The tide crashed over my ankles every few minutes as I ran along the water's edge. It wasn’t the first time this week I ran like something was chasing me, but it was the first time it had actually helped. Violet and Jax were back to avoiding me because of my horrible mood. Maybe they were just trying to give me room to heal; either way they hadn’t bothered me.
Yesterday I overheard Jaxon telling Vi that Stephen had left early to start filming. He didn't say it, but I knew it was because of me. As much as it killed me for him to be gone, it also gave me some peace of mind I wouldn’t run into him at the grocery store or anywhere else for that matter. I didn’t want to leave, but it was getting harder to convince myself to stay in California.
As I approached the deck I was surprised to see Rhys sitting in one of the patio chairs. He glanced up as I climbed up the stairs and tried to smile. It looked more like a grimace, but I honestly couldn't blame him.
“What are you doing here Rhys?”
“I came to apologize. I’m sorry that I—”
“Don’t worry about it," I said cutting him off.
“Here’s the thing, I am worried about it. You weren’t yourself the night of the cookout and I shouldn’t have let Stephen bug me so much when he taunted me. I feel responsible for you guys ending things.”
It didn’t surprise me that Stephen started the fight. He’d been aching to lay into Rhys since he'd shown up.
“Look, I really just want to be left alone. I’m trying to figure things out for myself. Stephen and I are done and now I need to figure out my next move. I'm debating if I even want to stay in California.”
“Go out to dinner with me.” I scoffed. “Just listen. We can go as friends. No pressure for anything else. I’ve never pushed you, but I think you need to get out of the house. The walls will close in on you soon.”
“That’s not a good idea.”
He sighed. “If you change your mind, I’m here. But all I wanted to say was that I’m sorry. You didn’t deserve to be put through that.”
“Thanks Rhys.”
He stood up, and I took a step back to let him go down the stairs. I met his eyes and the spark between us was there like always. It surprised me that even after everything I had gone through in the past few days I could still feel that way.
“I’ll talk to you later, Taylor.”
I nodded and watched him walk away. He was wrong; the house wouldn’t close in on me. I was fine.
Fuck. I wasn’t fine. Rhys was right; the house was closing in on me. Less than twenty-four hours later I was staring down at my phone trying to decide if I should text him or not. Out of principle, I didn’t want to, but I was lonely. Violet was in class, Jax had left for a few days for some promotion shit, Amanda was in New York, and Alice was watching Harper. Literally everyone had abandoned me.
Almost magically the stupid thing chimed.
Bored yet?
I grinned. Apparently Rhys knew me better than he let on.
I’m sorry I was a bitch. Hang out with me tonight?
Instead of texting back like I expected, he called. I jumped when my phone started its familiar ringtone.
“So, I wore you down already?”
“Shut up,” I said laughing. “Just because I can’t stare at my laptop anymore doesn’t mean you wore me down.”
“No, it means you need to get out of there. Let me take you to dinner.”
I bit down on my lip. If I agreed did that make it a date? “One condition.”
“Name it.”
“It's not a date. I won't let you pay because I’m not ready to start dating. If you pay that makes it something bigger and I can’t—”
“Taylor, just slow down, it’s not a date.”
“Promise?”
“I promise. We can go to a fast-food restaurant for all I care, just quit freaking out.”
I took a deep breath. “Okay. What time?”
“I’ll pick you up around eight. Does that work for you?”
I looked down at the clock. It was only four.
“I'll be ready.”
We hung up, and I stared at my phone. I know we said it wasn’t a date, but it felt like it was.
Holy shit.
What did I just agree to?
Rhys was late picking me up. He sent a text telling me he got caught up at the bar, and I tried not to be disappointed. If this had been a first date, he would have failed the first test. I poured a glass of white wine while I waited for him to show up.
I was on my second by the time he showed up almost an hour later. He looked exhausted. The red roses he brought took me by surprise and my hand shook as I reached out to take them from him.
“My apology for being late,” he said sheepishly, handing me the bouquet. “I’m sorry. I had a bartender no show and one of my waitresses hurt her ankle as I was about to walk out the door.”
“We can always reschedule or go hang out at the bar so you can keep an eye on things.”
“No, I have to let the new manager start taking over.” He sighed. “My brother told me about a place in Washington that he wants me to look at soon, so I won’t be here much longer. I’ll still be back every few weeks for the first year though.”
“Rhys, do you ever sleep? You’re at the bar until closing every night practically. I see your car at the gym early each morning. Seriously, do you ever just rest?”
“I am tonight,” he said taking my arm. His smile left me a little breathless. “Let’s go.”
Apparently we have different meanings of the word rest. We went to the boardwalk and chose a funky little Italian, seafood fusion place that was amazing. I wasn’t thrilled that Gage was sitting across the restaurant with a redhead. He frowned at me and acted like he was going to come over, but he stayed on his side of the restaurant and we didn't move from ours.
After dinner, Rhys took me for ice cream. The rocky road was aptly named for my mood and tasted amazing. Rhys chose butter pecan, my other favorite. I gave him puppy dog eyes, until we ended up splitting both of the cones. He laughed as I jumped up and down, giddy at getting my way.
I drug him down to the arcade that Jaxon had taken Violet to for their first date. It was a secret gem tucked away on the boardwalk. We played skeet ball for almost an hour, racking up massive amounts of tickets.
“I didn’t realize you were so competitive,” Rhys said raising his eyebrow.
I giggled. “Oh yeah, Stephen won’t play board games with me because I throw a fit if I lose.”
The smile on my face died as I thought about him for the first time all evening. I had been doing so well.
“Hey,” Rhys said cupping the side of my face. “Don’t worry about it. He’s a major part of your life and that’s not ending anytime soon. He's been one of your best friends for forever." I nodded and broke eye contact. “Let’s go pick something out with our tickets.”
“Sure.”
We stood at the counter looking at the kitschy knickknacks. I pointed at a purple stuffed hippo.
“That.”
“Are you sure?” Rhys looked at the stuffed animal doubtfully.
“Yep.”
“Okay, the lady wants the hippo.” The attendant smiled and handed it over. I hugged it to my chest and grinned.
“Thanks.”
“You’re welcome. Why that one?”
“My dad used to take me to the zoo when I was a kid. Every time we went we would have to go see the elephants because they were my favorite and the hippos because they were his. He passed away not too long ago. I really miss him.”
“I’m sorry about your dad, but that’s a great memory to have of him.”
“Thanks. He was great. He was one of the few people that understood me.”
“That’s the first time you’ve mentioned anyone in your family besides Violet.”
I winced. “My mom and I don’t talk.”
“Gotcha, sorry, I made it awkward.”
“I’m awkward all by myself. I don’t need
any help.”
He laughed, and the tension was gone. Rhys had a way of putting me at ease and I was thankful for his ability to know what I needed most. The evening could have taken a million different directions, but he’d helped me keep my mind out of the places that could hurt me the most. I appreciated that he had finally gotten me out of my rut.
I opened the kitchen door and wasn’t all that surprised to see Gage standing there looking incredibly pissed off. Luckily Violet and Jax had already left for the day. He stared down at me and I tried not to wince. The intensity of his eyes was something I hadn't seen from him before.
“Good morning.”
“Don’t.”
“Okay,” I drawled. “Come inside. I’ll make coffee while you bitch me out.”
He grunted once and followed me through the house. I peeked over my shoulder to watch him as I set out filling up the carafe and measuring out the beans. Gage was pissed. More than pissed, maybe irate would explain it? I was sure he wouldn't make me wait long before he exploded.
“I know you’re mad,” I stared, and he grunted at me again. “But it wasn’t what it looked like.”
“What it looked like was that you were leading Stephen on this whole time." He smacked his hand down on the table. "You went out on a date with Rhys not a week after you tell Stephen you can’t be together.”
“That’s not what happened!”
“That’s exactly what it fucking looked like when Rhys had his hands all over you. Did you end up coming home and fucking him?”
I slammed down the coffee cup I had been pulling out of the cabinet and turned to stare at him. My breath caught in my chest and I tried hard to fight back the sob that was working its way out of my throat.
“No, I didn’t, you fucking dick.”
He rubbed his hand down his face. “Then help me understand what you were doing?”
“It doesn’t matter if you have already condemned me for hanging out with a friend.”
“We’ve talked about this, Taylor. Rhys doesn’t want to be your friend.”
“I get that, but it doesn't mean I’m going to date Rhys just because I'm not with Stephen anymore. Rhys wouldn’t be a rebound guy if I ever went there. Not that I'm going to,” I said narrowing my eyes.
“See, it's things like that that make me believe that you’re playing Stephen.”
I picked up the coffee cup and lobbed it at him. He ducked to the side, and it missed his head, but not by much. The sound of the porcelain shattering on the ground was temporarily satisfying.
“What the fuck?” Gage yelled jumping up from the table.
“Don’t tell me I’m just messing with Stephen. Don’t tell me I don’t love him. Don’t act like this isn’t fucking killing me inside. I'm dying here, Gage.” I choked back a sob, and he started towards me. I held out my hand to stop him.
“Then why did you go out with Rhys?” he asked. He walked over and took my hands in his. When I looked up at him, his eyes weren’t silently judging me anymore.
“Rhys stopped by two days ago and told me he was sorry for what happened. I wasn’t sure if I would ever want to talk to him again, but the more I thought about it, the more I wanted to. He was a good friend. I’m lonely and I miss Stephen. You guys are all busy, and I hate being so damn pathetic, begging for anyone to spend time with me. Rhys was sincere when he apologized. I made it clear to him that last night wasn’t a date, and he accepted that.”
“What would have happened if Stephen would have seen you?”
“He’s out of town already. Jax told Vi he left early to start filming because he wanted to get away. It hurts to know the reason he needed to leave is me.”
“He misses you. And he hates how things went down. He's beating himself up just as much as you are.”
“What other choice do I have, Gage? We make up and I think we are finally on the right path, and then something else happens to mess it all up again. Not only that, but he doesn’t trust me.”
“Why do you think that?”
“He believes I'll leave again. I can see it in his eyes, and every time Rhys’ name comes up, he loses his mind.”
“It’s not that he doesn’t trust you. It’s that he’s afraid he’s going to lose you again.”
I pulled a chair out at the table and sat down, laying my head in my hands. Gage rubbed my back softly as I cried.
“I can’t keep hurting like this.”
“So what do you want?”
“Stephen,” I whispered. “But we’ve tried. All we do is hurt each other.”
“You keep pushing him away though. He wants nothing more than to be with you and love you with everything he has, but you won’t let him. You make up these bullshit excuses of why you can’t be with him. One day you’re going to push so hard he won’t be there waiting for you anymore.”
I nodded my head and bit down on the side of my cheek.
“You’ve never given up so easily before. Why are you this time?”
Because I’m afraid of getting hurt or hurting Stephen again.
“I don’t know,” I answered softly instead of telling him the truth.
“I think you do, but you’re too scared to actually say it. If you can’t tell me, maybe you should think about saying it to Stephen.”
Gage rubbed my back once, then went to the pantry and pulled the broom out to clean up the glass from the coffee cup. I watched him sweep up the pieces. That’s how my heart felt right now, shattered into a million tiny little pieces that could never be put back together. Even if I made it through this, I would never be the same.
I was running again. Not figuratively, literally. The sand under my feet that I normally counted on to help ground me wasn’t helping. Everything was so fucked up. A week after my talk with Gage and I still didn’t know what to do. Going to hang out with Rhys right now wasn’t the best idea, especially after how Gage reacted to seeing up together. What would happen if it was Stephen? I shuddered at the thought.
Rhys was great. He was funny and sexy and knew how to put me at ease, but he wasn’t Stephen. I needed to fix myself before I tried a relationship with anyone. For me, Stephen would always be the love of my life. Whoever I ended up with wouldn’t compare to him. Gage told me I was pushing him away, and he was right. I didn’t want to risk hurting him again.
The solace I had found running up and down this patch of beach was gone. Frustrated, I walked the last half mile just to try to get my head on straight. I needed to focus. Today I was babysitting Harper for Violet and Jax and I wanted to have fun with my niece, not be distracted by my stupidity.
When I walked back downstairs after my shower, Harp was sitting in her highchair happily munching on some Cheerios. I kissed her head and went to pour myself a cup of coffee. Jax was halfway asleep at the table. He looked up at me and smiled. I sat down next to him.
“Late night?” I asked.
“You could say that.”
“Did Harper keep you guys up? I didn’t hear her.”
“Nope, Harp slept like a rock. Your sister on the other hand, she—”
"Yuck! Stop Jax.”
His chuckle filled the kitchen. Violet came in looking entirely too happy for it being so early.
“Good morning,” she said cheerily. “How did you sleep last night, Taylor?”
“Not as good as you apparently,” I mumbled into my coffee. "You guys are so fucking gross."
"Language," Vi said smirking as Jaxon laughed again. I shuddered.
“Just leave so I can take care of my niece without you two grossing me out.”
Violet stood pouring a cup of coffee. Jax kissed her neck softly and went to get ready for work. I was green with envy. I missed having that connection with someone.
Vi must have noticed the look on my face when she turned around because her expression changed.
“Are you sure you’re okay staying with Harp today? I can ask Alice to watch her if you need more time.”
“I’m fine.”
She sighed. “Never mind.”
“Time with Harper will be good for me. It’ll keep my mind off things.”
“Okay, but call if you need anything.”
I nodded. We finished our coffee in silence. I could tell Violet wanted to say more, but she didn’t. Thank goodness. Harper cooed from her high chair and we both laughed as we glanced over at her. She had Cheerios stuck in her hair and to the side of her face. This was exactly what I needed.
Every time I pushed Harper in the swing her delighted squeals filled the air. I laughed as her little face lit up. Rhys watched us from the park bench across from the swings with a smile curling his lips. My skin felt hot from his eyes travelling up and down my body. After ten minutes Harp finally got tired of the swings, so we stopped.
We slowly walked over to where Rhys sat, and I chuckled as she went directly to him, demanding to be picked up. He reached down and pulled her into his strong arms. The sight about made my ovaries explode. I wiped at cracker crumbs that clung to Harper’s chubby cheeks and I heard a sigh come from the older lady sitting next to us.
I looked over and a soft smile covered her wrinkled face. She blushed when she noticed me looking at her.
“I’m sorry for staring. You just make such an adorable family. It reminds me of when my kids were young.”
I opened my mouth to tell her we weren’t together, and that Harper was my niece, but Rhys cut me off. “Thank you, ma’am. I love my girls so much. This one here won’t make an honest man out of me though. Can you believe she’s turned me down twice already?”
My mouth dropped open in shock. Never one to be outdone, I gritted my teeth. “That’s not exactly how I remember it, babe.”
“Oh honey, life is short and can be taken from you in an instant. Take advantage of the fact you have a man that loves you and wants to be with you,” the lady lectured.
This time it was me blushing. “Thank you. I'll consider that the next time he asks.”
Restless (Relentless Series Book 2) Page 12