Declan Reede: The Untold Story (Complete Series)

by Michelle Irwin

I didn’t voice my greater concern that by going back to Sydney there would be no more us.

  “I’m not just going to jump into bed with you,” she said.

  “Is that what you think I want? Fucking nice vote of confidence, Lys.”

  “Just going off recent evidence.”

  “Gossip mags and fucking innuendo.”

  “Are you saying they’re wrong?”

  Fuck. “No.”

  “Then you can understand why I would think that.”

  “Fuck, Lys, you should know you’ve always been more than that to me. It’s why I can’t do brunettes.”

  She rolled her eyes and huffed. “Nice. You draw the line at fucking brunettes. I guess I should be glad that you believe at least some part of the population to be off limits.”

  “Shit, Lys. I didn’t mean it like that. I meant . . . Fuck. I’m sorry I said that, okay? I just, well, fuck, I just want to be honest with you.”

  She closed her eyes and took a few deep breaths. “I have a few more conditions on the dating thing.”

  “What?”

  “First, you do so exclusively. No screwing random chicks. You wait until I’m ready and have a relationship with me alone. Even if that takes six months or more.”

  It’s fucking disgusting to admit, but I did have to consider it for a few seconds. I was already so fucking wound up that I needed stress relief and my hand just didn’t fucking cut it. The promised land at the end was Alyssa, though. She was worth the serious case of blue balls I would no doubt encounter. I nodded.

  “Thank you.”

  “What else?”

  “You stop drinking, and drugs if you are on any.”

  I shook my head. “I’m not on anything illegal.”

  She cast me a doubtful stare.

  “I’m not,” I reassured her. “Not anymore,” I added in a quiet voice.

  “And the alcohol?”

  “C’mon, Lys, it’s not like I’m a fucking alcoholic.”

  She considered me for a second. “Fine, not completely then. But you’ve got to stop drinking to excess and definitely not as a solution to your problems.”

  “I can try. All of what you are saying. Everything you’re asking, I promise I’ll try.”

  “I would say that’s all I can ask, but instead I’ll say this: whenever you think you are trying your best, then try just a little harder. Make yourself someone who is worthy of that little girl. As much as it will kill me if you fuck up, she’s the one I really need to protect here.”

  “Some people would say I’m a pretty fucking good catch.”

  She smiled slightly. “And they’d probably be right.”

  I preened a little.

  “Once you’ve sorted yourself out, that is,” she added before pressing a kiss to my cheek.

  Without another word, she walked off.

  For a dazed moment, I sat, unsure whether I should follow her or not.

  CHAPTER TWENTY-FOUR: LET’S RIDE

  WHEN I CAME to my senses, I jumped from the table and chased after Alyssa. I wanted to show her that I would follow her lead in things for the moment, but that I wasn’t going to back away. That I wouldn’t run again. I would go as fast or as slow as she wanted to, but I also wanted to take the chance to show her that we could be friends again. All things considered, we’d actually gotten along fairly well. It was a reminder of what we’d shared before lust and heartbreak had interfered with us.

  “Alyssa, wait!” I called.

  She stopped and then turned back to face me. When she did, the small smile from before had disappeared. “What is it, Declan?”

  My steps slowed and my confidence faltered. Maybe I’d misread the signs and she wanted space. “I, uh, just wanted to ask you if you wanted to hang for a while, and maybe go shopping.”

  She burst out laughing. When she collected herself, she raised an eyebrow at me. “Shopping? Seriously?”

  “Um, yeah.”

  “Why on God’s green earth would I want to go shopping with you?”

  My face fell as fast as my hopes. I hadn’t expected a rejection quite so harsh, especially to an offer which was only one of friendship.

  A look of horror crossed Alyssa’s features. “No. I—I didn’t mean it like that, Dec. I’m not saying I don’t want to spend time with you. As a friend.” She gave me a pointed look. “I just don’t understand why that has to be spent shopping.”

  “Oh, fuck, sorry, I should have fucking explained better.” I chuckled as relief flooded through me that her words hadn’t been intended as a flat-out rejection. “I need to go shopping. Because I left home so quickly”—I left the reason for my speed hanging in the air for a moment—“all I brought with me was winter stuff I already had packed for London. I just thought you might . . . I don’t fucking know. Oh fuck it.”

  I couldn’t seem to form any fucking words for some reason, especially not any that could be misconstrued or twisted away from their intended meaning. With a frown forming, I turned to walk back to the table thinking that chasing after Alyssa had been a fucking mistake. I should have just sat still and shut up until she was gone so that I didn’t fuck up the progress we had made.

  Alyssa’s hand closed around my arm to stop me, and my gaze shot to it, unbelievingly.

  “It’s okay,” she said with a cautious smile. “I’d like to go shopping with you.”

  “Good ’cause I’ve got no fucking clue when it comes to this shit.”

  She chuckled darkly. “And you think I do? Obviously you don’t remember me very well.”

  Despite regular visits to the Grand Plaza when we were younger, we’d very rarely actually shopped. I found myself laughing along with her. She was always far more focused on textbooks and texting than designer Dior.

  “If you want style advice, Flynn’s probably a better companion,” she teased.

  I decided two could play at that game so I trailed my eyes up and down over her body in a mock appraisal. “Yeah, probably. Do you have his number?”

  She laughed. “So you don’t want to take me now?”

  I pretended to sigh. “Well, I mean, you’re obviously no Flynn, but I guess you’ll do.”

  She slapped my chest and smiled, not one of those half-hearted small smiles she’d been giving me before, but a true fucking light-up-the-room type of smile. It made my heart clench with something as close to joy as I could feel.

  “You’re so fucking beautiful when you smile,” I said before I’d had a chance to consider the possible ramifications.

  The smile fell straight away and she looked away from me and sighed. The she stepped away from me, locking her emotions away.

  “What is it?” I asked.

  “I’m willing to try and be friends. I’m even willing to try dating with the conditions we’ve discussed. But I can’t have you saying shit like that to me; it’s just not fair.”

  I mumbled an apology even though I didn’t want to apologise because it was just the fucking truth. After a moment, I said, “Alyssa, you’re going to have to tell me what to do, all right? I have no fucking clue how to handle any of this shit. I just know I wanna try. If I step over the mark, just fucking tell me to shut up or something. Don’t push me away, okay?”

  She nodded and a hint of a smile crept back onto her face. She held out her hand to me. “I guess this is okay.”

  With a grin, I grabbed her hand and led her back to Mum’s house to get my car. Truthfully, we could have walked to the Plaza, but I didn’t want to have to lug home a pile of heavy fucking bags if I actually managed to find some clothes that I wanted to buy. I fucking hated shopping. Most of my wardrobe consisted of gifts from corporate sponsors, so I rarely had to actually step foot inside a shop. They generally loved it if you were caught out and about in public wearing one of their shirts. It’s what they paid for after all.

  The walk back to the house was just as silent as the walk to the bench, and again our hands didn’t break contact the whole way. I pulled my car keys out of
my pocket and unlocked the Monaro. Heading for the passenger side, I held the door open for Alyssa. She climbed in and took a deep breath. My car may have been a few years old—it was the last CV8 Monaro off the production line and I had wanted to buy that shit for posterity—but I kept it pristine, so it still had the lingering new car smell. The smell of the leather seats was fucking intoxicating. I smiled to myself that Alyssa noticed that shit too.

  “Nice car,” she said after I’d climbed into the driver’s seat.

  “Thanks.” I smiled at her as I started the engine. “I didn’t think you liked cars though?”

  Shifting into first, I checked the road and then squealed the tyres as I left the kerb. Showing off for Alyssa a little, I revelled in the sounds that issued from my baby. I always loved the fucking soft purr of the engine. It was the only music I needed, and the rhythm of my life. I’d even put a new exhaust system on the beast to get the note just right.

  Alyssa laughed, but I wasn’t sure what at and when I looked at her she shook her head to indicate she wasn’t going to tell me. “I guess between you and Flynn I didn’t really have much choice.”

  “He’s into cars too?”

  “Yeah. He’s more into fours though. He’s got a Silvia.”

  “Fucking ricer.”

  “I don’t know . . .” Her voice held a quiet challenge, as though daring me to react to her next words. “He gets that thing to do some crazy shit. He got a fourteen eight at the drags.”

  Although I wasn’t going to admit it, I couldn’t help but be slightly impressed by the numbers. Despite the fact that he was gay, he was still my rival for her attention. I couldn’t help but be jealous that he was the one who got her into cars when all of my attempts had failed. She’d never once shown any interest in that shit before I’d left for Sydney four years ago. Instead of saying anything complimentary toward the fucker, I turned to Alyssa and raised one brow. “You wanna see how a real fucking car handles?”

  She shrugged but the corners of her mouth turned up slightly. “I can’t be gone too long. I need to pick Phoebe up from Mum’s in a few hours.”

  I shook my head. “This won’t fucking take long.”

  Then I had a thought. “Actually, why don’t we go to Garden City for shopping instead? Kill two birds and all that.”

  “That should be okay.” I took that as an acceptance and headed toward the motorway. When I hit the on ramp, I slowed right down. After ensuring there was no one behind me, I pulled to a complete stop. Then, when the motorway ahead was clear enough, I dropped the clutch and floored the accelerator, slamming through each gear and pinning Alyssa back in her seat with the G-force of my take-off.

  It felt good and right. It was what I was made to do. When I tore past one-twenty, I hesitated because I wasn’t sure about Alyssa’s reaction. I honestly thought she would scream or get pissed with me like she used to when I pulled this shit after first getting my licence. She fucking surprised the shit out of me by giggling and fuck if it didn’t sound terrific. It made me forget everything that had happened in the last four years. I was simply a fucking boy taking his girl for a drive. I flicked it into sixth as we sailed past one-fifty kilometres per hour before finally slowing back down to the speed limit.

  “So, will—” I cut myself off. I was going to ask whether she’d tell me a little about Phoebe, but wasn’t sure I was ready to hear it or broach any topic that wasn’t completely and certifiably safe. “Why don’t you tell me about uni?”

  Alyssa told me all about her course, her studies, and what she’d been doing. I listened with rapt attention as I headed in the general direction of Garden City, hoping it wasn’t a wasted trip. For all I fucking knew the place had been torn down or whatever in the years I’d been gone, but I assumed Alyssa would have said something if it had been. Back when we were kids, it was always bigger than the Grand Plaza, so I figured it still would be.

  IT TURNED out my instinct was right and the shopping centre was fucking huge. It was the sort of place you could easily get fucking lost in. After parking the car, I walked to Alyssa’s side and offered her my hand. I pushed the lock on the remote and prayed to high fucking heaven that no one touched it. For their own sake.

  When I walked into the shopping centre and saw an expanse of white marble and flashy shopfronts, I freaked the fuck out.

  “Where the hell am I supposed to go to get clothes from?” I thought out loud.

  I didn’t really expect a response, but Alyssa laughed and pulled my hand, tugging me away from the food court and in the direction of some shops. We passed a surf shop and I pulled her inside. Grabbing a few pairs of boardies and a couple of surf tees, I headed straight into the change rooms. Usually I wouldn’t have given a shit whether they fit or not, or even what they looked like on me, but I wanted to prolong the time I spent with Alyssa. The fact that it meant she had to look at my body to see whether the clothes looked any good was just an added fucking bonus.

  We spent the next hour going from shop to shop, but I only found two pairs of shorts and three fucking shirts that Alyssa said looked good. I refused to buy anything that she didn’t like. The few items we’d got weren’t going to be enough to get me through for long. Which meant that I had a ready-made good fucking excuse for another day of shopping with her. Internally, I celebrated, but outwardly, I sighed. “I guess we should head back?”

  I glanced up and noticed we were back where we started from, near the food court.

  Alyssa looked at her watch and nodded. “Do you mind getting something to eat first?”

  Fuck no. I shrugged. “What do you feel like?”

  She shrugged. “Sushi?”

  “Okay, my treat.”

  She looked like she was going to argue. I put my finger on her lips, partly to stop her argument, but mostly because it gave me an excuse to fucking touch her lips again. “For dragging you around against your will.”

  She laughed and muttered something about it not being totally against her will, but relented.

  ON THE way back to Browns Plains, Alyssa’s phone rang. She had a quick discussion with whoever it was and then hung up.

  “We’ll go straight to my house, if that’s all right?” she asked.

  “Of course, but what about Phoebe? Isn’t she at your mum’s house?”

  “Flynn picked her up and took her home after her nap.”

  I felt my eyebrows scrunch reflexively, but tried not to let it show to Alyssa. There was no way I was going to screw up our decent day. “Are those two close?”

  “I guess. I mean he’s practically been a father to her since she was born. So she’s comfortable around him at least.”

  “Does she love him?” Do I really want to know?

  Alyssa shrugged. “Yeah. I mean as much as a three-year-old truly loves anyone. He dotes on her though.”

  I wanted to say that it was all right, that I understood, but I couldn’t. My fucking chest burned too much. Even though I knew I had no right to be angry about it, and that I only had myself to blame, I couldn’t get over the fact that some other fucker was playing dad to my daughter. I fumed.

  “She takes after you so much,” Alyssa said. I could tell it was a distraction. I wondered how she knew exactly the right moments to fucking distract me—especially when she claimed to not know me anymore. “She’s a little hothead too. And so stubborn.”

  “Stubborn?” I asked, my eyebrow raised. “I seem to recall you had the market cornered on stubborn.”

  In my peripheral view, I saw her open her mouth to say something, but then she shut it again almost immediately and her expression fell.

  “What?” I asked.

  She shook her head.

  “Tell me what you were going to say, please?”

  “Uh-uh. No way.”

  “What were you saying about stubbornness being my trait?” I laughed.

  Her replying chuckle made me smile. “Okay, maybe you have a point, but you still out-stubborn me.”

  “Wh
at makes you say that?” I asked. Then I glanced at her and groaned. Sorrow filled her eyes, forcing me to see exactly what made her say that. Despite the news she’d had to impact, she’d given up calling me long before I would have ever accepted her call. In fact, even if she’d called every fucking day for the past four years, I probably wouldn’t have answered the phone. It was only a pure fucking coincidence that threw us together on that plane. If it hadn’t, I’d still be ignorant to everything and ignoring the pull to return home—to return to her.

  Some say ignorance is bliss; I say fuck that shit. Despite the pain and heartbreak I’d experienced, I was glad I’d learned the truth. If not for the plane ride with Alyssa, and everything after it, I’d still be fucking around through life wondering exactly what the fuck was wrong with me. Now, at least I knew what was causing me to crash: regret.

  I regretted leaving Alyssa. If I’d stayed with her, I would have regretted not going to Sinclair Racing and probably grown to resent what I had. My life was destined to be filled with regrets whichever path I took. And apparently it made me whinge like a bitch.

  “Forget I asked,” I said, acknowledging her pain without voicing the words.

  Alyssa gave a small nod—either of gratitude or acceptance, I didn’t know which. Except for Alyssa’s whispered directions to her house as we drew closer, we were quiet the rest of the trip home.

  I pulled the car up to the kerb near her house. Despite the silence between us, she seemed as reluctant to leave the car as I was for her to go.

  “Thank you,” I said. “For coming today. I think you saved me from a few fashion disasters.”

  She stared steadfastly at her hands. “I don’t know about that. I just told you what I preferred. Nothing really looks bad on you.”

  “That sounded dangerously close to a compliment,” I teased.

  She raised her eyes to mine and then lifted one eyebrow. “Why are you fishing for one?”

  “Would I have to fish hard?”

  She sighed. “Of course you’re hot, Dec. But you know it, you know? That does take away some of the appeal.”