by Pamela Ann
Here we were in the great city of London, but our thoughts were somewhere in Paris. Funny wasn’t it?
At a quarter past three in the morning, I grudgingly got out of bed due to being severely parched. I hadn’t slept a wink and I was bound to be awake for the rest of the day.
Ever since we got back to the hotel, all I did was stare at the engagement ring Harry had given me. The expensive bauble seemed to mock me.
I was putting the cap back on the bottled water when I jumped out of my skin as a figure appeared out of nowhere. “Shit! Carter!” I yelled at the boxer-clad man. He gave me a light chuckle then a small yawn. I couldn’t help checking out those impressive thighs of his. Emma kept yapping about them back in the day and I never understood her fascination until now. They were thick and honed to muscular magnificence.
I stopped drooling over those epic thighs—and nice body—after it dawned on me that he was wearing boxers coming out of Emma’s room. “You stupid little shit! You didn’t have sex with her, did you?” I hissed, careful not to wake the girls up.
That definitely made him frown. “I was close to making a move, but I stepped back. I knew if I did that, my chances would get slimmer. She needs to trust me and I need to be patient to earn that from her.”
Well, the man did grow a heart after all.
What the hell was Emma doing? She was playing with fire having Carter so close. Even if she wasn’t doing anything with him, it still was dangerous. “Bass is going to flip about this, Carter. Why show up here? You could’ve waited until she got home.”
“That was the plan, but fuck, Tris. I fucking miss her. I just wanted to see her for a couple days, that’s all. I just wanted to be around her smiling and laughing at some stupid jokes. It’s bad. I’ve got it bad. You don’t know how hard it is to fight for something you lost. The fucked up part was that it was too late when I realized just how much I fucking love her.” Carter ran his hand over his hair and sighed, closing his eyes. Without opening them, he asked me a question. “Is he good to her? Does he love her?” Each word came out with such pain that I didn’t have to guess how much it cost him to say them.
“I think he does. He definitely looked like he did to me. Bass treats her with kindness and loving affection like a woman should be treated. If Bass makes her happy, you have to set her free. Confusing her will not make her go back to you, Carter.”
“That’s like asking me to stop playing soccer, Trista. It’ll never happen, even if she was married to another man. She still loves me, I know it, though she won’t admit to it. She might be an actress, but lying about her love for me was something she was never good at.”
I stared at him, speechless, as he went back inside Emma’s room. Fuck, Emma. Please, be careful.
Chapter 27
Trista
The next day, we found ourselves in The British Museum. The four of us were admiring The Elgin Marbles that were originally from the Acropolis of Athens, when we heard an American girl speak behind us.
“I don’t want to be weird, but are you that new actress that was on E! News filming that movie in Greece with Bass Cole? Emma Anderson, right?” The tall, strawberry blonde, valley girl asked, hopeful and a tad star-struck.
“That would be me.” Emma smiled at her first official fan. “I wasn’t aware that they ran it already.”
The fan was all bright-eyed and smiling from ear to ear. “Oh gosh, they totally did, like a week ago. My friends and I are doing the whole Euro-trip thing. Do you think I could get a picture with you?”
“Sure, just give me your camera and I can have my friends take the picture.”
Carter stepped in and offered his hand towards the fan. “Here, let me take the pic. I promise I’ll only take it from the best angle.” He then immediately took care of the shot before handing it back to the girl. “Here you go.”
“Shit, you’re her soccer boyfriend, aren’t you? Do you think I can get a picture of the two of you, please? You guys look so perfect together!”
Before we knew it, Carter stood behind Emma and wrapped his arms around her neck and kissed her cheek. The fan, of course, took a few instead of just one. “Thank you, Emma. I promise I’ll watch your debut movie. I’m sure you’re going to be amazing. See you on the big screen very soon!” The fan waved before retreating towards her friends.
Emma glared at him after Carter unwrapped his arms from her neck. “Did you really have to kiss me, Carter? And for the record, you and I are done. So, do the rest of us a favor and take those pictures down from your page please.”
Lindsey excused herself to pick up a phone call. She moved up ahead of the rest of us before she took it, though.
“Why? Bass Cole can’t take a little competition?” Carter cockily said.
“God, Carter! You cheated on me! As far as I’m concerned, you and I are through.” Emma grated on him, her eyes spat fire.
Carter’s jaws locked as he stared at the woman he was so crazy about. “So if Bass cheats, too, you’re going to dump him?” He bit out. His words were like bullets to Emma.
“Damn you, Mason. That’s fucking enough! Really, please, she’s already had enough.” I interrupted their little spat. I wasn’t sure what these two had been up to talking all night long, but I wasn’t going to let Carter put doubts into Emma’s brain.
Whatever Carter Mason needed to say or do, he could pick up where he left off in Santa Barbara, but until then, he could just kindly shut the hell up.
It had been five days since we got back from our vacation and I was more than antsy since I was going to see Harry tomorrow night. These five days, though, were terrible since thoughts of both Taylor and Harry hounded me day in and day out. My only consolation was that we were now in our new rented house, and just as Lindsey promised, I got to enjoy my morning cup of Joe with some nice, hot men as distractions.
Amber came back two days ago and I must say it was the best feeling to see my friend back after so long. She was still the same, sassy and bitchy as ever. Spilling my guts out about what happened wasn’t the easiest thing, but Lindsey was there for me when I couldn’t go on any longer. As to be expected, Amber wasn’t very forthcoming about her situation, although she did promise that she was off her cocaine habit. At that point, Lindsey and I were just more than relieved that she was actually paying heed and had stopped her deadly addiction to drugs.
It was obvious that Amber was still coming to terms with whatever shit she had gone through. I wasn’t going to force the issue, but whenever she was ready to spill her demons, I was always here for her, no matter what.
When Saturday afternoon, rolled in, I was ready to collapse from the nerves I felt about seeing Harry again. The man had booked the Four Seasons cottage for the occasion. I wasn’t sure if I was supposed to be offended about his lack of sensitivity or to be touched since that place held so many great memories of us together.
Dressed in a cotton baby blue, long dress that matched my eyes and nude, wedge sandals, I strode out of the parking lot of Four Seasons and headed towards the cottage. Had I made a decision? No, I had not, but I had the ring with me. Questions and more questions plagued my mind since Harry and I didn’t get the chance to talk much the last time I saw him. Taylor made sure the man was in no condition to do much of anything.
When I rounded the corner, the first thing I saw was Harry leaning against the cottage door, waiting. He gave me a dashing smile when he saw me walk towards him. “You look beautiful as always.” He greeted me with a big hug before kissing my cheek.
I could see that he still had a few bruises from Taylor’s act of madness, but Harry didn’t even address it. “Do they hurt?” I pointed at the yellowish, bruised spot on his face.
Harry took hold of my hand and guided me inside. “Not anymore. I can’t say I blame him. I deserved each shot.”
That was honest of him to admit that.
He spun me around, his eyes pleading. “I’m sorry, but this is killing me. Do you have an answer to my pro
posal?”
“No, I don’t. I have so many questions, Harry. How do you think Becka and the rest of the family will react to this? You’re going to be a father soon, for crying out loud. Divorcing Becka and then proposing to me was fucking insane. Especially after you ended things when you found out I was carrying your baby.” Sighing, I continued. “How do you expect me to trust you after what you’ve done to me? If it wasn’t for Taylor being there, I would be dead by now.”
Harry frowned, as he stood closer. “What do you mean by that, Trista? You wouldn’t have died.” His voice was paper thin, but I heard him loud and clear.
“I was swimming at night. I wasn’t even thinking about suicide, it never occurred to me, but something changed while I was out there. I remembered feeling free of the weight of everything just before I passed out. If it weren’t for him, swimming out to come and get me, I wouldn’t be here today.” Events of that night surfaced in my mind’s eye. The heartfelt concern from Taylor’s eyes, the doubt, the scare, the horror and finally, his determination to make sure I wasn’t stupid enough to attempt it twice.
“God, I feel like a monster. I had no idea you were that far gone with your pain, Trista,” Harry whispered as he tried to read me, but my mind was back in Greece, with Taylor.
“He’s gotten to you. I can see it in your eyes.”
It was impossible not to. Taylor was different, a one of a kind man who marched to his own beat, most of all, he had a heart. This truly magnificent human hadn’t left my thoughts. At. All.
It was him now, the moment Taylor broke through my façade and my barriers, I had no chance in Hades of turning back, no chance to go on with life without him in it. He left himself there, inside my head and with my now willing heart. The decision had been made… weeks ago. I just hadn’t realized that until now. Without qualms, I handed the velvet, ring box back to Harry with a steady hand. “I can’t marry you.” Harry pushed my hand away, not willing to take the ring back.
He gave me a sad, teary smile, but spoke with a calm, clear voice. “Keep it. It was for you. I wouldn’t know what to do with it.”
“I’m not taking this with me Harry. Once I walk out of this door, I don’t need any reminder of you, my guilt alone is enough. Tokens from you, I can live without.”
When I took hold of his hand and shoved the box in it, he didn’t argue. In a second, he had me in his arms, holding me like I was his lifeline. “I love you. I always will love you and I will always regret the day I hurt you. Losing you is my punishment; I don’t know how I will survive without you. I want you to live your life. You deserve another chance at love, to marry someone who will never hurt you. I’m sorry I wasn’t man enough to protect what I had in the very beginning. That’s my regret, not yours.” I tasted tears when his lips met mine, but wasn’t sure if they were mine or his; it was bittersweet. “Goodbye, my love.”
After another kiss, he let go of me, stepping aside. I glanced at his sorrow-filled expression, but I knew this was it. As much as I loved Harry, there was no turning back the hurt, betrayal and the wasted love. “Goodbye, my love,” I chokingly whispered behind him, before I slowly left the cottage. My heart broke, but the cracks were immediately filled with faith, for the future and for the man who held a major part of it, Taylor Montgomery.
Chapter 28
Trista
“Here’s his address and cell number. I had to beg Bass and made him promise not to tell his bestie a damn word about it.” Lindsey slid a piece of paper with her lazy scrolls into my hand before she sat next to me at the breakfast table. “You have to go and see him. Whether it’s for closure or just to pop in and say hello, you have to go, Tris. You’re never going to move on until you do. We both know it, so do this today.”
Two weeks had passed since I said my goodbyes to Harry. For each of those fourteen days, I had tried to gather up courage to see Taylor, but I always ended up being a coward and kept pushing back the inevitable.
Amber yawned as she strode into the kitchen, joining Lindsey’s campaign. “Yuppers. You gotta do it. You owe this much to him and to yourself. Stop thinking and just go.” she said before she spun around to the fridge and took out a carton of orange juice.
“Tonight,” I murmured to both of them. I had to make it or break it.
Tonight was my D-Day. I was scared shitless but it was today or never.
I had no idea what kind of car he drove, so I wasn’t sure if that was his in the driveway, but I knew I had to try and pursue my heartfelt mission or I might never forgive myself.
My entire body felt like it had been electrocuted. My hairs stood up and I was uncomfortably jumpy. Each step I took heading towards the two, tall, black main doors, felt stone heavy. I tried to clear my muddled brain as I pushed the doorbell. Breathe. I was in the middle of rehearsing the things I wanted to say to him, but every thought vanished the moment my eyes connected to his. I stood there, speechless, nervous as hell and momentarily clueless. Fuck.
For the past two weeks I had been so busy trying to figure out what to say to him that I had overlooked what it would do to me to see him again. My memories didn’t do him justice. My dreams couldn’t compare to the realness of him. The overwhelming feeling of happiness, sadness, desperation, fright and insecurity were eating me whole as we stared at each other in utter shock.
“Trista?”
My teeth caught the bottom of my lip as my eyes took in his dressed state. “Hi…you’re going out?” Taylor was wearing a black, expensive tux, unbuttoned around his neck with a black bowtie hanging around it, looking irresistibly and sinfully sublime. Good God, how did I even think it was possible not crave this sexy monster?
“I am, actually. I’m about to head out.” He sighed and opened the door wider. “We can speak for a bit. What brings you here?”
Where was he going? I wanted to ask, but didn’t want to cause any rift before I had to say my peace. “Thank you,” I murmured past him, entering his home.
After he closed the door behind me, he motioned towards me to follow him. Quietly, I walked behind him as my eyes took in his home. It was not what I had expected; it was masculine, but homey. His living room was painted in pale honeydew with dark wood flooring and furniture. He had two, large, white linen couches facing each other, and they looked rather comfortable. One wall had floor-to-ceiling hardcover law books in numbered editions. I became so engrossed studying his living room that I forgot about Taylor until he spoke.
“You can take a seat if you want.” His chin gestured at the couch while he stood there, hands in his pockets. I could tell he was studying me, probably waiting for me to get my shit together and start talking. Why was this so difficult? I found myself leaning against the couch, my hand on the edge of the armrest, needing something to hold me up. “How are you? I heard you came back two weeks ago. I just came by to say hi and catch up.” I blabbered out, awkward, edgy and utterly nervous. I sounded like a complete idiot and, at this very instant, I certainly felt like one. Taylor’s distant attitude didn’t help calm my nerves.
“I’m doing well—” He paused when the house phone started ringing. He cocked his head to check the time on the clock.
It was obvious that he was pressed for time. “You can go get it. I’ll let myself out. Sorry for interrupting your evening. I hadn’t—” My legs began leading out of there, but I paused as I was leaving the living room, when the voicemail picked up the call.
“Baby, it’s Meg. You’re not picking up your phone. So if you’re on your way, don’t mind this message. It’s crazy, I know but I miss you already. Hurry!” After a long beeping sound, the house became silent again.
The pain that seared me then was so severely violent, I believed I may have momentarily blacked out. Taylor was back with his ex, Megan, the one who he toyed with the thought of going back to.
Right, why hadn’t I thought of this scenario? My stupid brain was too caught up thinking about him and our time in Greece along with that time he asked me to be with
him.
“Trista—” Taylor whispered behind me. I could feel him close, but he didn’t reach out for me. The way he said my name told me it was too late. We had so much to say to each other, but there were no words to say.
There was no strength or will left in me to turn around and say goodbye. Instead, I just gave a shaky nod and pushed my legs to take me out of his house.
Just like that—with no words at all—I silently mourned my loss.
That’s what we were to each other, so much yet not much at all.
Life was about chances. The bad ones always return, the good ones tend to come back, but the best ones haunt you for the rest of your life.
I had mine.
And I regrettably missed it.
Going home would only mean I had to face Lindsey and Amber. That was one thing I wasn’t in the mood for. I needed to be alone to regroup for a night or two; I needed to cry out my agony, my stupidity and my lost chance to be happy with the guy who understood me. The man who had taken care of me even when I was a Class A bitch; even when I was pushing him away and calling him names. Through all of that he was there, unwavering.
It was barely six in the evening and I found myself checking-in at Chateau Marmont. It was funny really, I suppose you could call this my heartbreak hotel. It was the perfect place for me and I didn’t want to be anywhere else.
Three hours later, I was still crying my guts out. I felt awful and empty like there was a big, gaping hole that needed to addressed. Honestly, I knew I shouldn’t be crying because Taylor had moved on. I should be thankful that I had the opportunity to meet someone like him, to know how it felt to be with someone of his caliber. Most of all, because of him, I knew what it was like to have a man that truly made me happy. One day, I would look back on my time with him without any regrets, instead, I would look on those times with hope, hope for a future where there was life after heartbreak and loss.