by Pamela Ann
Uh, how could he change his tune that quickly? He was confusing me.
“I’m going to let this subject go, for now.” He made sure to emphasize his point. “But rest assured, I’m not giving up on you. Think whatever you like, Amber, but you and I have history, and I’m going nowhere until we settle this unfinished business.” With those parting words, he left me with my mouth semi-hanging ajar.
For the first time, Brody had left me speechless, and I wasn’t sure if that was a good thing or not.
Chapter Seventeen
After our heated exchange in the kitchen, I didn’t see Brody for the rest of the day. I wasn’t sure if that was intentional or not, but whatever it was, I was grateful for the short reprieve to do some food shopping.
My first stop was Whole Foods then Trader Joes. The guys’ staples at the house were bread, beer, apples, and bananas. Oh, let’s not forget coffee and milk. Apart from those, the fridge was practically bare of food yet fully stocked with imported beers.
If there was something I could do to help out in the house, I could at least try my hand in cooking. Although I wasn’t the best of cooks, I wasn’t against purchasing some cookbooks and starting out with simple dishes, so I made sure to have a good selection of protein, veggies, and fruits.
Before returning to Carter’s, I made sure to purchase some pastries to drop off at the children’s ward at the hospital since I had promised Trista and Emma that I would. They were involved with the kids there, and since they weren’t here to do it themselves, I had to make the rounds and check in to one of the nurses, the most beloved Flo.
I was friendly with her, but I kept my distance. After what had happened last week, I was weary of being touched by anyone. The imbedded fear that they would hurt me was what Rob had scarred me with, and I had to learn how to live with that.
Driving back, I was surprised when my phone rang, but what truly shocked me was the caller. It was my mother who never called me for anything. She would have her assistant do it for her if there were “obligations” I had to fulfill in the family, such as dinner appearances, the occasional Christmas portrait, and so forth.
“Hello mother,” I uttered sternly, readying myself to hear something disapproving from her.
“I need to speak with you. I was hoping we could meet for coffee.”
Her random invitation almost made me step on the break and digest it properly. I felt as if I had just heard her wrong.
“Yeah, sure. Just let me know when and where,” I responded casually, not wanting to come off too curious. Then she would end up lecturing me about manners.
“I’m actually in Starbucks on State Street, the one that’s closest to Cabrillo. How long do you think it’ll take you to come and meet me?” Her statement came as a surprise. Not only that, but I daresay she seemed too eager to see me.
The whole thing—the random call and invitation for coffee—was putting me on edge. This wasn’t my mother, but she sure did sound like she was. I had no choice except to put off my cooking skills to go meet my mom.
“Let me drop off the groceries first, and then I’ll come meet you. Give me about fifteen minutes, and then I’ll be right there.”
“Very well.” She then hung up on me without a goodbye.
I snickered, thinking it was typical of her. I supposed the real mother I was so accustomed to was still there, alive and thriving. Nothing had changed.
After dropping the grocery items and shoving the cold food in the fridge, I quickly ran back out to meet my mother.
As I was driving towards the meeting place, I conjured up all the reasons she could possibly be requesting this random meeting. Alas, none of them came to fruition. What she announced before I had even had the chance to take the old, leather-cushioned chair across from her was a bomb, ready to explode on me.
“Your father and I decided to get divorced,” my mother declared, pausing as she pointedly raised her brow at me before taking a deep breath. “Well, it’s him mostly, and I was practically left no choice in the matter.” She stated it succinctly and as though she was looking for some sort of angry reaction from me.
The divorce news shocked me, yet at the same time, I wasn’t all that surprised. After all, they bickered like they were oil and water. I was just wondering what had taken them so long to decide to finally do it. However, knowing how sensitive this subject was to my mother, I feigned caring what the reasoning behind such a revelation could be.
“What? Why would Dad want a divorce now after all these years?”
She gave me a straight-faced look, trying to read my facial reaction, like she wanted to pick my thoughts as she probed into my eyes. “He’s having twins with that woman, and now, years later, he believes it’s time we should live our lives happily. He wants to be with his real family, apparently.”
Okay, those words stung. After all these years, as much as I told myself I didn’t care what my father did away from us, deep inside, I knew it was a lie. Even after what they had done to me, I still surprisingly cared.
What truly dug into my heart was how he had told my mother he wanted to be with his real family. What were we, then? His fake one? I couldn’t believe it. Father had finally found his cajones and taken a stance against my mother—against her influential family—to live the life he wanted for himself, and it seemed that newfound life and freedom didn’t include me, either.
Staring at my mother, I saw she was really affected by my father’s announcement. Though she tried to hide being shaken up by looking like her pristine self, I could easily see the cracks—her eyes stood out, red and teary-eyed.
“I wish I could say I’m saddened by this, but I’m not,” I whispered, carefully making sure I knew how I felt about this whole situation. “Growing up, all you two ever did was bicker. Not once do I ever remember having a loving memory of us together, of you two not constantly at each other’s throats. Quite frankly, and I mean this from the bottom of my heart, I feel as though you both really need this. Dad took a chance, and maybe it’s time you should, too.”
“That’s ghastly of you to say such things to me, Amber, most especially at a time like this.”
“Well, the truth can sometimes be ghastly.”
My mother lived in a world where pretention was more prevalent than admission. Hopefully, this divorce would open her eyes to understanding maybe she, too, deserved to be happy. Maybe she could use this opportunity to find herself and learn life wasn’t all about status and closely following your family’s strict orders.
Our short meeting was, well, quite short after I had stated those words. She literally gave me one hard look before she took her leave. I should have felt bad, but truth be told, I was done with the bullshit. It was time for change; bullshitting my way into my future wouldn’t cut it anymore.
The somber drive back to Carter’s house gave me a chance to come to terms with what my mother had just told me. I knew I had little family to speak of, but this made it more official. I supposed the only bright thing about the situation was that I didn’t have to deal with living a new life, adjusting to a broken family. Quite frankly, mine was broken before it had even begun, before they had decided to take their vows and made this whole façade of being the perfect family.
Honestly, thank goodness that part of my life was truly done and over with.
Chapter Eighteen
Prepping for tonight's meal, I resorted to Gordon Ramsay’s easy meal cookbooks. Since it would be my first official meal, I didn't have high hopes for it. Therefore, it was a surprise when Brody, Cooper, and their usual gang of ten men and women found it rather appetizing. I wasn’t sure if it was the munchies or if it was that delicious; however, nothing was left of the spaghetti and meatballs.
Watching everyone settle into their nightly routine without having my best girlfriends there, I suddenly felt out of place. I didn’t feel like I belonged with this group anymore. I wasn’t sure if it was the fact that I wasn’t close with anyone except Brody or Cooper or ma
ybe the fact that a chick named Joanna was trying to win Brody’s sole attention.
Joanna had a way about her when she set her eyes on Brody, flirting with him in a blatant way that made it known to everyone with eyes that she had laid a claim on him and that no one should dare fight her for it.
What bothered me the most was how cool as a cucumber Brody was about her touchy-feely nature. I didn't get him. Wasn't it earlier that morning when he had sought me out? And if he was serious about it, why wasn't he repelling Joanna’s advances?
After our encounter in the kitchen that morning, jealousy should be the last thing I was feeling, yet there it was, sticking out like a sore thumb, making it abundantly known that, yes, I was still in love with the man. Despite denying it, my heart knew better.
Once dinner was done, everyone went to what had been dubbed the game room since most games in existence were there. From PlayStation, Xbox, a pool table, a foosball table, shuffleboard, and old arcade games, there were any number of things to entertain bored, college kids.
I supposed in retrospect, Brody had actually graduated alongside Carter and Cooper, but after his break-up with Lindsey, he was a lost cause. And it looked like no one was hurrying him to do much with his life, because from where I was standing, he was fine with partying all the way to seventy.
Cooper slung his arm around me, grinning as he tapped his washboard abs. “I don’t think I’ve had a decent meal in weeks. Well, apart from pizza and frozen meals. So, come on, Chef, how about a one-on-one play at the pool table?”
Cooper was being adorable, but I really wasn’t in the mood…
Rewarding him with a grateful smile, I unhooked his arm from my shoulder and gently put it down. “You guys go on ahead. I’m about to go out and take a walk or something.”
“If you say so, missy.” He winked at me before leaving.
I drifted towards where the house opened onto a back patio that led to the beach. Then I quietly stood for a moment, appreciating the calm ocean as I breathed in the freshness of the air. After my mother’s short meeting and Brody … Well, a much needed walk to clear my mind was in order.
As I walked and took in the scene around me, my thoughts dove back to Cooper, Brody, and Carter. It was strange how those three had cheated on their women and then groveled their way back into the women’s arms after being caught red-handed. I wasn’t sure how to take it, but if men in this generation thought cheating was the norm, what would relationships be like in ten years? Swingers and open relationships? It was depressing to even think about it. What happened to romance, loyalty, and love?
My father was so unhappy with his life that he had to seek out other women until one caught his eyes, his heart, and then he stuck to his guns and made a commitment by divorcing his wife, along with the family who came with her. Was that how all men operated? Could they easily divorce the children, as well, once the relationship with the mother died? It wasn’t the best feeling to be in. It bred insecurity to the highest order, and I doubted I could ever come to terms with it, let alone learn how overcome it. It was unfortunate to think women always had the short end of the stick.
“Amber!” a male’s voice called, so I paused and swung around to watch Brody gradually catch up to me with a slight run.
The sun was past gone, though I could swear I saw the light watching him approach me. Sigh, it was hard to love a man whose heart had already been broken by another woman. I couldn’t volunteer to help him cure it, or else I would be even more lost and insecure than I already was. For my own survival, I had to let him go. Hopefully, I had the strength to accomplish it.
“Hey, I was looking for you, but you were nowhere to be found,” he greeted, smiling and huffing for breath while his eyes gleamed at me. “Coop said you were out for a walk, so here I am.”
Licking my lips, I made a tight smile. “I wasn’t aware you were looking for me.”
Eyes still shining, his smile grew wider. “Dinner was amazing. You didn’t tell me you could cook.”
There were a lot of things he didn’t know about me, even if cooking was a recent development. Had he taken the time to really get to know the person behind the eager smiles, he might have liked me more. Of course, that was before, and well, this was the present. There was no turning back for us.
“Thank you. I was glad it turned out edible.” I laughed it off, but I was grateful he had sought me out just to thank me. Spaghetti and meatballs might have been easy, but for a newbie like me, it was challenging, and I was glad the meatballs had come out very tasty.
He merely made a nod, watching me with soulful eyes.
“Do you mind if I walk with you?” he finally rasped out, seeming nervous and unsure of himself. “It’s dark, and you’re all alone. It doesn’t sit well with me thinking that something bad could happen to you.”
He was being overprotective, nothing more. It would be stupid of me if I thought more of his offer than what it was. Well, I didn’t want to, because if I did, that would lead me to another place I had vowed not to go, not anymore.
“Thank you, but I’m fine. It’s not like I don’t know my way around here. I do live like a block away from here, so there’s no need to freak out.”
Hurt etched all over his face. “Amber—”
“Brody,” I interjected, knowing full well where he was going again; his face said it all. “Please, let’s not. There’s no point at all.”
“Don’t say that. We both know we barely even began, so don’t say things like that. You keep saying it’s too late, but I don’t believe you,” he said as he stepped closer before the back of his hand caressed the side of my face, lifting my chin with this finger and connecting our eyes. “All of that aside, I just want to say I’m sorry for everything. I was selfish, and my actions caused me to hurt you.”
Fuck… “There’s no need for that. I knew what I was getting myself into. You can’t apologize for that.”
“But I do,” he persistently whispered. “I’m sorry.”
“Brody.” I was about to state another argument, but much to my astonishment, a punishing kiss came out of nowhere, shocking me to the core, leaving me breathless and yearning for more of his lips, his touch. His kiss began like a love affair—rushed, inflamed, and passionate—before shifting to a much softer, too intimate, soul-reaching kind of kiss.
No one had ever kissed me like that before. It was meant to mark your heart, the very core of your existence. It was a kiss that was going straight to the memory bank to be savored and cherished when I was old and gray. Then I would look back at my life and reflect on how lucky I was to have had this extraordinary experience, even if it was merely a short while.
Breaking away from my lips, he left a tiny kiss then another before delving back into my mouth for a soul-searching one, tipping me over the edge.
“I don’t know what’s happening to me, Amber, but it’s fucking with me. I can’t stop thinking about you.”
Fuck. What was he trying to say? Oh, God. I was about to have a major freak out. I had longed for this moment to happen, and now that it felt like it was almost there, I wasn’t sure what to do. How could I shut down someone I had loved for so long? How could I even fathom denying us a chance?
“I don’t know if I’m ready for this,” I reluctantly said, still having a hard time grasping everything that was happening between us. “You have no idea how much I wanted this before…” But now that it’s here, I’m not sure what to do.
He tensed, knowing full well I was serious. “So you’re saying you don’t want it now? That you’re not even willing to give it a thought, a consideration?”
“I honestly don’t know what I want.” My statement was as honest as it could get. It wasn’t as if I was dancing around his question, but to be openly rejected by him and still cling on then get rejected time and time again … Well, that took a toll on my confidence and sanity.
He seemed to have a difficult time finding his voice, but after the second time of clearing his thr
oat, it seemed he found it. “I anticipated some reservations coming from you, but never this. I thought you’d be happy about this. I didn’t expect you to react this way.”
He had a point, and I couldn’t blame him if he was a little miffed. If Trista was here, she would have thought I had lost my mind. I hadn’t, though. In fact, I thought I had just found it.
“I hope you don’t think this is my way of punishing you after all these years. It would be crushing if you did.”
“That sure is one way to look at it. I was fucked up and too caught up with Lindsey to pay attention to anyone. I guess this is the perfect revenge to fuck me up.”
“Revenge? Don’t be stupid. I’m not like that at all. Well, not with you, anyway.”
How could he even think such a thing? It wasn’t like I was rejecting him. I loved him for Pete’s sake. Regardless, his intentions came at a bad time, and to be honest, I didn’t trust him to be loyal. The only time I saw him commit to anyone was when he took Lindsey seriously. But I wasn’t kidding myself. I sure wasn’t Lindsey, so hell, the chances of him straying and cheating were highly likely.
“Don’t be angry with me. I’m just being honest with you. I hope you can appreciate that.”
“Oh, I do appreciate it, all right,” he remarked snidely. “I just didn’t expect this from you when I feel so strongly about you … It’s mind-fucking for me, too.”
He was mind-fucked? Great, because I was feeling the same way. Besides, it wasn’t as if I could really buy this bullshit now, could I? For a moment there, I might have.
“Maybe it’s just a phase since Carter happened. Maybe it’ll go away soon now that he’s gone for a while.”
Brody’s face darkened. “Like a switch, you mean?” He snorted. “Like I can shut it down whenever I feel like it?”
I shrugged.
Since he thought I had been with Carter for a fun tumble, I was sure he was just acting like a typical male—territorial and all. It wasn’t anything special. It was simply about sex. He wasn’t ever going to love me the way he loved Lindsey, so wishful thinking or not, I best get the fuck over it.