“Now.”
Cole kicked as hard as he could, but he could feel the weight of his wet underclothes pulling against him, draining strength from his muscles, stealing power from each kick. It could only be worse for Drew. But he was proud of her. She hadn’t panicked when her wet clothes pulled her under. She hadn’t given up, though he could tell from her ragged breathing, her strength was almost gone. They were both soft from spending too much time on trains and in hotel rooms. If they got through this, he would never let his muscles get this weak again.
Cole couldn’t judge the width of the current, but he felt his strength draining away. He couldn’t last much longer. Drew’s breaths were coming in sobs. Neither of them had to speak to know the end was near.
Cole struck out with renewed energy. He couldn’t stop. He couldn’t give up. He felt the current release its hold of them. They floated into one of the quiet eddies that reached to the dark band of trees edging the river.
“We’ve done it,” Cole said. “All we have to do now is get this log to the shore.”
They clung to the log, forcing their nearly exhausted bodies to propel it closer and closer to shore. It was several minutes before Drew answered. “It looks terribly far away.”
“Keep kicking,” Cole said. “It’ll keep you warm.”
It was a long time before Drew spoke again. They were much closer to the shore, close enough to know they would make it to safety. “Isabelle said it wasn’t ladylike for females to swim. Jake said I had to be able to swim across a river in case my horse went under, but I never swam across anything this wide.”
“Neither did I, but we’ll make it.”
He was more worried about the cold now. They had discarded nearly all their clothes. The few garments they had left would be wet and cold, worse than having nothing at all. He would have to find some way to get her warm, but he had no means of starting a fire even if he could find wood. The forest that lined the bank of the river looked unbroken. There would be no plantation house with dry clothes and warm beds waiting for them when they finally struggled ashore. Just empty, cold, dark woods.
Cole felt as if he’d been in the river for most of his life when his foot finally hit something solid. It was only a sandbar, but it was easier to move their log by wading through chest-deep water than by swimming. The river bottom dropped away again, reappeared, and dropped away once more before they finally reached the edge of the river. They climbed out and collapsed on the narrow strip of sandy shore. Once they recovered some of their strength, they would look for a way to climb the high bank.
“I was sure I was going to die,” Drew said after a few minutes.
“I wouldn’t have let that happen.”
“I knew you didn’t have the strength to swim all that distance pulling me behind you.”
“I wouldn’t have left you.”
“I know.”
“Then why can’t you believe I love you?”
“I do.”
“Why did you run away?”
“I was afraid.”
“Of me?”
“Of myself. I was afraid to be in love, of losing control, of putting myself in a position to be hurt.”
Her voice trembled. He could barely see her where she rested in the shadow of the trees that overhung the river, but he was certain she was shivering. He moved next to her, put his arm around her, and drew her close. Both were too exhausted to do more than lean against each other. Wet, soggy clothes made their embrace awkward and uncomfortable, but he was glad to be able to put his arm around her at all. He’d come perilously close to losing her.
He leaned over and kissed her. Her lips were cold and stiff, but she kissed him back.
“Love is about giving, getting, and sharing. It’s not about losing.”
“Then why do I feel so frightened?”
“Because love is something you can’t control. You have to surrender to it, but you don’t have to worry. I won’t let anything happen to you.”
But Cole knew she had always tried to control every aspect of her life. It was going to be hard to entrust it to someone else.
“Come on. We have to get warm.”
“How?”
“We’ll worry about that once we find a way up the riverbank.”
They walked along the shore, climbing over debris, wading or swimming when the tiny beach disappeared altogether. They didn’t come to a break in the bank until they reached a small stream that emptied into the river. They waded up the stream until they found a place to climb up to the forest floor. Taking Drew by the hand, Cole helped her up the shallow bank.
The trees hadn’t yet lost their foliage. It was virtually impossible to see anything in the stygian darkness. The thick carpet of leaves muffled their footsteps. Cole was trying to decide whether to go north, south, or head inland when he realized they’d wandered onto a place where the leaves had been trodden down.
“We’re on a path,” he said to Drew, his hopes soaring at their luck. “If we follow it, we’re bound to come to a house soon.”
Instead of a house, they found a small cabin that appeared to be used only by hunters. That didn’t encourage Cole to think anyone lived nearby.
“We’ll spend the night here,” he said.
“What if the owners come back?” Drew asked.
“They’re not likely to arrive in the middle of the night.”
It was even darker inside the cabin. It took Cole several minutes of stumbling around, systematically searching each shelf and drawer, before he found a box of matches. The flare from the match showed a nearly bare cabin furnished with a small stove and one bed. He was able to locate an oil lantern before the match flickered and went out.
The sound of Drew’s chattering teeth reminded him of the need for a fire. He lighted the lantern and discovered the wood box was empty.
“Take off the rest of your clothes,” he said, “and wrap yourself in the blankets on the bed.”
“How will you keep warm?”
“I’ll manage. We have to get you warm first.”
“You take one of the blankets. If you hadn’t rescued me, I’d have drowned.”
“That’s okay. I—”
“No. After everything I’ve done to drive you off and the mean things I said, you risked your life to save me. I refuse to take the bed or the blanket and leave you with nothing.”
Cole knew he couldn’t survive sharing the bed with Drew. “I’ll search the cabin. I’m bound to turn up something.”
He made a thorough search while Drew undressed, but the cabin contained no firewood, food, or clothing. Apparently the owner brought everything he needed whenever he came. Or maybe no one came here anymore. Plantations were frequently abandoned when the soil became worn out from overuse.
“You have to get out of your wet clothes, too,” Drew said.
Cole turned. Drew stood in the middle of the room, the blanket pulled tightly around her, her whole body shaking so hard she could hardly get the words out.
“I’m more worried about keeping you warm,” Cole said.
“I can’t be any colder than you. Get out of those wet clothes. I’ll turn my back.”
Cole could see no need for modesty. His underclothes clung to his body, revealing every contour. There were no sheets on the bed, just a second, very thin blanket.
“I’ll strip after I look for some wood,” Cole said. But a search outside the cabin revealed no pile of cut logs and no ax to cut new ones. He couldn’t even find a fallen limb he could use. The forest floor seemed swept bare.
“I couldn’t find anything,” he told Drew when he returned.
“Then we’ll have to use body heat.”
Cole paused, hardly daring to believe he’d heard her correctly.
“I know all about survival,” Drew said. “Jake wouldn’t let any of us go on a trail drive until he was sure we could take care of ourselves.”
“Are you sure? There’s only one bed.”
“We can
sleep with our backs to each other.”
Cole didn’t know anything about Drew’s self-control, but he was certain his would fall apart long before dawn.
“Why don’t I wrap you in both blankets?”
“And let you catch pneumonia?”
“I’m not cold.”
“You’re lying.”
“All right, I’m cold, but I don’t know that I can control myself in the same bed with you.”
“Of course you can. We’re adults. We’re not ruled by our urges like children.”
Cole decided he must have regressed to his late teens. Despite being miserably cold and almost totally exhausted, the idea of lying next to Drew, their bare flesh touching, was having a very enlivening effect on him. He didn’t feel nearly as cold or tired as he’d thought.
“You get into bed first,” Cole said. He put a bar across the door. He felt uncomfortable going to sleep in strange country without a weapon.
“I’m ready,” Drew said.
She lay facing the wall, the blanket pulled tightly against her, her body shaking from the cold. Cole set the lamp on a table within reach, put the matches next to it, then turned down the wick until the light went out. He stripped off his underwear. The garments landed on the floor with a soggy plop. He found his way to the bed in the dark and sat down on the bed.
“I’ll put both blankets over us,” he said.
But once in bed, lying back-to-back with the two blankets spread over them, Cole knew their bodies had too little contact to overcome the cold, which had penetrated all the way through them.
“I’m going to turn over,” he said. “I want you to back up against me. The only way to get you warm is for our bodies to touch as much as possible.”
Drew didn’t move.
“I promise I won’t touch you.”
“How can you keep me warm if you don’t touch me?”
“I’m trying to say I won’t take advantage of you.”
“I never thought you would. My brothers said the most desirable female is a hot one. I’m as cold as an iceberg.”
Drew backed up to him. She hadn’t exaggerated. She felt so cold, he wondered if even his body heat could warm her. He pulled her close, tucked his legs under hers, and wrapped his arms around her.
“Curl into a ball,” he said.
She pulled her knees up to her breasts. He rested his arm across her legs and tried to will his body not to respond to her presence.
“What else did your brothers tell you?”
“They never told me anything. I had to eavesdrop if I wanted to hear.”
“And what did you learn?”
“That they don’t think much of women who give themselves to men.”
“Most men feel like that until they meet the woman they’ll love for the rest of their lives. Then they consider the sharing of her body her greatest gift.”
“You would consider your wife more precious than sons?”
“I would if she were the one woman I would love for the rest of my life.”
“How will you know when you meet her?”
“I already have.”
She didn’t speak for a long time. “How did you know?” she asked in a soft voice.
“I didn’t at first. I had to have lots of signs before I figured it out. I found I was thinking of you all the time, wanting to be with you. I was jealous of the time you spent with Myrtle, jealous of the confidences you shared with your brothers. I couldn’t imagine spending the rest of my life without you.”
“How can something like that happen? You don’t really know anything about me.”
“I don’t know. It just did. Did it happen like that for Jake and Isabelle?”
“No. They fought for weeks. But it was like that for Ward and Marina. Her father had arranged for her to marry Ward’s brother. As soon as they saw each other, they fell in love.”
“We’re more like Jake and Isabelle. We were so busy arguing we didn’t realize we had fallen in love.”
“We?”
“Yes. You love me, too.”
“How can you be so sure?”
“If you didn’t, you wouldn’t have tried so hard to run away.”
She pulled her body into a smaller ball, hugged her legs tightly against her. “Does love make you feel confused?”
“Sometimes.”
“Can it make you want the opposite of everything you’ve always wanted?”
“Yes.”
“Can it make you feel miserable and unhappy?”
“Yes, but it can also give you unimaginable happiness.”
“When does that start?”
“When both people admit their love and share it.”
“Does it make you afraid?”
“It can certainly make you feel vulnerable. But if you trust the man you love, there will be no fear. Only happiness.”
“There’s so much to think about.”
“Then think only of one thing, that I love you with all my heart. No matter what else happens, that will never change.”
“I love you. I don’t want to, but I do.”
Warmth flooded Cole. For the first time since being thrown into the river, he didn’t feel cold. “Is that such a terrible thing?”
In a flurry of movement, Drew uncurled her body and turned to face him. “Yes! It’s awful Everything’s all mixed up. I don’t know what I want anymore. I want to run my own ranch, but I want you helping me. I want to go home to Texas, but I’ll follow you wherever you go. I’ve never wanted to cook and clean and have babies, but I’d do all that for you. But if I did, I’d hate myself.”
“I’d never make you do anything you didn’t want to do.”
Cole was having a hard time keeping his mind on what Drew was saying. Her movement had caused his forearm to fall against the side of one breast, the other to lie cupped in his palm. He had a vivid mental image of the vee of her thighs, scant inches from his swelling manhood. In a few more moments, his body would be completely beyond his control.
“I’m not talking about you,” Drew said, hitting his bare chest with her balled-up fist. “I’m talking about me. I feel like there are two of me inside, engaged in a fight to the death. I want both of them to win.”
Her agitation caused her breast to move in his hand. Instantly his body became rigid with desire. It seemed incredible to him that Drew could be completely unaware of the closeness of their naked bodies while it was impossible for him to think of anything else.
“That’s okay,” said Cole. It really wasn’t. He wanted Drew to love him so deeply everything else would seem unimportant, but he wasn’t about to tell her she was the most cussedly obstinate female he’d ever met. “I won’t ask you to make any promises until you’ve had time to decide what you really want.”
He intended to do everything in his power to make certain she wanted him.
“But I want you to make hundreds of promises,” she said as she huddled against him. “And I know that’s unfair, since I’m not ready to make even one. Hold me close. Make me forget my head feels like it’s got a cyclone inside.”
“If you get any closer, I’m going to break every promise I’ve made to you and to myself.”
“Are you excited?”
He laughed ruefully. “You could say that.”
“When my brothers got in that condition, Jake would tell them to take a swim in the river and cool off.”
“I’ve had all the swimming in the river I care for.”
“I guess you have.” She paused. “Are you still hot?”
“And getting hotter.”
“Is it because of me?”
“Yes.”
“Nobody ever got hot because of me before.”
“I’m sure they did. Jake should have told you it’s dangerous to get a man hot.”
“Why?”
“We’re not very good at controlling ourselves.”
“Isabelle says a gentleman can always control himself.”
“I�
�m reluctant to contradict Isabelle, but this gentleman is about to explode. I imagine your brothers would have felt the same way.”
“Isabelle said they weren’t gentlemen. She said Jake had ruined them all, teaching them to think it was natural for a man to go all crazy around women. Come to think of it, Isabelle said she didn’t care a whole lot for gentlemen. She said they were usually so dull they caused their wives to cast longing glances at young cowhands.”
“I’ve got to meet your Isabelle.”
“I’m not too sure about that. If she ever finds out we slept in the same bed, she’ll kill you—assuming Zeke and Hawk don’t get to you first.”
“I’m safe. I couldn’t possibly get any sleep.”
“Because of me?”
“For a woman with ten brothers, you are a strange combination of knowledge and naïveté.”
“What do you mean?”
“You talk about men responding to women like it’s old news, yet you seem surprised I can respond to you. You aren’t at all embarrassed, either. You act like it’s an ordinary topic of conversation.”
“I guess that comes from being reared with so many brothers.”
“Somebody forgot an important part of your education. Drive a man too far, and he becomes an animal.”
“Are you going to turn into an animal?”
“I’m trying hard not to, but if you don’t turn back around, I’m not going to make it.”
“But I don’t want to turn around.”
“Drew!” It was an anguished wail.
“Isabelle said when I fell in love, I’d like a man’s touch. I’d want him to touch me all the time. She said I wouldn’t threaten to shoot his ears off if he didn’t keep his distance.”
A convulsive shudder passed through Cole. It took a minute before he could control his voice enough to speak. “What else did Isabelle tell you?”
“She said I’d start thinking about pretty dresses and new ways to fix my hair. She said the best part of the day would come when I crawled into bed at night and he put his arms around me and held me close.”
Cole’s body trembled.
“Would you hold me close?” asked Drew.
“No.”
“Why?”
“Because I’m too excited.”
Drew (The Cowboys) Page 26