by Tara Pammi
“He didn’t abandon you, Riya. Things had begun to go downhill for a couple of years already. But he and I...we tried to work it out for you. Nothing helped. We were just too different. One night, he said he was considering returning to India. I didn’t know how serious he was. But I panicked. If he took you, I would lose you forever. So when he went on one of his weeklong conferences, I grabbed you and I ran.
“I’m so sorry, Riya. I never intended it to be permanent. I kept telling myself I would get in touch with him. But then I realized what I had done and I was so scared he would never let you see me again...”
Tears running over her cheeks, Jackie sank to her knees.
Riya heard the hysterical laugh that fell from her mouth like an independent entity. Hurt splintered through her, as if there were a thousand shards of glass poking her insides.
Her father hadn’t given up on her. He’d never abandoned her. The biggest truth she had based her life on was a lie.
“You ruined my life, Mom. All these years, you let me think he didn’t care about me.”
“I’m sorry, Riya. I couldn’t bear to part with you then. And every time I thought of telling you, I was so afraid you’d hate me.”
Her head hurt so much, and Riya wanted to scream. “You, you, you... It’s always about you. My whole life has been about you. You were afraid to be alone, so you ran. You were afraid I would hate you, so you hid the truth from me all these years.”
Jackie clutched her hands and Riya recoiled from her, everything inside her bursting at the seams.
“That’s not true. I...I know you must hate me. But I did it only because I was so scared. I...please, Riya, you have to believe me.”
“Get out,” Riya said, her words barely a whisper. “I don’t want to look at you. I don’t want to hear a word you have to say.”
Casting one last look at her, Jackie closed the door behind her.
Riya sank into a heap on the floor and wrapped her arms around her, every inch of her trembling. Her heart felt as if it were encased in ice. Why else couldn’t she shed even a tear?
Everything she had believed about herself had been a lie. She had let the one fact that her father had given up on her permeate every aspect of her life. Had built a wall around herself so that she was never hurt like that again.
“You’re a coward, Riya.”
Nathan had been right. She had done nothing but hide from life all these years. He’d even been right about her desperate date with Jose. Something even Jose had realized.
Fury and shame pummeled through Riya. And she latched on to the wave of it.
She was done hiding from life.
* * *
The launch event for the expansion of Travelogue was being held in the ultra glamorous banquet hall of the luxury hotel where Nathan was staying in the penthouse suite.
He tucked his hands into his pockets and looked out over the crowd. A smile broke out on his face as the Travelogue crew stared around the luxurious hall.
The crystal chandeliers, the uniformed waiters passing out champagne, the vaulted dance floor to the right...he had wanted everything to be on par with RunAway International.
The Travelogue crew had slogged to create the new package and had surprised him and his own team with their dedication and creativity.
He shook his head as a uniformed waiter offered him champagne. Anticipation had never been his thing, but searching for Riya, he felt as if he were looking up at the snowcapped peak of a mountain.
He had set something in motion. Something that couldn’t be taken back and he felt the truth of it settle like a heavy anchor in his gut.
The fact that Jackie had told Riya nothing but lies had only urged him on. She had helped Nathan see the truth, hadn’t she? He didn’t think he could ever forgive his father, but he, at least, understood. Now he was returning the favor.
More than once, he wondered if he was doing it for all the wrong reasons, wondered if he was being incredibly selfish again. Had even considered picking up the phone to stop what he had set in motion. But in the end, he had persisted.
No one had ever looked out for Riya. Her whole life was built on the foundation of a lie.
Running a hand through his hair, he looked at the dance floor. And felt the shock of his life jolt through him in waves.
She was moving to the music, her gaze unfocused. And she didn’t look like the Riya he had come to know in the past few weeks.
He heard the soft whispers from the women around, the shocked gasps of the men, and yet he couldn’t shift his gaze away from her.
The red dress, the hair, the spiky gold heels that laced around her toned calves...she screamed only one word.
Sex.
The dress was strapless. It cupped and thrust up her breasts to attention, lush and rounded. Her skin glinted under the bright lights, casting shadows of her long eyelashes on her cheekbones.
It cinched at her waist, contrasting the dip of her stomach against the curves of her breasts and hips. Ended several inches above her knees, displaying a scandalous amount of toned thigh.
The dress so scandalously short that he wondered...
And as though as a direct answer to his licentious question, she turned around and Nathan swallowed.
Too much of her back was bare, with only a strip of fabric covering her behind.
And as he watched, she laughed, threw her hands behind her and did a little thing with her shoulders.
His mouth dried up, lust slamming into him from every direction.
Her hair, all that glorious, lustrous hair was combed into a braid that rested on one breast, calling attention to the shadowed crook where her neck met her shoulder.
She wore no jewelry. Her face, usually free of makeup, was made up, and yet not in a garish way. The bloodred lipstick matched her dress perfectly, making her mouth look even more luscious.
Suddenly Nathan was incredibly hot under the collar. His erection turned stone hard as she looked around herself aimlessly, her tongue swiping over her lower lip. It seemed the butterfly had finally come out of the cocoon, and God help the male population.
She moved again, in tune to the soft music, and this time it was a subtle move of her hips. Threw her head back and laughed.
Her hands above her, she moved in beat to the tune. Rubbed the tip of her nose against her bare arm in a sensual move that knocked the breath out of him.
Where had this woman come from? Where had she been hiding all that sensuality?
Just then, she turned her head and caught his gaze.
Across the little distance that separated them, something zinged between them. Like a juggernaut, he weaved through the crowd toward her.
Their gazes didn’t break from each other. And for the first time since she’d stormed into the office that morning a few weeks ago, Nathan saw a challenge, a daring in her gaze.
He moved fast and caught her as she turned in tune to the languid jazzy beat again.
Her breasts pressed against him and he hissed out a sharp breath. Aware that she was beginning to attract unwise attention from colleagues she would have to work with for years to come, Nathan tapped her cheek and tilted it up. “Riya? Riya, look at me.”
Her gaze found him instantly and he breathed out in relief. She was only mildly buzzed. He felt her mouth open in a smile against his arm.
Sinking his fingers into her hair, he tugged until her gaze settled on him. Shock, shame and finally recklessness settled into her beautiful brown eyes. Recklessness that had his blood pounding in his veins. “Hi, hotness.”
Nate didn’t know whether to laugh or throw her over his shoulder and carry her out. Probably both.
She was all toned muscle and soft curves to his touch. His imagination running wild, Nathan swallowed. “This public display
is not you, Riya.”
“Even I don’t know what I’m supposed to be.” She sounded sad, wistful. “Anyway, don’t be a party pooper, Nathan. I want to do one thing I’ve never done before the buzz in my head evaporates.”
His fingers around her arms, he tugged her toward him.
“Let me go. I’m having fun. For once in my life, I’m behaving the way I should.”
“And what is that exactly?”
“To live for the night. And you...you’re getting in the way of my fun.”
This was going all wrong. It wasn’t what he had intended.
Isn’t it? a voice mocked him. Isn’t this what you wanted all along?
For her to throw off the shackles she’d bound herself with? For her to be reckless and wild? For her to realize what it was to truly live? For her to embrace life and make it impossible for him to walk away without giving them both what they wanted without guilt?
Gritting his teeth, he clamped down the questions. It was too late now. For regrets or guilt.
His arm around her waist, he tugged her off the dance floor. “This isn’t what you want, Riya.”
Her fingers clutched the lapels of his coat. Stretching on her toes, she tilted forward until she could whisper in his ear. Her warm breath feathered over his jaw, making every muscle clench. His entire frame shook with hunger, with lust so hard that he swayed on his feet.
“Do you know what you want, Mr. Ramirez?”
She must have licked her lower lip. But the stroke of her tongue against the rim of his ear burned through him. Turned every drop of blood in him to molten desire.
Keeping his arm around her, he pushed at her chin, until she was facing him again. “I do, Riya, with a blinding clarity. And I know why it would be wrong to take what I want too.”
Large, almond-shaped eyes widened. The edge in his voice hadn’t gone unnoticed. She would back down now. She would retreat under that hard shell. She always did.
She didn’t and Nathan felt something in him unravel.
Long, pink-tipped fingers fanned over his jaw, and their restless wandering drove Nathan crazy. With the tip of her forefinger, she traced his lower lip, sending a shiver down his spine. “You know, you have the sexiest lower lip I’ve ever seen on a man. The upper one is the mean one, the one that declares to the world that you’re heartless. But the lower one betrays you, Nate.”
Her gaze caressed him. And Nate struggled to control his own desire under it. “It shows that you’re kind underneath, that you have a softer side. Why are you so bent on keeping everyone at a distance?”
Nathan felt like the lowest scum of the world. The trust in her eyes, he didn’t deserve it. He didn’t even deserve to stand next to her here. “Tell me what happened.”
“Why am I finally living my life like a twenty-three-year-old should? Why am I having fun?”
He steered her around. “I’ll take you back to the estate.”
“No.” She shuddered, her balance still precarious. “I don’t want to see Jackie. I can’t bear to be even near her,” she said with such bitterness that it stopped Nathan in his tracks. “I hate her. I didn’t know it was possible to hate anyone so much.”
He ran his fingers over his eyes, wondering what he had started. To see her turn from a sweet, caring person to this? It was like watching a train wreck happen knowing you had instigated it.
He sighed, fought against the panic rising through him. Panic because he could see clearly where it was headed and still it seemed he couldn’t stop it.
“Riya, you’re not yourself. Let me take you back to the estate.”
She tugged away from him and stepped back, her mouth pouting. “Leave me here if that suits you. But I won’t go back there.” She reached out for the pillar and moved toward it. “I’ve always taken care of myself, did you know? I’m sure I can handle tonight. What’s the worst that could happen? I’ll fall and land on my rear. The best? I’ll go home with some stranger like every other partying twenty-three-year-old over there.”
And those words...they sank into Nathan like sharp claws.
The picture they painted, her bare limbs tangled up with some faceless stranger, was enough to root him to the spot.
Nathan clasped her wrist and dragged her behind him. The swish of the elevator doors, the soft ping as it began to ascend. Everything felt magnified. As if every breath was rushing up to the moment where he would have her in his suite, dressed like this, and he and his control and his good intentions in tatters.
He still made one last attempt at keeping his sanity, at doing the right thing. “As soon as I pour some coffee down your throat, I’m taking you home.”
She laughed then, her hands tucked tight around her, her entire body trembling. “Home? I have no home, Nathan. That estate belongs to you. I have no one and nothing.”
“Riya, it doesn’t have to be this way. I understand that you’re angry. I understand how it feels when someone who should take care of you betrays you...when someone you—”
“Do you? She lied to me. About my father. She practically stole me from him.”
If she had cried, Nathan wouldn’t have been so scared for her. But she didn’t. It was as though her shock was much too deep for mere tears. “Everything I have believed about myself, everything is a lie. I thought he abandoned me. I thought he didn’t love me. I will never forgive her for this. She stole my childhood and she made me into this frozen coward who hid from everything in life. No one has ever cared about my happiness.
“Not her and definitely not my dad. If he had, knowing how emotionally weak she is, would he have threatened her that he would take me from her?”
What the hell had he started?
He had never meant to hurt her. He had never meant to make her feel alone, had never meant to unravel her like this. He understood the weight of it, he knew better than anyone how painful, how awful it felt.
“Shh, Riya. Enough,” he said in a stern voice. “Look at me, butterfly.”
When she raised her gaze to him, the depth of feeling that filled him scared the life out of him. Her mouth trembled and he jerked his hand back, the urge to touch that soft cushion overwhelming him. “This will pass, Riya. Believe me, let me drive you back to the estate and—”
“Please don’t send me away, Nathan. Tomorrow, I’ll be back to myself again. Tomorrow, I’ll be strong again. Tomorrow, I might even forgive her. Tonight, I want to be selfish. Tonight, I want it to be just about me.”
What could he say to that?
His chest was tight with guilt. All she had tried was to make his father smile. And he...he had unleashed nothing but hurt on her.
Because he had coveted something he could never have.
CHAPTER NINE
TIGHTENING HER ARMS around his neck, Riya nudged closer to Nathan, the warmth of his body a cocoon she didn’t want to leave. As though sensing her reluctance, he didn’t put her down. Not when he lingered outside the sitting area, not when he walked through it into the bedroom.
Finally he sank down in the armchair and settled her in his lap.
How had she never learned how good it felt to be held like this, to be cherished as if she was precious? How many more things had she missed tucked away in her own world?
She had erected a fence around her heart, around herself, and she had missed out on so many things. While other girls had been going on first dates and experiencing first kisses, she had been studying for a place at the university, giving Robert a hand when she could, managing her mother’s moods.
She had bound herself so tight that a little truth from the past had splintered through her. Nothing had really changed. And yet everything had.
It felt as if someone had stuck a pin in her side to jolt her awake from a slumbering state. She sucked in a breath and opened her
eyes. His gaze clashed with hers, his long fingers splayed out over her bare arm.
An infinitesimal tension spun into life around them. His other hand tipped her chin up. “Why this dress? Why drinking? Why this route to show your anger, your hurt?”
And just like that, he shot straight to the heart of the matter. “I don’t remember when I had decided that no man would ever hurt me like my father’s abandonment did, when I decided I would live my life in this frozen state. I wanted to prove to myself that she didn’t ruin me forever with her lies.”
“And?”
She tucked her head into his shoulder and sighed. “It’s not that simple, is it? A lifetime of sticking to the safe side, suppressing any small urge that could be deemed unsafe, that could risk pain, it’s a hard habit to shake.” She gave a laugh, tinged with sadness. “I was dancing and I had a little to drink, but I realized it wasn’t that simple to change myself inside. Like flipping on a switch. I can’t suddenly do something I’ve trained myself not to do.”
“No, it’s not simple.” There was a roughness to his voice, an edge, a desperate sense of being tightly leashed. As if he was forcing himself to laugh instead of...something else.
Her hand clasped in his. Long fingers with blunt nails and hers, slender and pink tipped, coiled around his.
“It takes years to defeat that kind of conditioning, years to conquer that fear. Doesn’t take much to trigger it back either.” He sounded strained, almost resigned. He squeezed her arm and Riya caught the sigh that rose to her lips.
How did he understand her so well?
“How about you start with small steps, butterfly?”
She smiled and nodded, the scent of his cologne drifting over her. And the huge chasm that she couldn’t cross toward living her life suddenly didn’t feel so daunting.
In the shifting confusion of her own emotions and thoughts, he was constant, her awareness of him sharp and unwavering.
Nathan, who had brought so much upheaval into her life, felt like an anchor. All he lived for was the thrill, the fun, the moment. Who better to show her what she’d been missing? Who better to show her what it meant to be daring, to be wild, to grab life by the horns and shake it? Who better to start on her path to living than a man who would never affect her in any other way?