by Dinah McLeod
Deep down, she knew it was more than nerves. She was afraid. She was afraid she’d see him again and it would be… what? Like seeing a stranger. She was terrified that they’d look at each other and feel nothing at all.
Part of her wished that she could confide in Jarrod about these things. But he was her confessor, the one who meted out punishment. Slowly, over the long weeks that she and Sean had been apart, he’d even become a friend. But he was brothers-in-arms and battle buddies with Sean first and her friend second. So really, she had no one to turn to with her secret, hidden fears. The biggest fear, when she could admit it to herself, was that she would be trading her current arrangement with Jarrod—an arrangement that was certainly untraditional but that she’d come to depend on nonetheless—for a man she didn’t know anymore. When Sean was finally home and settled, she’d be seeing a lot less of Jarrod. Once, it wouldn’t have bothered her—particularly those first few times she’d found herself upended over his lap and staring at the floor as he’d reddened her bare bottom. But now… now, she couldn’t entertain the thought because when she did her heart bloomed with a hurt so raw that her breaths came in shallow gasps.
Kaitlyn forced herself to put it out of her mind now, too. She shouldn’t be thinking about Jarrod at all—Sean was always going to come home, and things were always going to go back to the way they had been. That had been the plan, and she should be glad. It was only her nerves getting to her that made her think like this. She shook her head and turned her thoughts back to Sean. What was he thinking right now? Was it about her? Was he anticipating their reunion as much as she was? Was his heart pounding as hard as hers was? Was it beating in his ears, drowning out the sounds around him, taking his focus off everything but the idea of seeing her?
“I hate this,” she muttered, not even aware that she’d spoken the words aloud.
“It’ll be over soon.”
She startled at the sound of Jarrod’s voice. He’d broken her out of a trance she hadn’t even been aware she’d put herself in. She wrenched her eyes away from the plane, and the door that stayed firmly shut despite her attempts to pry it open with sheer willpower. “I wish he’d hurry up already,” she admitted.
“If he could have you in his arms right now, I know he would.” He put his arm around her shoulders and gave her a squeeze.
She allowed herself to relax momentarily in the familiar embrace, grateful for the comfort even though she didn’t feel reassured. She sure hoped he was right. At the same time, as anxious as she was about their situation, she was frustrated with herself, too. The thoughts felt disloyal. After all, it wasn’t like she hadn’t known what she was getting herself into when she’d accepted Sean’s marriage proposal. She’d known that being a military wife was demanding—or, rather, she’d thought she knew. She’d read every military spouse article she could get her hands on, and of course, there had been all the well-meaning advice she’d gotten whenever anyone learned that she would soon marry a military man. So, she’d thought she had some rough idea of what it would be like, but how could you really know until you were living it?
You couldn’t comprehend the loneliness until you were on your own, day in and day out, longing for someone that you couldn’t have. It wasn’t a regular job. He couldn’t ask for a day off here and there because she had the flu. He hadn’t been there for her to call on when she’d gotten a flat sixteen miles away from the base, or been there when her mom had gotten really sick. It had looked dire for a while, and while he’d told her how sorry he was, crying alone wasn’t nearly as cathartic as spilling tears onto a sympathetic shoulder.
She supposed she could have called Jarrod. He’d come out and fixed her flat—he was, it turned out, good for more than just making her butt all kinds of sore—but it hadn’t felt right, to look to him for comfort in that regard. She knew that Sean had meant well when he’d asked his friend to take care of her, but it still just wasn’t the same. The truth was, nothing could have prepared her for the insanity of being married to a man who she hadn’t been able to touch in a year and a half. He’d missed their anniversary, her birthday, Christmas. How were they supposed to build a life together when she was making memories without him? Did it even bother him?
Kaitlyn was mired so deep in her own thoughts that she didn’t realize anyone was speaking to her until she felt Jarrod jostle her elbow. “Hey!” she exclaimed, narrowing her eyes at him.
“Kate, the general’s wife asked you a question.”
She turned in surprise to see a girl sporting super-long, shiny reddish-brown hair and a tentative smile.
“I’m sorry,” Kaitlyn said without bothering to hide her sigh. Didn’t this girl know she was waiting to see her husband? She was much too wound up to talk to anyone right now. “What was that?”
“I was asking if you’d gotten my invitation to join the FRG.”
“The what?” she asked with ill-conceived impatience, glancing back at the plane. Damn it, the door had opened. She wanted to stand riveted to the spot and watch for Sean, but the silly girl wouldn’t shut up!
“It stands for Family Readiness Group. I lead the group and I was hoping that since you’re fairly new to our post—”
“Listen,” she interrupted with a false smile and warmth that she didn’t feel. “I never got an invitation, but if you could take me off your list, I’d be grateful. I’m not interested.” Kaitlyn was so busy looking for Sean that she didn’t see how caught off guard the girl was. “It was nice to meet you,” she added without looking at her, “but if you’ll excuse me, I’m waiting for my husband.”
“Yes, of course. Forgive the intrusion.”
Kaitlyn didn’t attempt a response and in an instant the woman and the conversation had completely evaporated from her mind. Because right at that moment, she saw a halo of golden blond hair that could only belong to her soldier. Her heart took off into a gallop and rode straight into her throat as she waited. She watched with bated breath as he descended the plane. Though she was sure he was hurrying toward her, every foot of space between them was agony.
Her eyes latched onto him, drinking the sight of him in so deeply that she didn’t think she could tear her gaze away if she’d wanted to. It had been so long—and yes, she’d been able to see him from time to time on Skype, so she’d had no trouble recalling his clean, chiseled features. Yet, her eyes caught on details that had grown foggy with time. Had he always been so tall? Had he always looked so formal, so stiff? Her heart began to flutter with a heady mix of nervousness and excitement as he drew closer. She smiled so big that she thought her face might split in two. She smiled for him, that was true, but she also smiled because her fear had dissipated as though it had never been there. What had she been worried about? Suddenly, she couldn’t even remember.
By the time he reached her, she was bouncing on her heels with excitement and eager anticipation. Sean’s gaze seemed as intense on her as she knew her own must seem to him. His blue eyes ravaged her face just moments before he grabbed her in a hug that was fierce and somehow tender all at once. When she inhaled his sweet, manly scent, tears sprang to her eyes.
“God, I missed you,” he breathed into her hair.
She didn’t think he could possibly hold her any closer, yet she wanted to meld into him so that she never had to let go again. “I missed you, too,” she said, beginning to cry.
“Shh. It’s OK, baby. I’m here now. I’m home.”
She clung to him, forgetting that there were other couples around them, in the midst of their own tearful reunions. She didn’t care. She even forgot about Jarrod, who had respectfully stepped aside to give them their space. She didn’t know how long they stood there, lost in each other’s arms, but by the time they came up for air they were only one of a handful of couples left.
At that moment, Jarrod cleared his throat from behind him. Sean turned, his arm still around her, and smiled.
“How’s it been, battle?” he asked, clasping hands briefly with his frien
d. “I owe you for keeping things in line for me here stateside.”
Kaitlyn flushed, knowing that by things he actually meant her.
“Don’t mention it. Anytime.”
“Well, maybe we’ll both get lucky and I won’t have to take you up on that,” he said, and they chuckled together.
They were still laughing when another man approached. Kaitlyn could tell by his salt and pepper hair that he was older, and by his uniform that he was a two-star general. When they caught sight of him, both men stood up a little straighter and went silent almost instantly.
“At ease, men,” the general boomed. “You’re not even on duty, Peters,” he told Jarrod.
“Old habits, sir.”
“Yes, I know all too well. And I’m sure you’re happy to be home, Green.”
“Yes, sir,” Sean replied, squeezing her tightly to him. “Very happy.”
“This must be your beautiful wife.”
“Yes, sir, this is Kaitlyn. I’d like you to meet General McCoy,” he told her.
“Pleased to meet you,” Kaitlyn replied, her voice shaking slightly. She started to raise her hand to shake his, but quickly dropped it. Was she supposed to curtsey, or salute? She had no idea. She had barely gotten her feet wet in the way of Army life when Sean had gotten deployed. She’d been alone ever since—well, unless you counted Jarrod, who was around more for discipline and stern talkings-to than movies and bike rides. Maybe now that her husband was back she could wrap her head around things.
“I believe you’ve met my wife.”
“No, sir,” she began to say. But the words froze on her lips, because the girl who stepped forward was in fact familiar. But surely not… he’d said his wife. Her eyes traveled between the two of them. He looked so much older than her! Hell, Kaitlyn was sure she was older! So what was this teenybopper doing with a two-star general? She opened her mouth to speak, but she seemed to have gone mute. She could feel Sean and Jarrod’s eyes on her, and theirs in addition to the general’s was more than she could bear. She was blushing so hotly that she was sure she would burst into flame any moment right before their pointed stares.
“There seems to be some sort of misunderstanding,” the general continued. “Candice here tells me that you declined her invitation to join the FRG, but I told her that I know your husband here very well. I told her, I said, ‘Candice, that just doesn’t sound like the kind of woman Green would hitch his wagon to.’”
“I… um…” What could she say? What kind of explanation could she offer, other than the truth? How would it sound for her to say, well, general, sir, I didn’t know that you were married to a Skipper doll, so I didn’t think I had to worry about it? No, she doubted that would help at all. She didn’t think he’d appreciate being called old. What was her name? Candice? Candice shouldn’t mind being called young, because everyone there could see that she was.
“Kaitlyn?”
She winced when she heard the stern, disbelieving tone from her husband.
“Is that true?”
“I…”
“Like I said,” the general boomed with a wide smile. “I’m sure this has all just been a misunderstanding. In the excitement and all, it’s easy to understand. Candice will be in touch with you about the next meeting.”
Kaitlyn glanced over at the girl who, if she didn’t imagine it, was giving her a small, satisfied smirk. Go ahead and laugh! she thought. You can have your husband fight your battles for you. That, she supposed, was probably why she’d married him in the first place.
“The general is waiting on a response, Kate.”
Great, now Jarrod was getting on her, too. Could this get any more embarrassing?
“Yes, sir,” she answered, resisting the urge to turn around and glare at the pair of them.
“See you later, gentlemen. Nice to meet you, ma’am.” He offered his arm to his wife, who looped her hands around it. She gave Kaitlyn a jaunty little wave before they departed.
As soon as they had their backs turned, she did roll her eyes. “Can you believe her?” she asked, turning to the pair of them. As soon as she saw their expressions—Sean was stony and fierce, Jarrod’s jaw had clenched and he was tapping his foot again—her embarrassment was forgotten in the face of a very real threat: retribution.
“Tell me this isn’t true,” Sean ordered in a low, dangerous growl.
She knew that when he got that tone it meant nothing but trouble for her backside and when her bottom began to tingle in dread-anticipation, she couldn’t help but wince. “I didn’t mean to,” was all she could offer.
“Kaitlyn!” Her name on his lips was half groan, half reprimand. “She’s the general’s wife! My boss’s wife! What were you thinking?”
“Technically, the president is your boss, so…” She trailed off when his eyes narrowed. She’d been hoping to get a small smile, or at least to lessen his scowl, but clearly that wasn’t happening.
“This isn’t the time or place to discuss this.” It was Jarrod’s voice this time. Of course, the calm voice of reason, coming to her rescue.
She looked up at him, offering a grateful smile. But the smile died on her lips. She could see in a glance that his intention wasn’t to get her out of trouble at all. In fact, he looked even more pissed than Sean. She hadn’t even thought that was possible.
“Let’s get to the car.” Jarrod gave the order briskly, after which he took her by the elbow and marched her to the parking lot.
So, as it turned out, she could be even more humiliated. She tried to pull away, she tried turning to Sean for help, but when she’d tried to look back at him Jarrod had snapped at her to keep her eyes forward. She had never known him to snap before, so she did exactly as he’d ordered.
Once they reached the car, he threw the passenger door open for her and gestured her inside. She mumbled a hasty thank you, to which he didn’t even bother to respond. She was shocked into speechlessness after that. No matter what she did, Jarrod had always remembered his manners.
Not another word was spoken as the two of them got inside and Jarrod began to drive. She kept sneaking peeks at his face, but it was impassive. She couldn’t help but feel sorry for herself. This was supposed to be a happy day! She’d woken up with the biggest case of nerves she’d ever had, stressing over finding just the right outfit, painstakingly doing her makeup, and now none of it mattered. If I’d known this was how it was going to turn out, I would have shown up in curtains, Gone-with-the-Wind style, she thought sourly. It just wasn’t fair! She’d been so excited to see Sean, so thrilled to learn that she’d been worrying for nothing! She should be dancing on cloud nine right now, and instead her cloud had morphed into a storm cloud.
The silence in the car was becoming stuffy and oppressive. Despite the fact that he was driving calmly and obeying the traffic laws, Jarrod looked like he had murder on his mind and she was afraid it was hers. Someone had to do something.
“I’m sorry,” she whispered, breaking the silence. She knew it wouldn’t be nearly good enough, but it was all she had to offer. “I really didn’t mean to do anything wrong,” she tried again when no one answered.
“You never mean to,” Jarrod replied, his normally kind voice short and clipped.
She opened her mouth to reply, but she couldn’t think of a response that worked in her favor, so she gave in to the silence. It was what they rode in until they pulled into the driveway. Then Jarrod signaled her with a curt nod of his head to get out of the car. She opened the door and stepped out, then stood by the car as she awaited further instruction. She hated this. She hated being in limbo and not being sure what was coming next. Although, to be fair, she had some idea…
“I meant to thank you,” Sean said, clearly not talking to her. “You’ve kept her looking real nice,” he commented as he stroked the black Lexus. The luxury car was Sean’s baby, and his only vice.
“It was my pleasure, brother. After all, you’d do the same for me,” Jarrod replied as though everything were
perfectly normal, as though she wasn’t standing there shaking in her three-inch heels.
“Is this the kind of stuff you’ve had to put up with?” Sean asked incredulously, jerking his head toward her.
Jarrod looked at her at last, his light brown eyes assessing her in a way that made her squirm. “No,” he said at last. “Nothing like this.”
“I just don’t understand why she’d do something so careless.”
“I guess all the excitement got to her.”
“That’s no excuse,” her husband scoffed.
“I agree.”
When both of them turned stern, scolding eyes to her, she began to shift from foot to foot, wishing that the ground might heed her silent plea and mercifully open to swallow her whole. She didn’t care if she lived out the rest of her life out in utter blackness, at least her poor butt wouldn’t have to go through a session with Sean’s paddle. At least, she’d assumed it would be Sean—the way Jarrod was glaring at her right now, she could no longer be certain who would be wielding the paddle.
“The worst thing is,” Sean continued without taking his eyes off her. “I doubt she even knows what she’s done.”
But before she could ask what she’d done—the last time she’d checked, all she’d done was told some girl she didn’t even know that she didn’t want to join some Army wives’ club—Jarrod was ordering her inside in a tone that brooked no argument.
She was on pins and needles, which was the only explanation she could offer for what she did next. When she walked up to the door and Jarrod began to open it for her, she swatted his hand away. She knew as soon as she did it, that she’d committed a big no-no, one of the cardinal sins of a submissive. You don’t ever bat away the hand of the man who holds—or would be holding—the paddle.
“I can open my own door,” she offered by way of explanation.
“So you can,” he remarked neutrally.
She should have known it was a trap, because the moment she turned to open the door she felt his large, solid hand land on her bottom in a firm, loud smack. “Ow!” she yelped, whirling around to glare at him accusingly.