“Just spit it out, Vi.”
“I didn’t say anything.”
“No, but you’re over there silently judging. Just say what it is you want to say and let’s do this.” I grabbed my coffee and took a sip.
“Why do you always assume I have something to say?”
I stared at her, one eyebrow raised and my hands gripping my cup tightly.
“Okay, fine. I was worried that he would try to get between you and Stephen, but he’s not. I appreciate that he’s just standing back to see what’s going to happen between you two before making his move.”
“You’re ridiculous. I like Rhys as a friend. There’s some sexual tension between us, but obviously I won't act on it. I don’t want a love triangle. In fact I’ll do anything to not have a triangle. And what makes you think he will make a move?”
“Who’s a triangle?” Jaxon asked as he came in the door.
“Good lord,” I mumbled. "No one."
“Okay,” he drawled.
Violet took another sip. She wouldn’t make eye contact with me. Oh god, she had talked about this with Jax.
“Mother fucker. Really, Vi?”
“Language,” Jaxon said smirking. "And he's going to make a move."
“I needed someone to talk to about it. And at least Jax had already met him," she defended.
I gathered up my laptop. “You. Suck," I said pointing at each of them with each word.
“But you still love me,” she called out to my back as I stormed out of the room.
"That's debatable!" I yelled. The sound of hers and Jaxon's soft laughter filtered down the hall. It was time for me to go running.
It was a perfect, blue sky day. Violet and I lay out on a huge beach blanket watching Jax, Gage and Stephen surfing. Things were still tense between Stephen and me, but we weren't fighting today. I had been surprised when he showed up that morning, but I was willing to try to be around him. We had said we wanted to catch up soon.
It was always amazing to see three incredibly attractive, talented actors blend in with every other surfer out on the beach. Last year when they were all working on the set, they would constantly sneak off to surf each morning. I looked out into the ocean and watched as they took turns catching waves.
Violet grabbed my hand and squeezed. “I’m glad you came out. Getting out of the house is good for you.”
I smiled. “Me too. It’s exactly what I needed.”
We watched them for a few more minutes in silence and memories swirled around in my head. “Do you remember the time Stephen was attempting to teach me to surf, and the board came up and cut my eyebrow? I had a shiner for three weeks and it hurt like hell.”
“I remember that. Stephen carried you up to the sand. When he got the blood stopped he took you to the ER. He stayed calm until the doctor told you that you had to have stitches. He blamed himself you know.”
“It wasn’t his fault. I’m just not made for surfing.”
She laughed. “That’s an understatement Taylor. He’s been trying to teach you to surf for the better part of a decade and you still can’t figure it out.”
I stuck my tongue out at her.
“I think that was the day I fell in love with him.”
Vi cocked her head. “Why then?”
I stared out at the ocean while I thought back to Stephen holding my hand while the doctor put in those eight stitches. He kissed my forehead so softly afterwards. The board had given me a concussion when it flew up and hit me. He stayed with me for over twenty-four hours making sure he woke me up and took care of me. That was the first time he had ever kissed me.
“I don’t know. Being eighteen was simple.”
“Running away was easy," Vi countered.
“Maybe it was, but at least I never got hurt.”
She sighed and looked over at me. “You never let him get close enough to hurt you.”
I stubbornly stared at the guys in front of us, not looking at my big sister. “Like I am now?”
“Taylor—”
“Its fine, Vi. The only thing I want is to be with him, but all we do is hurt one another. So you tell me, what kind of relationship is that? Did you ever think that might be the reason I push him away?”
She was quiet for a few minutes. “If it’s any consolation, all he wants is to be with you too. If you would quit being so damn stubborn maybe, just maybe, it would actually work between the two of you.”
I leaned back onto the sand and closed my eyes. Tears leaked from the corners of my closed eyes and I threw my arm over them to hide the wetness. Just my luck, the guys chose that second to walk to where we were sitting. All I could do was pretend to be asleep, but the longer I laid there, the more upset I got. My body rocked as I choked back the sobs that fought to escape. The guys all sat around the edge of our blanket and there was no way I could leave without everyone knowing I was losing it.
Everyone else was having fun, joking and laughing and enjoying the company. I was lost in my head. The memories from falling in love with Stephen were fresh in my mind. I felt raw and cut to the bone. It was now or never.
I sat up quickly and grabbed my bag. Only one tear fell before I shoved on my sunglasses.
“I’ve got to go. I forgot I have an article that’s due by the end of the day and I haven’t even started it.”
Violet frowned, but didn’t argue. The look on her face told me she felt guilty for pushing.
“Are you sure you can’t stay for lunch?” Gage asked. “This is the first time I’ve seen you in almost two weeks and I have to leave again tomorrow.”
I grimaced. “I’m sorry. If I get it done I’ll come back out.”
It was getting harder to talk. There was a lump in my throat I couldn’t swallow around. I stood up and wiped the sand from my butt. Surprisingly, Stephen stood up next to me. “Do you need help taking your things to the house?”
I shook my head and walked off toward the house. My breaths came faster with each step. Tears threatened to fall, but I couldn’t let any of my friends see me this way. Stephen’s hand grabbed my arm before I took the first step to the deck and I gasped.
“Taylor, are you okay?”
“I’m fine.”
“Baby,” he said softly.
“No, Stephen, please,” I whispered. “I can’t do this right now.”
I cleared my throat. “Just go have fun with everyone. I need to work.”
“I can leave,” he offered.
“Don’t be silly. I’ll be back later if I get done in time.”
“Okay,” he said doubtfully. I climbed the stairs and thankfully he didn’t follow me. As soon as the door shut behind me, I bit down on my cheek to keep myself from crying out. Hot scalding tears streamed down my face and I silently sobbed for everything I wanted, but couldn't have.
Stephen looked at me from across our kitchen table. The same cute little pub style table we had picked up at the flea market when we first moved in and I painstakingly refinished so it would be perfect. His eyes were unreadable. He wasn’t completely shut off from me, but he was guarded. I didn’t blame him. The tremor in his hand was the only thing that gave away the fact he was as nervous about this as I was. God, I missed our mornings together. Some days we had spent hours sitting and talking over coffee, sharing a bagel or croissant.
The text he sent me late last night asking me to come over this morning was unexpected, but if he wanted to talk I would try. I didn't want this to turn into another screaming match where we got nothing accomplished except to make each other feel worse.
“I’m trying to understand, Taylor. I really am.” He rubbed his brow, and I winced. I wish I could explain it to him.
“I don’t even know where to start.”
He took my hand in his and studied the lines on the surface. “Tell me why you can’t stay in one place. What are you so scared of?”
I stared down at our interlocked fingers. “I’m terrified of not being enough,” I whispered. “What happe
ns when I fall in love and you don’t want me anymore? What if you find me lacking?”
He cupped my face, and I leaned into his touch. “Baby, have I ever made you feel like you weren’t exactly what I wanted? I just want to be with you. Not only that, but I’ve known you your entire life. If something that was a deal breaker was going to come up, don’t you think that would have happened before now?”
“Mason and Emmy were together ten years, Stephen. Ten years. They got divorced in ten days.”
“Because they weren’t communicating. There is also more to that story than what Mason is letting on. I can’t believe that he could let Em go after all that time. There was no way I would ever let that happen.”
“But what if something like that happens to us?”
Stephen seemed frustrated. “Do you really think that I would keep something so big from you? Especially after I’ve worked so hard to get you to trust me? To trust in our relationship? I’m not Mason. And you can’t keep comparing us to everyone else. We're stronger than them.”
For the first time in too long, I looked at Stephen. Really studied him. Dark circles ringed his eyes, and he looked beaten down. I’m sure I looked the same, but I wasn’t concerned about myself.
“It’s not that I don’t trust you, it’s that I don’t trust myself to believe in us. And I don’t know how to change that.” I bit the inside of my cheek and tilted my head to the side. Stephen leaned in and pushed the hair out of my face.
“Let me help you.” His voice sounded so hopeful. I wanted to say yes, it was on the tip of my tongue, but something held me back.
“I have to do this on my own. If I let you do the work for me, I’ll never get it. I need to do this, not just for us to be together, but for me to be happy. I don't want to keep hurting you, and the need to escape from my emotions is overwhelming sometimes.” I squeezed his hand. “But you will have to be there for me while I figure it out. No more jealousy over Rhys. If I’m going to be in a relationship with anyone, it will be you.”
Stephen met my gaze, and I stared into his beautiful amber eyes. “I’ll try.”
“Me too,” I whispered, putting my forehead to his. We sat there for a few minutes. Stephen stood up from the table and the muscles in his back looked strained. I wanted to go to him, but I didn’t know if he would welcome me or not.
Fuck it. I’m the one that hurt him, so I’ll be the one to fix it.
I walked behind him and put my arms around his stomach, resting my head on his back.
“I’m sorry. I never wanted to hurt you again.”
I breathed in his spicy scent and felt like I was home. He turned in my arms and cupped my face with his hands, his lips inches from mine.
“I get it, Taylor. I just don’t like it. More than anything, I want us to figure this out so we can get on with our lives together.”
My heart soared in my chest. He still wants to be with me, even after all the stuff I’ve put him through. When his lips touched down on mine, I wanted everything he had to offer. Stephen was home to me. He had proven it time and again. Now I had to work out how to open myself up and trust in us.
I padded my way into the living room carrying a massive bowl of popcorn. Violet looked up in surprise.
“I thought you were out with Rhys. Didn't you guys have plans to go to the carnival with a few of his employees from the bar?”
“I told him I wasn't going today.”
She turned back towards the TV, but the confused expression still stayed on her face. It was hard not to laugh, but it was only a matter of time.
“So, why are you here?”
“It’s Sunday, isn’t it?”
“You’re joining me for yoga pants Sunday?”
“All my assignments are done, and all my plans have been cancelled. So I'm joining you for yoga pants Sunday, if that's okay with you.”
I put the bowl of popcorn down between us and she moved the brownie plate a smidgen closer. Frowning, I looked over at her. “Three inches? I share my popcorn with you and you move the plate three inches closer?”
“Popcorn versus chocolate, you do the math.”
“I had ice cream and soda for us to make floats later, but I’m not so sure now.”
She shoved the plate closer. “I’ll share for ice cream.”
I laughed and turned back towards the TV.
“So, what’s going on with you?”
I sighed.
Of course she wants to talk.
I shifted so I could look at her. “Let’s make this easy. What do you want to know?”
Violet flushed. “It’s not that I want to—I’m just worried," she stammered.
“Vi, I know you. You want me to tell you if I’ve talked to Stephen or not, don’t you? We're taking things slow. I have some work to do before we get back together.”
“Why do you say that?”
I shrugged. “We’ve had a really rough couple of months. Just give us time to get there, okay?”
She nodded. “I won’t push. For now.”
I settled back into the couch. “So what are we watching?”
“I don’t know. You pick.”
It was Violet’s apology for prying. I was surprised that she had because normally she leaves things alone until I’m ready to come to her. Although, I had called her out before she could ask a ton of questions. Maybe I was being overly sensitive.
We searched through Netflix trying to pick a movie, but instead we decided on a series we had watched a million times already. The day was exactly what I needed to forget about the drama surrounding my life. As much as I wanted to figure out this crap with Stephen, I needed to stop overanalyzing everything.
“Where’s Jax and Harp?”
“Harp is at Connor and Sophia’s with Alice. Jax is out with Gage, Connor, and Stephen. They said something about going golfing.”
“That would be hilarious. Have any of them ever been golfing?”
“Stephen, many, many years ago. Other than him, I don’t think so.”
“I might pay money to see that.”
“Oh, I already bribed Jax with sex if he records it for me.”
I made a face and switched the TV over so it was playing music. My tolerance for sitting around was over.
“Let’s go make floats.”
We raced to the kitchen, giggling like little girls. Mayday by Cam came on and we sang at the top of our lungs as we scooped ice cream. I hadn’t seen Violet this relaxed in forever. She had been so stressed out from her law classes, doing press appearances during breaks, and taking care of Harper. It was awesome spending this time with her.
I hugged her side and tucked my head under her chin.
“What’s up kid?” she asked looking down at me.
“Nothing. I’ve just missed my big sister.”
She hugged me back, and we had a moment.
“Okay, enough of that sappy stuff,” I said laughing.
“Let’s do something fun.”
“Like what?”
“No clue, but we are two young, fun women. Surely we can think of something.”
“Yoga pants Sunday is evolving,” I said laughing.
“I don’t have my kid or my husband attached to my hip right now. I need to have some fun.”
“Never have I ever. Call Sophia and Amanda and get them over here. We’ll make it a girls’ night.”
Vi was already pulling out her phone to text them. I made a run to the store to get supplies. Within twenty minutes we had both the girls and the liquor we needed to make the night more interesting.
“So you’re telling me you had sex in the bathroom at Crossfire?” Violet cried out giggling.
“It was only once,” Amanda defended.
“Drink. That’s the rule,” I said laughing.
“Sophia, you’re being awfully quiet,” Violet said narrowing her eyes. “Are you even drinking?”
She blanched and my eyes widened.
“Are you pregnant?" I screeched.
>
She hung her head. “I don’t know. I’m scared to take the test. We thought we were done after the boys.” Sophia looked miserable. I couldn't understand how she had been keeping everything to herself. If it was me, I would have already taken it. There was a reason I took the shot religiously.
Violet grabbed her arm and tugged Sophia back to her bathroom. Amanda and I took one look at each other and ran to catch up.
“You guys can wait outside,” Sophia said pointedly.
I giggled and pulled Violet back. We tumbled down on the bed.
“Why do you even have a pregnancy test?” I asked.
“After Harper, I bought stock in the fuckers. I probably took like fifteen tests just to make sure.”
“Before or after I caught you with the first one?” Amanda challenged.
“After.”
Amanda and I giggled while Violet scowled at us, but before long she had tears rolling down her face. We didn't understand why everything was so funny, but we couldn't stop laughing.
We heard, “Oh fuck!” come from the bathroom.
“Sophia, are you okay?” Vi asked tentatively.
“No,” she said opening the door with the test in her hand. Violet sat up and tried not to fall off the bed onto the floor.
“What does it say?”
“It’s positive.”
“Are you okay Soph?” I asked slowly. “Why don’t you sit down?”
She sat down next to me and I rubbed her back.
“I guess I’m happy. It’s just going to take some time adjusting. Is it wrong of me to want a girl?”
I laughed. “No, it makes you awesome. You’ve been outnumbered for too long.”
She started laughing. “Holy fuck. I’m going to be a mom again.”
Violet fell off the side of the bed and we all laughed our asses off at her. And that was the end of girls’ night. The guys came home to find us drunk and crying as we ate ice cream and popcorn. All except for Sophia, who had a very secretive smile as she looked at Connor.
Stephen threw his hands in the air. “I said I could do this, but I can’t. Taylor, every time I see you with him I feel like I’m going insane. You need to choose, it’s either him or me.”
Restless (Relentless Series Book 2) Page 9