“Your ex?”
“Who said I have an ex? And who said he had a problem?”
He ignored her questions, and suggested, “Couldn’t get it up?”
“Jace! I’m not going to discuss my personal life with you.”
“I’m right then?”
“No, you’re not right.” How had she been dragged into talking about this? She had never talked about it to anyone, not even her sisters. For all their openness, it was a topic she’d never been brave enough to broach.
She glanced around for help, but Sam and Ginger had risen to talk to some friends at another table, and Fred and Mac were huddled up, whispering to each other, Fred’s shy smile telling Sandi that they were discussing something too intimate to involve anyone else.
“It’s nothing to be ashamed of,” Jace said, “happens to every guy. Well, not me, not yet anyway, but allegedly—”
“That wasn’t the problem,” she said with some exasperation, only realizing then that she’d admitted there had been one. “Please let’s not discuss it with the wicked witches of the north listening in.”
Jace glanced at the women behind him and gave a short laugh, then shuffled his chair closer to her so their arms touched. “Whisper it to me,” he murmured, bending his head close to hers.
“I will not,” she whispered firmly, unnerved by the brush of his forearm against hers. “Move back, please.”
“I can’t help if you don’t tell me.”
“It’s a bit late for that.” The words came out sadder than she’d meant. She stared at her dessert and sighed.
“Aw,” he said. “I’m sorry.”
“It’s all right.” The croquembouche was lovely, but she’d lost her appetite, and she pushed the bowl away.
She looked up at him. Jace’s eyes were kind, and for the first time in years, the concrete barriers she’d erected around herself crumbled. She’d never confided in anyone. Not even a counsellor. Suddenly, the urge to talk about it all was overwhelming. Why had she kept Brodie’s secret for so long? She owed the man nothing—less than nothing. Part of it was embarrassment, and if someone had told her a week ago she’d be thinking of confiding in Jace, she would have laughed in their face. But oddly, here she was, looking him in the eyes, and right now it felt as if he was the only person in the world she could talk to.
“We had problems, but that was nothing to do with why we broke up,” she admitted.
“What kind of problems?” For once, he wasn’t laughing or mocking.
Still, she hesitated though, unwilling to confide in a stranger. “Personal ones.”
He didn’t make a joke. “Yours or his?”
“Well, his, I guess, although of course they became mine.”
His eyes were hazel—a warm brown with green flecks and amber highlights. When he smiled, they almost disappeared in a multitude of creases, but right now they glowed with the warmth of the summer sun.
There was something strange about this man. She was determined to keep him at arm’s length, but he disarmed her so easily, his jocular manner and his teasing smile somehow finding a way through her defenses. With some surprise, she realized she wished they could be friends, even though they would never be lovers. Was it possible? To be friends without becoming intimate?
“Yes,” he said, as if he’d read her mind. “Of course I’ll keep it to myself. I make jokes, Sandi, but I’m a serious man, deep down. I’m a lawyer. I keep secrets for a living. And I’d never tell anyone something you told me in confidence.”
Chapter Five
JACE STUDIED THE BEAUTIFUL face of the woman before him, wishing she’d open up and confide. Whatever had happened to her had gone far deeper than your standard breakup, that was easy to see. He didn’t think he’d ever met anyone so defensive or private.
That she appeared to be considering talking to him now made the hairs stand up on the back of his neck. Was she finally warming to him?
She was studying her wine glass, sucking her bottom lip. Jace took the opportunity to glance around. The wicked witches of the north, as she’d aptly named them, were caught up in conversation with an older guy on the other side of their table. Sam and Ginger were now making their way around the room, talking to their guests. Fred and Mac had turned in their seats to speak to a couple behind them. Everyone else was eating and chatting—nobody was paying him and Sandi any attention.
The warm summer breeze filtered in across them, stirring the strands of Sandi’s hair that curled around her face.
What must it feel like, he wondered, to love someone so much that you wanted to promise—in a legal sense, in a moral sense, and sometimes in a religious sense—to love them forever? He studied Sandi’s face, her straight nose, her full mouth, her stormy blue eyes. He could picture—very clearly and in great detail—taking her to bed. He could imagine dating her in the short term, getting to know her likes and dislikes, discovering what movies she enjoyed, what food. It might be nice to have a girlfriend to call on when there was an event at work. To have regular sex. It had been a while since he’d had that.
But to live with someone? To come home to them every night? Jace wasn’t sure about that. He valued his independence and his privacy. He liked watching the programs he enjoyed on TV, eating his favorite food, and not having to think about anyone else. It was selfish, he was happy to admit it, but life had shown him that you couldn’t rely on anyone except yourself, and he wasn’t willing to share himself with anyone else.
Regular sex would be good, though. And regular sex with someone like Sandi would be even better.
He glanced across at Sam, and caught his friend studying his new wife as she spoke with one of the local suppliers they’d become good friends with. At the look on Sam’s face, Jace felt an unfamiliar tightening of his throat. It was a look of utter devotion, of complete and total love, and Jace blinked, fighting back unexpected emotion.
Jeez, he thought. He was growing soft in his old age.
He turned his attention back to Sandi. She still hadn’t spoken, and he slid a finger under her chin and lifted it so she met his eyes.
“Come on,” he said gently, removing his hand. “Maybe it’ll be good to tell someone.”
“I’ve never told anyone,” she admitted. “He wouldn’t even go to the doctor because he was so embarrassed.”
She’d already said the problem hadn’t been that her ex couldn’t get an erection, so there was only really one other problem he could think of. “Were passengers getting out before the train arrived at the station?” he asked.
Her lips curved up. “An interesting way to put it.” But she gave a slow nod.
“That must have been difficult,” he said.
She nodded again, her eyes cautious. “I thought you might laugh.”
“A man never laughs at another man’s dick problems, honey. There but by the grace of God... I wasn’t lying when I said things like that can happen to anyone.”
“I read that was the case, but Brodie saw it as a personal weakness. He was terribly embarrassed about it. I begged him to go to the doctor or to a therapist, but he wouldn’t.” She took a large mouthful of wine, color touching her cheeks. It was difficult for her to admit all this, but despite her reticence with him, she obviously wanted to talk. “In the end, I did as much research as I could myself. I found it really interesting, and I learned a lot about sex and the body.” She scratched at a mark on the wine glass. “I actually considered training as a sex therapist.”
“Really?”
“They deal with issues like loss of interest in sex, sexual intimacy problems, ejaculation issues, impotence, confusion about sexual preference or gender orientation... I find it all fascinating.”
“So why didn’t you?”
She concentrated on the glass. “Brodie didn’t want me to.”
Jace gritted his teeth, holding back an exclamation. He heartily disliked the guy already, and he hardly knew anything about him.
“My situation... change
d,” she continued, “and after that I lost interest in it.” She met his eyes, then dropped her gaze again.
Jace was intrigued now. She’d said that her ex’s problem wasn’t the reason they’d broken up, so there was obviously more to this than met the eye. “How did your situation change?” he asked.
“I don’t want to talk about that,” she said.
So she was willing to admit her ex had suffered from premature ejaculation, but couldn’t tell him why they’d separated? That was interesting.
“At least tell me if your research did the trick,” he asked.
“It did, a little. There are exercises and techniques that can help.”
“I imagine it would be a satisfying line of work,” he said, “helping a couple who have issues. Sex isn’t the be-all-and-end-all of a relationship, but it is a fundamental part, and for what feels like a pretty basic act, a lot of things can go wrong.”
“That’s right.” She seemed pleased that he understood her interest, and for a moment she glowed with an inner light he hadn’t seen in her before. She really did find this fascinating. What the hell was she doing here when she could have been following her heart? Not that there was anything wrong with running a B&B, but she clearly had a passion for this, and he suspected she would make a great counsellor.
“Obviously,” she continued, “there are physical issues like when someone has an accident and damages nerves, but a lot of problems stem from psychological problems, and many of them are treatable with therapy and physical tricks of the trade. There must be a lot of couples who suffer unnecessarily because they’re too embarrassed to seek help.”
He nodded. “You said you’ve never spoken to anyone about this. You’ve never told your sisters?”
“No.”
“Why not?”
She shrugged. “Nobody likes to admit they have a problem in the bedroom.”
“But you haven’t told them you’re interested in it, either?”
“No. I mean, to be fair, I’m sure they’d be great now, but at the time they might have wanted to know why I was interested in it, and Brodie would have died if he’d thought I’d spoken to anyone about it.”
“You could go now, though,” he said, “back to university here.”
“I still read about it a lot. I don’t know if I could actually counsel strangers. Sex makes a lot of people uncomfortable, and I don’t know how I’d deal with that. Or how I’d tell people what I do. And I can see it frightening men off.” Her lips twitched.
“I thought you weren’t interested in men.”
She chuckled. “True.”
“Anyway, it doesn’t frighten all men,” he said. “It doesn’t frighten me.”
She surveyed him with interest. “No, I can see that. It doesn’t embarrass you?”
“Well, I’m not saying I’d find it easy to go to a doctor if I had an issue like the ones you’ve mentioned, but my embarrassment wouldn’t stop me going if I thought I had a chance of getting better. And I have no problems talking about sex. It happens to be one of my favorite topics.”
“Why doesn’t that surprise me?”
“Just think,” he said, “you could try out all your research on me. I could be your guinea pig.” His heart rate increased at the thought.
She laughed, showing him straight white teeth. Only then did he realize how little she smiled.
He opened his mouth to ask her to tell him why she broke up with her ex, but Sam and Ginger had returned to the table, and he could see it was time for the speeches.
“Later,” he murmured to Sandi as he got to his feet. “Don’t go anywhere.”
While waiters delivered glasses of champagne to everyone, Sam stood, picked up an empty glass, and tapped it with a spoon. The sound rang out, and gradually everyone fell quiet and turned in their seats to face him.
He cleared his throat. “I’m not going to talk for long,” he said, and then laughed as everyone cheered. “Public speaking isn’t my forte,” he continued eventually, “I’ll leave that to Jace, my good lawyer friend and best man, who has the gift of the gab.” He winked at Jace, who just grinned good-naturedly.
“Unfortunately,” Sam continued, “Ginger’s father passed away many years ago, so he was unable to give his daughter away tonight. I’d like to thank Eamon MacDonald for standing in for him today—I know Ginger was thrilled that you stepped up, Mac.” He raised his glass, and everyone followed with the toast. Mac smiled at a tearful Ginger, and she blew him a kiss.
Sam went on to thank the bridesmaids, the staff at the restaurant and patisserie, and everyone else for coming, then finally turned to his bride.
“I’ve already told everyone how I feel about you,” he stated to a blushing Ginger. “But I’m happy to say it again anyway. The first time I met you, I knew you were the girl for me. It took a bit of time for you to realize it, but I’m glad you eventually came around to my way of thinking.” He paused and smiled as everyone cheered. “Ginger,” he said softly, “it sounds so incredibly corny, but you’ve made me the happiest man in the world today. Thank you for agreeing to be my wife. I promise I’ll never let you down, and I’ll always be there for you.” He bent and kissed her before sitting down to a round of applause.
Jace felt a similar tightening of his throat to what he’d felt when Sam had said his vows. Usually, he would have laughed out loud at such a soppy declaration of love, but today it touched him to the core, and he felt only pleasure that his best friend had met the girl of his dreams.
He stood and turned to face the room. He could feel Sandi’s gaze on him, and he took a moment to center himself, the way he would when he was in court. The best man’s role was to make everyone laugh, and he put his emotion aside and pinned a smile on his face as everyone fell quiet and turned to him expectantly.
He cleared his throat. “Ladies and gentleman. Being asked to be the best man is kind of like when you’re called up for jury duty. You don’t really want to do it, but you know you have to.” He gestured at himself as the first chuckles began. “You have to dress smartly and act in a responsible way. But there is one main difference. I didn’t get to have a say in the life sentence passed earlier today.”
Sam grinned. Ginger poked her tongue out at him. Everyone else laughed. He met Sandi’s gaze, and to his surprise, she winked at him.
He slipped his hands into his pockets. “I’d like to offer my congratulations to the bride and groom,” he continued when everyone had fallen quiet again. “Ginger, you look absolutely stunning today in that beautiful dress.” She blushed scarlet, and he smiled. “Since you and your sisters came to Blue Penguin Bay, you’ve turned the vineyard, the restaurant, and the B&B into one of the Northland’s top places to visit, to eat, and to stay. You all constantly amaze me with your hard work, determination, and ambition. Ginger, I know you’ve worked non-stop turning the restaurant into an exquisite place to eat, and personally I appreciate the way you use local suppliers to produce your fantastic menu. I’m sure I’m not alone when I say we’re lucky to have you, and I’m very glad you all decided to move here.”
There were shouts of “Kia ora,” the Maori words for hello which are also used to illustrate agreement, and cheers and clapping spread throughout the restaurant.
Jace waited for it to die down before he added, “Ginger, you are an amazing woman who deserves a wonderful husband. And I swear I won’t rest until I work out what’s gone wrong here.”
Everyone laughed. His friend’s lips curved up, and Sam leaned back in his chair as he waited to see what Jace was going to say.
“It’s all right,” Jace said. “I don’t believe in roasting the groom on his special day, so I’m only going to talk about your good points.” He pretended to look at a piece of paper. “Okay, well, thank you and good night.” He grinned at the cheers and whistles. “No, really, I think marriage is going to be great for Sam. It’ll teach him about kindness, loyalty, self-restraint, compromise, and lots of other qualities he wouldn’t hav
e needed if he’d stayed single.”
Sandi laughed out loud at that, and Jace lifted his glass to her with a grin. “It’s been such an emotional day,” he said. “Even the cake is in tiers.”
“Jesus,” Sam muttered. “I knew this would be bad...”
“It’s all right, just a few other items of business.” Jace turned to the carrier bag Ally had discreetly left behind him and extracted a pair of trousers with a padlock on them. “These are Sam’s chastity pants.” He paused for the ripple of laughter, Sam’s wry smile, and Ginger’s giggle. “He’s given keys out to one or two of you ladies over the years, but now he’s married I’d like those copies back so Ginger is the only one with access.” He held out a bowl.
A young woman rose from a table to one side and made her way to the front to put a key in the bowl. Ginger’s eyes widened, and everyone began exchanging glances. Then another woman stood the other side of the room and did the same. Gradually, a woman rose from every table in the room and deposited a key. When Mac’s mother, who’d been sitting at the back, walked forward, and one of the wicked witches of the north with gray hair also approached with a key, laughter erupted, and Ginger leaned back with a sigh of relief and threw Jace a reproachful look.
“You had me worried for a minute,” she mouthed.
He winked at her. “Sam’s looked at nobody else since you came here,” he said honestly, and everyone went Awww!
He took a deep breath and blew it out slowly. His gaze found Sandi’s for a moment. She was still smiling, and he returned it before moving his gaze back to the newlyweds.
For a moment, he stared into his glass, debating what to say. Then he looked up at the guests. “I had a poem prepared to read here that I thought sounded appropriate,” he said, “but to tell you the truth, I copied it from a website because I didn’t have anything to say myself about love.”
Gradually, everyone fell quiet. He’d spoken enough in court to know when he’d won over a jury, and he knew he had them all in the palm of his hand now.
“I’ve never been in love,” he admitted. “And because of that, in the past I’ve been very dubious about marriage. I’ve never understood why a person would want to commit themselves for life. But only ten minutes or so ago, I saw Sam watching his new wife with a look of complete and utter devotion. I have to admit, it took my breath away.”
As Timeless as the Sea Page 4