‘That’s nice, dear. Of course you can come in. It’s your house, sweetheart, not mine.’
I led Mary in and out the furniture towards the mattress. She peered around, looking dazed. She jumped when she saw Bruce flat out on the mattress.
‘How do you do, Mary?’ said Bruce. ‘Please excuse my looking such a sight. I’m a bit of an old crock at the moment as I’ve done my back in.’
I squatted at the edge of Bruce’s mattress. Mary huddled up beside me. Bruce tried hard but she wouldn’t say a word to him.
‘You’re not very chatty, are you, Mary?’ said Bruce.
‘Never mind. I chat enough for both of us, Uncle Bruce,’ I said. ‘Do you want me to change channels on the television for you? We’re going to play now.’
‘Yes, I think I’ll watch a spot of Richard and Judy,’ said Uncle Bruce. ‘I feel terrible hogging your mum’s mattress and your mum’s telly. Ask her if she’d like the television upstairs. I’m sure Jude could carry it up for her.’
I took Mary out into the hall. ‘He’s lovely, isn’t he, my Uncle Bruce?’
‘Is that a living room or a bedroom?’ Mary asked.
‘Well, it’s kind of an everything room at the moment. We’re not sorted out yet because Mum’s just had the baby. I’ll show you Sundance. I’m allowed to look after her.’ I clapped my hand over my mouth, hoping Mum hadn’t heard.
‘I thought Sundance was a baby boy,’ said Mary.
‘He is. Well. For the moment.’ I put my mouth very close to Mary’s ear. ‘But he might turn into a girl soon.’
Mary nodded. She seemed to be getting used to extraordinary things.
‘We’ll take a peep,’ I said.
But as we went upstairs I could hear Mum talking in her bedroom. She was leaving another phone message for Martine. It sounded as if she was crying.
‘She’s a bit upset just now,’ I whispered to Mary. ‘We’ll leave her in peace, eh? Come on, we’ll go in my bedroom.’
Mary looked at the bare floorboards and the cardboard boxes. She walked round them warily as if she thought they might be jungle animals too. She sat on the very edge of the bed, dangling her legs. ‘This is your bedroom, Dixie?’
‘I know it’s not very clean and tidy. I bet your bedroom’s ever so pretty. But my Uncle Bruce is going to paint it for me when his back is better. And perhaps we’ll get some new furniture. Jude and I want bunk beds. This bed’s all rickety because we used to play trampolines.’
‘Trampolines?’
‘Yeah, haven’t you ever played it?’
I jumped up on the bed and bounced up and down. Mary stared at me, shocked.
‘Won’t your mum mind you jumping on the furniture?’
‘Well, the springs are mostly bust now, so it doesn’t really matter,’ I said. ‘Come on, you have a bounce too.’
I pulled Mary up, holding her by her wrists because I didn’t want to rub her sore fingers. I gave a big bounce. Mary squealed, nearly wobbling over, but then she steadied herself.
‘Shouldn’t I take my shoes off?’
‘Never mind! Come on, bounce!’
I leaped up and down wildly. Mary gave teeny little bobs, still squealing.
‘Are you OK? We’ll stop if you like.’
‘No, it’s lovely!’ Mary gasped.
We bounced until we were both bright red in the face. One of Mary’s plaits started unravelling.
‘Oh, my hair!’ she said, stopping still, nearly toppling both of us. She grabbed at her trailing ribbon, looking terrified.
‘I’ll do it up for you. I’m good at hairdressing,’ I said.
I did my best. I couldn’t get the plait exactly even and the ribbon didn’t look quite right either, but I hoped it would do. Mary seemed worried about it so I showed her all the things in my cardboard box to distract her. She fingered my old animals politely, but their missing limbs obviously alarmed her. She stroked the cover of my fairy story book but didn’t open it. She liked my fibre-tip pen set though, unbuttoning the plastic wallet and rearranging them into rainbow order.
‘I used to have a big set of pens but I kept going over the lines in my colouring books and spoilt them.’
‘You can colour in my fairy story book if you like,’ I said.
‘You can’t colour in story books!’
‘Of course you can. Look, here’s the little mermaid story. You can colour the mermaid if you like. I’ll do all the fish.’
We rested the fairy story book on the bed and knelt in front of it. Mary took the yellow pen and started colouring the mermaid’s hair very carefully, curl by curl. She was concentrating so fiercely her tongue stuck out. I leaned over and coloured one fish purple with red lips and a bright pink tail, another one jade-green with royal-blue stripes and a third ruby-red with emerald eyes and golden fins.
‘Fish aren’t really that colour. They’re grey,’ said Mary.
‘Yes, but grey’s boring. And these are fairy fish so they can be any colour they want. “Bubble bubble, we want to be bright, please, Dixie,” they’re saying. And your mermaid’s asking, “What colour tail am I getting, Mary? Orange? Purple? Navy blue?”’
‘You’re getting a green tail, little mermaid,’ said Mary. ‘And if you don’t behave I shall smack it very very hard and lock you up in your bedroom, young lady.’
I looked at Mary. ‘Your little mermaid lives in an underwater palace. If she gets locked up she just swims straight out the window, see?’
Mary finished her mermaid, I finished my fish, and we used both blue fibre tips to colour in the sea, Mary one side of the page, me the other. Mary’s hand relaxed a little and she scribbled freely, her arm moving up and down. Then she stopped and saw her sleeve. She gave a little moan.
‘Look!’ she whispered.
There was a faint blue smudge on her white cuff.
‘That’s nothing. Don’t worry, it’ll come out in the wash.’
Mary kept looking at her sleeve. She tried licking the blue but it just spread a little.
‘Your mum won’t notice,’ I said.
‘She will,’ said Mary. ‘She’ll smack me and put me to bed. And I haven’t got my teddy any more. I can’t sleep without him.’
I thought hard about it as I took Mary back through the jungle garden and helped her up and over the wall.
‘Can I hold Bluebell to make me fly?’
‘Yep! Tell you what, you can take her with you and cuddle up with her tonight. She’ll sing you to sleep, you’ll see.’
‘You’re giving me Bluebell?’
‘I’m not giving her to you, I’m just lending her for tonight, OK? But hide her from your mum! I don’t want Bluebell chucked in the dustbin too.’
Mary clutched Bluebell tightly. We slipped across the alleyway. I helped Mary struggle with the gate latch. I was scared her mother would suddenly come running and pounce on her, but the garden stayed empty.
Mary sat on her swing. She made Bluebell wave her wing at me. Then she quickly stuffed her right down the neck of her school blouse, out of sight.
16
MY CARDIE SLEEVE felt horribly empty without Bluebell inside, pecking companionably at my wrist. I wasn’t sure Mary would be able to hide her. I kept thinking of her mother hurling her into the dustbin. I saw her buried under smelly rubbish, unable to flap her wings and fly away. I saw the dustbin men arriving in the morning and emptying her into their terrible stinking lorry. I thought of her being driven away to the rotting wilder-ness of the tip. I knew I’d never find her again.
I wanted to tell Mum. She was huddled up with Sundance and didn’t want to be bothered.
‘But Mum, I’m miserable,’ I whined.
‘So am I, Dixie, so that makes two of us,’ said Mum, pulling away from me.
‘Can you just tell me what time dustmen come in the mornings?’
‘Can I what?’
‘Mum, I’ve done something silly,’ I said.
‘Well, go and tell Jude, Dixie. Or your bloomi
ng Uncle Bruce. Leave me in peace now, for pity’s sake.’
I trailed away, holding my fist in a bird shape, trying to make my fingernail feel like a beak. Mum started whispering to Sundance when I was out the room. I hovered outside the door, listening.
‘We won’t take any notice, will we, darling? We just need to be together, you and me, my beautiful boy. Yes, you’re a smashing little chap. Look at your big blue eyes! My, you’re going to turn all the girls’ heads, but you’ll still have time for your old mum, won’t you, sweetheart? You won’t run away, you won’t get into trouble. You’ll stay my special blue-eyed boy, my Sundance.’
‘You’re mad, Mum,’ I said loudly, and stomped downstairs.
I said it because I felt lonely and left out. Then I started to worry that it was true. Mum wasn’t just pretending. She was trying to make it real. What if she never admitted to anyone that Sundance was a girl? Would Sundance have to have short hair and clump around in trousers and Timberlands for the rest of her life?
I went looking for Jude, but she was still out. So was Rochelle.
‘Where have those girls got to?’ said Bruce. ‘I want to send one of them out for our supper. What do you fancy, Dixie?’
‘I’m not really hungry, Uncle Bruce,’ I said. ‘Maybe some chips?’
‘Chips! You need feeding up with some proper nosh.’
‘I like chips. Mum always lets me have chips.’ I paused. ‘Uncle Bruce … do you think my mum is a little bit nuts?’
‘Yes,’ said Bruce. ‘You’re all nuts. I’ve never met a family like you Diamonds. You’re all barmy, the lot of you.’
‘Are you joking, Uncle Bruce?’
‘Maybe,’ he said.
There was a knock at the door.
‘Let’s hope it’s Jude,’ said Bruce. ‘I’m not sure Princess Roxy-Poxy will deign to go down to the chip shop for us. Call out before opening the door, Dixie.’
‘Who’s there?’ I called.
‘It’s your loveliest sister,’ Rochelle trilled back.
‘Not!’ I said.
Rochelle was actually acting like a lovely sister. She’d bought a big bag of chips out of her own pocket money. She thrust them at me. ‘Share them round, Dixie. Don’t worry about me, I’ve already eaten.’
‘With Ryan?’
‘Yep! I met him from school.’ Rochelle clasped her hands and twirled round theatrically. ‘I was a bit worried about it. I didn’t want him to think I was being too pushy. I thought I’d just saunter past. I decided if he was with all his mates I’d just give a little wave and walk on. He was with a great big bunch of them, those hoodie guys, though they look so different in their school uniform. Even the huge fat guy just looked like Mr Blobby in his school blazer. Anyway, Ryan came right over the moment he saw me. The other guys hung around for a bit, saying stuff. Some of the other boys from their school went by and wolf-whistled. It was dead embarrassing!’ Rochelle boasted, dancing round the hall. ‘I told Ryan I thought I’d be going to his school so he took me inside and I met the headteacher. He seems OK, and so I got our names down to go to the school, Jude and me. There didn’t seem much point mentioning Martine as she’s not going to be here.’
‘You didn’t mention me, did you?’ I said.
‘Well, I did say I had this younger sister still at primary and they said you’ll have to be registered separately. Mum will have to take you.’
‘Don’t tell her,’ I said quickly, starting to tuck into the chips.
Rochelle wasn’t even listening. She was too busy telling about Ryan.
‘He understands totally what it’s like for me, Dixie. He’s part of this big family too, nearly all boys, and his mum can’t really cope. Two of his big brothers have got kids already, one’s inside and another is a junkie, but he isn’t getting into any of that. He’s clever, Dixie. He’s got it all sorted; he’s going to keep his nose clean. He’s going to work hard and get good grades in all his exams. He doesn’t seem to mind that I’m clever too – he doesn’t see it as a threat. He likes it that I can’t seem to help getting a lot of attention.’
Rochelle was showing off so much I felt like throwing her chips at her. She whirled round and round, swinging her hips.
‘No wonder you get lots of attention from those boys. It’s because that skirt’s so short your knickers show,’ I said.
‘Ryan says he really likes the way I dress. He loves it that I wear girly clothes. He says I’ve got a figure to be proud of. Ryan says he’s never been that interested in having a girlfriend before, he says nearly all the girls on the estate act like slags, but I’m different. Ryan says he’s getting a bit fed up trailing round with that gang of right losers. He’s growing out of that stage. Ryan says … Ryan says … Ryan says …’
My head was buzzing with Ryan this, Ryan that. I went to offer Bruce some chips. Rochelle carried on telling the empty hall what Ryan said.
Bruce raised his eyebrows at me. ‘I wish her Ryan would keep his mouth shut,’ he whispered. ‘Do you think we could press her mute button, Dixie?’
We both chuckled, though poor Bruce jarred his back and groaned.
We heard other voices as well as Rochelle’s. Boys’ voices, out in the street. Lots of shouting. Then we heard Jude shouting too.
‘Oh no,’ I said, hurtling out the room.
‘No, Dixie! Don’t you get involved! Look, I’ll come – if I can just roll off the blooming mattress.’
I couldn’t wait for him. I flung open the front door. I stopped dead, my mouth open.
It was the same gang, Ryan’s mates, the Hoodies and Big Fat Guy, but Ryan wasn’t with them. Jude was in the middle of them, holding up her fists, looking like she was about to swing a punch at Big Fat Guy, but she seemed to be stuck in slow motion. Then Big Fat Guy brought his arm up – s-l-o-w-l-y – and blocked Jude’s punch.
‘Yeah!’ said Jude.
‘Cool!’ said Big Fat Guy.
They both laughed. The Hoodies laughed too and Jude slapped all their hands in high-five acknowledgement. She did an elaborate high-ten with the Big Fat Guy.
‘See you around, cool dude Jude,’ he said.
Jude came bounding into the house, grinning all over her face. ‘Shut your mouth, Dixie, or you’ll catch a fly,’ she said.
‘I – am – gobsmacked!’ I gasped. ‘You haven’t gone and got yourself a boyfriend too, have you, Jude?’
‘No way!’ said Jude. ‘Are you totally off your trolley, little Dixie?’
‘You’re the girl slapping palms with that great big berk and all his gang. I thought you all hated each other.’
‘Yeah, but their Neptune gang hate the Top Floor guys in Mercury even more. They heard I’d been in a fight with them, and that I’d punched their leader so hard he was knocked unconscious.’
‘You didn’t say you’d done that!’ I stared at Jude. She grew upwards and outwards before my eyes, muscles bulging, fists encased in boxing gloves.
Jude put her head close. ‘Don’t tell, Dixie, but they’ve got it all wrong! I did swing a punch at the Top Floor guy but I don’t think it hurt him one bit. He lunged forward to get me, I dodged and ran like hell, he ran after me down the stairs and tripped. That’s how he hurt himself. But the Neptune guys all think I took on the hardest kid on the whole of the Planet Estate, so they kind of look up to me now. They wanted to know my fighting secrets so I waffled on a bit about Wing Chun. They think I’m an expert now, so I’ll have to get old Bruce to teach me loads more.’
‘Then you’ll have to be very kind and considerate to old Bruce,’ he called from the living room. ‘And right this minute you can come and take supper orders. Maybe we’d better eat Chinese, seeing as you’re so interested in oriental martial arts.’
‘Your wish is my command, Wise Master,’ said Jude.
She was in such a good mood that she didn’t moan when I cuddled up really close that night.
‘What’s up, Dixie? You’re a bit mopey. And how come I’m not being pecked to d
eath tonight? Where’s the bird?’
‘I’ve lent Bluebell to Mary, to help her get to sleep.’
‘That’s very sweet of you, but duff move. Now you’re lying wide awake – and so am I!’ said Jude. ‘You need old Bluebell more than Mary. She’s probably got heaps more toys than you have.’
‘Yes, but her mum takes them away. She’s so mean to her. I’m not supposed to tell – Mary begged me not to, but I can’t help it, I feel I’ll burst if I don’t. Her mum’s so cruel and horrible.’
‘Are you sure? I thought she seemed quite nice. She’s too posh but she can’t help that. So what does she do that’s so horrible?’
‘She threw Mary’s teddy away. She said it was dirty.’
‘Dixie, lots of mums do that. Most mums would have made you chuck Bluebell out years ago – and that awful old cardigan.’
‘It’s not awful! It’s beautiful. And it still fits perfectly.’
‘Yeah, yeah, whatever!’
‘Mary’s mum has done other stuff too. She forced her to eat her crusts and she cut her nails right back so they hurt.’
‘Lots of kids have to eat up all their food and have their nails cut. It’s no big deal.’
‘Mary’s mum says she’s dirty when she’s clean as clean.’
‘That’s not really being cruel, though. It’s not like she’s beating her or starving her or locking her up in a cupboard.’
‘She does smack her.’
‘Mum used to smack me when I was little, when I got into fights. It didn’t stop me though. She doesn’t smack me now because she knows I could smack her back, harder!’
‘You wouldn’t though, would you? Jude … I’m worried about Mum too.’
‘You’re a right old worrypot, Dixie. Look, there’s only one thing you’ve got to worry about right this minute. If you don’t curl up and go straight to sleep and let me have a decent kip too I’m going to tip you right out of this bed, OK? So night-night.’
I curled up and kept very still, pretending to be asleep. Jude started breathing heavily, her arms and legs twitching as if she was fighting in her dreams. I didn’t go to sleep for a long long time. Then I woke early, listening anxiously for the sound of dustcarts.
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