a Perfect Stranger (1983)

by Steel, Danielle

  I imagine it would be quite a scandal for you. That's it, isn't it? She spoke politely and with a delicate smile.

  But when Kay answered, she smiled too. I would think the greatest scandal would be for you. I can't imagine that your husband, or your family in Europe, would be terribly pleased with the news.

  Raphaella paused for a moment, trying to catch her breath, as their drinks arrived and the waiter disappeared once again. No, I wouldn't enjoy that, Mrs. Willard. Her eyes sought Kay's now, as one woman reaching out to another. I didn't enter into this lightly. I didn't want to get involved with Alex, as much for his sake, as for my own. There is very little I can give him. My life belongs entirely to my husband, and he is a very sick man. Her voice was weighted down with sorrow as she spoke, and her eyes were full. But I'm in love with your brother. I love him very much. I love my husband, too, but She sighed and looked immensely European and lovelier than ever, strong and at the same time very frail. Kay hated everything about her. Because she was everything that Kay would never be. I can't explain what happened with Alex, or why. It just did. And we're trying to work it out as best we can. I can assure you, Mrs. Willard, we are above all discreet. No one will ever know.

  That's nonsense. My mother knows. Mandy knows. Other people do and will find out. You can't control that. And you're not playing with fire. You're playing with the atom bomb. At least as far as I'm concerned.

  So you expect us to end it? Raphaella looked tired and annoyed. What a dreadful, selfish woman she was. Amanda was right. She thought only of herself.

  Yes, I do. And if he isn't strong enough to, then you do it. But it has to end. Not just for my sake, but for yours too. You can't afford to get found out, and if I have to, I'll tell your husband. Raphaella looked at her, shocked.

  Are you mad? He's paralyzed, bed-ridden, attended by nurses, you would tell him something like this? You'd kill him! She was outraged that Kay would dare make such a threat, and she looked like the kind of woman to do it.

  Then you'd better think of that. If it would kill him, he would in effect die by your hand. It's in your power to stop this now, before anyone finds out. Besides which, think of what you're doing to my brother. He wants children, he needs a wife, he's lonely. What can you give him? A few hours now and then? A roll in the sack? Shit, lady, your husband could live for another ten or fifteen years. Is that what you're offering Alex? An illicit affair for the next ten years? And you claim that you love him? If you loved him, you'd let him go. You have no right to hang on to him and ruin his life. What she was saying cut Raphaella to the quick. It didn't occur to her at that precise moment that Kay Willard's interest was not in Alex's life, but her own.

  I don't know what to say to you, Mrs. Willard. It has never been my intention to hurt your brother.

  Then don't. Raphaella nodded dumbly, and Kay reached for the check, signed her name and the number of her room, and stood up. I think we've finished our business with each other. Don't you? Raphaella nodded again, and without saying another word, she walked away and hurried past the doorman with tears streaming from her eyes.

  Kay went to see Mandy that morning. Alex was already back from the office, and he and Mandy were sitting quietly in the den when she arrived. There was no way she could take Mandy back with her now. Her interest in her daughter had already waned. She had decided that she had to get back to Washington. She reminded her only to think about March, said goodbye stiffly to Alex, and told her mother she would see her in New York. Charlotte was leaving the following afternoon.

  And it was obvious that there was a sense of relief in the house as Kay's rented limousine pulled away. It was only as Alex realized that Raphaella hadn't called him all afternoon that the relief began to ebb. And then suddenly he understood what had happened, and he called her house instead.

  I I'm sorry ' I was busy' I couldn't call' I ' He knew it for sure then, from the sound of her voice.

  I need to see you right away.

  I'm afraid I Tears streamed down her cheeks as she fought to keep her voice normal.

  I'm sorry, Raphaella. I must see you ' it's Mandy' .

  Oh, my God' what happened?

  I can't explain it till I see you.

  She was at the house twenty minutes later, and he apologized profusely for the deception, but he had known that it was imperative that he get to her right away, before she pulled away again, before she cut herself off from what they both needed so much. He told her honestly what happened with his sister, and he forced from her a description of Raphaella's hour with Kay at the Fairmont bar.

  And you believe her? Do you really think you're depriving me? Hell, darling, I haven't been this happy in years, or in fact ever in my life.

  But do you think she would? She was still worried about the threat to John Henry.

  No, I don't. She's a bitch. But she's not completely crazy. There's no way she could get to him.

  She could, you know. I have no control over his mail, for instance. His secretaries bring it to the house and give it directly to him.

  She's not going to put something like that in a letter, for God's sake. She's too concerned with her own neck.

  I suppose that's true. Raphaella sighed lengthily and let herself melt into his arms. My God, what an incredible woman she is.

  No, he said softly, what an incredible woman you are. He looked down at her carefully then. Shall we forget that any part of the last two days ever happened?

  I'd like that, Alex. But should we? How do we know that all of her threats are idle?

  Because there's only one thing my sister cares about, Raphaella, and that is her career. In the end that's the only thing that matters to her, and to get at us, she would have to jeopardize that, and she won't. Believe me, darling. I know she won't. But Raphaella was never quite as sure. She and Alex and Amanda went on with their lives but the threats of Kay Willard seemed to ring in Raphaella's ears like an echo for months. She only hoped that Alex was right in believing that Kay's threats were empty.

  Chapter 21

  Amanda? Raphaella's voice rang out in the house as she closed the door behind her. It was four o'clock but she knew that Amanda was due from school. In the months since Amanda had settled into living with Alex, Raphaella had taken to dropping by in the afternoons, sometimes before Mandy got home from her classes, to tidy up the house, fix her a snack, and sit peacefully in the sunshine in the garden, waiting for the young girl to come home. They would have long talks sometimes about whatever they thought was important, now and then Mandy told a funny story about Alex, and lately Raphaella had been showing her drafts of the children's book she had started after Christmas. She had worked on it for five months now, and she hoped to have it in final draft form when she left for Spain in July.

  But today it wasn't her manuscript she had brought with her, but a copy of Time magazine. On the cover was a photograph of Kay Willard, and beneath it the caption: THE WHITE HOUSE IN 1992' '98' 2000? Raphaella had read the article thoughtfully and then brought it with her when she came to see if Mandy was home from school. Her daytime visits to the house on Vallejo had begun to happen slowly, and now Mandy expected her to be there every day. She usually came when John Henry slept in the afternoon. And lately he had been sleeping longer and longer, until finally they had to wake him for his dinner at six.

  Amanda? Raphaella stood silent for a long moment, her dark hair tucked into a neat little straw fedora, and she was wearing an exquisitely cut cream-colored linen suit. Mandy? For a moment she had thought that she heard a noise as she walked slowly upstairs.

  It was on the third floor that Raphaella found her, sitting in one of the wicker chairs in her bedroom, her feet tucked under her and her chin on her knees, as she stared sullenly at the view.

  Amanda?' Darling? Raphaella sat down on the bed, the magazine and her beige lizard handbag still tucked under her arm. Did something happen at school? She sat down on the bed and reached out to take the girl's hand. And then slowly Amanda turne
d to face her, her glance instantly taking in the magazine under Raphaella's arm.

  I see that you read it too.

  What? The article about your mother? The pretty sixteen-year-old nodded. Is that why you're upset? It was unusual in the extreme for Mandy not to come running downstairs at the sound of her voice, laughing and smiling and filled with tales of what had happened in school. But the girl only nodded again. I didn't think it was a bad piece.

  Except for the fact that none of it's true. Hell, did you read the part about my having a terrible car accident last winter, and recuperating slowly on the sunny West Coast with my uncle, while my mother comes out to see me in every spare moment she has? She glared unhappily at Raphaella. Shit, I'm just glad she's never come back here since Christmas. As it turned out, she wouldn't have had much choice. After her one explosive visit Alex had been fully prepared to tell her to stay away but Kay had never turned up again anyway. In fact after the first few months she hardly ever called. Christ, Raphaella. She's such a bitch and I hate her.

  No, you don't. Maybe in time you'll come to understand each other better. Raphaella didn't know what else to say. She sat peacefully with her for a few minutes and then touched her hand gently. Do you want to go for a walk?

  Not really.

  Why not?

  She shrugged her shoulders, obviously depressed, and Raphaella understood. She had her own fears about Kay Willard. Nothing more had happened between them, but Raphaella was always aware that it still could. Kay's last conversation with Alex had been filled with more ugliness, but she'd agreed to leave Amanda where she was for the time being.

  Half an hour later Raphaella managed to force Amanda out into the brilliant May sunshine, and arm in arm they walked back down to Union Street, and wandered in and out of all the shops, stopping at last for an iced cappuccino at the Coffee Cantata, the seat next to them laden with packages filled with silly things.

  Think Alex will like the poster? Amanda looked over her iced coffee at Raphaella, and they both grinned.

  He'll love it. We'll have to put it up in his study before he comes home. It was a large poster of a woman on a surfboard in Hawaii, which only a teenager could have loved. But the important thing was that their shopping had completely taken Amanda's mind off her mother, and Raphaella was relieved. They didn't get back to the house until five thirty, and Raphaella hastily left Amanda, promising to return as always, later that night. Then she began the short walk to her own home, thinking of how totally her life had meshed with Mandy and Alex in the past six months. It was a balmy, beautiful evening, and the sun was shooting golden lights onto all the windows as the late afternoon sky began to give off a soft glow. She was halfway home when she heard a horn behind her, and turned around, startled to see a black Porsche, and then she quickly noticed Alex at the wheel.

  She stopped walking for a long moment and just stood there, their eyes meeting and holding as though seeing each other for the first time. He pulled the car up slowly behind her and leaned back against the red leather seat with a smile. Want a ride, lady?

  I never talk to strangers.

  Neither of them spoke for a moment as they smiled. And then his brow creased a little bit. How's Mandy? It was like having a teen-age daughter of their own now. She ate into their thoughts as well as their time alone. Did she see the piece in Time? Raphaella nodded slowly, her face sobering as she came closer to the car.

  She came home from school this morning, Alex. I don't know what to tell her. She gets more violent about her mother all the time. And then, after she frowned and he nodded, she looked at him worriedly. What are we going to tell her about July?

  Nothing yet. We can tell her later.

  How much later?

  We'll tell her in June. But he looked worried too.

  What if she won't go?

  She has to. At least this once. And then he sighed. Just one more year until she turns eighteen, we might as well humor Kay a little. A court battle would hurt everyone now. If Mandy can put up with just this one visit, it should help keep the peace. You know, considering the fact that this is an election year for her, and that she thinks Amanda is essential to her winning the election, it's a goddamn miracle she didn't have her kidnapped and brought home. I suppose we should be grateful for small things.

  Raphaella looked at him honestly. Mandy wouldn't have stayed with her mother if she'd forced her to go back.

  That's probably why she didn't try. But there isn't a damn thing we can do about this summer. She'll just have to go. Raphaella only nodded in answer. It was something they had agreed to a month before. Amanda would go home to her mother just before the Fourth of July weekend, spend a month with her at their summer home on Long Island, and then go to Europe with her grandmother for a month in August, before returning to San Francisco for another year of school.

  Alex had thought it a major victory to get Kay to agree to her coming back to San Francisco, but he knew that his niece would go through the roof at the prospect of going home. But he had called her psychiatrist, who felt that she could handle the confrontation with her mother, and he felt that most of the psychological damage from the rape had also been put to rest. They all knew that she was going to have a fit at the idea of leaving Alex and going home to George and Kay. Raphaella planned to fly East with her and leave her in New York, where she herself would spend a night at the Carlyle before flying on to Paris for a week and then Spain for another two. It was her annual pilgrimage to see her parents and spend a little time at Santa Eugenia. And this year it meant even more to her than it had before. She was going to try out the final draft of her children's book on all her little cousins, and she could hardly wait to see how it would go. She would simply translate the stories in Spanish as she read them. She had done it before when she brought books with her from the States. But this year was more important, because the stories were her own, and if the children liked them, she was going to send the collection to Charlotte's agent and see if anyone would buy them in the fall.

  When Raphaella looked at him, he was grinning at her. What's so funny, Alexander?

  We are. He smiled more gently at her now, a warm light kindling in his eyes. Listen to us, discussing our teen-age daughter. He hesitated for a minute and then gestured to the empty seat next to his. Want to get in for a minute? She hesitated only briefly, glancing at her watch, and then absentmindedly looked around to see if anyone she knew was nearby.

  I really should get home' . She wanted to be with John Henry when they brought him his tray at six o'clock.

  I won't push you. But his eyes were so gentle, his face so handsome, and they hadn't had a moment alone in such a long time. It seemed as though Amanda were always with them. And when she went upstairs at midnight, they had so little time left before Raphaella had to go home.

  Now she smiled and nodded. I'd love to.

  Do we have time for a quick ride?

  She nodded, feeling wayward and mischievous, and he rapidly put the car in gear and sped off, heading down the hills toward the speeding traffic on Lombard Street and then into the wooded seclusion of the Presidio, sweeping down to the water until they sat next to the small fortress beneath the Golden Gate Bridge at Fort Point. Above them traffic was hurrying across the bridge into Marin County, and there were sailboats on the water, a ferry, several small speedboats, and a brisk breeze that whipped Raphaella's hair as she took off her straw hat.

  Want to get out? He kissed her and she nodded, and they stepped out side by side. Two dark-haired, tall, handsome people holding hands, looking out at the bay. For a time Raphaella felt very young as she stood there, thinking of the months they had already shared. They had grown so close and spent so many nights together, whispering, talking, sitting by the fire, making love, running down to the kitchen at two in the morning to make omelets or sandwiches or milk shakes. They had so much and yet so little' so many dreams' so little time' and such endless hope. As they stood side by side looking at the last of the sunlight sh
immering on the boats, Raphaella turned to look at Alexander, wondering if they would ever have more. A few minutes, an hour, the hours before sunrise, stolen moments, and never much more than that. Even the child that they shared was only borrowed and in another year she would be gone. She was already thinking of what colleges to apply to, and Raphaella and Alex were already having pangs, feeling the loss before it hit them, wishing her there with them for many more years.

  What were you thinking just then, Raphaella? He looked down at her gently and brushed the hair from her eyes with one careful hand.

  About Amanda. She hesitated and then kissed the hand as it brushed near her lips. I wish that she were ours.

  He nodded silently. So do I. He wanted to tell her then that there would be others, someday, in a few years, children of their own. But he didn't say it, knowing how it hurt her not to have children. But it was a recurrent theme between them, her guilt at keeping him from marrying someone else and having children of his own.

  I hope she'll be okay this summer. They began to walk slowly along the edge of the road as the spray splashed up toward them, stopping just short of where they stood.

  He turned to her then. I hope you'll be okay too. They hadn't said much about it but in six weeks she was leaving for Spain.

  I will. They stopped walking, and she held his hand tightly. I'll miss you terribly, Alex.

  He pulled her close. I'll miss you too. God' He thought for a moment. I don't know what I'll do without you. He had gotten so used to seeing her every night and now he couldn't imagine a life without her.

  I won't be gone for more than three weeks.

  That will feel like an eternity, especially with Mandy gone too.

  Maybe you'll get some work done for a change.

  He grinned softly at her and with the boats passing slowly by them they kissed, and then they walked on arm in arm. They wandered along for another half hour and then regretfully got back into the car. It had been a pleasant ending to a golden afternoon, and when he dropped her off two blocks from her own home, she touched his lips softly with her fingertips and blew him a kiss before stepping out of the car.