“But if it doesn’t work, you have to promise to leave me alone. Okay?”
He nodded, kissing my forehead. Then he smiled and I felt my heart fill with hope.
Chapter 7: Gray
I followed her to her motel room and she let me in. It was small but cozy, with gentle floral wallpaper and a soft bed. I watched her sit down on it and she shyly beckoned me to join her. I sat down across from her, cross-legged, leaving a comfortable amount of room between us as not to scare her or make her think I wanted anything other than to talk. For though there was an ache in my body to kiss and touch her, I wanted more than anything to make her comfortable around me again.
There was a slightly awkward silence between us as we just stared at each other, unsure of how to proceed. I drank in each of her features, my eyes settling on her lips for a moment, unable to look away. She’d tasted exactly how I remembered her tasting, kissed just as passionately as she always had with me. I knew, though, that it was her body responding to mine more than anything that made her lips part for my tongue and made her allow me to touch her the way I had. I could tell she wasn’t quite ready for more, and so I pried my eyes from her mouth and met hers.
“Why did you leave me?” she asked. “I thought you loved me. I thought…”
“I did love you, Kat. I do. It’s just that I thought I was protecting you.”
“How?”
I looked down at my hands. “You know what I do, the man I’ve become. I didn’t think it was safe for you to be around me. I didn’t want to drag you into the lifestyle that my father forced me into. It wouldn’t have been fair.”
“So you just left me? In the middle of the night?” she said, her eyes narrowing. I could tell how much hurt I had put her through and it made me ache all over.
“I thought telling you would hurt you worse. I didn’t want you to see me as a monster.”
“I do see you as a monster,” she spat, folding her arms over her chest. “But not because of what you do. You broke my heart. I never loved again, never moved on.”
She sighed. “I’ve been trapped.”
I did reach forward to stroke her cheek with my thumb. I was surprised that she let me.
“So have I, my love. It was the worst mistake I ever made.”
She gazed into my eyes and her face softened into a look of curiosity rather than anger. Relief washed through me.
“Why did you come back, then?” she asked.
“To be with you. I wanted the chance to reconcile. I wanted to make things good between us. We were so good together. I’ve never been as happy as I was then. I never thought I would be again.”
I paused. I wanted to lean forward to kiss her but I would bide my time and take it slow as she needed me to.
“When my father said that I was to marry you, I felt myself come alive again. I know it’s an unconventional situation, but I couldn’t say no anyway. It made sense. It gave me hope.”
She stared at me for a while, chewing on her lip. She took my hand and pressed it to her cheek, closing her eyes for a long moment, as if reveling in the feeling of my skin on hers.
“Do you forgive me, Kat?” I asked softly. “Will you ever be able to forgive me?”
She opened her eyes and studied my face.
“I don’t know, Gray. I really don’t.”
“How can I help?” I asked. “Tell me what I can do. I’ll do anything.”
She thought about it for a moment.
“Just talk to me. Let me know you again.”
I smiled. “I can do that. What would you like to know?”
“Tell me about what you do,” she said.
“I don’t think I sh—“
“Tell me,” she said again, more gently this time. “Please.”
I sighed and took her hand, holding it between us. She didn’t pull away.
“I got my first contract when I was seventeen years old. My father had raised me with the knowledge that I’d be as deep in the business as he was, only I didn’t know that it would involve killing.”
She took a deep breath and squeezed my hand.
“I couldn’t say no. He threatened me, threatened my mother… I had to protect her. So I took contract after contract and stayed as far away from him as I could, only going back to our home to visit my mother every once in a while.”
“Who did you kill?” she asked, and I winced. It seemed counterproductive to be telling her about my life this way and yet she wanted to know. There was no judgment in her voice, no sense of fear.
“Members of rival gangs, mostly,” I told her. “People who’d insulted my father. Never women or children. I need you to believe that. I know the rumors but I don’t know how they started. I promise they’re not true.”
“I believe you,” she said softly. “I do, Gray.”
I let out a sigh of relief. “Thank you.”
“Does it hurt you to talk about this?”
I met her eye. “Yes. But I’ll tell you everything you want to know.”
“Would you quit for me?” she asked.
“I would do anything for you,” I told her honestly. “You can make me perform tricks, if you’d like. I’m a hell of a juggler.”
She laughed, and it sounded like music. It was the first time I’d heard her laugh in years.
“I might take you up on that.”
I brought her hand to my lips and kissed her knuckles. “In all seriousness, Kat, I’m all in. You are my world. If you want to stay in this motel in this tiny town and be a waitress, I’ll stay. If you want to go home, I’ll go with you. Anything you want is yours.”
“Just give me a week,” she said. “Stay with me for a week. I want to trust you again.”
I nodded. It would have been the perfect moment to kiss her and I could tell she wanted it, her eyes half-lidded, lips parted in a question. I stayed where I was, though, and turned her palm over to trace the lines with the tip of my finger. Just playing with her hands sent an electric thrill through my body. If someone had told me a year ago that this is where I’d be at this very moment, I would have scoffed.
“So what have you been up to?” I asked her.
“School, mostly,” she said. “I got my degree in literature. Father said it was a waste but I enjoyed it.”
“It’s not a waste,” I told her. “It’s perfect for you.”
She had always loved to read. Sometimes she’d read to me from whatever book she’d been lost in while I drove on our road trips. Other times she’d read silently while we were lying in bed together and run her hands absentmindedly through my hair. I’d never known anybody to enjoy books as much as she did, and it made me more than happy to know she had followed her passion.
“Thank you,” she said earnestly. “He tried to teach me the business but it didn’t stick. I want nothing to do with it.”
“Nor did I,” I told her.
She looked at me sympathetically. I was so pleased to know that she wasn’t afraid, wasn’t judgmental of what I had been doing all these years. It warmed me to know that she was genuinely giving me a shot despite what I’d done to her.
We talked the rest of the night, the conversation growing more and more relaxed with each passing hour. I told her of my flopped contracts and she told me about school. Eventually, we were lying next to each other in bed, holding hands and looking at the ceiling as we laughed together about anything and everything. It felt so natural to be with her, so right, and I thought to myself that if for some reason she didn’t accept me at the end of this week that I could still run happily on this memory for years to come. Making her laugh was just as good—better, even—than making her moan for me. The sound of it was like spring, flowers blooming, the sun warm and bright. It was late by the time I got up and went to go to the motel room that I’d rented right next door to hers. She looked at me with wide, sweet eyes, and let me kiss her softly on the lips before I took leave of her for the night. I hadn’t wanted to leave, but it was too soon to stay. I wa
nted to put her completely at ease with me before I made love to her so that it would be languid and gentle and perfect.
I said goodnight and glanced at her smiling face one last time before I closed the door behind me.
Chapter 8: Kat
He woke me up the next morning with coffee that he’d gotten from the diner I worked at. I’d answered the door in only the t-shirt he’d leant me last night to sleep in and his eyes grazed over my body, my bare thighs and legs, which made me flush hot with desire. I had been tempted to go to him after he’d left the night before, to crawl into his bed and take him inside of me like I’d done so many times before. I missed his body against mine, wanted to feel the comfort of the man I knew while exploring the body of the man who was new to me. But I’d stopped myself before I could go through with it. I wanted it to be perfect and I wanted to be absolutely sure that I wanted to give myself to him before I did so. Last night had been so perfect, made me let down my guard a bit, but I still wasn’t sure what I wanted from him.
I kissed him on the cheek and then pulled the shirt off so that I was naked in front of him. I gave him a teasing little smile when I noticed the look on his face, the lust mixed with surprise mixed with something else entirely. Love, I thought it was. Devotion. It made my heart flutter in my chest as I slipped into a pale yellow dress that I knew flattered my skin color and my curves. I combed through my curls with my fingers and put on a soft pink lipstick, checking myself in the mirror before I grabbed my purse and followed him out the door.
“You’re gorgeous,” he said, when I turned to lock the bolt. “With and without clothes.”
“Which do you prefer?” I asked, smiling at him. “You must have a preference.”
“Oh, I do,” he said, and grinned at me, then took my arm and laced it around his while we walked through the parking lot to the park that was surprisingly large for such a small town. We walked around the perimeter, our fingers laced, talking and laughing much as we had the night before. Once we’d looped around, he pulled a blanket out of his bag and we settled down on the grass near the fountain in the center of the park.
“So I was thinking,” he said, his hand caressing my cheek. “I think you should let me kiss you.”
“Is that so?” I asked. “What makes you think that?”
He leaned forward and brushed his lips against mine. My body trembled at the touch.
“Because I want to,” he said softly. “Because you want me to.”
“Maybe I don’t,” I said, but my body was telling him otherwise. “Maybe it’s all in your head.”
His lips touched mine again and he kissed me gently, smiling. Then he kissed me again and I began to respond, wrapping my arms around his neck, pulling him close to me. His scent was overwhelmingly tempting and the taste of his mouth gave me goosebumps. I slipped my tongue between his lips to draw his out, running my hands through his soft chestnut hair. We kissed for a few long moments, the heat in my body growing so fierce that it threatened to overwhelm me, to make me lose all my senses. I was panting against his lips by the time we were done; we had laid down on the blanket together and my body was wrapped around his, my leg around his waist to pull him as close as I possibly could with clothing between us.
“Darling,” he whispered. “My angel, you taste so sweet.”
“As do you,” I said. “Kiss me again.”
So he did. By the end of it I had slipped my hand up under his t-shirt to stroke the ridges of his muscles. I wanted him to take it off. I wanted to peel off my dress for him and let him take me right there, appropriate or not. But he stopped me, took my hand from his chest and squeezed my fingers before sitting up. I could see the length of his erection pressing against the fabric of his jeans and wanted nothing more than to touch it, to take it into my hands and feel the silky firm warmth of him in my palm. He looked at me, saw the expression of desire written all over my face, and tilted his face to kiss me softly in the spot where my neck met my shoulder.
“Lunch time,” he said, then stood and brushed himself off. He helped me up and folded the blanket back into his bag, then took my arm as we began to stroll toward the main street in town. I guided him to a small bistro and when we were seated, he took my hand over the table, stroking the back of it with his thumb. I found it hard not to fall into what we had once been before, back when we were so in love and in sync with one another. The longer I was with him, the more relaxed I got. Every once in a while he would lean forward to kiss me hungrily, as if he couldn’t keep away for very long. I knew this could be trouble, that if I let him in he could break my heart again, but I couldn’t help but to fall into the same pattern, to return his kisses with relish.
We talked as we ate. We could talk about anything and everything for hours, I’d discovered. We’d always been able to do that. We stayed for a long while at the nearly-empty restaurant and drank coffee after we finished our meals, shared a dessert and laughed until we could do so no more. After he’d paid the tab, we walked back to the motel. He walked me to the door and studied my face, his eyes sparkling. He kissed me once more and I responded in full, pressing my body against his.
“Come inside,” I whispered against his lips. “Come make love to me.”
He looked at me quietly, a small smile playing across his face. I opened the door and led him inside, where I pulled my dress over my head so that I was only in my panties. I started to pull them down but he took my hands instead, kissed my palms and smiled at me, then crouched down to peel them off, pulling them down my legs so that I was bare to him. He planted a soft kiss on my mound and I spread my legs to give him access. He nuzzled between my legs, his breath warm on my folds, and slid his tongue from the bottom of my slit to the top. I sighed and ran my fingers through his hair as he began to lick and suck at my folds, teasing me with his tongue. I felt like a goddess, like I was being worshipped by him in a way nobody had ever done for me before. After a few moments, he stood up and pushed me gently onto the bed, then unfastened his jeans and pulled his shirt off as he stepped out of them. His body was magnificent and his tattoos stood out beautifully on his pale skin. I wanted to trace the outlines of them with my fingertips, to explore his entire body. His erection was thick and long and delicious-looking. I wanted him in my mouth, in my hands, but I wanted him between my legs even more. I scooted up onto the bed and he followed me, settling himself between my thighs. My mound was soaking wet and ready for him, but he decided to take his time on my body before filling me with his shaft. He kissed my neck, my shoulders, my breasts, then took one into his mouth and sucked gently on the nipple. I felt an overwhelming heat spread throughout my entire body as I watched him with his lips wrapped around me. He switched to the other nipple, put his hands between my legs to stroke my folds and spread the moisture all around, paying special attention to the sensitive bud at the top of my opening.
He had been a good lover before, attentive and careful. Now, he was different, even better. He caressed my body with reverence and patience, slid inside of me in one slow stroke that almost took my breath away. I moaned when he began to move his hips in slow, expert strokes, hitting the back of my channel over and over again, stretching me out. I was breathing hard, moaning underneath him, my hands digging into the small of his back to pull him deeper inside of me. He knew exactly how to time his thrusting to make the most of my pleasure, hitting the sweetest spot inside of me that I didn’t even know was there. I felt myself clench around him, pulling him deeper with my muscles, and he was buried to the hilt inside of me when I came for him, whimpering his name in a breathless voice. He didn’t stop, though, but rode me through my peak and kept going, moving his hips more gently so that I could catch my breath. I tasted his lips and swirled my tongue hungrily in his mouth as he made love to me, breathing heavily. He took my chin in his hand and held my face still so he could watch me as I took my pleasure again. Eventually, he followed behind, coming inside of me with a growl of satisfaction that I felt throughout my entire body.<
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We lay there quietly as I finally got to explore his body in the way I wanted. I looked at all of his tattoos, traced them with my fingertips. In addition to his arms, they covered his chest as well as his back. I felt his eyes on me and wondered what he was thinking. Part of me was nervous that I’d be rejected by him again but for the most part my body was relaxed and my heart was singing.
“What are you thinking?” I asked softly, placing a soft kiss on his lips.
“That I’m so in love with you it hurts,” he responded. “That I never want this moment to end.”
I smiled and kissed him again. It was the perfect answer, the one I’d wanted.
“Will you stay with me tonight?” I asked, almost shyly, half-afraid he’d say no.
“I couldn’t leave if I wanted to,” he said softly, tilting his head up for another kiss. We couldn’t keep our mouths off of each other. Every few minutes he’d capture my lips with his, taste my mouth with his sweet tongue. My body began to respond to his and I could see that his erection had risen once more. We made love again, our bodies intertwined, and I fell asleep on top of him, my heart filled with hope.
I woke up in the morning and he was gone.
My heart sunk. He’d done it again, left me in the middle of the night. He’d used me for sex after convincing me that he loved me. I’d truly believed it. I began to cry, weeping inconsolably.
There was a knock at the door and Gray entered, his hands full of coffee and a paper bag filled with something that smelled as delicious as it would taste. I gaped at him, thinking it must be a dream. He had taken me and then left me.
“What’s wrong?” he asked, a look of concern passing over his face. He sat down on the bed next to me and stroked my hair while I cried.
“I thought you’d left again,” I said through my tears. “I thought you used me.”
He took my face in his hands and held it in front of his so that our eyes were locked.
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