“I don’t know, a few times.”
“Did you call her or did she contact you?”
He needs to think. “I think I called her.”
Even though there’s a recording device on the table, they note down everything he says.
“What information did she give you?”
He leans back in the chair to try and feel more comfortable.
“She said that Anna and Kent were very close,” he says. “Too close perhaps. Also… something about a student of Anna’s being difficult.”
“And you never mentioned any of this to us?”
He can’t believe it. “I assumed the information was coming from you and that you were checking it out,” he says. God, they’re annoying.
Linda Johansson scribbles something down. “What else?”
“She said that you possibly suspected me…” He’s told her that already anyway. But what about Pernilla? Should he tell them? “She also lied to me.”
“About?”
“She claimed that I had made someone pregnant.”
Linda Johansson’s face says it all. She didn’t know, which means that Tina made that up, not Pernilla. Stupid cow. Why would she do that? Did Tina get some deep, perverse sense of satisfaction, thinking about Erik’s life unravelling? Kick me when I’m down, won’t you?
“Who?” Of course they want to know with whom he was supposed to have fathered a child but it feels like a test, as if they already know and want to see if he will tell them the truth.
“A day care teacher,” he says. “It was just a one-off, a mistake.” He emphasises the last word to show them that he only has eyes for his wife.
The officer’s pen is writing furiously now. It sounds like nails on chalk. He wants to leave.
“You told us you were faithful to Anna,” Officer Johansson says.
“Sorry,” he says. “I forgot. It was just one time. One!”
The silence is the room is suffocating.
Eventually the new face says: “Did Tina say anything else?”
“No.” Erik shakes his head, feeling drained. “That’s it.”
“Thank you,” Officer Johansson says. “We will call you if we need anything else.”
“Sure, call me any time.” He stands to leave, and to show them what his life is really like, he adds: “It’s my children’s birthday today and I have to bring their mother home.”
*
Sebastian and Lukas have picked flowers from the garden for their mum, and numerous drinking glasses, turned vases, decorate the home. The best birthday present for the boys is not only Anna being home, but more importantly, that she remembers them.
“Sebastian and Lukas?” she says tentatively and they throw themselves around her neck.
“Alright, calm down,” Erik says.
He pushes the wheelchair into the living room where he has placed a guest bed for her. She won’t be able to climb any stairs just yet.
“Happy birthday,” Gerda says.
She hasn’t bought them any gifts and stands awkwardly next to Erik, looking at Sebastian and Lukas. The boys’ eyes seem to ask the question ‘why is she here?’.
“Gerda is going to stay here for one night only,” Erik explains.
Anna panicked when her mother said she was leaving and they agreed that Gerda would stay in order for Anna to settle in. Then she will leave. Tomorrow or the day after, at the latest. Not soon enough.
A nurse will be coming to check on Anna regularly and help monitor her medication. Erik barely listened to her orders. Anna is home and they will be able to get by just fine. He’s going to right any wrongs by taking care of her.
He does need to work, however. Summer time is when people want the exterior of their house painted and apparently his boss is desperate enough to need him. It’s good. He needs a distraction. Seeing Anna like this other person is distressing. Also, he needs to contribute to their bills. He still needs to figure out what’s happening to Anna’s salary. Is she receiving sick pay and if so, how much is it? Surely it’s lower than her normal salary? Finding out means sitting in those phone queues that take forever.
Gerda just exists. She makes no attempt to ask the children any questions and doesn’t talk to Erik. All she does is sit on Anna’s bed, holding her hand, not talking or engaging with any of them. Considering how she waits on her husband at home, Erik is perplexed. Couldn’t she at least make herself useful and clean a bit?
“I’ve put a mattress in the children’s room for you,” he says.
Anna looks concerned.
“Don’t we have a sofa bed somewhere?” she says. “I thought we did.”
Yes, but it’s currently occupied by your student, David. He imagines saying it out loud to Anna: ‘I didn’t think it was a good idea at first, but it’s great actually. The boy is useful. Not only can he babysit from time to time, but he’s also listening out for news about our family. Plus, he just told me his mother had to go on a business trip so she’s happy that he has somewhere to stay. It’s all good.’
The doctor would have disagreed – ‘don’t overwhelm her’ – but what does he know?
“We do have a sofa bed,” Erik says. “But we have a house guest at the moment, a family friend. You can meet him later.”
Before anyone asks any further questions, Erik tells them he needs to go to the supermarket to buy ingredients for the children’s favourite dish.
“Lasagne,” Anna says.
She remembers. Yet she has a vacant stare when she looks at her husband. Every time he goes near her, she holds on to her mother for dear life and he wants to yell: ‘Your mother was never there for you, remember that? You used to hate her.’
“Will you be okay with the boys or do you want me to take them with me?” The question is aimed at Gerda.
“Of course, but I need to be here for Anna first and foremost,” she says and smiles at her daughter, who lovingly returns the smile.
Is Gerda hoping for a second shot at being a good mother? Or is she trying to manipulate Anna’s memory loss so that she will appear to be a nice, loving person? Either way, she’s a body and she’s there when no one else is. David will be home from school later and he’s promised the boys to join them for dinner. Hopefully, Anna won’t mind.
When Erik is in the car, Rob calls him. He hesitates before he answers. They still haven’t spoken since the fight in the bar, but he misses his mate. Maybe he should just answer? He could use a friendly ear with everything being so intense at home.
“Hey, how are you doing?” Rob says. He sounds nervous and Erik finds himself being annoyed all over. Why did Rob bring that ghastly woman into his life?
“I’m fine,” Erik says even though he isn’t.
“Look,” Rob says. “Let’s forget about that night. We were both drunk. I’m just calling because, well… have you heard from Tina?”
Tina has apparently split from Rob. Normally, he’s the one doing the splitting but her rejection appears to have turned him on.
“I don’t ever want to talk about her,” Erik says. “Especially now that Anna is at home. Plus, it’s the boys’ birthday. If you really were my best friend, you would know that.”
“Whoa, happy birthday, boys! But Erik, that’s great, you should be happy. Your wife is home.”
“I’m just so sick of you. Maybe I should find a new band that actually takes music seriously. You’re just in the band to attract the chicks anyway.”
Erik parks the car but leaves the engine running. Has he gone too far? He’s just so pissed off with Rob and the world right now.
“Oh, man. You’re on a roll!”
“I’m sorry,” Erik says. “It’s just… Anna looks at me like I’m a fucking stranger.”
“But she remembers your name, right. That’s a start.”
“I know, you’re right.” He feels bad now. What’s gotten into him? “Sorry about all that. I didn’t mean it.”
“It’s okay,” Rob says but Erik can detect a h
urt tone. He really needs to care more about his friend.
“You’ve always been there for me,” he says to assure Rob that he truly is sorry.
“You’re right though,” Rob says, “I am in the band because of the chicks.”
They laugh and Erik feels better. “If you’re really my friend, though,” Erik says, “then stay away from Tina. She really messed with me.”
“Come on, she helped a little bit too. Maybe she didn’t have the authority but she meant well.”
Erik isn’t so sure about that. He felt like she was more interested in placing a bomb in Erik’s life, waiting for it to explode, than to assist him.
“Still not coming to your wedding,” he says.
He puts the phone down and notices a new message. It’s from Pernilla.
I’m waiting to hear from you. I’ll give you one day.
He’s not sure what to reply and can’t exactly give her any further ammunition, so he simply writes: Let’s catch up tomorrow. He has no plans to do so but hopefully it will sustain her. He can’t deal with her now, not tonight. The rest of the messages, he ignores.
*
When he’s back home, Sebastian and Lukas are in front of the TV watching a movie. Anna is watching too, from her bed. Gerda is asleep.
Erik cooks dinner and when David arrives, he bakes a cake as promised.
“Is she here?” he asks in a hushed tone.
Erik can tell he’s excited.
“She is but her memory is still a bit shaky,” he explains.
“Okay,” David says. He leans on the door into the living room so that it slightly opens. He smiles and Erik is about to tell him to leave her for the time being, when he closes it again and says: “If I upset her I’ll just go downstairs.”
That’s considerate of him. “Thanks, buddy. I’m sorry but that’s just the way it’s going to have to be.”
“No worries.”
Erik puts the lasagne in the oven. “How was school?”
David shrugs. “Okay. Not the same without Anna, of course.”
“I’m sure.” Erik clears his throat. “Are people talking about her?”
“Sometimes. People are worried that she’s not coming back.”
Erik watches David stir the melted butter into his cake mix. Even though he’s following a recipe from the Internet, it looks as if he’s done it before.
“What about her attack?” Erik says. “I mean, it happened at school. Didn’t anyone see anything apart from that janitor?”
He’s wanted to ask David this question for a while. Surely people talk?
“Nope,” David says. “And there are no cameras in the parking lot.”
“I know, the police told me.”
David stops in the middle of opening the oven to put the cake in.
“What else did the police say?” he asks.
Erik shakes his head. “Not much.”
David proceeds to put the cake in and sets the timer. That’s where the conversation ends. Erik doesn’t want to talk about it anymore. His attention needs to be on the evening ahead.
When dinner and the cake are ready, Erik puts Anna in the wheelchair and the boys wake Gerda up. Together, they make their way to the kitchen where David is standing by the table like a waiter, his back straight and his hair combed to one side. He’s quickly got changed and it looks like he’s wearing new clothes. Instead of the ripped jeans and much too small T-shirt, he’s wearing a white shirt and blue chinos. Very smart indeed. Someone wants to impress.
“Anna,” Erik says. “This is one of your students. Do you remember him?”
Chapter 70 – Iris
Ever since Iris found out about Anna’s attack, her life has become suffocatingly small. She avoids seeing people when she’s not at work, electing to stay at home. It feels too cruel, to have fallen in love with someone only to have that person taken away from you.
When she’s alone at home, she spends her time reading user manuals for the new dishwasher and washing machine, determined to install them herself to keep her mind occupied. She can’t concentrate on reading fiction. Everything seems banal compared to reality.
Iris managed to visit Anna in the hospital. The sight of her was painful and her instinct was to gently kiss her while talking to her as if she were awake. Anna’s face looked serene on the hospital pillow, but her body looked uncomfortable, the stretched duvet holding her down as if it were a straightjacket. Iris pulled it out, making it fluffier.
At first, she wasn’t sure where Anna was. When she called the different hospitals in the region, no one could confirm her presence. It would make sense, however, if Anna had been taken to the one closest to Mörna. Iris predicted that security around her room would be tight but how could she live with herself if she didn’t at least try to access it? The security guard would surely need the bathroom at some point? There was also Erik to consider of course, and so Iris drove around the hospital car park, up through the parking garage, to scan it for Erik and Anna’s car. Everyone seemed to be driving a Volvo these days but she knew that the twins’ baby shoes adorned the rear-view mirror in Anna’s car, which made it easy to recognise. Finally seeing the car on the second floor was a huge relief; it confirmed that this was the correct hospital. Iris parked and waited for Erik to leave.
Iris had never actually seen Erik, not counting the blurred photo on the painting company’s website, and when he arrived, she felt guilty. This man was married to Anna. He was the father of her children. His hair was a bit too long for Iris’s liking but he wasn’t bad looking either.
Once he left, Iris stepped out of her car and walked into the building to ask for Anna Berg. No one with that name was registered. Frustrated but not deterred, she ventured up in one of the many elevators. On each floor she would stop and read the signs outside the wards. It was a case of elimination. Anna wasn’t likely to be in the psychiatric or the OB-gyn wards, and so Iris narrowed it down to the third floor. On that level, only one ward was locked, therefore signalling that this was the one. There was a seating area outside and Iris sat down, waiting for someone to exit. Twenty minutes later, she was able to sneak inside.
There was neither security by the entrance, nor down the hallway, and Iris walked in with an air of confidence, as if she knew where she was going. That’s how she managed to find Anna’s room, the door slightly ajar.
After relaxing the duvet cover, Iris sat by Anna’s bed and held her hand. At least she wasn’t in any visible pain, but her skin was pale and her lips dry. Iris dug out a lip serum from her bag and applied it to Anna’s lips. The skin felt rough under her touch but after a few applications the smoothness under her finger made Anna’s lips more recognisable. By that point the one-sided dialogue had dried up and instead Iris started to read out loud from Loving her, hoping the words would filter into Anna’s inner world.
*
Today is a new day, however, a day filled with hope. Although Iris has lost her job (Lena got her revenge in the end, as promised), she has no need for user manuals. After speaking to Rolf, she went to the hospital and found Anna’s room positively empty. That could only mean one thing – she was awake. Any other outcome would have been reported in the newspaper. It wasn’t just a rumour. She leaned against the wall in the hallway around the corner from the nurses’ station, pretending to be absorbed by her phone, as most people these days were. From there she picked up snippets of a conversation that she assumed was about Anna. Words such as ‘home’ and ‘awake’ lifted her spirits but did they also say ‘amnesia’?
What’s important is that she’s on the mend. She’s awake! It feels better than a thousand book deliveries combined.
Iris paces up and down in her new living room. Can she visit Anna at her home? She needs to see her, speak to her. Nothing else seems to matter. Her marriage is over and she’s got nowhere she needs to be.
When Rolf calls her, she reluctantly answers.
“One more day or they have to let me go,” he happily info
rms her.
Apparently there is not enough evidence yet. Iris has been questioned but is confident that she didn’t speak out of term or compromise anyone. Anna and her were friends but they hadn’t known each other for very long, she told the police.
Should she tell Rolf that Anna is indeed awake? She doesn’t particularly want to, but who else can she talk to? No close friendships have formed over the years, unless they involved work.
“I heard about Lena,” Rolf says. “Who would have thought she was the anonymous money bag? She seemed like somebody who would have screamed that from the roof tops, someone who would want to feel important.”
“You don’t know her,” Iris says.
Rolf scoffs. “She fucked you over and you’re defending her?”
“I clearly played with her emotions,” Iris says. “I have to take responsibility for that.”
“So will there be no more library or just no more Iris?”
Iris doesn’t actually know. She was simply told that funds were low and that they could no longer afford her salary. Lena will pay her until the end of the month but she was asked to leave immediately.
“Who knows?” Iris says. “She has no interest in keeping it going, especially not for my sake.”
“Sorry, I really thought I had made things right with her.”
“Well, you didn’t.”
She can’t really blame him but she does.
“Come on!” he says. “Many things are my fault, but not that.”
There is no point arguing. “I guess you did your best,” she says.
For Karin’s sake, she’s trying to bury the hatchet.
“Anyway, there’s something else I want to tell you.” She pauses. “She’s awake, Rolf.”
Her heart is beating fast as she says it. She’s excited but she also wonders how he will react. Will he be upset? Worried? Now that Anna is able to speak to the police, what will she say? Iris wants to believe that he’s innocent, but he’s acted irrationally since their separation.
“Right,” Rolf says. “Well, I guess that’s good. I mean, good… for her.”
When I Wake Up Page 29