I have no traction on the old carpet to push back.
He does it again and this time it’s enough to thrust me far enough for him to open the door.
I flip over and scoot backwards on my hands and feet as he removes his belt. The whooshing as he frees it from the loops fills my ears and sets off my racing heart.
“You’ve gotten too bold for your own good,” he says, wrapping the non-buckle end around his hand, leaving the buckle dangling. Taunting me. “I think you need an attitude adjustment.”
My back hits my bed. I have no place left to go. I have no choice but to take it yet again.
He raises his arm and I curl into a ball using my arms to protect my head.
I take my mind elsewhere to numb the leather’s biting sting. Back to the daydream of my family being like the Jerichos. Where I’m complimented instead of ignored and hugged instead of beaten.
After he leaves, I let the tears subside before unfurling myself. I don’t assess the damage because I don’t want to see the price I just paid. The pain of it shouts with every move I make.
CHAPTER ELEVEN
Arissa and I sit in front of Rose and Andrew on the gym’s wooden bleachers for the first basketball game. Jason doesn’t start, but the coach puts him in later to give the starting point guard a breather. We cheer on our team as they run back and forth between the baskets. At the end, we wave to Jason before he files into the locker room with the rest of the team.
We rush home for Arissa’s birthday party that she insisted on having after the game. As Andrew unlocks the front door, a minivan pulls into the driveway and a gaggle of girls pile out, charging at Arissa.
I remain quiet as she gabs with her friends and opens presents in the TV room. I may be comfortable with my two friends, but socializing with people I don’t know is difficult. Part of me would rather have another fractured elbow than endure the awkwardness. At least physical agony is a known factor for me. I know what to expect.
I leave the chatterboxes for the kitchen with my empty cup. Andrew and Rose are playing cards with the mother who drove the minivan.
“Everything okay in there?” Rose asks.
“Yeah. I just came for more ice tea.”
I take my time filling my cup, picturing what life would’ve been like had my parents permitted me to make friends when I was younger. Going to birthday parties. Sleepovers with a room full of girls. Shopping at the mall. Going to movies.
“Sweetie, what’s wrong?” she asks, pulling me out of my daydream.
“What?”
“You’re spaced out and taking forever to get more tea.”
I guess I’ve spent enough time here the last few months for them to know me.
“I’m not used to parties. And I don’t know Arissa’s other friends.”
“There was a time you didn’t know Arissa either,“ she reminds me.
“That was all her. She’s more social than I am.”
“It wouldn’t hurt to go in there and talk to them,” Andrew suggests.
“Sara!” Arissa calls out, shaking a long flat box when I return to the TV room. “We’re playing Twister! Get my mom to spin for us!”
We spend the next half hour giggling, bending, twisting, reaching, and howling.
My discomfort is gone.
It’s like Arissa gave me a present on her own birthday.
CHAPTER TWELVE
Jason steals a cucumber stick from Arissa as he plops his lunch tray on the table next to her.
She glares at him. “You’re welcome,” she says dryly.
“You can have one of my fries.” He pushes the tray towards her. The fries are soggy and limp, and his burger looks like it was pressed with an iron.
“No, thanks.”
He fishes out a red and green wrapped package from his backpack and slides it to me. “Merry Christmas, Parker.”
Crap. I didn’t get him anything.
“I don’t get a present?’ Arissa pouts.
“I offered you a fry.”
“After you took my food!”
He pecks her cheek and her eyes bug out. “Happy now, Jericho?”
She shoves his shoulder and smiles.
“What are you waiting for?” he asks me.
I push the present back to him. “I can’t accept it.”
He pushes it back. “Yes, you can. From one friend to another.”
But I know it’s more than that. He likes me and I like him. It will never be just a present between friends. I exhale and catch his gaze. His eyes are soft, telling me there is no expectation from him.
I rip the paper open and a beautiful leather bound copy of The Wizard Of Oz stares at me. I trace the title with a fingertip.
I’ve never had anything so nice. I automatically wonder what my family would do to it if they saw it. Shred it. Set it on fire. Throw it under running water. Because unlike them, I can’t have nice things.
I think there is a set of unspoken rules:
1. Sara cannot have any love or affection.
2. Sara cannot have anything new, pretty, or of value.
3. Sara must remain miserable.
“Thank you,” I say softly, meeting his gaze.
“You’re welcome.” He smiles bright and bites into a soggy fry.
“I don’t have anything for you.”
“The look on your face is enough for me.” His eyes flicker between me and Arissa. “Any plans for the break?”
I shake my head. How do I explain that I’m wrapping all my sister’s Christmas gifts and whatever else my parents want me to do? We never visit family and they never visit us. I don’t even know if we have any family.
Sometimes it was easier not having friends. No chasm separating my life from theirs to keep me telling lie after lie.
“Liar,” Arissa says with her eyes narrowed at me.
“Wha—”
She breaks into a giant grin. “Gotcha!” she laughs. “We’re having a sleepover New Year’s Eve,” she tells Jason when the laughter subsides.
“What about you?” I ask him.
“We’re going to see my dad’s parents in Phoenix.”
“Ooh. Spending time with the Zonies,” Arissa jokes.
“It’s okay,” he says, dismissing her use of the name. “We hardly see them. My parents wanted to do it since other family will be visiting.”
Jason hugs us at the end of lunch. “See you in two weeks, Parker,” he whispers, his warm chest pressed against me. He smells of woods. And man. And comfort.
We clean up our trash after he leaves and I pick up the book, studying the cover. Sara can’t have anything new, pretty, or of value.
“Riss,” I say, looking at her.
“Yeah.” She meets my gaze with her unsuspecting sapphire eyes.
“Can I keep this,” I hold up the book, “at your house?”
“Of course. But don’t you want it with the rest of your books?”
My meager collection of mostly library toss-offs and the first book Jason gave me.
“My parents will freak if they see it and find out Jason gave it me.”
“I didn’t think about that.” She takes the book from me and slips it in her backpack. “You okay?”
“It’s hard, Riss.”
And unfair. I have more freedom than I did before, thanks to Arissa. But where they were forced to loosen up on one rule, they tightened up on the others. The spoken and unspoken.
Father shoves me on my bedroom floor. “What did he give you? I’m not going to ask again.”
“Nothing,” I insist. I push my backpack towards him. “Search it if you want. Search my room. Take me to school and search my locker. He gave me nothing.”
“That’s not what we were told.”
“You were told wrong,” I lie boldly. “He gave Arissa a present. Not me.”
He glares at me with his brows knitted, as if he’s trying to puzzle it out for himself.
“You’re lying.” He grabs the backpack and upends
it, my books and notebook falling out and thudding against each other on the floor. He checks the pockets, emptying the contents haphazardly. Not finding what he expects, he tosses my room. Tearing the bed apart, dumping out drawers, clearing the closet.
Through it all, I sit with my arms wrapped around my legs in the middle of the room, thankful my beautiful book is safe across the street. He can tear the house apart. He’ll never find it.
Having run out of places to search, he mutters, “Clean up this mess.”
The thrill of triumph runs through me, but I keep it contained. It does no good to finally win, then lose it all in the one second it would take to get caught. I wait for the door to close behind him before allowing the smile to grow across my face.
Parents and Victoria - one billion.
Sara - one.
CHAPTER THIRTEEN
The coffee table in the Jericho’s TV room is pushed in front of the entertainment console to make room for our assortment of blankets and pillows. An hour after dinner and we’re already in our pajamas.
Rose brings in two bowls of popcorn. One for me and Arissa, one for her and Andrew. Arissa starts a movie with the remote once everyone is ready.
Near the end, the phone rings and Andrew goes to answer it. He returns less than a minute later with the cordless phone in hand. “Sara, it’s for you.”
No. My parents can’t change their mind in the middle of a sleepover.
I take the phone and leave the room. “Hello?”
“Happy New Year, Parker,” Jason greets.
I hear his smile through the phone. “It’s not New Year’s yet.”
“Just go with it, Parker,” he says.
I sit on one of the living room sofas and cross my legs. “I thought you could take a joke, J.”
“I can, but you rained on my parade.”
“What are you doing calling me here?”
“I can’t call you at home, can I?”
“No.” He can’t, so he calls me the one place he can because he knows I’ll be here. I bury my face in my free hand. “J, what are you doing?”
Dipping his toe out of the friend zone.
“I missed you, Parker.”
My eyes water. “You can’t do this.”
“Don’t friends call friends?”
I play with the hem of my blue pajama pants. “They do, but we’re not just friends. Are we?”
“I want us to be more than friends.”
“It can’t happen.”
“You keep saying that.”
I dry my eyes. “Because it’s true!”
“Don’t you think—”
“No.” I cut him off. I can’t give him hope where there is none. I can’t allow it to take root in my heart either. My parents will crush it with their iron wills and I’ll be left with nothing. Again.
“Are we still friends?” he asks, a hint of somberness in his voice.
“I want us to be. You and Arissa are the only friends I have.”
More silence.
“What aren’t you telling me?” he finally asks.
I’m damaged goods and you’ll never want to have anything to do with me when you find out. “I can’t. My pare—”
“Okay. Say no more.”
“How’s your vacation?” I ask, avoiding more questions.
“Too many people under one roof. I had to walk down the street to call you and get away from everyone.”
“Sounds dreadful.” I smile, even if he can’t see me.
“The worst,” he says, playing along. “How’s your sleepover?”
“We’re watching movies.”
“I’ll let you get back to your movies, then. See you Monday, Parker.”
I return to the TV room, settling into the blankets and pillows on the floor.
“Who was it?” she whispers.
“J.”
She bolts up to a sitting position, crossing her legs and studying me.
“He just called to say Happy New Year, Riss.”
“Yeah, but—”
“Drop it. We can’t be anything but friends. You know that.”
She faces me on her side, tossing her arm over me. “I wish it could be different for you.”
Me too.
CHAPTER FOURTEEN
Arissa roots around in her brown paper bag, causing it to rustle more than usual. Her eyes gleam at me with her wide, teasing smile.
“Whatcha got, Jericho?” Jason asks, craning his neck. “Ooh!” His eyes shimmer.
She draws her hand out, placing a small, round plastic container without a lid in front of me. “Happy birthday!”
A yellow cupcake with a touch of vanilla frosting rests inside. Arissa pulls out two more containers, one each for her and Jason.
I choke down the tears trying to surface.
March twenty-fifth is always just another day for me. Never a reason for celebration or cupcakes, even if it’s my birthday. I can’t tell them I’ve never had my own birthday cake or celebrated my birthday. Not without telling them everything.
“Sorry we can’t do a candle so you can make a wish and blow it out,” she apologizes.
If only she knew. It’s already a happy birthday. “The cupcake is more than enough, Riss. Thank you.” I remove it from the container and tear the paper liner back. The frosting is thick and sweet, and the cake is light and pillowy with a hint of lemon bursting on my tongue. It’s the best cupcake ever.
Jason drops a thick, heavy present wrapped in green in front of me. I lick the crumbs and frosting from my fingers, then rip the paper away.
The Complete Grimm’s Fairy Tales in hardcover.
“Thanks, J.”
His dark hazel eyes shine. “My pleasure, Parker.”
It’s not easy. I know he’s dating again, but we’ve never met her or the one before her. Different lunch periods. I count it a blessing, since lunch is the only time we see him now that basketball is over. If they had the same lunch we’d never see him or I’d be forced to watch him with another girl. It’s bad enough knowing there are other girls.
Arissa coaxes me into her house after school. Rose gives me another cupcake and a yellow gift bag containing a leather bound copy of Wicked and Son Of A Witch in one volume.
“Thank you!” I hug her and Arissa. “Can I keep them here?” I ask Arissa, taking out my tome of Grimm’s Fairy Tales.
“You sure you don’t want to take them home?” Rose asks.
My father trashing my room, searching for my Christmas present from Jason replays in my head. No doubt he’d do it again and destroy the books if I bring them home.
“Victoria will wreck them if she sees them.”
Rose eyes me longer than usual.
“Let’s take them upstairs,” Arissa says, grabbing her backpack.
I place my books in Arissa’s room with my copy of The Wizard of Oz then return home, stopping short in my bedroom doorway.
Father lazes on my bed in his work clothes with a look of scorn on his face. “Where were you?” He sits up.
“Arissa’s. Rose wanted to give me a cupcake for my birthday.”
He climbs off my bed and lumbers towards me. Whiskey is acrid on his breath as he speaks, “Your birthday? Who gave you permission to celebrate your birthday?”
I shuffle backwards, wanting to roll into a ball like a pill bug.
“Get back here, you worthless piece of shit!” He seizes a handful of my hair and yanks me into my room.
I shriek, dropping my backpack and covering his hands with mine to keep him from ripping my hair out. I stumble under his grip and nearly fall.
He shoves me onto the bed and unbuckles his belt. “I’ll give you a fucking birthday celebration.” The lowering zipper is like nails on a chalkboard to my ears. I grit my teeth, burying my face in my pillow to hide the tears as he rams into me without care or concern.
“You think…” Slam. “…your friends...” Slam. “…would still...” Slam. “…be your...” Slam. “…friends if
...” Slam. “...they knew...” Slam. “...how damaged...” Slam. “...you are?”
My friends would be repulsed if they knew.
He grunts one last time and collapses on me, squishing me between his corpulent body and my mattress.
Sara must always be miserable.
CHAPTER FIFTEEN
Sophomore Year
The highlight of summer was going to Magic Mountain with the Jerichos. I had never been on a roller coaster before. Arissa took me on all of them, starting with Colossus. I gripped my restraints so tight that my knuckles turned white as our train creeped along the track before the big drop. Once the wind was in my hair and I was screaming, I realized what a release it was. That cathartic yell letting everything I keep inside, out.
On the first day of school, Jason perks up in his seat as Arissa and I walk into our English class. “Happy to see me, Parker?” A wide grins spreads across his face.
“Surprised to see you, more like it,” I tease, taking the desk behind him.
“You two really need to go out on a date and get it over with,” Arissa says, sitting on my left. “That is, if you’re between girlfriends, Waters.”
“In due time,” Jason retorts, shifting around in his seat.
We compare schedules and discover the three of us have Biology and Geometry together.
“Jason!” a voice screeches from outside.
Our heads turn to the doorway that frames Becky Statton. All five feet of her is clothed in a pink t-shirt tucked into a denim skirt belted with white leather, and her blonde hair is gathered into a high ponytail.
Arissa gapes at Jason. He gives her a slight shrug and leaves his seat, guiding Becky with a hand on her elbow away from the doorway, but still in our line of sight.
She smiles while they talk and he smiles in return, nodding at whatever drivel she’s spewing.
I glance wide-eyed at Arissa, then back to Jason kissing Becky without thought to who might be watching. The ache in the pit of my stomach is like my father punching me and almost heaving up my breakfast afterward. I slouch, fiddling with my pencil and notebook.
“Becky Statton?” Arissa asks incredulously when Jason returns.
Family Ties Page 5