by A. m Madden
“If you sported a clown wig and a red nose, you’d still be a hottie, my friend.”
“Gee, thanks.”
She raised the brown bag in her hand. “I was in the mood for Greek.” Before I could say, that was fine with me, she pointed to the beach ball Mikey made in her class, that was on display in my living room. “He was very proud of how it turned out.”
I smiled. “He should be.” As I pulled out dishes, silverware, and glasses, Cassie sat quietly. I glanced over my shoulder with a smirk. “Cat got your tongue, Brooks?”
“Nope. Just waiting for your undivided attention, Benedetto.”
After grabbing a bottle of wine from my fridge and serving us each a glassful, I sat with a huff and raised my hands. “So? What’s new?”
“Funny. What the hell happened?” From the bag she pulled out a greek salad for herself and a gyro for me.
“Have you spoken to her?” I asked, curious if Sabrina had reached out to Cassie.
“No.” The fact she hadn’t hurt a lot. A sick part of me stupidly thought if Sabrina had been as distraught as I was she’d want to talk to Cassie about it. Apparently, not.
Cassie took a sip of the wine before going on. “That day, she was upset. When I tried to talk to her about it she kind of dismissed me. I was concerned, and with you being swamped at work I didn’t want to add to your stress. But then Becky called me just before I texted you.”
“What did she say?”
“That she was at Sabrina’s earlier and was concerned that she seemed miserable.”
I knew the feeling. Staring at my still-closed styrofoam container, I asked, “And Mikey?”
She waited for me to lift my eyes to hers. “That was why Becky reached out. She gave me the rundown on what Sabrina said happened after the ceremony. Yes, that day Mikey was not himself. But since then, he seems absolutely fine.”
“I surmised that after I spoke to him.” Cassie uncrimped the silver edge on the tin holding her salad and waited for me to elaborate. “Sabrina called me today. Mikey wanted to thank me for the graduation presents I left with her. Cass, he sounded normal, with no evidence of the way Sabrina said he acted when I didn’t show. I felt awful that day, for disappointing him and her. I listened to her make excuse after excuse on why she felt us starting a relationship was a stupid idea.”
“You don’t believe her?” she asked, before stabbing some leafy greens with her fork.
I shook my head as she ate the forkful of salad. “I do. Before I left her apartment that night, Mikey had a nightmare.” Remembering his scream haunted me. “It was at that point, I thought I understood where she was coming from. But now, just like then, I think there’s more to it all, and…”
I stopped myself from revealing too much. Sabrina’s story wasn’t mine to tell. Amending what I was about to say, I flipped open the lid to my dinner and added, “I don’t doubt that to a five-year-old, missing something as important as a graduation seemed like the end of the world. I know enough about kids to know they happen to be resilient, with the ability to forget and move on much quicker than adults can.”
“So, you think this is Sabrina pushing you away for her own reasons?”
“Maybe,” I lied. Without a doubt she pushed me away. Because that prick cheated on her, I wholeheartedly believed that she clung to the first legitimate excuse to add distance to protect her heart.
“Maybe you should talk face to face?”
“I’ve said all I needed to. She knows how I feel.” Cassie’s raised brows meant she didn’t agree. “Don’t look at me like that. I told her I loved her, Cass. I’ve never said that to a woman I wasn’t related to.” I scrubbed my jaw with my hand. “I think she needs time, we both do. Talking face to face or over a phone, isn’t going to change what happened.”
“I’m sorry, Luca. I didn’t know you loved her,” she said with a soothing tone and warm eyes. “That’s not entirely true. I had a suspicion, but wasn’t sure you had admitted it to yourself let alone her.”
“Well, my declaration didn’t change the outcome of what happened.”
Cassie put her fork down and paused while staring at my face. “Can I ask you one more question about Sabrina, and then I’ll drop it?” On my nod, she said, “What would you do if she changed her mind?”
Without any hesitation, I responded, “I’d take her back in a heartbeat. But based on our last conversation, I don’t see that happening. If it weren’t for Mikey, she never would have called me.”
Staying true to her word, she took another bite of her meal and chewed. “When are you flying to L.A.?”
“Monday. I’ll be there all week, but I may stick around a bit longer, since my brother has a photo shoot that week.”
“You and your brother in L.A.? Should I be prepared to send bail money?”
“The only reason you’d have to bail me out was if I killed him.” Cassie knew how different Dante and I were, and spending an extended amount of time together could be a huge mistake. But, having said that, I also knew Dante would provide the perfect distraction.
I finally took the first bite of my dinner and turned the tables. “Tell me about this Carson dude.”
“Thomas,” she corrected. “Carson is his last name.”
“And?”
That was all it took for my friend to bring me up to speed on the guy she had gone on a few dates with. It felt good to think of something else other than Sabrina. Based on the way Cassie smiled throughout, I was glad she seemed happy… one of us should be.
Sabrina
Every clip, snip, and curl felt robotic. Client after client, I would don a happy face and listen to their latest trials and tribulations as most hairstylists did. The salon primped many June brides and I was thankful to see this month nearing its end.
After I adjusted the veil on my client, and wished her well, I decided to take a break. I grabbed my phone from my back pocket and checked my text messages. My parents took Mikey to a museum, so I knew I wouldn’t have heard from them, but there was a missed call from Cassie.
Sliding the green icon to the right, I called her back.
“Hi, Sabrina.”
As always, her chipper voice made me smile. “Hi, Cassie. I’m sorry I haven’t called you back.”
“That’s okay. How are you and your little first grader?” She sighed. “I’m going to miss having him in class.”
“We’re good, thank you. How are you? Is everything okay?”
“That’s what I wanted to talk to you about. I know it’s short notice, but I’m at the café around the corner from the salon. Can you meet me for lunch or do you have a busy schedule?”
Worry started to settle in and I felt like a horrible friend. “I have time for lunch. I’ll head over now.”
“Perfect. See you soon.”
Becky’s laughter filled the salon as she straightened a woman’s hair. “Hey Beck, I’m going to head to lunch to meet Cassie. I’ll be back before my two o’clock.”
Her lips twitched before turning into a grin. “Sounds good. Have fun.”
Surprised to see Cassie beat me there, she looked up and smiled when she saw me approach the table. I slung my purse on the back of the chair and sat down. “Hi, thank you for calling today.”
“I’ve been wanting to talk to you ever since the last day of school. I can’t believe almost three weeks have passed. Time flies.”
Flies? This has been the longest twenty days of my life. Mustering a smile to match hers, I agreed. “It sure does.”
The waitress came by and after a quick skim of the menus, we placed our orders.
Cassie straightened her posture. “There’s something I wanted to talk to you about. I know you’re pressed for time, so I’m just going to cut to the chase.”
“Is everything okay?”
“No, actually it isn’t. My best friend’s heart is broken.” I opened my mouth but she held up an index finger just as I imagined she did in class. “I know it’s none of my business,
but I’m making it mine. I saw Luca last Saturday.” The nerve endings in my face prickled. “Before you get angrier at him, he didn’t tell me everything that happened, only that he felt horrible for disappointing you and Mikey… oh, and that he told you he loved you. What happened, Sabrina? The two of you are perfect for each other.”
“Life happened. You know how difficult this past year had been for Mikey. Seeing him revert back to the scared, sad, little boy broke my heart. To be honest, it also scared me too. Luca meant the world to him.”
“What about you? What does he mean to you? And yes, I used present tense because I believe you still care for him.”
The waitress set down our meals and walked away. “I do care for him and about him. None of this is fair, Cassie. Do you think I wanted to end things with him? Do you think I wanted my son to wonder why his best friend doesn’t come around anymore? Because that’s how he thinks of Luca.” I pushed my salad aside. “Do you think I wanted to break anyone’s heart? Don’t you think I miss him too? I do. Every day I hope that he’s okay, that he doesn’t forget us, that he’ll find happiness.” She stared at me. “But this isn’t just about me, and you know that.”
Her hand was suddenly on mine. “I do know that. I also know you’ve had to deal with more than your share of heartbreak, and I’m so sorry about that. I also know you want to protect Mikey, but do you really think keeping Luca out of his life is accomplishing that? You just said Mikey misses him. Luca’s here. He’s alive and he loves you and your son. Do you really want to throw all of that away? You said you want him to find happiness, but do you really? Would you be okay seeing him with someone else?” Tears welled in my eyes. “I didn’t think so.”
We sat silently for a few minutes. Deep down in my soul, I knew I loved Luca. Remembering all of the words he said to Mikey before he left swam in my head.
“I don’t know what to do.”
She sat back in her chair. “Jude and Brae are having a party in the Hamptons to celebrate the Fourth of July. She wanted me to extend an invitation to you since she figured, Luca might have forgotten.” When my eyebrows rose she added, “Yes, this was before the breakup but who cares. It’s still valid.”
I remember him telling me about the Hamptons a few weeks ago. “Thank you, but I can’t go.”
Cassie exhaled, picked up her phone and started tapping something in. My heart stopped thinking she was texting Luca but then my phone chimed. When I read it, she sent me a text with an address.
“The ball is in your court now. I think you’re making a big mistake letting go of something and someone so wonderful.”
The rest of our meal was awkward and tense, and like a coward I was relieved when the waitress came by with our tab. Before I could get it, Cassie snatched it off the table. “It’s on me.” We both stood and she hugged me. “Think about what I said, okay?”
I nodded. I had a feeling that would be all I could think about.
Chapter 30
Sabrina
Upstate New York was beautiful this time of year. The serene feel of the suburbs had a calming effect on me. Mikey loved his grandparents’ yard and I knew he missed being able to run around on grass anytime he wanted to. But, for the next week, that was just what he would be able to do.
“Don’t forget to call me.” I pulled him into a tight squeeze. “I’m going to miss my baby.”
“Mommy, I’m not a baby anymore.” He squirmed out of my hold. “I’m going to be six years old in two weeks.”
I huffed at my brave little trooper. “You’ll always be my baby… even when you’re fifty. Now, give me a kiss goodbye and promise you’ll be good this week.”
His little lips met my cheek with a smack. “I will be. I’ll send you pictures of the fireworks tomorrow.”
After one last hug and a quick impersonal wave to my in-laws, I started my way back to the city.
Driving down one of the two-lane roads, I decided to visit a place I hadn’t been to since the funeral. Once I parked my car, I took a deep breath and knew I had to take care of unfinished business.
The granite stones, with names and years etched on them, greeted me as I made my way to the one with my last name on it. Dillon’s grave was easy to locate because it was marked with an American flag. Flowers that couldn’t have been more than a day or so old sat on the marble base. Tucked in between the colorful petals was a small paper heart with two names written in a feminine script. Bile rose in my throat, until I tamped it down with determination. Seeing she visited him recently, and probably did so often, served me well and reminded me of the purpose for my visit.
Blades of grass prickled my knees as I knelt down. The summer breeze lifted the skirt of my sundress as I stared at the gray letters and traced the carving with my fingers.
“Hi, Dillon. I bet you’re surprised to see me here—I’m surprised myself. Our son graduated Kindergarten a few weeks ago. He still misses you.” I cleared my throat. “He’s doing well though. We moved to Manhattan and he loves it there. He has a lot of friends and even joined a soccer team. You should have seen him in his last game, he scored the winning goal.
“I’ve been thinking about you a lot lately. My thoughts haven’t all been pleasant.” I shrugged. “I’m sorry about that, but you left me with unanswered questions. I met your mistress, and all I want to know is why, Dillon? Why did you cheat on me… on us? I’m so angry with you and with myself for not seeing it coming.” I swiped a tear away. “I met someone and he loves me. He adores our son and Mikey feels the same way about him. But because of you being a deceitful coward and not loving us back, I let him go. When you are the one I should have let go of.”
Words lodged in my throat. A wave of understanding coursed through my veins and straight into my heart. I looked down at his name, brushed my legs off and said the words, I had yet to say to him. “Goodbye, Dillon.”
Four hours later, I was greeted by tall buildings and traffic. Rather than get off at my exit, my car continued toward the Long Island Expressway.
I pulled my car behind his black Jaguar in the circular stone-paved driveway. The beating in my chest went from a quick trot to a full on gallop. I stared at the gray clapboard-sided house in awe.
Voices carried from the back of the home to where I stood in the driveway. Not having the nerve to walk around the large house, I grabbed my phone and sent a text.
Me: Hi. I need to see you.
Three dots danced.
Luca: I’m in the Hamptons with friends. Is everything okay?
Me: No, everything is far from okay.
My phone started vibrating, his name appeared. In a swift motion, I answered. “Hi.”
“Sabrina, what’s the matter?”
I heard his voice in stereo and when I pivoted to my right, Luca’s concerned face came into view. My heart stilled at the sight of him. Black board shorts hung low on his hips accentuating his muscular torso. On each inhale and exhale, my eyes watched his bare chest rise and fall. My hesitance to respond caused him to stop, shock replaced concern when he saw me.
Realizing he was no longer moving toward me, my arm went slack. Before I could chicken out, run back to my car and drive off, I took strong strides toward him until I was about a foot away. The salty ocean air suddenly felt heavy and thick.
“Hi, Luca.” Every part of me wanted to hug him, but his stiff posture scared me into thinking I was too late. All the damage my words had done were too much.
“Why are you here?”
Dread, coupled with remorse flooded me before I said, “I needed to talk to you and didn’t want to wait or say it over the phone. I’m sorry to interrupt your time with your friends, but if you can give me five minutes, then I can go.” He nodded once. “Can we sit?”
Luca sat next to me on the porch step leaving a gap between us. “What’s on your mind, Sabrina?”
“You are.” I angled my body toward his. “I’ve come to a few realizations over the past couple of weeks. What I said to you in my
apartment wasn’t the entire truth. At the time, I thought it was. But, I’ve come to realize that you were right. What happened wasn’t all because of Mikey, it was because of me too.” Looking into his soulful eyes gave me the courage to go on. “Before I came here today, I went to the cemetery. Not to leave flowers, not to cry, but to say goodbye.”
“I’m sorry.”
I shook my head. “Don’t be. I’m the one who is so very sorry.” Reaching forward, I placed my hand on his arm. “I love you, Luca. I hope one day, you can forgive me for pushing you out of our lives because I was scared.”
My heart pounded as a few long painful seconds passed without a response. He raked a hand through his hair while shaking his head. “You love me?” he asked, not bothering to hide his bitterness.
With determination, I nodded. “Completely and irrevocably.”
At my admission, he stood and began pacing back and forth. The way he held his hips, the stiffness in his spine, and the tenseness in his muscles could only mean I was too late. Insecurities kept me immobile, but I needed to know his thoughts. “Please say something.”
Fury altered the lines on his face. “Are you kidding me right now?” I watched his body language alter between anger to frustration. He gripped the back of his head, my eyes catching the way his abs flexed from the motion. “Sabrina, you weren’t the only one that put your heart on the line. You were scared, well now, I’m scared. It was so easy for you to walk away and not give me the opportunity to make things right with you… and with Mikey. I know he’s your son, but I love him too and it wasn’t fair to either of us. You told me he hated me and that hurt me more than you can imagine. How would you feel if you were in my shoes?”
“Lost.”
“Exactly!” he exclaimed, throwing his hands in the air. “I understand what you were feeling that night, but weeks went by. I kept thinking, believing that you would call me. But you didn’t.”