"That's typical; just blow it off like my opinion doesn't matter. You're so fucking terrified of opening up you can't even take me seriously."
I glared at him and crossed my arms over my chest. "When there's something for me to take seriously, I will. Right now you’re being a jealous asshole."
I turned on my heel and started back towards the bar. “You don’t get it, Taylor. You fled the fucking state at the first sign of something more serious than just fucking instead of talking about it. You’re so reckless. So can you really blame me for not wanting to get hurt again?”
“You knew that going into this, Stephen. I warned you! I told you that I was terrified of actually having feelings for you. I never hid the fact that being in a relationship terrified me. Then after I came back I admitted that I loved you too, but it doesn't fucking matter. What more do you want from me?”
“It doesn’t matter what I want. I’ve never seen you stay in one place for more than six months since you graduated high school. Honestly, I don’t think you’re capable of it. Just like you’re not capable of loving anyone other than yourself.”
His words cut deep. How many more times were we going to do this? Always one step forward and two steps back.
His retreating footsteps sounded on the asphalt as I bent over trying to catch my breath. Who knows how long I stayed like that. Someone took my arm and tried to stand me up, but the tears clouding my eyes made it impossible to see who was helping me. Strong arms wrapped around me and I was pressed into a muscled chest. Rhys’ cologne filled my senses and I knew he was there picking up the pieces for me again.
“Come on, darlin’. Let’s go inside. You can't stay out here.”
"Why not? There's no point in going back in there tonight."
"Don't let him win, Taylor. Be the bigger person and go in there and have fun."
I dropped my head against his shoulder. "I won't have a good night, but I'll go back in there."
"Good girl. Let's go."
I had been staring at my laptop for a few minutes trying to get some work done. It was difficult to concentrate. The feeling in the pit of my stomach was awful, and I had a hard time focusing on anything. My phone rang and Emmy’s name flashed across the screen. It surprised me she waited this long to call. I slid my finger to answer, bracing myself for her lecture.
“Hey, Em.”
“Don’t ‘hey Em’ me.”
“I’m sorry I didn’t call sooner. I’ve been busy.”
"I'm sure you have been," she said dryly. "Did you talk to him?”
“Who?” I loved baiting her. It was so easy and really amusing.
“Damn it! Did you talk to the hot guy you ran away from like a chicken?”
“Which one, Stephen or Rhys?”
“Excuse me? Did you just say Rhys?”
“Yep,” I said, popping the P at the end. “He showed up the other night. Turns out he invests in bars. He bought the one we frequent.”
“Holy shit.”
“Yeah. So again I say which one?"
“Stephen, you know I mean Stephen. Quit being so damn obtuse.”
I groaned. “I did. Three times. Don’t ask.”
“So what’s your plan?”
“I’m going to do what I do best. Act like nothing fucking matters and pretend that it’s not eating me up inside. And never fall in love again. It’s one night stands and fuck buddies from here on out.”
“Taylor, please don’t do this. You’re going to regret it. Go talk to Stephen again.”
“Emmy, I watched him shatter a glass vase against a wall and it might as well have been my heart. I can’t ever do this again. We went out on a date and I ended up sleeping with him again. All that is between us is really hot sex. It's not worth hurting myself over and over again.”
The silence between us was weighted. Emmy understood the pain of being rejected, but she didn’t get that I brought all this on myself. I pushed Stephen away until he didn’t have a choice and when I panicked and changed my mind it was too late. We might have been able to work things out, but now Rhys was here and everything was imploding around me.
“Oh, honey. Do you want me to get you a flight out here?”
“No. I’m going to stay. Violet needs me, she’s got classes, and she's talking about starting another movie. I promised I would watch Harper for her.”
"I'm proud of you."
I didn't answer. There was nothing more to say.
“Do you still want to be with him?”
I sighed. “It doesn’t matter if I do or not, Em.”
“It does,” she insisted. I knew she believed that, but in my opinion she was wrong.
“Yes," I sighed. "He’s the love of my life."
"Hon. Everything's going to be okay. He'll come around."
We hung up quickly after that. She had a meeting, and I didn't want to talk about my failures anymore. The numbness and emptiness still lurked in the back of my mind, but admitting to Emmy that I loved Stephen hurt. I couldn’t decide if the apathy or the pain was better. All I could do was live minute by minute and hope that something, anything, made me feel again.
I walked into the small café to get lunch the afternoon after my fight with Stephen and Rhys stood at the counter waiting for his food. It was hard not to turn around and walk back out, but I sucked it up and went over to him. He always seemed to catch me when I embarrassed the hell out of myself.
I cleared my throat. “Hey.”
He looked up and a smile covered his handsome face. Rhys really was devastatingly gorgeous. It's too bad he wasn't the guy I wanted. “Hey yourself. How are you feeling today?”
“Like shit." I sighed. "Every fight I have with Stephen ends up that way though.”
He grabbed the bag the cashier handed out to him and turned towards me. “Want to have lunch?”
“Sure, just let me order and I’ll be right there.”
I took the time for them to make my sandwich to collect myself. If nothing else, I needed to prove I wasn’t such an idiot to Rhys. The poor guy was probably terrified that I was some crazy person. I'm sure I was crossing the crazy hot scale in bad places.
“So you probably think I’m some kind of stalker, don’t you?” he asked as I approached the table.
“No, but do I need to rethink my stance on that?” I asked chuckling.
“Purely coincidental, but I am happy I get to see you again.”
He stared at me for a minute and I gave in first and broke eye contact. “Why’s that? So I can cry on your shoulder a third time? I promise I’m not such a weakling normally; I’m just going through some stuff.”
“I don’t think you’re weak. Believe me, I understand running from the one person you want to be with the most.”
“You think I’m running?”
“Darlin', I knew it the first time I laid eyes on you in Vegas.” I leaned back in my chair and looked at him. “You learn to recognize it. Everything about you screamed it,” he said answering my unasked question.
I played with my straw for a second trying to work through what he’d just said.
“So why didn’t you try to sleep with me that first night?”
“You need some guy trying to take advantage of you and I’m not that kind of guy.” He shrugged. “I guess I’m old fashioned.”
“Rhys, I’m happy it was your bar I went into.”
“Me too,” he said smiling. He held up his cup in cheers. “To new beginnings.”
“To new beginnings,” I echoed.
We took our time eating lunch, catching up on the past few months and learning more about each other. Rhys really would be a good friend. There was still chemistry between us when he touched me, but nothing compared to what I felt for Stephen. My guilt ramped up, but I pushed it back down.
It was time for me to start picking up the pieces. Not that I knew what to expect when I came back to California, but this wasn’t what I wanted. Maybe Rhys could be a great friend and in the distant future he could become m
ore. If Stephen didn't want me, there were other people who did. I couldn't think that far down the line though, right now all I could do was take things day by day.
The smoky bar was full tonight. Rhys invited me, Violet and all of our friends to come hang out. Everyone was slowly warming up to him, and I appreciated it. Gage and Scott joined us and even though Violet called Stephen, we didn’t expect him to show up.
“One song, Taylor.”
I sighed and looked over at Rhys. “No, absolutely not.”
Violet narrowed her eyes at me. “Jax and I are actually out of the house. Alice has all of her grandkids. You owe me at least one. I know you don’t like performing in front of your friends, but you keep saying you want to push yourself.”
Jax smirked from across the table and I wanted to smack my brother-in-law. He could have helped me reign in my sister, instead he sat back to enjoy the show. Gage, Connor and Sophia all nodded agreement with Violet.
“What the hell? Why is everyone ganging up on me?” I pouted.
“I’ll even let you choose the song, and I’ll go on stage with you.” Rhys pushed. “You know you want to.”
I did.
Kind of.
It was fun to show everyone my somewhat hidden talent, but sometimes I wondered if I should have kept it a secret. When I sang my soul felt free, and the release was something I needed every once in a while. With Rhys around I spent more and more time on stage. My stomach knotted up, and I hesitated for a second before I agreed. The nerves were worse tonight.
“Fine, but I pick the song and you buy drinks for the rest of the night.”
Rhys grinned and tugged me towards the front of the bar. His excitement was contagious, and I smiled as we waited. I knocked back a shot of tequila and settled next to him on the small raised stage. He started the song I had chosen, which was a duet by Thomas Rhett and Jordin Sparks. My husky voice filled the bar, and I closed my eyes as I sang. Tears rolled down my cheeks as I let the song consume me. I played with fire every time I looked at Stephen. This song explained everything for me. Rhys reached out and squeezed my hand in his.
Stephen hadn’t spoken to me in almost two weeks and each day made the loss more pronounced. As we finished, Rhys lifted me up in a huge hug and kissed my cheek. The words hit too close to home, and I had to work to keep myself from falling apart. I tried to hold back my sob and failed. My tears soaked his button-down shirt as I tried to gather myself.
I glanced out at our table of friends and they were politely clapping, but something made them all tense. Violet looked upset, Gage and Scott seemed concerned, but Jax was pissed. None of them noticed my red eyes, or if they did, they were too polite to say anything. I made my way to the table, and as I approached Jaxon grabbed my arm, tugging me in the opposite direction. Surely the innocent kiss that Rhys gave me hadn’t caused all this. He was just trying to make me feel better.
“I normally try to stay out of your business, Taylor, but I can’t stand by and let you hurt Stephen any more than you already have. You’re fucking with his head. Decide if you want to be with him or not, quit stringing him along. You either love him or you don’t. Figure your shit out.”
“What the fuck are you talking about Jaxon?”
“He showed up, listened to you sing, and then watched from the side as Rhys kissed you.”
My throat tightened. “He was here?”
“He was. Was being the keyword in that sentence. He left as soon as you finished. You’ve got to fix this because I can’t watch Vi agonize between being loyal to her sister or her best friend.”
I stared at his retreating form. Did Jax not realize that I was crying on stage in front of all these people because I missed Stephen so much? Fuck, I didn't even realize he was here and that killed me. Stephen didn't understand that I was singing to him, but he should have. I've never wanted someone so much that it physically hurt me to be away from them.
Rhys was a friend and nothing more, but Stephen didn’t know that and he wouldn’t stick around long enough for me to explain. I was sick of everyone blaming me for all of our problems. My fists clenched at my sides and I marched over to the bar.
“Whiskey, please and lots of it.”
My body felt heavy and everything sounded like it was underwater. Gage said something, but I couldn’t focus. I squinted my eyes, and he chuckled.
“You’re completely schnockered, aren’t you?” I nodded miserably. He looped my arms around his neck and picked me up. My head rested on his chest and I tried to hold back the tears. “Oh hell, are you crying?”
“N—No,” I sniffled.
“Let’s get you home first. Then you can cry all over me.”
“I don’t have a home,” I slurred. “Stephen kicked me out and Jax is pissed at me.”
His chest bounced as he chuckled and I wrapped my arms tighter around his neck. He grabbed my purse off the bar next to me and made his way out to the parking lot. I didn’t want to get into his car in case I threw up, but he dropped me into the seat and buckled me in anyway. The drive back to his apartment was quick. Before I knew it I was settled onto his couch with a glass of water in my hand.
I really was wrecked. Gage was fucking awesome for taking care of me. My drunk ass didn’t deserve his kindness, but I would sure take advantage while he offered it up.
“Don’t take this the wrong way, but why are you doing this for me?”
“You helped me out after I broke up with Arianna.” He shrugged and looked away.
“I think there’s more to it than that, but I’m too drunk to figure it out.”
Gage leaned back into the cushions of the couch and pulled me into his side. He turned SportsCenter on and we listened as the announcers talked about spring training. My eyes started to droop, and he took the glass of water out of my hands, placing it on the coffee table.
“I know how you feel kid. Sometimes we make the wrong decisions when the correct ones are right in front of us.”
My eyes stayed closed. “Does it ever quit hurting?”
He tensed and waited a beat before answering. “Maybe eventually. Just don’t let him get away forever, kid. You’re lucky enough that you have two men willing to fight for you, but that won’t always be the case. Choose wisely.”
“Stephen’s not fighting for me,” I mumbled. “He hates me.”
“He showed up tonight. He’s fighting, even if you don’t get it yet.”
When I woke up my head ached, and I was so nauseous that if I moved I might throw up. Gage moved me from the couch to his bed during the night. There were two aspirin and a glass of water on the nightstand next to me. All things considered, I was in a much better place than what I deserved.
Slowly, I sat up and took the medicine he had left for me. My gaze fell to the large t-shirt I had on and I blanched. I pulled back the covers and tried not to freak out when the only other thing I had on was a pair of black panties. Even my bra was gone. This wasn't what I had been wearing the night before. Holy fuck, had I slept with Gage? The last thing I needed was to add another guy to my drama.
Before I could panic the guy in question walked back into his room with only a towel wrapped around his waist. His muscled chest was impressive, a woman would have to be dead not to appreciate it, but I didn’t need that particular mess.
“Hey, kid. How are you feeling this morning?”
“Confused," I said rubbing my head.
He chuckled. “Why are you confused?”
“I woke up in your bed, dressed like this.” I indicated my lack of clothing. “And you come back in the room dressed like that. What the hell happened last night?”
He laughed harder, and I frowned at him. He grabbed a pair of jeans out of the dresser and dropped the towel. I yelped and covered my eyes.
“Gage! Holy shit!”
“What do you think happened, kid?”
“I don’t know, that’s why I’m asking.”
“You threw up all over your clothes, so I changed you
and put you to bed.” I stared at him. “If you don’t believe me you can go ask my maid. She’s the one washing everything this morning.”
“Oh god.” I covered my face and turned crimson. “I’m so sorry, Gage.”
“We’ve all been there. I rescued you before you did anything stupid at the bar. I’m sure things would have ended differently if your friend Rhys took you home.”
I groaned. “How bad was I last night?”
“Not horrible, but after Stephen left you drank so much whiskey that an Irishman would be proud. You were quiet, and that’s what made it scary. I'm not used to quiet Taylor.”
“Thank you for taking care of me.”
“No problem. Just a word of caution though, your buddy Rhys wants more. He’s not going to be happy with just being friends.”
He was right, but I didn’t want to admit it, even to myself. There was no way I could think about a relationship, but Rhys sat back patiently waiting for the time I would be ready. He wasn’t a bad guy, in fact he’s great, but my heart hurt and it would take some time for it to heal. Gage gave me a knowing look.
“This goes back to what you told me last night doesn’t it?”
“You remember that?” His infuriating grin was back.
“You told me Stephen was fighting for me even if I didn’t realize it yet. I need to start moving on, it’s been three months since this nightmare began, Gage. I can’t figure out how to keep going through this over and over again.”
“Have you actually sat down and had a conversation with Stephen?”
“No, he’s avoiding me. The last time I went to the house, things were said. Sex was had. Vases were broken. Conversations avoided. I don’t really want a repeat.” I shuddered as I remembered the harsh words from our first encounter.
“Okay, I’m not supposed to say anything, but you guys need a push in the right direction. He misses you hardcore, like cry in his beer at night misses you. And you admitted you aren’t over him and you want to be with him. What in the hell is holding you back?”
“He told me I was looking for a reason to run away from him.” That was the least hurtful of what he had said, but Gage didn't need to know any details of the shit Stephen had said.
Restless (Relentless Series Book 2) Page 6