by Max Monroe
“Charlotte,” he groaned, and it was my name on his lips that was my undoing.
My skin heated, and goose bumps pebbled my skin at the same time as the first waves of my orgasm rolled through me. I clenched around him hard, over and over again, as moans spilled from my lips.
And he was right behind me, riding out his climax inside of me with deep, heavy strokes and a guttural groan escaping from his lungs.
Never in my life had sex ever been this good. Hell, before Nick, life hadn’t been this good.
And if I was being honest with myself, it had everything to do with love.
I was in love with Nick, and for the first time in a very long time, that word didn’t scare the ever-living hell out of me. It only felt right.
I was halfway to Winnie’s house when my phone rang in my pocket. I struggled to free it as I made my way up the steps from the subway, and by the time I got it to my ear, it had stopped ringing.
My eyebrows pulled together as I spotted Winnie’s name on the screen as a missed call.
With a quick hit, I redialed her number and put the phone to my ear, stepping to the side of the sidewalk and out of foot traffic to talk to her.
“Hello?”
“Hey, Win. What’s up? I was still working my way out of the subway and couldn’t get to my phone fast enough to answer.”
“Oh, shoot. You’re already that close?”
My heart sank as the possibility of her going back on my having Lexi this weekend played out in my mind. She hadn’t done that since she’d agreed to our schedule, so I was sure there was a good reason, but that didn’t stop it from being disappointing.
“Yeah. Why? Is something wrong?”
“Ow! Fuck. Watch where you’re going!” she yelled on the other end, and despite myself, I smiled. Obviously, she was walking and talking, unlike me, and paying the consequence.
“You all right?”
She laughed. “Yeah, fine. I think I just elbowed a grandmother in the tit, but I’m fine.”
I chuckled and looked to my feet. “So, what’s up?” I asked again.
“Sorry. I was calling because I got called in to a team thing at the Empire State Building. It was just supposed to be a show, a run the stairs kind of thing, but one of our idiot players fucked up and got hurt. They took him to the closest hospital, but Wes refuses to listen to some other doctor’s opinion. So I couldn’t get Lexi from dance. She’s at Remy’s with him since he was at rehearsal with her anyway. I still can’t fucking believe he agreed to do that.”
I smiled. As much as I butted heads with him, one thing was undeniable. “He loves her.”
“That he does. The annoying jackass.”
I laughed again. “So, do you need me to wait a couple of hours, or can I go there to get her?”
“Oh no, no. I’m sorry. I don’t want you to miss time, I know how much she was looking forward to it, so absolutely go there. If she doesn’t get Vinito’s every other Friday night, I’ll never hear the end of it. You might not get a warm reception from Remy, but them’s the breaks.”
“Fair enough,” I agreed with a smile she couldn’t see. Even though I was on the shit end of the business, it still amused me that Winnie got a little bit of pleasure from fucking with me. It reminded me of why I’d once loved her so much.
At the thought of love, I clenched my free fist and my eyes as my stomach churned with nervousness. I was completely uncertain how the subject of Charlotte would go over, but I had to try. For me, for her—even for what I knew Charlotte could give Lexi in her life—I had to try.
“Look, Win. Before you go…”
“Yeah?”
I paused and took a deep breath. “I just thought you deserved to know that I’ve been dating someone.”
She guffawed, the sound of her insanely tickled laugh piercing me right in the eardrum. I had to pull the phone away from my ear to get some relief as she continued for the next fifteen seconds. When the space between the buildings I’d stopped next to ceased ringing, I put the phone back to my ear to hear the undoubtedly mocking words that would accompany such a laugh. “No kidding. I swear to God, whoever she is, it’s like she injected you with sunshine.”
I looked to my toes and self-consciously scuffed at the sidewalk with one. “I guess I’ll take that as a compliment.”
“It is. Of you. Of her. It’s working for you, obviously.”
“Great,” I breathed. “I’m glad you think that. Because, if it’s okay with you, I was thinking I would invite her to dinner with Lexi and me tonight, so they could meet.”
I didn’t tell Winnie I’d already invited Charlotte because, yeah. Some white lies were just better, especially if the truth painted you—read me—in a not-so-flattering light. I should have asked Winnie first. But I was sure Charlotte would understand if I had to cancel on her.
Of course, Winnie was too fucking smart to fool.
“You already invited her, didn’t you?”
I groaned. “I’m sorry. Was that a dick move?”
“Maybe. But fuck, Nick, I’m used to a lot worse from you.”
I winced at the truth of it—cowered a little at how bad it made me feel. Even though I had finally turned things around and focused on the right priorities in my life—number one being my daughter—my past mistakes were still haunting me. I deserved it, though. From Winnie, especially.
“But I’m fine with it,” she added. “You thinking like this is at least thinking like a parent. Your timing is off in a couple of aspects, but hell, that’s most of my experience of being a parent too. It’s fine if they meet. Just don’t expect Lexi to like her automatically.”
I nodded even though she couldn’t see me. “I know. But she’s got good taste. And so do I. I’m an idiot a lot, but I had a beautiful, intelligent daughter with you, so I can’t be all bad.”
Her answering laughter nearly pierced my ear. “Well, you’re right about that. I am the best.”
I shook my head after hanging up and looked on my phone for the best route to Remy’s place. It was across town and not somewhere I went a whole hell of a lot, so I wasn’t sure which train I needed to take to get closest.
Route sorted, I started to walk again before realizing my little detour was going to make Lexi and me late, and Charlotte was a Vinito’s newbie. Not only did she not know how to handle it properly and efficiently like we did, but I wanted her to experience Lexi and how fun she was while she fought to get us a seat. And I wanted Lexi to see how much Charlotte would enjoy it. A little bit of awesome meets awesome in their awesomest form.
Lexi would like Charlotte, and Charlotte would love Lexi. I knew it.
But…
It never hurt to stack the deck.
Me: Hey, sweetheart. I ran it by Winnie, and we’re good to go for Vinito’s tonight. BUT, Lexi and I are going to be a little late, so I’ll call you again with a definite time. I’ve got to get her from her uncle’s house across town, and I didn’t realize. Sorry.
Charlotte: Winnie?
I frowned. Had I really never mentioned her name before? I scanned all of our conversations like a rolodex and came up empty.
I guess I hadn’t.
I typed out a quick explanation.
Me: Lexi’s mom. Sorry. Just realized I’ve never mentioned her name before. I’ll call you when we leave for the restaurant.
I was about to put my phone away when it buzzed another time.
Charlotte: From Lexi’s uncle’s?
I nearly laughed at her curiosity and how I very much didn’t have time for it right now, but I indulged her anyway. I had a feeling there wasn’t much of anything I wouldn’t indulge Charlotte in if she asked.
Me: Yeah. Remy. He’s one of Winnie’s four brothers. Lucky me, right? LOL Really gotta go, sweetheart. Call you soon.
It only took about ten minutes to make my way back down to the subway platform and catch the train I needed and another fifteen to make it to my stop and walk the two blocks over to Remy’s d
oor. It was a midnight blue, and I couldn’t help but think if Remy’s level of happiness to see me were a temperature color wheel, it’d just about match his door perfectly every time.
I took a deep breath and knocked three times, kind of hoping Lexi would be the one to answer by some miracle.
But I knew Remy would never let my young daughter be the one to open a door that barricaded a busy, sometimes sketchy New York City on the other side, and I told myself to be grateful.
Even if Remy never let me live down the mistakes of my past—the missed birthday parties, the infrequent visits, and the broken promises—he was one of the strongest forces of support in my daughter’s sometimes exiled life, and I’d never want that to change.
The hideous screech of the door as it opened, as it were, was the last pleasant sound I heard until it closed again.
“Well, hello, fuckface,” Remy greeted gleefully.
I gave a forced smile and a nod anyway. “Remy.”
“Ruin anyone’s life today?”
I looked briefly to the sky and back again, pulling my lips into my mouth and licking them to keep all the salty remarks fighting to escape to myself. The taste was overpowering, like overseasoned food, but I stomached it anyway.
“Not that I know of.”
His face was hard but pensive as he considered me…and my capability to resist snapping back. The old me would have told Remy to go fuck himself, so secure in the mind-set that I was doing what a father really needed to do, loving unconditionally, if absently, and making the right financial contributions, that I was justified in my indignation.
But having experienced what it really felt like to be a father, and seeing the difference in how secure Lexi felt in all aspects of her life, I knew differently. And I knew the stupid man I’d once been deserved his daughter’s uncle’s ire.
Remy, it seemed, could also see the difference.
“All right, then. Lexi should be out in a second. She wanted to rehearse our routine a few times when we got back, and you know I can’t say no to her. She just wanted to change for dinner.”
“No problem,” I allowed. “I know she’s excited about your doing it with her.” I laughed. “I have to admit, I am too.”
He flipped me off. “Fuck you, asshole.”
I laughed. “Oh, come on. It’s great. What you’re doing for her…” I cleared my throat. “What you do for her…especially when I didn’t…it’s good, Remy.”
I looked away as unexpected emotion hit me, focusing on the soft hum of a cab headed down the street. “I can’t imagine a better uncle. She’s a lucky girl.”
When I gathered myself and turned back to Remy, his eyes were steely and his jaw was rigid. He didn’t look mad though—just affected.
“Dad!” Lexi shouted as she bounded out the door, bumping Remy out of the way in the process. I smiled broadly at him as he sidestepped to keep his balance, and he went right back to hating me.
All was back to normal.
“Oh!” Lex muttered, turning back to Remy. “Bye.”
“No hug?” Remy asked.
Lexi grabbed my hand and started walking as she looked back at him. “No. We’re twenty-three minutes behind schedule.”
I shook my head with a smile and looked to my feet. Lexi’s hand was small but mighty in my own, and I tucked it to my chest to savor it.
“Ready for Vinito’s?” I asked, and Lexi glared at me.
I laughed. “Okay, so you’re ready.”
“We’re late.”
“I know,” I said. “But it’s okay. Sometimes life doesn’t follow a schedule.”
She scoffed, looking up at me with serious—seriously beautiful—blue eyes. “It should.”
God, she’s funny. Even when she isn’t trying to be.
“Listen. I need to make a phone call really quick, okay?”
She shrugged and pulled her hand from mine.
I dug into my pocket for my phone and went to my recent calls list to find Charlotte. She was third from the top, so it didn’t take long.
She didn’t answer until the fourth and final ring, and when she did, her voice sounded funny.
“You okay?” I asked immediately.
“No, um,” she mumbled. “Not really. I know tonight was a big deal, and I was really looking forward to it, but I’m not feeling well. I don’t think I should come.”
My eyebrows shot together, and I pulled Lexi to a stop on the sidewalk. She looked to her watch and tapped it impatiently. Just hold on a minute, I mouthed.
“Do you need us to come by? Get something for you?”
“No,” she whispered, her voice sounding agonizingly sad. “That’s all right. Really. I just need to go to sleep.”
I was silent for a moment, considering what I should do, when Lexi looked at her watch again.
“Char—”
“It’s okay, Nick. Really.”
“Okay,” I agreed finally, a pit in my stomach. “I’ll call you later, then.”
“Mmhmm,” she agreed. “I’ll talk to you.”
As I filled my favorite mug to the brim with fresh coffee, my phone vibrated and pinged on the counter with a text message notification. I added sugar and milk and stirred it together with a spoon before finding the strength to pick up my phone.
Nick: How are you feeling today, sweetheart?
A sad, pathetic sigh escaped my lungs as I stared down at the latest text from Nick. He’d been sending me sweet messages all weekend, checking up on me, and even offering to bring me soup and keep me company.
He was a good man. God, he was a good man.
And with the way I’d flaked out on Friday dinner with him and Lexi, I felt like the biggest asshole who’d ever lived. Every time he’d sent me a text or attempted to call me over the past two days, I felt more ashamed of my behavior.
I'd spent the last forty-eight hours going through the following stages: Shock. Anger. Fear. Doubt. Guilt. And the worst, heartbreak.
Winnie and Remy.
When Nick had texted me—happy, innocent texts about a chance at all life had to offer, starting with the details for a fun evening with his daughter—my poor, tattered heart had dropped to the floor.
I knew those names.
Hell, at one point in my life, those names had been synonymous with my family.
Remy had been the man I was going to marry and spend the rest of my life with, and his sister Winnie had been one of my very best friends.
Fresh tears pricked my eyes as it all hit me all over again.
The shock of reading the names. The hopeful, desperate clamor to see if the text had, in fact, come from Nick’s phone or some ghost of love lives past. The harsh reality of what I didn’t want to face.
I'd panicked, the complication of it all nearly knocking me off my feet, and then, like a total asshole, made up some lame excuse about feeling ill to avoid meeting his daughter.
It had been a shitty thing to do.
Cowardly? Yeah, that too.
I knew it had been both, but it had also been a split-second decision made out of fear.
So, I'd spent the majority of my Friday night internally questioning everything and arguing with myself.
Had I overreacted? Was it a mere coincidence that Lexi's mother’s name was Winnie and she just so happened to have a brother with the same name as my ex-fiancé?
Maybe they just had the same first names? That kind of thing happened, right?
It had been that thought process that led me toward stalking. Social media stalking, that is.
God, it had been years since I’d even attempted to look up Remy on Facebook, but this giant clusterfuck of a situation had been my breaking point.
Remy Winslow. I'd typed his name into the search browser, and like a hammer to the last nail in my coffin, his profile picture sealed my misery.
Him and a little girl.
And the little girl? Lexi. I’d known the instant I'd seen her big, blue eyes and smiling cheeks. I’d seen that sam
e expression and adorable face before, in a photo of her and Nick that sat framed in his living room.
Like a masochist, I'd clicked Remy's profile to scour it for every wretched detail I could find. More pictures of him and Lexi, her name even mentioned in the status of each one. More conversations and traded barbs with his other three brothers. More of the life I walked away from.
From there, I’d been sucked into an unforgiving vortex unsafe for travel by heartbroken humans.
Remy’s profile had led me to Winnie's, which had led me to Nick's. And one photo in particular, shared between both profiles, was a picture of Lexi standing between Winnie and Nick, with a trophy from her Mathletes competition clutched in her little hands.
I’d been able to deny it before, but I’d never be able to again. All of my fears had been confirmed.
Winnie, someone who so many years ago had been one of my best friends, was Lexi's mom, and her brother was the man I’d left at the altar over twelve years ago.
And the kicker? The man I was in love with was connected to them both, through a little girl that was literally the apple of his eye.
I honestly wasn’t sure where we could go after that. The future looked dismal at best.
How could Nick be in a long-term relationship with a woman who most likely had zero fans within the Winslow family?
I knew it’d been a struggle for him when it came to Lexi. That he’d made mistakes in the past, putting his career before his daughter, and it was just over the last few years that he’d really stepped up and become a strong father figure in her life.
With the way Remy and I had ended, I had a hard time believing his sister would even want me in her daughter’s life. Honestly, I thought she’d probably have a really hard fucking time with it.
And if I was being truly honest with myself, I wasn’t all that thrilled over the idea of having to see Remy on a more than never basis. Over the years, I’d found closure from that relationship, but it still didn’t take away the scars from the way he’d lashed out at me, the awful things he’d said to me when everything had ended.