by Lesley Jones
“And I call bullshit. If he just wanted to get in your panties, he’d get the deed done and either move his ass back to Aspen or find you alternative accommodation, he’s made no attempt to do either. In fact, he’s let it be known at work that he’s thinking of making his move back to Addison permanent.”
Another long sigh escapes me.
“I just don’t know then, Lee. He tells me he wants one thing, then acts like he wants another. He holds my hand in public, flirts constantly, and Sunday he introduced me to his mates. It’s like he’s doing relationshipy kinda things with me. But then pulls back and insists it can only be about the sex.”
“I think he’s scared. Terrified. He’s had a rough fuckin’ ride when it comes to women. He swore off relationships after Dani, then again after Lucy. You turn up, and it’s obvious to all of us that something’s going on between the two of you and he just doesn’t know how to handle it.”
“He doesn’t. What about me? I’ve been straight up and told him that I like him. I’ve told him that I don’t wanna just be a fuck piece and that I’m looking for the real thing. I want forever, Lee. I want commitment and babies, and even if that turns out not to be with him, I don’t wanna get into something where he’s ruling it out from the very beginning without him even trying.”
“He wants it. Carmichael’s the marrying kind. He wants all of what you’ve just mentioned, he’s just gun shy. Who can blame him after the way the last two women in his life fucked him over? My guess is that he just can’t get his head around how you’ve changed all of that. It’s been what? A week, ten days. Fuck, you’ve done that to him in that short a time span. He knows it, Gracie, believe me, he knows. What he doesn’t know is what to do with what he knows.”
I let out a loud groan and tilt my head back, eyes on the ceiling.
“Okay. Tell me, oh wise one, how do you know this and what should I do? Because seriously, he’s giving me brain ache.”
He laughs.
“I know, because I know him and I saw him look at you on Sunday. There are definitely feelings involved where you’re concerned, and it’s much more than getting you into bed. He was giving me death glares when we were dancing, and I actually felt in fear of my safety when he realised I was taking you to dinner.”
“He wasn’t happy.”
“No shit.”
Our food arrives. The plate is huge. The rack of ribs is longer than one of my legs, the corncob is the size of my forearm, and the coleslaw is in a bucket I could fit my head in.
“Before I tuck into this, I need to text him back. I’m worried that he’s gonna be bald, beardless, and have drunk himself into a coma by the time I get home if I don’t. What should I say?”
“Ask him why he lied. He might be honest over the phone rather than face to face.”
I nod in agreement and type out the text.
Me: Why’d you lie to me? You must’ve known telling me that would hurt?
I add some honesty of my own, hoping it’ll encourage Koa to do the same.
I put my phone screen side down and tackle the dinosaur ribs in front of me. Lee has been kind enough to invite me out to dinner, so it’s time to give him some attention. I like him. He hasn’t been a dick about me banging on about Koa, and he’s given me some top advice.
We talk about all sorts, including his daughter, Charlotte, who’s fifteen and becoming a handful. I wish him luck with that and don’t even manage to eat even a quarter of what’s on my plate before I’m done.
We get our leftovers packed into to-go boxes and enjoy another beer before Lee insists on getting the bill.
I haven’t checked my phone yet. It’s made me twitchy not looking, but I want to wait until dinner was over.
Once we’re back on the road, I look.
Koa: I know it was a mean thing to do, but I wanted to hurt you. Childish, I know but you going with Lee tonight, yeah, I don’t like it, Essex. Not one little bit. Nothing against Lee, he’s a great guy, but I don’t want anyone taking you out.
Me: You take me out then.
Koa: We need to talk first.
Me: Pour me a wine and make sure that spa is nicely heated. We’ll talk when I get in, but you’ll have to ignore my Buddha Belly, I’ve just eaten a whole cow.
Koa: I can’t wait to see your Buddha Belly. I’ll be waiting. Impatiently.
Me: SYS xoxo
Koa: SYS xoxo? WTF does that mean? Is that a typo? Did you mean, YES TO HOT TUB SEX?
Me: No, Cowboy! I mean See You Soon. Kiss hug kiss hug.
Koa: Damn!
Me: Go heat the spa, I’ll be home soon.
Koa: Hot tub, Essex. It’s called a hot tub!
Me: You want me to come home to you, or go to Lee’s?
Koa: Home to me, Essex, always home to me.
Fuck me! This man will be the death of me.
“All good?” Lee questions.
“Not got a Scooby, Lee. Not. A. fucking. Clue.”
He chuckles. “Anyone tell you, you have the most adorable accent?”
“Nah, never. Anyway, I don’t have an accent, it’s you lot who talk funny, not me.”
We’re both quiet for a minute. The radio has been playing quietly in the background, but Lee must tap the volume control on his steering wheel because it suddenly gets louder.
A man is singing. The song has that sexy, country rock vibe to it that they seem to love around here.
I close my eyes and listen to the lyrics as the man sings about being lonely, but it’s better than being lied to. That someone in his bed for just a few hours is better than someone messing with his head full time.
“Who is this?”
Lee laughs.
“What?”
“You seriously don’t know who this is?” He frowns in my direction before turning his attention back to the road.
“No. I’ve never really listened to this kind of music. Yelawolf is about the closest I’ve ever come to listening to country music.”
He shakes his head.
“This is That Addison Sound.”
“Koa? No shit?”
“You haven’t heard him sing before?”
“No. I watched a video, but he was in the car with me, so I kept it on silent. Then I just forgot.”
“What do you think?”
“It’s good. He has a great voice.”
“He does.”
“Shame he’s not still doing it.”
“It is, but I don’t think it’s a permanent break. He needed to get his head straight after Lucy. Needed to be there for his kid. She starts school next year, and I wouldn’t be surprised if he starts making music again.”
“That’d be good.”
“It would.”
We fall silent as we pull up the drive to the cabin. The lights shine brightly on the veranda, and my heart rate picks up at the thought of Koa waiting for me inside.
Lee pulls his truck to a stop, and we both undo our seatbelts.
“Thanks for dinner, Lee. Sorry that Koa and my insecurities took up most of the convo.”
“Hey, he’s a good guy, and if tonight has helped in any way to set you two on the path to something beautiful, then I’m happy to have helped.”
I lean across and kiss his cheek.
“How are you still single?”
“It’s the way I like it, Gracie.”
“Nah, I think you lie, my friend. Maybe you should listen to your own advice.”
“Get your ass outta my truck,” he orders with a smile.
I open my door, but he’s around to help me out before I can manage it myself. He waits at the bottom of the steps as I make my way up and open the front door.
“Night, thanks again,” I call over my shoulder.
“Night, Gracie. Go easy on my man, no busting his balls, you hear?”
“Can’t guarantee that. Ball busting is one of my favourite pastimes.” He smiles, shakes his head and walks back to his truck.
I’m so getting Kod over he
re and hooking those two up. He’s exactly her type!
KOA
I WROTE A SONG. NOT just a few words scribbled down, but an entire song. That’s what she does to me. It’s as if everything is new and fresh since Gracie arrived. She makes me want to breathe deeper, let myself feel and to live again.
It’s a bullshit, sloppy, love song, and yeah, it’s about her.
That’s a lie. It’s a totally honest, raw and emotional love song, and yeah, it’s all about her.
Once she’d left earlier with Lee, I was vibrating with energy and emotion. I paced, I drank, and I nearly pulled out every goddamn hair on my head and chin in frustration, especially after I texted her about my lie, and she didn’t respond. That was one of the longest half hours of my fucking life. Another lie, tonight has felt like one of the longest of my life.
I made myself a coffee while I waited, dug out my notebook and wrote down exactly how I felt, how Gracie Elliott makes me feel. I poured out everything that woman did to me, and I turned it into a song. Then I poured myself another drink, read and re-read her texts before pouring her a wine, switching on the lights on the back veranda, and taking both of our drinks, including the bottles, out with me and placing them next to the hot tub. I grabbed a couple of clean towels from the laundry and put them next to our drinks.
I didn’t bother with shorts, in fact, I didn’t bother with boxers, after leaving a note on Gracie’s bedroom door telling her to meet me in the spa, naked, I came back down here and climbed in. And now I wait.
THE DOOR TO THE VERANDA opens. I sip my drink and watch over the top of my glass as Gracie appears. She’s wearing her Queen of Fucking Everything robe, and my first thought is that I’ll need to ask her not to wear that when Malia is around. The kid is a combination of sponge and parrot. She both absorbs and repeats just about everything she hears.
I’m so used to it being just Kai and me most of the time that I’ve slipped up and cussed in front of her on more than one occasion. Her mother was not impressed when the preschool called her and said that Malia had called a little boy “a major fuckin’ pain in her ass.” Kai and me could hardly contain ourselves when Lucy stood on our front step ranting, but we’d managed to rein it back until she left. Then we’d both collapsed where we’d been standing and could barely breathe we were laughing so hard.
Fuck, I miss my kids.
And fuck, I’m seriously thinking about introducing them to Gracie.
I take another sip, or maybe a swig, of my drink and draw in a deep breath as I watch her approach, hoping that she’s naked beneath that damn robe.
She smiles. It’s not big. It’s small but soft, and it’s aimed right at me. My very naked dick likes it and stands slightly straighter by way of appreciation.
“Essex.” I tilt my head in her direction.
“All right, Cowboy. Ya miss me?”
“Sure did. You miss me?”
“Like I’d miss a hole in my arse.”
I spit my drink and throw my head back and laugh so loud that I scare a bird from one of the trees in the backyard. When I look back at Gracie, she’s setting down her speaker and her phone. She turns on the speaker and starts messing with her phone. I know the song the instant the first note hits my ears. It’s one of mine.
She’s smiling at me, bigger now than before, and it hits me right in the chest to think that she’s been searching for my music.
She tugs on the belt around her robe, and it falls undone. She has a bikini on underneath, and I have no control over my eyes as they slide from her face, over her body, and then back to her face as she shrugs out of it and lays it on the sun lounger next to the hot tub.
“How was dinner?” I ask, needing to do something other than just stare at her.
She turns sideways and pats her soft, flat belly.
“I’ll be giving birth to a calf in about eighteen months.”
An image of Gracie’s belly big and round, filled with my baby, our baby, hits me hard. The image steamrolls over every other thought in my head for a few seconds. I swallow.
“Nice bikini.”
Seriously? That’s all you’ve got Carmichael?
“Thanks. It’s a Rye. Last seasons but one of my favs. This is the Crackle, Rick Rack scalloped edge. Couldn’t get a hold of one if you offered up your firstborn during the summer. Luckily, I know a man who can and got sent a freebie as long as I mentioned it on the blog.”
“And once again, I have no fucking clue what any of that means, Essex.”
She picks up her glass and sips her wine before leaning in and patting my cheek.
“Nothing to worry your pretty little head about, Cowboy. Not till your daughter’s about sixteen and wants one.”
“My daughter will never be walking around wearing something like that.”
“We’ll see. Now, how the fuck do I get in this thing without flashing me gash at you and the neighbours.”
I swear, this woman has no filter sometimes, and I fucking love it. I go to stand to help her in but remember in time that I’m naked, so just offer her my hand instead.
I had the hot tub built into the decking on the veranda, rather than on it. Stepping down is so much easier than climbing up. Gracie takes my proffered hand and steps in effortlessly. I’ve barely seen her all week, and so out of curiosity, I ask, “How’s the wrist?”
“Wrist is good. It’s been a little sore when I’m sketching, but it hasn’t stopped me. Even when it was bad, it didn’t really stop me drawing. It’s more when I lift anything too heavy or put weight on it that I know it’s there.”
She sits and gets comfortable beside me. I slide my arm across the back of the tub, behind her back and shoulders.
I watch her as she takes another sip of her wine. Her hair was loose when she went out earlier, but now it’s piled on her head in that cute as fuck bird’s nest style she rocks, and her face looks like it’s been scrubbed free of any trace of makeup.
“So, come on then, Cowboy, you wanna talk? Let’s talk.”
No filter, straight to the point.
“What are we doing here, Gracie? I want you so fucking bad, and I know you’re feeling it, too.”
I use my fingers to lift her jaw, effectively closing her mouth that just dropped open. I don’t think she was expecting me to be quite so direct.
My hand remains in place, and I brush my thumb gently across her cheek.
“We gonna spend the next six months fightin’ this, or act like grown-ups, give it a go, and see where it takes us?”
“No more late-night Lexi calls?”
“No late night anyone calls for me, baby, that’s not what I’m about. Can’t guarantee she won’t pick up the phone and dial my number, though. But I’ll deal with that if, or when, it ever happens.”
She pouts her lips and lets out a long breath.
“If we do this and it works, please promise you’ll not fight it out of fear? I’m not them, Koa. I’m nothing like your exes. There’s no ulterior motive with me. What you see is what you get, and I’m offering you everything.”
I stroke her shoulder as we stare at each other. Emotions riot through me. I’m so fucking torn.
“I’m scared, Gracie. I’ll be honest and admit that. I’m struggling here, and I hate it.”
“But why? I know you’ve been fucked over in the past, but please, please believe me when I say I’d never do that.”
“I want to. So fucking bad, but I know I’m gonna act like a dick at some stage and fuck things up. I don’t wanna hurt you, but I’m afraid I will without even meaning to, just by being me.”
She’s quiet for a long minute.
“Just be honest with me, Koa. If you’re happy and it’s working, tell me. If you’re struggling with what’s happening between us, then I need to know that, too. Don’t leave me wondering, we can’t do this with both of us inside our own heads, one of us needs to have their shit together.”
“I thought I did have my shit together, then you landed on m
y driveway.”
“I didn’t land, I was tackled and assaulted.”
“You assaulted me.”
“Whatever. So, we doing this?”
She nods. “We’re doing this, but I’m warning you now, my wrist is almost better, I know where you keep your sharp knives, I will have your balls if you fuck me over.”
I shake my head while I look all over her face, my eyes land on hers. I want her to hear, see and feel what I’m telling her.
“I’ll never, ever deliberately fuck you over, Essex. I might fuck up. A lot. But even that won’t be deliberate.”
Without another word, she moves to straddle my lap. Despite the water temperature, I feel the heat of her pussy, the instant it pushes against the underside of my cock, forcing it against my lower belly.
Her head pulls me back, and she peers down into the water.
“You’re naked?”
“As the day I was born.”
She throws her head back and groans up at the sky.
“Give me strength,” she calls out to the stars.
The only sound for a few moments after that is from who I think is Adele, singing about letting someone feel her love.
It’s beautiful. Her voice is fucking amazing, and I need to research more of this woman’s music, everything that Gracie has played of hers I’ve loved.
“You got a problem with nudity, Essex?”
“Not at all. I just promised myself that I wasn’t gonna shag you tonight and now here I am, straddling your lap with my clit pushed against your hard dick and, well, I’m only human.”
“How human?” I lean in and gently bite her shoulder, she grinds against me, and I grind back. Her eyes wash over my face and mouth, before landing on mine, my mouth crashes against hers. Her lips are soft, her mouth warm and responsive. My tongue doesn’t waste time waiting for an invite, it heads right inside hers, taking, tasting, and exploring.
I reach behind me and set down my glass before lifting Gracie’s arm from where it’s wrapped around my neck and taking her glass from her. A second later, it’s sitting next to mine on the edge of the tub.
I reach around her back and unclip her bikini top, sliding the straps down each of her arms before pulling it off and toss it over the side.