by Irene Hannon
“Would you like some coffee?”
He shook his head. “No, thanks. Why don’t we just sit out here for a while?”
“Okay.” She lowered her feet to the floor and scooted over to make room for him. The swing creaked in protest as he sat down, and he turned to her with a grin.
“Are you sure this is safe?”
No, she thought in silent panic as he casually draped an arm across the back of the swing and gently brushed his fingers over her shoulder. It isn’t safe at all. Not for me!
“Perfectly safe,” she replied, struggling to keep her voice even. “We check it every season.”
He smiled at her then, that tender smile she knew so well. “I’ve missed you,” he told her softly.
“You just saw me at the fair.”
“That was four days ago. And besides, there were too many people around.”
The corners of her mouth tipped up. “That didn’t stop you from...”
When her blush deepened and her voice trailed off, he grinned. “Kissing you? No, as a matter of fact it didn’t. It could easily become a habit,” he warned, reaching out to seductively trace the contours of her lips with a gentle finger.
Maggie’s breath caught in her throat at the intimate gesture, and her heart began to bang painfully against her rib cage.
“But I have to admit I prefer more privacy. Take this spot, for instance. I think the twins had the right idea on your birthday. It’s very romantic here.” He cupped her chin in his hand and let his gaze lovingly, lingeringly caress her face. The conflict in her eyes, the war between desire and prudence, was apparent. But equally apparent was the longing in their depths—and the invitation.
Jake tried to resist. Valiantly. He told himself that she wasn’t even aware of her silent plea. That he needed to move slowly. That he needed to reach deep into his reserves of discipline and simply back off. But he was only human, after all. And desire suppressed for twelve long years was a difficult thing to control, especially when the object of that desire sat only inches away, looking so appealing and ready to be kissed.
With a sigh of capitulation to forces stronger than he seemed able to resist, Jake gave up the fight and leaned down to tenderly claim the sweet lips of the woman he loved. His intention was to keep the kiss simple and swift. Make it long enough to let her know he cared and had missed her, but short enough not to make her nervous, he cautioned himself. But somehow it didn’t turn out that way.
Because from the moment their lips met, Jake was overwhelmed by a sense of urgency that took his breath away. Maggie felt so good in his arms, so right, as if she belonged there always. He framed her delicate face with his strong hands, his lips eager and hungry as he kissed her with an abandon that surprised them both. The initially gentle, tentative touching of lips escalated rapidly to an embrace that spoke eloquently of love and longing, reflecting twelve long years of parched emotions.
What surprised Jake more than his unexpected loss of control was Maggie’s acquiescence. He had felt her tense initially, as if taken aback by the intensity of his embrace, but within seconds she was returning his kiss with a passion that equaled his own. Without breaking contact with her lips, he shifted their positions so that she was cradled in his arms. She sighed softly, and he continued to kiss her, with a hunger that only Maggie’s sweet lips could satisfy.
Maggie was only vaguely aware of their change in position. All she knew was that she wanted to stay in Jake’s embrace forever, feeling cherished and loved and desired. With a sigh, she put her arms around his neck and strained to draw him even closer, letting her fingers explore the soft hair at the base of his neck. Jake reciprocated by combing his fingers through her thick tresses, and she felt her heartbeat quicken at his touch.
Jake was thrown by the feelings of tenderness and desire that nearly overwhelmed him. How had he lived without her sweet love to sustain him all these years? he asked himself wonderingly. Now that he’d found her again, he couldn’t imagine a future without her.
When at last Jake reluctantly released her lips, she lay passively in his arms, staring up at him with a slightly dazed expression that he suspected mirrored his own. He hadn’t intended their evening to begin this way. But once in her presence, all his good intentions had evaporated, he acknowledged, as he gently brushed a few errant tendrils of hair back from her face. She tentatively reached up, as if to touch his cheek, then dropped her hand.
“Why did you stop?” He took her hand and laced his fingers through hers, then pressed it against his cheek.
She colored and removed her hand from his, then eased herself to the other side of the swing. She wasn’t sure what had come over her just now, but if taking things slowly was her plan, this was not exactly the way to start. Distractedly she ran her fingers through the tangled waves of her hair, trying futilely to restore it to order.
“Jake...I think that...well, I think it’s obvious that we’re still...attracted to each other on the...on the physical level,” she stammered. “But there are other levels that are equally important—if not more important. I—I need to focus on those, but I can’t even think straight when you...when I’m...when we’re close,” she said haltingly, obviously flustered. “And there are issues we need to deal with—I need to deal with— things I still need to work through. I don’t want to lose sight of those.”
That wasn’t exactly what Jake wanted to hear, but he saw her point. All of the other realities of his life—and their relationship—got pretty fuzzy for him, too, when her soft, pliant body melted against him and her lips were warm and willing beneath his. He drew a deep, slightly unsteady breath.
“So...no more kissing—is that what you’re saying?” He tried for a teasing tone but didn’t quite pull it off.
“No, of course not. It’s just that...well, I think we need to keep it in perspective, that’s all.”
He wondered if she had any idea just what she was asking. Maintaining his perspective—let alone his equilibrium—around Maggie was almost impossible. But if that’s what she wanted, he’d give it his best shot, he resolved. With a crooked grin, he draped his arm casually around her shoulders, though he felt anything but casual. His body was clamoring with unfulfilled needs—which weren’t going to be fulfilled anytime soon, it appeared. So he’d better just get used to it.
“How about the old arm around the shoulder? Is that out of bounds, too?”
“No.” She snuggled close and pulled her legs up beside her as Jake set the swing gently rocking.
It was sweet agony to have her soft curves cuddled so close, but he’d get through this, he resolved, gritting his teeth. He had to. Change the subject, he told himself desperately. Focus on something else. He struggled to find a topic, and was immensely grateful when Maggie took the initiative.
“Your dad seemed pleased about the fair Sunday.”
“He was. He spent the rest of the afternoon making a list of supplies. I drove him over to Bangor to pick up everything yesterday. He’s happy as a clam—or should I say lobster, here in Maine?—now that he’s got a project. I have to practically force him to stop every night. You were right about him needing to have something to do that would make him feel worthwhile. And you were right about something else, too.”
She turned to look up at him. “What?”
“Your idea to talk to dad about school. I tried it Monday night. I think he was a little shocked, but he did open up. And offered some pretty good advice along the way, I might add. Thanks to him, I think I’m finally starting to connect with one of my problem students.”
“Really?” Her eyes were bright, her smile warm and genuine. “I’m so glad, Jake! What did he suggest?” She listened interestedly as he recapped his father’s suggestion. “And it’s working?”
“So far. I invited Paul—that’s the student’s name—to meet me in the canteen for co
ffee yesterday. I wasn’t sure he’d come, but he did. He hasn’t said much yet, but I picked up enough to suspect that there was a major trauma of some sort in his life shortly before he left for school. Something to do with his parents, I think. I invited him to meet me again tomorrow between classes, and I’m hoping he’ll come. I’d like to help him through this, whatever it is, if I can.”
“Did you tell your father?”
He chuckled. “You’ve heard the phrase, ‘Pleased as Punch’?”
Maggie smiled and settled back against Jake. “That’s good. I’m glad you two are getting along better.”
“We still have a long way to go, Maggie.”
“But at least you’re moving in the right direction.”
They swung quietly for a few minutes, her head nestled contentedly on his shoulder, the muffled night sounds peaceful and soothing. When Jake finally broke the silence, his husky voice was close to her ear.
“It’s good to have you in my arms again, Maggie.”
She swallowed past the lump in her throat. “I was just thinking the same thing,” she confessed softly.
“I know you need some time. And I’m not trying to rush you. But I think you know where I hope this is heading.”
She’d have to be a fool not to. But there was so much still to be dealt with. So much that she wasn’t yet ready to deal with. And she hadn’t expected him to be quite so up-front about his intentions—not yet, anyway. “There are...issues... Jake.”
“You mean beyond the obvious?” They both knew he was referring to her struggle to overcome lingering doubts about his reliability and honor.
She nodded. Maggie hadn’t really planned to get into a heavy discussion tonight. But there was one issue in particular that had to be discussed sooner or later, and sooner was probably better from a self-preservation standpoint. Jake wasn’t going to like what she had to say. In fact, he might dislike it enough to reconsider his feelings. But it would be better to know that now, before she got any more involved, she told herself resolutely as she drew a deep breath.
“You mentioned once that you wanted a family.” Her voice was quiet, subdued. “But I’ve already had a family, Jake. I don’t regret a minute of it, but it’s a demanding job, and I’ve spent the last twelve years doing it. So much of my adult life has been spent doing what I had to do. Now...now I want to focus on the things I want to do for a while. Like go to Europe, pursue my art.” She paused and stared down unseeingly, absently running her finger over the crease in her slacks. “I guess that sounds selfish, doesn’t it?” she finished in a small voice.
Jake frowned and stroked her arm comfortingly. “No. Selfish is hardly a word I would use to describe you, Maggie.”
She leaned away and looked up at him in the dim light, trying to read his eyes. “Do you understand how I feel, Jake?” she asked anxiously.
“Well, it’s not exactly what I wanted to hear,” he admitted, “but I do understand.” He stroked her cheek and gave her a rueful smile that was touched with melancholy. “Our timing always seems to be off, doesn’t it? First you were saddled with responsibilities that tied you down. Now you’re free, and I’m saddled with responsibilities that tie me down. And as for a family—it would be different this time, you know. Two people sharing the responsibility for one child is a whole lot easier than one person trying to raise two children.”
“I accept that in theory, Jake,” she conceded. “But life has a way of tearing theories to shreds. And plans can fall apart in the blink of an eye.”
He couldn’t argue with that. Their own broken engagement was a perfect example of plans gone awry. And his presence here in Maine was another. Three years ago, if someone had told him he’d end up being a land-bound teacher, sharing a cottage with his father in rural Maine, he’d have laughed in their face.
Maggie frowned as the silence between them lengthened. She’d known since the day he talked about a family that her feelings on the subject could be a major hurdle to their relationship, had dreaded having to deal with the issue. They were at two ends of the spectrum. Jake wanted a family. She didn’t—at least, not in the near future. And with her biological clock beginning to tick rather loudly, it might come down to the near future—or not at all.
Maggie felt a wave of despair sweep over her. Why did the Lord always make the choices so difficult? she wondered helplessly. Twelve years ago, her choice had been a family or Jake. Now it seemed that it might come down to Jake and a family—or no Jake. That thought chilled her, but she saw no way around it. Not unless she gave up her own dreams. And she’d done that once. She couldn’t do it again—not even for Jake.
“I’m sorry, Jake,” she said quietly at last. “I do understand your desire for a family. It’s a beautiful thing, raising children, watching them develop and grow and become caring, responsible adults. But I—I can’t make any promises. Maybe in a year or two I’ll feel differently, but right now I’m just not ready to even consider it.”
Jake absently brushed his fingers up and down her arm, his frown deepening. He’d been so caught up in his rediscovery of Maggie that he really hadn’t thought much about the family issue, though she had alluded to her feelings on the subject a few weeks before, he admitted. It just hadn’t been something he wanted to deal with at that moment. Or at all, if he was honest. There had been enough barriers already between himself and the woman he loved. Why did life often seem to consist entirely of hurdles and detours? he railed silently.
Jake sighed. The evening had taken an unexpectedly heavy turn. He still hoped that when her trust level grew, the notion of a family based on shared responsibilities would become more palatable. In the meantime, she needed the space, the freedom, that the twins’ departure had given her. He didn’t begrudge her that. She’d earned it. He wanted her to make that trip to Europe, to see all the places she’d always dreamed of. He only wished he could go with her.
“I’m not sure what the answer is, Maggie,” he admitted, gently stroking her arm. “But maybe it’s one of those things we should just place in the hands of the Lord. I can’t help but believe He brought us together for some reason. Maybe, if we give this some time, He’ll eventually let us in on His plans and show us the way.”
She turned and looked up at him, tipping her head. “That’s funny, Jake. I can’t ever remember you talking about faith or trust in the Lord before.”
He chuckled softly. “Well, Dad’s been dragging me to church every Sunday. Some of it must be rubbing off.” Then his voice grew more serious. “Besides, the older I get, the more I realize how much help I need finding my way through this maze of a world. Going back to church, thinking about my faith again—well, it’s been a great help. It seems to give me more of a sense of direction. I’m beginning to realize what I’ve been missing all these years by not turning to the Lord when I needed help.”
Yet another new dimension to Jake, Maggie thought wonderingly. And he was right about trusting in the Lord. He would reveal His plan for them in His own time—which, as she’d learned through the years, wasn’t always her time. She just needed to be patient.
“All right, Jake. Let’s just give it some time.”
“How about starting Sunday? We could go hiking over on Isle au Haut. I hear it’s spectacular.”
She nodded. “It is. The twins and I have spent some lovely days over there. It’s wild and rugged and isolated—a wonderful spot to get away from it all.”
They swung in silence for a few moments, and when he spoke, his voice was thoughtful. “Maggie?”
“Mmm-hmm?”
“You know that comment you made earlier? About keeping kissing in perspective?”
“Mmm-hmm.”
“It’s not going to be easy, you know. Not when it’s the first thing I think of every time I’m near you—and most of the time when I’m not.”
She b
lushed at his frankness. “It’s—it’s a problem for me, too,” she admitted.
She heard a chuckle rumble deep in his chest and was relieved that at least he seemed to be taking her ground rules in good humor. “Well, as long as I don’t have to suffer alone, maybe it won’t be so bad.”
“Besides, I didn’t rule out kissing entirely, you know,” she reminded him. She doubted whether she could even if she wanted to.
“Are good-night kisses acceptable, then?” he inquired hopefully, a smile tugging at the corners of his mouth.
“Absolutely.”
“Well, in that case...” He glanced at his watch and feigned a yawn. “I think it’s time to say good-night. Don’t you?”
She chuckled and shook her head. “You’re incorrigible, you know.”
“Guilty,” he admitted promptly. And then his eyes grew serious. “At least when it comes to you.” He reached over and drew a finger gently down the line of her cheek. “Good night, Maggie,” he murmured softly, and then his lips closed over hers.
This time the kiss was gentle, a thing to be slowly savored as they absorbed each exquisite nuance of sensation. Now that they had agreed to let time be their friend, the earlier urgency of their embrace was replaced by a tender exploration and leisurely rediscovery that spoke of understanding and promise and hope.
Maggie had no idea what the future held for them. But for the first time since Jake had come back into her life, she felt a sense of peace and calm. For now that she had stopped struggling so hard to resolve their issues on her own and had put her trust in the Lord, her soul felt refreshed. She didn’t know the destination of their relationship, but her heart felt sure that He would guide them in right paths.
Chapter Twelve
As the blaze of fall colors began to burn brightly on the coastal landscape, so, too, did the blaze of love burn with ever-growing fervor in Maggie’s heart. Sundays became “their” day, and after early-morning services together she and Jake explored the back roads and quaint byways of their adopted state. Sometimes Howard went with them, but usually he declined their invitation, insisting that three was a crowd.