by Irene Hannon
“Does that mean you’re willing to make a fresh start?”
Howard nodded slowly, his face thoughtful. “I expect we’ll still have our differences, though,” he warned.
Jake smiled wryly. “I’m sure we will. The key is to agree up front that we’ll work them out instead of building walls. We just need to keep the lines of communication open, just like you did with Rob all those years ago.”
Howard smiled, and the bleakness that had earlier been in his eyes was replaced by a new warmth. “Even if it takes hot chocolate and sandwiches in the woods?”
Jake grinned. “Especially if it takes that. Maggie’s converted me to hot chocolate. I even prefer it over a gin and tonic.”
“That girl always was a good influence on you,” Howard declared with a smile. “I’m glad she’s back in your life.”
A shadow crossed Jake’s eyes, but he kept his smile firmly in place. “So am I, Dad. But we have run into a bit of a roadblock,” he admitted. He couldn’t say much more, not without revealing why they were having a problem, and there was no need to tell his father about the retirement home. That idea was already history, had been almost from the moment he’d sent for the brochure.
“Nothing serious, I hope,” his father said in concern.
“We’ll work it out,” Jake replied with more confidence than he felt. But he had to think positively. Because he couldn’t face the alternative. “Are you ready to go home?” he inquired, changing the subject before his father probed more deeply.
Howard nodded. “I don’t want to overstay our welcome here in the Lord’s house. I expect He has more important problems to deal with than ours.”
“I expect He does,” Jake agreed as he stood up. “But I’m grateful He helped us through this one.”
Now if only He would do the same for him and Maggie.
* * *
Maggie paced back and forth in the living room, agitated and unsettled. This time, when Jake called, he hadn’t let her put him off as he had on the numerous other occasions he’d phoned. Tonight he’d simply asked if she would be home and announced he was coming over.
She paused in front of the fireplace and gazed down into the flickering flames, a troubled frown creasing her brow. Since the day she’d walked out of Jake’s house almost three weeks ago, her emotions had been on a roller coaster. They’d run the gamut from devastation to bleakness to loneliness to grief to anger. She’d berated herself over and over again for allowing her trust to be betrayed a second time—and by the same man! How big of a fool could she be?
She’d asked herself repeatedly if she had overreacted. And always the answer came back the same. No. Jake had made a sacred promise to his mother, literally as she was dying, and until recently he had gone to admirable lengths to keep it. Everything he’d done and said in the months he’d been here had seemed to indicate he was a changed man, a man who understood the meaning of duty and honor and responsibility.
Maggie understood Jake’s frustration and sense of helplessness over his relationship with his father. She’d had similar moments during the girls’ growing-up years, when they’d clashed and said things they’d later regretted. It happened. But you didn’t deal with it by turning your back on the problem, by simply shoving it out of sight. You talked about it. You worked things through. You made amends and went on. You didn’t walk out.
Yet that’s exactly what Jake had contemplated doing when things got rough. The very fact that he’d even considered breaking his promise scared Maggie to death. Because if he’d done that with Howard when things got dicey, how did she know he wouldn’t do it with her?
And that was one fear she couldn’t handle. Life was filled with uncertainties. She knew that. But if she ever married, she wanted to do so secure in the knowledge that the sacred vows of “for better, for worse” would be honored by the man to whom she’d given her heart. And she was no longer sure Jake was that man.
The doorbell interrupted her thoughts, and she jerked convulsively, one hand involuntarily going to her throat. She didn’t feel ready to face Jake. Then again, she doubted she ever would. So they might as well get this over with, she thought resignedly.
When she reached the front door, she took a slow, deep breath, then pulled it open.
For a long, silent moment, Jake simply looked at her, his breath making frosty clouds in the still, cold air. He was wearing a suede, sheepskin-lined jacket over dark brown corduroy slacks, and his hands were shoved deep into the pockets. The shadowy light on the porch highlighted the haggard planes of his face, and Maggie suspected he’d suffered as many sleepless nights as she had.
“Hello, Maggie.”
She moved aside to let him enter. “Hello, Jake.”
He stepped in and shrugged out of his jacket, watching as she silently hung it on a hook on the wall. Except for Sunday services, he’d seen nothing of her since the day she walked out of his house. The faint bluish shadows under her eyes, the subtle lines of tension around her mouth, were mute evidence of the strain she’d been under, and his gut clenched painfully. It seemed all he ever brought this woman he loved was pain and uncertainty, when what he really wanted to give her was joy and peace.
Of all the failures in his life, his relationship with Maggie was the one that affected him most deeply. He wanted to take her in his arms right now, to hold her until she knew beyond the shadow of a doubt that he loved her with every fiber of his being. But that was not the way to convince her. He had another plan in mind. Not one he particularly liked, but at least he felt it had a chance to succeed.
She turned back to him then, her eyes guarded and distant. “Let’s go into the living room. I have a fire going.”
She chose a chair set slightly apart from the others, and Jake sat down on the couch. He leaned forward intensely, his forearms resting on his thighs, his hands clasped.
“Thank you for seeing me, Maggie.”
“I suppose we had to talk sooner or later.”
“Well, it was tonight or not for several months. Dad and I are going to Rob’s tomorrow for Christmas. We won’t be back until after you leave for Europe.”
That jolted her, and Maggie’s eyes widened in surprise. “When did you decide to do that?”
“Last week. Rob invited us, and Dad wanted to go. It will be a good chance for all of us to have some family time together. It’s not the way I anticipated spending Christmas, but given the circumstances, I thought it might be for the best.”
Maggie’s throat constricted, and the ache in her heart intensified as she turned to gaze unseeingly into the fire. She blinked to hold back the tears that suddenly welled in her eyes, berating herself for her lack of control, and took a deep breath before she spoke.
“You’re probably right.” How she managed such a calm, controlled tone when her insides were in turmoil she never knew.
Jake nodded wearily. “But I couldn’t leave with things so unresolved between us.” He frowned and raked his fingers through his hair, then restlessly stood and moved beside the fire, gripping the mantel with one hand as he stared down into the flickering flames. When at last he turned to her, his eyes were troubled. “The fact is, Maggie, the whole retirement home idea was a bust, from start to finish. I’m not even sure why I sent for that brochure, except that I was desperate. I wanted to keep my promise to my mother, but I also knew Dad was unhappy, which wasn’t good for his health. I was between the proverbial rock and a hard place.
“I guess what it comes down to is this—I’m human. I make mistakes. And that was a big one. But I never pursued it beyond sending for that brochure. Because I realized, even before you walked out, that I had to try harder to make things work with Dad. The two of us had been living under the same roof for months, but we’d never really connected, never really opened up and been honest with each other, never dealt directly with the issues
that divided us. And so I decided to tackle them head-on when he got back.”
He paused and dropped down on the ottoman in front of her, his eyes so close that she could see the gold flecks in their depths. As well as the sincerity.
“It worked, Maggie. The last three weeks have been the best we’ve had in twelve years. We admitted to each other where we’d fallen short and agreed to try our best to make things work. And we are. I know we’ll still have some rough times. I think that’s the nature of any human relationship. But we’ll get through them. Because we both want it to work.”
He reached for her hand then, and Maggie’s breath caught in her throat. It took only this simple touch to reawaken all the longing she’d so ruthlessly crushed since she’d walked out of his house.
“The fact is, Maggie, I feel the same about us. I have almost since the day I took shelter here from the mist. I never realized how lonely the last twelve years had been until then. I know you’re disappointed and disillusioned right now. I know you think I betrayed your trust. But I do honor my commitments. I’m a different man in a lot of ways than the twenty-five-year-old who walked out on you twelve years ago. What I did then was wrong, and I make no excuses. All I can do is give you my word that it will never happen again. The retirement home fiasco notwithstanding, I’ve learned a lot about duty and honor and responsibility in these last dozen years. I can’t promise that I won’t make mistakes. But I can promise you that in the end I’ll always do the right thing. Because I love you with all my heart. And I always will.”
The tears in Maggie’s eyes were close to spilling over. With every fiber of her being she wanted to believe him. But hurt had made her cautious. And so had the need for self-preservation.
Jake watched the play of emotions across Maggie’s face. He saw the yearning and the love in her eyes, but also the uncertainty and fear. It was what he expected. What he had come prepared to address. Slowly he reached into the pocket of his slacks and withdrew a small, square box, then flipped it open to reveal a sparkling solitaire.
Maggie’s eyes grew wide as she gazed at the dazzling ring. “Isn’t that...that’s the ring...” Her voice trailed off.
“It’s the same ring, Maggie. I kept it all these years. I never knew why—until I came to Maine and found you again.”
Maggie’s voice was thick with unshed tears, and a sob caught in her throat when she spoke. “Jake, I...I don’t know what to...”
He reached over and placed a gentle fingertip against her lips. “I’m asking you to marry me, Maggie. But I’m not asking you for an answer right now. In fact, I don’t want one tonight. Because whatever you decide, I want you to be absolutely sure. No second thoughts, no regrets. All I’m asking is that you take the ring with you to Europe, as a reminder of my love. Think about my proposal. Give yourself time. And then, when you get back, we’ll talk about it again.”
Maggie’s mind was whirling. This was the Christmas present she’d anticipated with such joy at Thanksgiving. Now...now it left her confused and uncertain—yet filled with a sudden, buoyant hope. But there was still a major unresolved issue between them that had nothing to do with their recent falling-out.
“Jake...there’s still something we haven’t dealt with,” she reminded him in a choked voice. “The family issue. I haven’t changed my mind on that.”
He looked at her steadily. “But I have. I’ve given it a lot of thought, Maggie. And bottom line, while I’d like to have children, if it comes down to a choice between you and a family, there’s no contest. I love you, and that’s enough for me. Anything else would be a bonus. Whatever you decide is fine with me.”
Maggie felt her throat tighten at the love and tenderness—and absolute certainty—reflected in Jake’s eyes.
“You seem awfully sure.”
“That’s because I am. It’s not so hard to make compromises when you love someone as much as I love you. Besides, I don’t come without strings, either.”
She frowned. “What do you mean?”
“Think about it, Maggie. I’ll bring an aging parent to this union. A lot of women wouldn’t want to take that on. You faced marriage once before saddled with a pretty overwhelming responsibility. In a way, you will again.”
Maggie smiled and shook her head. “Jake, I love Pop. I don’t consider him a burden in any way. In fact, before...well, before we had this problem, I was thinking down the road that maybe if things...well...progressed between us, we might want to live here. And we could turn the little guest cottage into a place for your dad. That way he’d be close by, but still have a sense of independence.”
Jake’s heart overflowed with love for this incredible woman who was so giving, who always thought of others. Dear Lord, how was he going to survive the next three months without her? And he couldn’t even bring himself to consider beyond that if, in the end, she rejected his proposal.
“You are one special woman, Maggie Fitzgerald,” he declared huskily. He was tempted to demonstrate the depth of his feelings in a nonverbal way, but he restrained himself—with great effort. Calling on every ounce of his willpower, he stood up, then reached down and pulled her to her feet. For a long moment they simply gazed into each other’s eyes, both wanting more, both trying desperately to remain in control.
“Will you take the ring, Maggie?” Jake finally asked, his voice rough with emotion. “Not as a commitment—but as a reminder of my love?”
She nodded. “Yes.” Her voice was a mere whisper, and she clutched the small velvet box tightly to her breast. “You know, I...I almost wish I wasn’t going now,” she admitted tremulously.
Jake shook his head firmly. “Don’t feel that way. Savor every minute of this experience. You owe that to yourself after all these years. And I’ll be here when you get back.”
“I’ll...I’ll miss you, Jake.”
He reached for her then, groaning softly as he pulled her fiercely against him and buried his face in her hair. How could he leave without at least one brief kiss to sustain him during the long months to come? That wasn’t too much to ask, was it?
He backed up slightly and gazed down into Maggie’s eyes. They were filled with yearning, and his own deepened with passion. No, it wasn’t too much. They both wanted this. Needed it. Silently he let one hand travel around her neck, beneath her hair, to cup the back of her head. And then he bent down and gently, tenderly claimed her sweet lips.
Maggie responded willingly, knowing that this moment would be a memory to take with her, to hold in her heart, during the long, solitary months ahead. His lips, warm and lingering, moved over hers, seeking, tasting, reigniting the flames of desire that had smoldered in her heart these last few weeks. But all too soon, with evident reluctance, he drew back. The smile he gave her seemed forced, and his voice sounded strained.
“I’d better go.”
Several more moments passed before he released her, however, and when he did it was with obvious effort. She followed him to the hall, watched silently as he shrugged into his coat, walked beside him to the door. He turned there, reaching out once more to touch her face, his gaze locked on hers.
“Bon voyage, Maggie. Think of me.”
And then he was gone.
Maggie knew that Jake was doing the right thing, the noble thing, giving her time to sort through her feelings and be sure of her decision. But for just a moment, she was tempted to throw caution to the wind, fling open the door and run impulsively into his arms. It was what her heart told her to do. But her heart had led her astray before, she reminded herself. And so, with a decisive click she locked the door and turned back to the living room. She would take the time he’d offered her to think things through. It was the wise thing to do.
But it wouldn’t be easy.
Chapter Fourteen
Jake smiled as he read Maggie’s account of her adventures at the Trevi
Fountain in Rome. He wasn’t surprised that several locals had tried to pick her up. She might be nearing forty, but she was still one gorgeous woman.
“Good news from Maggie?” his father inquired, setting a mug in front of Jake. They had gotten into the habit of sharing hot chocolate—and some conversation—each evening before going to bed.
Jake chuckled. “Seems the Italians are a good judge of beauty after all.”
Howard raised his eyebrows. “Oh? Are they asking her for dates?”
Jake smiled. He doubted that “dates” were what they were after, but he let it pass. “Mmm-hmm. But she’s holding her own. Sounds like she’s having a wonderful time. The art classes are going well, and she says she’s made some great strides with her painting.”
“Glad to hear it. But I’ll sure be glad when she comes back. Seems kind of quiet around here without her.”
Jake’s smile faded. “Yeah.”
“You never said much the night you went to say goodbye to her, Jake,” Howard said carefully. “I don’t want to pry, but...did you two work things out?”
Jake glanced down into his half-empty mug and sighed. “I don’t know, Dad. But...well, I guess there’s no reason to keep it a secret. I asked her to marry me.”
Howard’s eyes widened in surprise. “You did? What did she say?”
“I didn’t ask for an answer. All I asked her to do was think about it while she was gone, and let me know when she got back.”
Howard drained his cup and rose thoughtfully. He paused by Jake’s chair and placed a hand on the younger man’s shoulders. “Maggie will come around, son. You’ll see. You’re a good man, and she’ll realize that in time.”
Jake stared after his father, his throat tightening with emotion. The future of his relationship with Maggie might still be uncertain, but at least he and his father had reconnected. His father had just touched him with affection for the first time in years. And he’d called him “a good man.” That small gesture, those few words, meant more to Jake than all of his other accomplishments combined.