unchallenged, he dropped the subject. “Yeah…let’s go.”
3
Finn
Nightmares flashed across my mind as I lay in the darkness of my apartment. A grenade blast shattered my eardrum like it was exploding right beside me. Blood sprayed into the air, sprinkling my skin like a series of freckles. My friend died in my arms, his eyes filled with terror as he prepared to face the unknown. It was a cosmic explosion of random events. But the worst part of my nightmare was the brunette with green eyes.
With her hair pulled over one shoulder, she sat on the couch in my living room, wearing a comfortable dress as she watched TV with Soldier by her side. More beautiful than I’d ever seen her, she glowed as if she were a radiant diamond. She turned to glance at me, that special look in her eyes just for me. Love collided with affection, admiration, and trust. She rose to her feet, her dress fitting tightly against her stomach because it was distended by several inches.
She was pregnant.
I looked at her with so much love in my heart, but something nagged at my insides. Without reason, I turned my back to her and headed to the door, ignoring the sound of my name from her lips.
Then I woke up with a jerk.
I sat up in bed, surrounded by the darkness of my apartment. My bag sat on the chair, and the TV was off. The only thing I could hear was the sound of my own breathing, along with the distant sirens that seemed to parade through the streets every few hours. It was a hot night, the kind of heat that made you sweat in your sleep—even with AC.
Jane lay beside me, her blond hair across the pillow and mattress. Buck naked, she was on my side of the bed, reaching for me like she wanted to snuggle despite the humidity.
I couldn’t look at her, not when Pepper was still so fresh in my mind.
I pulled on my pants and walked to the balcony outside. I was a few hours from Uganda, staying in my apartment while I had a couple days to rejuvenate from the care center. Tall skyscrapers extended to the heavens, a small metropolitan city surrounded by the African landscape. Like most big cities, it was overpopulated and dirty.
I stood at the edge of the balcony and rested my arms on the wall, feeling the nighttime breeze but getting no reprieve from it. I’d been given the title of Chief Physician for the operation, an honor that would glow on my resume. The adventure was exactly what I’d expected it would be, thrilling and rewarding.
But as I stood in the evening air, I felt the tightness of my throat, the hot, sickening feeling deep inside my chest. My lips pressed tightly together to fight the tremble of my bottom lip. My eyes squinted as moisture flooded the surface from nowhere. Drowning in my own sorrow, I’d never been so overcome with grief, been filled with so much regret.
This was exactly what I’d wanted—but it came at a price.
A price I never should have paid.
I closed my eyes and focused on my breathing.
Deep breath in. Deep breath out.
I lowered my heart rate and subdued my emotions. I brought myself back to pragmatism and opened my eyes once more. The moment had ended, and I was back to my stoic self.
But the regret was still there.
The pain of my mistake.
This opportunity was supposed to fulfill me, to make me feel so alive. After watching friends die and left and right, I’d promised myself to live each day to the fullest, not to get trapped in mediocre relationships that gave me a bland existence.
But now I couldn’t enjoy any of it.
Every time I wanted to turn back, I forced myself to stay.
But now, so much time had passed, I couldn’t go back even if I wanted to.
She was over me.
I heard her tone over the line, the indifferent way she said hello. She’d spoken just moments before, asking about wine because she had a date over. When she realized I was on the phone, her tone didn’t change at all.
She didn’t care.
It shouldn’t hurt me, but it did. I should be happy that she was in a good place, that she moved on after what I did to her.
But I couldn’t help but hate myself.
I hated myself for so many things. But I hated myself most of all for making the wrong choice. Every day was a halfhearted existence. I was privileged to help people, but I wasn’t as invested as I used to be. Something was missing.
And I knew exactly what it was.
I threw away the woman I loved.
And now I could
n’t take it back.
4
Colton
We went out to our favorite bar that night, and Pepper stole the show like she always did. Drinks were constantly sent to her throughout the night, but instead of flirting with her admirers, she stayed with us.
“You aren’t going to pick up anyone?” Tatum asked.
Pepper shrugged. “Maybe later. I’m hanging out with you guys right now.”
“She can get that D later,” Stella said. “Because she can get it whenever she wants.”
I enjoyed the moments when Pepper was just Pepper, being herself and making sarcastic jokes at my expense. I hated watching her walk off with some random guy. Her personal life was none of my business, but I was afraid she was making mistakes she would regret later.
“I don’t know about that,” Pepper said with a chuckle. “But thanks.”
Like a shark that swam out of the shadows, Brutus Hemmingway appeared from out of nowhere and approached our table. With a short glass in his hand, he seemed to be drinking a Jack and Coke. He came to the spot beside Pepper and joined our group like he’d been invited.
We were all stunned, like fans who were immediately starstruck by a celebrity. Zach was about to drink from his glass, but he chose to stare at Brutus instead, his mouth gaping open with a stupid look on his face. Stella’s eyes were wide open, and she licked her lips instinctively. Tom was even drooling all over him, which forced me to nudge him in the side…even though I thought Brutus was beautiful too.
He turned to Pepper. “I’d offer to buy you a drink, but it seems like every guy in the bar already has.”
Pepper was clearly unnerved, but she kept her composure. “You could buy one of my girlfriends a drink, then.”
“How about a round for the whole table?” he asked. “On me.”
“Ooh…I could get on board with that,” Zach blurted.
He turned to me first, probably recognizing me from the store last week. “I’m Brutus. You must be a good friend of Pepper’s. I see you two together a lot.” He shook my hand with masculine strength, his tight arms flexing with mounds of muscle.