“Othello is a black soldier who falls in love with an Italian woman called Desdemona,” she explained. “But her father doesn’t want her to marry a black man.” She paused to make sure they were listening. “Yet she does marry him behind her father’s back. That’s how strong Desdemona’s love for Othello is.”
Many of them smiled, as was expected. To marry for love, that was romantic. She herself had married for love. In the past, Erik had even bought her flowers.
But Erik had changed.
Then again, Othello had also changed.
Anna let the class read the passage where Othello passed Iago over for lieutenant, in favour of the less-experienced Cassio.
“Iago was upset and wanted to seek revenge,” she explained. “To hurt Othello, Iago claimed that Desdemona had cheated with Cassio. In fact, Iago was so persuasive that he pushed Othello into insanity. Eventually Othello started to doubt Desdemona’s fidelity, and to protect his honour, he killed her.”
She looked out at the class, their attention completely on her and Shakespeare’s dramatic plot. It was a fantastic feeling, to capture them like this; one of the many perks of being a teacher.
“When the truth finally came out and Iago was exposed as a liar,” she said, “Othello couldn’t live with himself and took his own life.”
“What an idiot,” someone said.
“What happened to Iago?” someone else asked. “Did someone kill him?”
Anna thrived. “No,” she said. “Iago lived.”
That got the discussion going. Everyone was talking at the same time and she had to structure it, divide them into groups and hand out specific discussion points. She loved the energy, how passionate they felt as they tackled anything from fairness, inequality, death and gender roles to racism, love and revenge. While they talked, she glanced at the open book in front of her and caught sight of two lines.
But that our loves and comforts should increase,
Even as our days do grow!
The group’s heated debate became a distant murmur as she lost herself in her own world, just for a moment. Loves and comforts, even as our days do grow. As our days grow. The future, what would it bring?
*
As the school day drew to a close, Anna packed up swiftly. There would be no staying behind to mark papers or plan future lessons today.
“Happy weekend,” Kent said as she stepped out of her new lightweight heels and pulled the winter boots on. There was a gentle sprinkling of snowflakes outside the window.
“Thanks,” she said. “You too.”
She had revealed part of her weekend plans, saying it was a book club outing, but hadn’t provided too much detail. Kent knew her too well; he might detect holes in her story. He was happy for her, though. Not like Erik.
“An author’s visit?” he had said, as if she was going to a sect meeting.
“Yes,” she had confirmed. “She’s travelling from the UK to do a talk and my book club is going. We thought we would make a weekend of it.”
“Yes, but Lund? That’s an hour away. What if I need the car?”
“I don’t have to drive. I can either take the train, or I’m sure I can catch a ride with someone from the book club.”
He had looked unsure. Was it the prospect of being left alone with the children over the weekend that bothered him, or that she was breaking away from him, like a piece of furniture out of place?
“It’s good that I’ve made some friends, isn’t it?” she had tried.
“I guess.”
She had walked up to him and given him a hug. A friendly cuddle. He had hugged her back, his customary annoyance filling the air, but he had given in.
*
Anna headed home to pick up her overnight bag and to drop the car off for Erik. He would use it to pick the boys up after he arrived home from work.
“Another day, another house to paint,” he had said unenthusiastically that morning, but perhaps because of her own weekend ahead, she had tried to show an interest.
“Are the owners nice?”
“They’re okay. Bankers.”
“Interesting colour?”
She really couldn’t think of anything better to ask.
“Grey. Unfortunately it’s still very popular.”
“At least you’re an expert on grey.”
He had actually smiled at that.
She had dropped Sebastian and Lukas off at day care that morning and had said goodbye then. They weren’t used to her being away overnight and she could tell they had been anxious. She felt guilty but Erik did love them. He might not be the disciplinarian that she had hoped he would be, but he did genuinely care about his children. They would be fine.
*
Iris picked her up at five o’clock sharp, despite the slush that was now sadly prevalent on the roads. The above-zero temperature wasn’t giving the snow a fighting chance, which would disappoint the boys. Every morning, they were hoping for an opportunity to have a snowball fight.
They needed to get going. The author’s event would start at seven and they had agreed to check into their hotel before then. Anna put her overnight bag in the boot of Iris’s Golf and got into the passenger seat.
“Everything okay?” Iris asked, nodding towards the house.
It felt peculiar, to have Iris literally so close to home.
“Erik’s at work.”
“And what about you?” Iris asked. “Are you alright?”
Anna nodded. “Let’s do this,” she said confidentially.
Before Iris left Rolf. Before she made such a life-altering decision, they had agreed to do this. A whole weekend. Just the two of them, together. A trial of sorts.
Loves and comforts, even as our days do grow. What did the future hold?
Could she leave Erik?
Chapter 49 – Iris
February 2016
It wasn’t a holiday but it was close. A weekend with Anna. Iris had signed them up for a talk by the Welsh young adult writer Gwenhwyfar Dunne, an up and coming novelist who she had wanted to listen to anyway. The fact that it was in Lund, an hour away – not too far from Hågarp, but not too close – was an added bonus.
All we have is each other
each other, each other, each other
Iris thought of these few but significant words by the poet Lars Forssell, as she guided them out of Mörna and onto the E4 motorway. The weather was abysmal and at first, small talk filled the silence. Then Anna became braver. She opened up about her work, about the students and her desire to at least help one student better him or herself every year.
“Hopefully more!” she said.
“You’re passionate about your job.”
Iris liked that about Anna. That she cared.
“How do you like Mörna?” Iris asked. “Would you ever consider living anywhere else?”
If we actually do this, if we are going to be together, would you be able to do that in a small-town mentality? Or would you move somewhere else with me?
“I find it peaceful,” Anna said.
“But life is so transient,” Iris said. “Like the poet Theodore Roethke said ’I learn by going where I have to go’. I think that sums me up at least.”
The comfortable silence in-between, Anna’s hand resting by the gear box, her pinkie almost touching Iris’s leg. It was exhilarating, sharing this ride, heading towards an unexpected future.
Love didn’t come easily for Iris. To say it out loud to Anna, ‘I have fallen in love with you’, had been momentous and out of character for her.
Iris thought about the first time she had fallen in love. She had been sixteen, more than three decades ago. Her mother’s strict, religious upbringing combined with Iris being an only child, had created a sheltered life. When she thought back to it now, her own naivety always got her.
*
“Big Mac?” Svenne asked her.
She nodded even though she had no idea what it was, not wanting to admit that she had never been
to a McDonald’s before.
“American burgers,” he had said and that had somehow convinced her.
They sat on opposite sides of a small table, the fake leather chairs hot and slippery. He was everything her mother would hate: long hair, unshaven face and a brand-new tattoo. A black swan. It clashed with his overall look, the beautiful bird so unlike his torn jeans and crumpled shirt.
She picked at the skinny fries.
“Not hungry?” he asked as he shovelled his own burger down. A few bites and it was gone. She offered him hers, not able to eat anyway. The smell made her nauseous.
“My mum wants to meet you,” she said and he looked at her, those grey eyes that had met hers at the local video store. He had been renting foreign movies with subtitles. He was deep and different and she liked that.
“You think that’s a good idea?” he asked.
That was another thing she liked: his self-insight. He knew he wasn’t everyone’s cup of tea.
“It’s going to happen sooner or later anyway,” she said.
A raised eyebrow. “Is it?” A smile she couldn’t quite read.
“Well… I mean…” They had done it. Surely that meant they were serious.
“I’ve harvested some new weed,” he said. “Want to smoke some after?”
He was creative. He wasn’t just a dealer like the other boys on the housing estate, he grew his own, trying out new plants, combining them.
“Sure.”
She liked the sensation of being someone else when she smoked, of floating, the weightlessness. Except lately she couldn’t stand the smell, it brought on that feeling of wanting to hug a toilet bowl.
“Iris,” he said and looked at her. “Never compromise who you are.”
That made her feel good. She walked him home, smoked even though it made her feel sick and made love to him, feeling like she was the only person in the world for him.
The following Saturday, she went back to McDonald’s to try that Big Mac after all, to remember that precious time of just the two of them. He hadn’t returned her calls.
“Never compromise who you are.”
The words made something flutter in her stomach and she turned around, happy to hear his voice. But those grey eyes were not on her; the words formed by the lips that had tenderly kissed her were aimed at someone else. A young girl with pretty blonde hair in braids. Iris ran out, holding her stomach, the pregnancy test glowing in her handbag.
*
She cringed at the memory. Love had been so complicated after that. Then Rolf had swooped in and her perspective had changed. Was it time for it to change again?
In the corner of her eye, she caught Anna fiddling with her rings. A sparkling diamond set in gold, next to a plain gold band. Was she thinking of her husband and the betrayal that lay ahead?
Iris was glad that she had offered to drive them. Should Anna suddenly have second thoughts, she couldn’t just drive off; they would be able to give this a proper chance.
“Have you read Gwenhwyfar Dunne’s book?” Iris asked her.
Anna shook her head. ”Not yet, but I’m hoping to this weekend. I know it would have been better to do it before the talk but I haven’t had a chance. Busy at work and with the boys at home.”
“That’s fine. I can always fill you in.”
They exchanged a smile.
“Tell me about Erik,” Iris said then and she sensed Anna flinching slightly. She realised it was an unexpected request but it was better to get the elephant out of the room.
“I’ve told you about Rolf,” Iris continued. “So I would like to hear about Erik. I just want us to be honest with each other. Let’s talk about everything, even our dirty laundry, our doubts and concerns.”
In the corner of her eye, she could sense Anna studying her, and it felt good, to have her undivided attention. To be with Anna was easy. Not only did they share a love of literature, Anna was a kind and thoughtful woman who made her heart expand. She made Iris feel like she cared again, not just for herself, but also for humankind. She could easily do this. The two of them together. Forever.
“So, what do you think? Should we air the dirty laundry?”
Chapter 50 – Anna
February 2016
“I do like the sound of that,” Anna said.
It was true, her mind did like the notion of complete honesty, but what could she possibly tell Iris about Erik?
“As you already know, he paints houses,” she said. “But he likes to play the guitar. They’ve got a band, him and his friend Rob and a couple of others. People come and go in that band but Rob and Erik always remain.” She was blabbering. “He’s a great dad,” she added. “Not strict enough, but fun and loving and well, without him, I wouldn’t have my beautiful boys.”
“And is he a good husband?”
The question was loaded and very personal. How should she respond?
“We were obviously in love when we got married,” Anna said. “And in those early days he was very attentive. Then…” she felt like she had already explained this to Iris a long time ago but she told her anyway. “Then we got a mortgage, had children and bought a Volvo. I guess it wasn’t what we had expected.”
“Have you tried counselling?”
Anna shook her head. Although she urged her students to seek help, she couldn’t imagine sitting in front of a therapist with Erik. He would make a mockery of it.
Iris didn’t ask any more questions about Erik and Anna felt happy to leave it behind.
*
They were going to share a room. Iris had asked her permission before booking the hotel. It felt completely natural. Like platonic friends, they unpacked, went to the bathroom and got changed for the evening’s book talk. Only when they were leaving the room, did Iris take hold of Anna’s waist, their hips touching.
“Thank you,” Iris said. “For coming here.”
She leaned in and kissed Anna, who felt the heat spread from her mouth to her body. If Iris had asked her to stay in this room and not go, she would have. Anything, for this feeling to last. But Iris withdrew her lips.
“Come on,” she said and playfully smacked Anna’s behind. “Or we will be late.”
*
The author was enigmatic. She talked with confidence about her book, a story about telepathic gypsy twins fighting an ancient magic. Even though Anna hadn’t read the novel, based on the presentation, she could imagine her students loving it. It sounded like it would transport them to another world filled with drama, intrigue and adventure. There was no limit to the imagination and that’s what students needed, to be swept off their feet by books as opposed to video games, computers, Apps and all the rest of it. Having said that, the book would most likely become a video or computer game or even an App if it became a hit.
Anna bought thirty books to have them signed. The sales assistant thought she heard wrong.
“Did you say thirty books? I’m just worried we won’t have enough for everyone else.”
The author, who was signing at a table nearby, heard this.
“Don’t worry,” she said, catching Anna’s eye. She seemed warm and friendly; a beautiful tattoo of a gypsy woman displayed on the arm signing books. “If they don’t have enough, they can order more. Just out of interest though, why do you want to buy so many?” She flicked her short, silver-blonde hair. “Not that I’m complaining!”
“It’s for one of my classes, they’ve done really well this year,” Anna said.
“I thought students were supposed to buy the teachers presents, not the other way around?”
Erik had asked that same question every single year. Normally, she only bought something small, a bookmark or an Ernest Hemingway or Selma Lagerlöf keyring. She took out her debit card.
“I just want to inspire them to read,” she said.
“That’s just like her,” Iris said. She had appeared next to Anna, holding a book of her own. “She really cares.”
“Here, let me sign them for yo
u,” Gwenhwyfar, said. She reached out her hands to take Anna’s load of books.
“But the queue…?” the sales woman said.
“Why don’t we offer them some coffee while they wait?” Gwenhwyfar said. “Or better yet, wine!” She turned to Anna. “What are your students’ names?”
Anna rattled off their names one by one. It took about half an hour, the queue not sighing and muttering as much as she had expected. Drinks had magically appeared and everyone seemed to be chatting and having a lovely time.
“I wish there were more teachers like you,” Gwenhwyfar said, as she handed the last book to Anna.
When they left, Iris helped her carry her purchase.
“She was lovely!” Iris said. “One of the nicest authors I’ve met. And I’ve met many. So charismatic as well and did you see those grey-blue eyes? Beautiful.”
She couldn’t explain it, but Anna felt odd. Was this how Iris normally talked about other women? How would she tackle this?
“And she let you pass the whole queue,” Iris continued. “She definitely liked you!”
This confused Anna even further. She reminded herself that this weekend was about discovery: there was so much she needed to learn about Iris.
They walked in silence to a nearby restaurant where they were generously provided with space for the bags of books.
Tables covered in white linen, candles and subtle tones of jazz in the background made it an intimate setting.
“This is romantic,” Iris said as she smoothed out a napkin on her lap.
Anna felt that in order to carry the conversation forward, she needed a few answers. There was no point waiting.
“What did you mean back there?” she asked.
Iris looked curious. “I don’t understand?” She tucked her short hair behind her ears, the candlelight reflected in her shiny red lipstick.
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