I swallowed down the emotions that threatened to overwhelm me. Part of me wanted to celebrate the fact that we were just hours away from being on the road to the rest of our lives, but the rest was still at Emmanuel’s graveside.
Alyssa gave my hand a gentle squeeze of encouragement. “Let’s go get Phoebe and load up the trailer.”
As I started the car, I nodded. It was the reminder that as hard as the goodbye had been, it wasn’t the only one we needed to face in the next few hours.
By the time I pulled up in front of Alyssa’s parents’ house, my stomach was in knots. She’d want to spend as long as she could saying goodbye. I just wanted to grab the last of her shit and go. Her dad, Curtis, was still not my biggest fan. He’d seemed to begrudgingly accept that we were together, and that Alyssa wanted to marry me, but it hadn’t made him any less cold toward me. I had no hope that we’d ever get back to the relationship we’d once shared.
Alyssa went into the house while I hitched up the trailer. While I was debating whether I could maybe just wait in the car, Phoebe came to their screen door and waved at me. An easy smile lifted my lips at the sight as I walked straight to her.
“Hey, princess,” I said after I’d opened the door and scooped her into my arms. “Are you ready to move into your castle?”
She nodded before snuggling against my chest.
I took a moment to draw her into a hug. “It might take a couple of days to get there, we’ll have to see.”
“Nana said. No planes.”
I chuckled. “Nope. No planes. Not this time.”
“We’re in the kitchen, Dec,” Alyssa called to me.
Drawing in a bracing breath, I followed the sound. Alyssa sat at the table. Her mother, Ruth, sat next to her, but Curtis stood at the bench, shooting daggers at me with his eyes.
“I made some food,” Ruth said, waving to Curtis in a clear instruction to give her what he had. With a sigh, I sat on Alyssa’s other side. Curtis dropped the platter of fruit and cheese on the table before sitting down at the table with his arms crossed.
It was clear the two women had obviously planned this awkwardness masquerading as a goodbye in advance, no doubt trying to make things better between us, but it was never going to work so long as Curtis had the bee in his bonnet about me.
To break the silence, Ruth asked Alyssa something about Josh and Ruby, and my heart plummeted. I twisted my mouth into the best smile I could offer, which wasn’t much, and hissed through my teeth at Alyssa, “Don’t tell me Josh’s coming too?” That would be just what I needed.
She shook her head and I sighed with relief. Then she ruined the moment. “We’ve got to drop in and say goodbye to them on our way out.”
Even though I turned to argue with her, one look at her earnest, pleading expression left me unable to. How could I deny her the opportunity to say goodbye to her brother before tearing her from his life? I closed my eyes and asked a question I knew I was sure to regret later: “Did you want to go to Flynn’s too?”
Her eyes flicked up to meet mine and, with the ghost of a smile on her lips, she nodded. “Only if you don’t mind.”
I bit back on the jealousy and the accompanying bile that rose in my throat, reminding myself of all the reasons I shouldn’t be jealous. That Alyssa and I had lodged the forms to amend the birth certificates already, and had received confirmation the new certificates were on their way. He’d soon have no claim on my daughter. I reminded myself that he was gay and not interested in Alyssa as anything more than a friend. Finally, I forced myself to recall the generous offer he’d made on Alyssa’s little four-cylinder car.
Covering the swell of emotions with a widened—but fake—smile, I shook my head to let her know I didn’t mind. Having to deal with Curtis and Josh had already put a damper on the day, so it would be easier to get all the fucked-up shit over with at once. If that meant fake-smiling my way through a shitload of awkward meetings for Alyssa’s and Phoebe’s sakes, so be it.
Ruth seemed to sense the unease around the table and rose to her feet. “Declan, I want a quick word with you please . . . alone?”
With a nod, I stood. Once I had, I dipped to press a few small kisses onto Alyssa’s cheek, partly because I wanted to remind her that I loved her, but mostly to rub Curtis’s face in the fact that she’d chosen me.
I followed Ruth into the room we’d been staying in. Everything we’d been using temporarily was packed into the back of the Prado, so it was back to looking like Alyssa’s old bedroom—except without the personality of her photos and mementos. After glancing around the room, I looked down at Ruth and saw the tears on her face.
“Hey, now, what’s up?” I asked, as softly as I could. I reminded myself that regardless of how Curtis reacted to me and Alyssa being together, Ruth had been in my corner. She at least was happy about my reunion with Alyssa.
“It’s just sinking in that she’s really going. I won’t be able to just pop in to see her anymore.”
“Sydney’s not that far away, and there’s always Skype, and phone calls,” I said, trying to cheer her up a little. “And emails.”
“You’ll look after them, won’t you?” She looked at me pleadingly.
“With my life.” Every word was sincere. I wouldn’t let anything hurt either of my girls. I’d made enough mistakes where both of them were concerned.
She nodded. “Thank you.”
She pulled me down to her, wrapping her arms tightly around me. In that moment, she was a mother saying goodbye to her son. For me, it was the goodbye I hadn’t been able to say to my own mother.
“Ruth?” I asked, my voice soft and filled with the emotions roiling inside me.
“What is it, sweetie?” she asked.
“When Mum comes back, can you make sure that she’s not alone?” I couldn’t bear the thought of Mum returning to her old life since she’d been freed from my cheating fucking bastard of a father. I didn’t want to think of her going back to him, or worse sitting around an empty house consumed by her loneliness.
“Of course,” she said before pulling me into one final embrace.
We walked back into the kitchen to find Alyssa and Curtis in a tight embrace of their own. Phoebe was on the floor, switching between their legs.
Alyssa’s eyes were closed, but it was easy to see she’d been crying. “I’m going to miss you too, Daddy,” she whispered.
In that instant, I had a moment of crystal-clear clarity. Despite the fact that I’d only been in her life for a short time, I couldn’t imagine losing Phoebe. Even if she was an adult, it’d be hard to say goodbye. It would be impossible knowing I couldn’t see her whenever I wanted. When Curtis and Alyssa finally broke apart, I walked over to him and offered him my hand as a peace offering.
He stared at it for a beat before shaking it with his own.
“Don’t worry, sir. I’ll be there for them both.”
Out of the corner of my eye, I saw Alyssa smile before darting off to give Ruth a hug goodbye.
“You’d better be, son,” Curtis whispered venomously the moment she was out of earshot. “Or you’ll have me to deal with. I won’t have you hurt her again.”
His hand tightened around my own. Before he could hurt me though, I responded in kind. We shook hands for a few seconds longer than was strictly necessary, both tightening our grip as much as we could. I was certain his hand would be aching as much as mine when we finally let go. I vowed to myself that I would make him trust me and when I had, I’d make him eat his words.
The visit with Josh and Ruby had gone much the same way. Truthfully, I would have been happier to have avoided it altogether, but I sucked it up for Alyssa. Instead of tempting fate, I stayed outside in the car. The temperature was well over forty, and hotter still inside the car, but it was better than the icy reception waiting inside. Not that it mattered when the goodbyes spilled out onto the front lawn and Josh shot pointed gazes and a shouted warning at me from his front door. It took everything I had not to s
hout at him in response, but I did flip him the bird when no one else was watching.
“Daddy, why was Unca Joshie mad at you?”
“It’s a long story, sweetheart,” Alyssa said, saving me from having to explain. “Granddad and Uncle Josh just take a while to let go of the past.”
Phoebe nodded as if that were all the explanation she’d ever need. Maybe it would be.
When we pulled up at Flynn’s, I expected the same harsh words and cold stares I’d borne the brunt of the last time I’d seen him—the same ones that were the only thing both Curtis and Josh were willing to offer me before I left—but he was actually polite, even if he barely spent any focus on me as he ensured Phoebe was fed and had gone to the loo before our drive.
As Alyssa was loading Phoebe into the car, after she and Flynn had shared a long, teary goodbye, he called me over to him. Before I could think of a few smart-arse responses to the cutting remarks I was certain he’d make, he pulled me into a hug. Shocked by the movement, I stiffened in his hold.
“I was wrong about you,” he said as I pulled away.
I narrowed my eyes at him. “What are you talking about?”
“Not long after you got here, when Alyssa was telling me all about the things that you were doing, I was so sure I knew the sort of person you were. When you came crashing back into her life, like a drunken arsehole, I thought that’s all there was to you.”
My jaw ached with the pressure I was exerting to stop myself from telling him to fuck off while I waited for him to get to his point.
“But I was wrong. I’d have to be an idiot not to see the smile on Lys’s face when you’re around.” He looked over to the car. “She loves you. But the thing that changed my mind the most is that you’ve got the same smitten look on your face whenever you don’t think anyone is watching. You try to hide it, but you can’t. You should let your guard down more often, Declan. You might be surprised by how people respond.”
I cleared my throat, uncomfortable with the intensity of the conversation.
“I’d tell you to look after them both, but somehow I think it’d be a moot point.”
Nodding once to acknowledge his words, I moved toward my car. After taking one step, I swung back around. “Thank you,” I said. The words were genuine, but they tasted funny on my tongue. I was sure my face indicated my discomfort in issuing them. “For being there for her when I wasn’t.”
He ran his hands through his hair and nodded, his mouth twisting downward into a frown. “Let me guess, that’s a thanks, but now you’re back in her life, so I can just get fucked?” He looked like he had a number of arguments against it ready on his tongue.
“Actually, no.” The words were out before I’d thought about them, and they surprised even me. “As hard as it was to accept it at first, it’s actually nice knowing she has someone else she can rely on if anything was to happen to me. Or if she’s so pissed at me that she can’t see straight.” I chuckled. “Just do me a favour when that happens and remind her of what you told me today.”
There was no point saying if, because I was certain there would be days I’d piss her off, just like there’d be days she’d get on my last nerve. Just like the night before at the New Year’s Eve party. But those moments would only be temporary, fleeting, and then we’d find our way back to the happy. I understood that now better than I ever had before.
He laughed. “Sure thing, Declan.”
I shook his hand. “Just call me Dec.”
“Don’t let her be a stranger, will you?” he asked. For an instant, his heartache flashed across his face. He may not have wanted her as a lover, but it was clear he loved her in his own way.
“Never.”
“And thank you, for, you know, not telling her the truth about the value of the car.”
I laughed. “Who am I to interfere with a private transaction?”
He nodded and I waved as I walked away.
“Oh, and Dec?” Flynn called from behind me. “Keep your nose clean so that you’re back on the track soon, yeah? I miss seeing your fine arse on TV.”
I choked on my spit as he burst out laughing. With a shake of my head, a smile on my lips, and heat in my cheeks, I waved him goodbye.
As I walked back to the car, Alyssa gave me a questioning look. “What was that about?” she asked as I pulled my car door open.
“You,” I said before laughing at the expression on her face.
“Are you good?” she asked.
“Baby, I’m better than good. All of my dreams are coming true.”
The trip home ended up being slower than any I’d ever taken before. Between the toddler in the backseat, and the trailer behind us, the stops were more frequent, the car slower, and the trip more tiring. In the end, just like I’d warned Phoebe we might have to, we stayed at Coffs Harbour for the night so we didn’t have to drive through the night with a cranky arse in the car—and that was just me.
In the morning, we stopped briefly at the Big Banana and did the obligatory family photo before driving the rest of the way to Sydney—to the rest of our lives.
We were a little over an hour out of Sydney when Eden, the team strategist for Sinclair Racing and one of my few friends, called. She let us know that everything was arranged for our arrival—they’d flown back on the first. Even though I’d given the key to my house to Morgan, he obviously didn’t want to risk calling when I might have him on speaker.
“Thank you for all of your help, Eden,” I said after she had given us the information about where she’d left the key.
Alyssa offered her thanks too.
“Anytime,” Eden said. “That goes for Morgan too . . . when you forgive him.”
Alyssa groaned and I stifled a chuckle. Morgan and Alyssa’s first meeting hadn’t been anywhere near as smooth as her introduction to Eden, and his assistance with my little New Year’s plot hadn’t helped his case.
“I know you love him, Eden,” Alyssa said. “But I still can’t face him yet.”
I wasn’t sure if she didn’t want to see him yet because of the email, or because she was embarrassed by how she had reacted.
“I know,” Eden said. “I’m sure you will one day.”
“Maybe,” Alyssa replied.
“And you, mister,” Eden added, “don’t forget tomorrow’s the big day.”
I groaned. How could I possibly forget that I was returning to Sinclair Racing the next day? It was the day I had been looking forward to, and equally dreading, ever since I’d accepted Danny’s offer to return. It was the day the life Alyssa and I hoped to create in Sydney would start—the real life of work and routine, of day care and dinnertimes. It scared the absolute fuck out of me even while I looked forward to every minute.
“It’ll be fun,” Eden said. “You’ll learn new things, and you know Danny will look after you. In fact, he has a surprise for you when you get in tomorrow.”
I swallowed around the lump that had taken up residence in my throat. “What is it?” I croaked.
Eden let out a titter. “If I told you, it wouldn’t be a surprise, would it?”
Alyssa chuckled. “She has you there.”
I narrowed my eyes at her. “Don’t you start on me too,” I said.
Alyssa pouted. I moved quickly, grabbing her hand and pulling it to my lips. “Don’t tease me,” I whispered threateningly.
“Or what?” she asked, licking her lips.
“Or I just might have to punish you.” I grinned.
“That’s enough about that. I’ll see you guys later,” Eden chirped.
I chuckled. I’d all but forgotten that Eden was still on the phone, or that Phoebe was in the back seat for that matter. God, I couldn’t wait to get Alyssa home.
Home.
Never had I heard a more beautiful fucking word.
And with home came Danny’s surprise. I could barely wait to find out what it might be. Especially when Eden’s teasing reminded me of Danny’s words from the New Year’s party just day
s earlier. Something told me there was a lot more in store in the next chapter of my life.
Bring on the new season.
CHAPTER TWO: MINI MOMENTS
THE ALARM BLARED loudly, interrupting my peace. There had to be something wrong, because there was no fucking way in hell I needed to get up when it was still dark outside. Especially not when I’d been up unpacking the car until late the night before; the aches in my body were testament to the work.
I lifted my head off the pillow and growled at my phone, trying to intimidate it into silent submission. When that didn’t work, I unwrapped one arm from Alyssa and reached for my phone, sliding to snooze the alarm and ending the horrid sound. I groaned, dropped my head back onto the pillow, and prepared to go back to sleep.
“Come on,” Alyssa murmured beside me, nudging my shoulder. “You have to get up.”
“Don’t wanna,” I muttered as I moved closer to her side. I wanted nothing more than to pull the blanket over my head, curl around Alyssa, and forget about the rest of the world.
Alyssa broke that desire by pulling away from me, sitting up, and pushing the blanket off us both.
“Fucking hell,” I murmured. “It’s too early to be up.”
She chuckled beside me before leaning over and kissing my cheek. “You’ve just gone soft with all the sleeping in that you’ve been doing lately.”
“Fuck off!” I said. “I’m as hard as ever.”
I grabbed her hand and pressed it against my morning wood, just to prove my point.
Alyssa surprised me by tightening her hand around my length and giving it a gentle rub.
“Oh, baby, that feels good,” I moaned.
She giggled before letting go of me and climbing out of bed, tugging the blanket back up over her side of the bed. As she moved, her short baby-doll nightie pulled up, revealing her boy-leg panties. The sight of her perfect, pert arse covered by the black cotton made my mouth water.
Once her side of the bed was made, she leaned forward, giving me a glimpse down her top at the creamy skin of her breasts.
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