by Pamela Ann
Making a shaky nod, I let his words calm me down. How ridiculous was I to be breaking apart when we were minutes away from seeing Carter? Was I truly losing my mind? What was going on with me and being so highly emotional all of a sudden. Goodness, if Trista were here, she’d accuse me of hiding a pregnancy. However, I wasn’t pregnant; therefore, I was left with the reasoning of simply being a total wreck.
Mentally pushing my own demons aside, I steeled myself, knowing I would have to put on the bravest front while handling my brother’s situation. I wouldn’t let Carter or any of my friends know how this accident was bringing my ugly past to the forefront of my mind.
Chapter 4
Lindsey
Pale. It was the first thing that popped into my mind the moment my eyes landed on my brother lying against the stark white sheets of the hospital bed. A soft sob caught in my throat just from gazing at him. The soccer star who had once been said to have a promising future didn’t seem to be heading towards shining opportunity any time soon.
Taking small, shaky steps towards him while Dimitris stayed back to give me space, my eyes lingered on his ashen pallor, even with his tanned complexion. A sudden flashback of Carter when we were young, playing outdoors while he tried to teach me how to kick a ball properly in our backyard, played before my very eyes.
The sun had been shining on him while he had been patiently talking to me, and I remembered thinking I was a lucky girl to have such an attentive brother. It was one of the times where he and I had bonded, though I had no skill or luck making a goal when sparring against him.
Then the flashback images shifted to him softly knocking on my door that night after our parents’ funeral.
“Linds, may I come in?” he gently asked. Without waiting for me to give him permission to join me, he pushed through the door before joining me in bed.
I was curled up in a ball, afraid; the very idea that we were alone now without our parents scared me. When one of the lawyers had explained to us that we were going to live with our aunt and uncle, it had only brought more fear in me since I didn’t want to live in a home that wasn’t ours. This was our home. My bedroom and my dolls were here, and this was also where I felt safe. If we moved, nothing would keep me safe anymore.
“I could hear you crying when I went downstairs to get some water …” he started saying as he got himself comfortable next to me.
He usually never came inside my room unless he had been asked by Mom or Dad to come get me on the rather odd occasions where we played pretend family and ate at the dinner table together. I would be hiding in my room, holding on to my blankie that my nanny Esmeralda had given me. I only came out when Brody, Carter’s best friend, was around. However, most of the time, I kept to myself, not wanting a lot of people in the small territory of mine.
My tears flowed freely, and I hated myself for the small hiccups I was making yet had no intention of talking with Carter. He was different than I was. He was more outgoing and had more friends, whereas I only had Amber and Trista.
Without school and our scheduled play dates, I had no one else since Mommy wasn’t that fond of me to begin with, and Daddy was always in and out of the house, going on business trips. When he had chosen to be home, he would rather spend his time focusing on Mom and making her happy, which always resulted in them fighting because my father never failed to set my mom off. She’d go on and on, screaming and shouting at him, threatening to leave him, which happened once a month.
Thinking about them and the thought that I would never see them again made me feel sad, because we would never get the chance to see if our family would ever be normal. Although, normal hadn’t been what I had grown up in. I knew that much.
“Are you crying because we’re moving into Uncle Gary’s home?”
Uncle Gary was my father’s brother and had been made the executor of the estate. Since Aunt Alice couldn’t bear any children, they were the perfect candidates to take care of us.
To be honest, I wasn’t sure what terrified me most: moving homes or the idea of living with Aunt Alice in their massive mansion. She was always so touchy and wanted hugs and kisses all the time, and I didn’t like it, because what adult liked being kissed by kids? My mom absolutely hated it when I tried to kiss her before. She always accused me of intentionally trying to ruin her make-up, so I ended up giving her small nods, instead. She taught me that adults, especially women, didn’t like to be touched or kissed, because children were dirty and women always needed to look their best.
It was confusing for me because, the day after she told me that, I found her letting Uncle Brandon, my father’s best friend, kiss her on the lips, which only ruined her red lipstick.
My thoughts reverted back to reality when I felt Carter starting to stroke the top of my head. “Don’t tell anyone, but I think we’re better off without them around. You might be too young to understand this, but Aunt Alice will take good care of us, more than Mom could. I’m sad, too, but big boys don’t cry. And, since Mom and Dad are gone, I’m all you have left. I won’t leave you like they did, baby sis. There’s no need to be scared, okay? I’m here. I’ll make sure you’re going to be fine.”
“You promised me once that you won’t ever leave me the way they did.” Tears fell down my face as I bent to kiss his cold forehead. Even up close, he looked as if life had left him. “I need you to keep that promise, Carter. You can’t leave me alone. It’s you and me together, and don’t you ever forget that!” Even though my voice came out shaky, there was a force behind it.
My heart constricted at the thought of life without him. For the life of me, I couldn’t imagine it. I just didn’t get why he had to go to such lengths. He must’ve known he was taking too much. We all knew our limits; therefore, I was having a hard time accepting he would simply coward out and drink himself to stupor.
“Lindsey,” Dimitris spoke behind me before I felt his strong arms around my body, pulling me aside. “You’re shaking. Maybe you need to sit down for a while and gather your bearings.” He guided me towards the nearest chair that was across from Carter’s bed. I barely made a nod, suddenly feeling weak.
I was in a haze, deeply affected by the sight of Carter to the point that the strings of medical personnel that came in and out of the room felt like a movie being played out before me, even as the doctor asked me questions about Carter’s lifestyle and habits. I could barely respond. While I was submerged in this shellshock, Brody came in to join us. I supposed it was his presence, along with Dimitris and knowing what might happen with them in the same room, that took some of the haziness out of me.
“Hey,” Brody greeted me, not bothering with Dimitris as he simply walked past him to stride towards me. Before giving me a chance to say a word, he continued, “I was downstairs getting some coffee to sober up a little. I heard Carter will recover. I know you must’ve been worried, but you know your brother’s not leaving this world without a fight.”
He was right. Carter wouldn’t allow that to happen. I knew that; however, I couldn’t help feeling deeply shaken by it anyway. He was close, so freaking close to losing his life. How could he be so thoughtless?
“I know,” I somehow managed to say, giving him a small smile—a first since I had completely disconnected my relationship with him and Amber. “Thanks for being there for him, and for being there just in the nick of time.” Surprising as it was, I felt no more anger towards him. I supposed it was due to the fact that I was grateful he had been with my brother. Had he not, things might have gotten ugly.
Brody remained between Carter’s bed and where I was sitting. He kept glancing back at his recovering friend before gazing back at me, his eyes full of unexplainable emotions.
“Listen … I was hoping—and I’m sorry in advance for bringing this up—but I was hoping you and I could talk. Not right now—of course not—but maybe sometime soon?” He looked too hopeful and too much of everything that represented my past. I was left speechless, gazing up at him with my mouth ha
lf open, before my eyes dragged towards where Dimitris was standing, expressionless as he trained his gaze on us, observing.
“I … um … can I think about it?” I knew it wasn’t the answer he was hoping for, but I wasn’t in my right mind at that moment. Besides, given the fact that Dimitris was there, taking in everything we were doing and saying, it made me feel like a total ass. I knew him enough to know he was showing great restraint, but why? The question boggled me.
The Greek man I was accustomed to was highly possessive of me, to the point of madness. So, why wasn’t he reacting at all? Was he testing me and how I would handle Brody with him in the room? It was baffling, yet I couldn’t worry about it as of that moment. It was almost three in the morning, and the emotional and mental upheaval I had gone through had thoroughly wiped me out. I was exhausted, and the problem of flying to Athens for Christmas still loomed.
I spoke to the nurse who came back to check on Carter before injecting something in his IV, and she reassured me enough that Carter wouldn’t be awake for quite some time. I supposed it was the way she gave me a comforting smile that told me she knew I was worried and that she understood. It gave me a sense of security to drag myself out of the hospital, leaving Brody there since he insisted he didn’t have anything else to do, that he would rather be with Carter more than anything.
After a silent goodbye, Dimitris and I drove to the house I still shared with Amber and Trista. Emma’s room remained vacant; none of us wanted another girl to move in and take the empty bedroom.
It was hard to fully admit that we were all growing up and slightly growing apart. It was inevitable since maturing and living our own lives was part of what life was about. Yet it saddened me to know the little cocoon of security I had, always considering my friends my very own family, was going to expand once we found our own way into the working world. It was a sobering thought, one I wasn’t looking forward to happening. As much as I loved the idea of working and being a go-getter, the daunting prospect of not always having my friends with me when I needed them for emotional support, to gossip, or simply to enjoy our sisterly bond made me feel like an abandoned girl again. It was selfish of me; I wasn’t one to deny that I was being an egotistical woman.
That was why Dimitris bringing up the idea of me moving to Athens always brought out a colossal fear. I would rather live around Malibu where I would still be able to see all of my friends. I knew this long distance arrangement wouldn’t last between him and me. I was hoping we would eventually come to solid ground and he would concede that conducting business in America would be more beneficial to him in the long run.
Seeing how much he argued for spending Christmas with his family—which was a vital thing for them since Greeks were pretty much defined by their large family bond and loyalty—I knew that, as much as he loved me, I couldn’t compete with his entire clan.
So the questions remained, how deep was our love? Would we be able to fight all these odds against us?
Chapter 5
Lindsey
“You’ve been quiet.” I raised my brow at Dimitris who was starting to take off his shoes.
We hadn’t been given the chance to grab any of his essentials when we had left the hotel; as a result, he would most likely sleep naked or in his boxers, not that I would mind. I would rather see him without any clothes if it were up to me, but ever since we had left the hospital, he had been keeping to himself. Usually, he made a comment or so that would evoke a conversation, but that night, he had been more than pensive.
Looking over at him, he seemed to be frowning at his shoes that were tucked neatly close to the door. His expression struck me because I felt like I couldn’t give him what he wanted at the moment.
“Dimi?” I whispered, as I got close to him, hugging him from behind then tip-toing to kiss the base of his neck. Shutting my eyes, I inhaled the manly scent of him and immediately felt the love I had for him blossom and flourish inside me. God, how I loved that man. I simply couldn’t get enough of him. “I love you so much … so fucking much it terrifies me every single time it hits, like right now.” There was no mistaking that I was epically crazy about him, but at moments like those—where I could truly feel the love flow through my veins, singing, electrifying me to life, as much as I feared it—I had never felt so fucking alive.
“You don’t know how it balms my soul, hearing you say that.” He sounded a bit broken, surprising me.
Still holding onto him, I asked, “What’s wrong, baby?”
Placing his hand over my entwined hands that were wrapped around his hips, he said, “I felt betrayed … when you didn’t decline Brody’s invitation to ‘talk.’ ”
Betrayed? His choice of words made me tense as my heart started pounding against his warm back. “I’m not going back to him. All he was asking was to talk to me. We never really had the chance, because I was too furious to even look at him. It was the first time we’ve spoken without me slamming the door in his face.”
The days and weeks after learning what had gone on between Amber and him had felt like they both were laughing at me. It had always been clear as day that I was so crazy about him back in high school. Well, pretty much all my life, until Dimitris taught me otherwise.
He took a few breaths, as if to calm himself down before choosing to respond to me. “I just don’t see the point in speaking about the past. It’s not as if you two need some kind of closure,” he expressed almost like he was getting angry, frustrated.
No. I didn’t need closure, but what was his deal? He was still hanging around his ex Claudine, and he didn’t hear me give him crap about it. So what the flying cockatoo?
“Dimitris, I might not need closure, but Brody does. The man is still completely hung up on me. Maybe speaking to him might help him move on. Besides, after seeing Carter tonight, I sure as hell don’t want this happening to Brody, too. I grew up with him, and even though he and I might not be together anymore, I can’t simply ignore him when it’s clearly apparent how hurt he’s been from my crass treatment.” Why was he being such a hardheaded fool about Brody? I mean, I got why he was getting aggravated, since I had been in love with Brody when I had decided to marry him in Greece. However, weren’t we past that? There was no need for him to be jealous, no need at all.
He growled, spouting some Greek words that sounded like he was cussing the gods above before he released himself from my grasp and started to pace across the room. It was amazing and alarming how hot and sexy he looked, even when he was about to erupt into a myriad of words.
“I hate that you still care for him. I shouldn’t care, but I fucking do!” His bright bluer than blue eyes appeared as if they were coming to life. They gripped me. “I hate the fact that you’re here, that I have to fly across the Atlantic Ocean and across America to see you … and yet this bastard lives five—five—minutes from your house. How the bloody hell do you think that makes me feel, Lindsey? You walked out on our marriage because of this man. I saw you … as good as naked … with him … days after you left me. Do you—” he paused, letting his anger flow through his eyes, reaching into my own heart. “Do you know how worthless it made me feel, seeing my wife—my fucking wife—leave me for another man?”
“Dimi …” I begged, but he wasn’t done.
“And tonight, you acted as if none of that happened to me,” he said accusingly. “You pretended as if he was the only injured party, caring only for his wellbeing. But when are you going to put my needs before anyone else’s, Lindsey?”
What was he talking about?
I frowned at him. “I put your needs above mine! Don’t say that. We both know working this out would be difficult. Don’t do this. Don’t accuse me of putting you last. You’re the most important thing in my life—you must know that.”
He paused, breathing heavily as he gazed at me with sadness in his eyes. “You’re right … yeah.” He shook his head. “Yeah … maybe I’m just being bloody selfish.”
I was rendered speechless.
How was it that we were even arguing about this? We had missed each other so much, and these precious minutes and hours were always so limited to us that spending them fighting was a total waste.
However, something was nagging at him. For him to even say those things, something must be bothering him. I just couldn’t put it aside, or it would eat at us. It was the last thing I needed. We already lived worlds apart; having trust issues would tremble the very foundation he and I had carefully built. It was best that we both let everything air out before this thing became too difficult to control.
“Since we’re on this subject”—I licked my lips, bracing myself for a confrontation—“mind enlightening me on why there are photos of you exiting Claudine’s place five hours after you went inside it?” My voice shook, afraid of what he would tell me. Although, I was already in too deep, and whatever happened, I was willing to work it out with him. My heart, my soul, and my very existence were on the line. I wouldn’t give him up. I’d rather die than let that happen.
If he was caught off guard by my question, he didn’t appear to be. “I was there for five hours to discuss business with her and half that time was spent consoling her.” He didn’t bat an eyelash nor did he blink; he simply delivered it as if it shouldn’t matter.
However, he was wrong. It mattered major big time to me. That bitch had tormented everything I had with Dimitris. She had always been in the background, ready to catch him whenever he and I fought.